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How to sign your own death warrant (in style)
“Oh, I’m sorry, are you busy searching for a girl to club over the head and drag away to your cave?"
How to react to public humiliation
My face was so red by this point I would have been worried it would explode if I wasn’t being publically humiliated in front of the entire school as James Potter wheezed laughter five feet away from me.
How to plan revenge
How to dig yourself into a hole
It took less than twelve hours for it all to catch up to me
How to troll
They all burst out shrieking at me again and I thought I would maybe combust
How to be a paranoid freak
“Actually, Potter, the reason I’m always in the library is because everyone seems to want to claw my eyes out whenever they see me. Now, whose fault is that?”
How to: nicknames
I was feeling a kind of odd stirring in the depths of my stomach.
How to: drama
I was thinking about James Potter’s eyes.
How to make friends
I just wanted to be the Giant Squid.
How to be a jerk
And for the first time I saw what Fitz had tried to tell me all those weeks ago; James Potter was not a bad person.
How to prioritise
How to be a drunk
“Why didn’t you just use the oven?”
How to get a date
I didn’t want to think about Patronuses.
How to be in the loop
Resolve, people, as taught by Whatever-His-First-Name-Is Fitzroy.
How to party
I could take the Potter that yelled mean things at me any day, but this Potter was a whole other story.
How to lose friends
I thought it was quite mature of me to settle for sitting and glowering at my coffee as though it had personally offended me.
How to save the day
Then I realised that I should maybe alleviate the situation since Fred look so appalled that there was a vein twitching at his temple.
How to manage disaster
He and I both knew he had no idea what was going on. I was also sure neither of us cared.
How to: violence
It took two professional killers and the saviour of the wizarding world to stop me from murdering my father.
How to survive the aftermath
I sighed and contemplated flinging Fitz from the Quidditch stands.
How to: Quidditch
He wasn’t half bad, I decided. Not by a long shot.
I was dreaming of the Riviera and liquorice wands when it happened.
Great, now I was thinking about dead owls.
How to ruin the holidays
As if today hadn’t been a big enough rollercoaster.
Honestly, was this how boys fought?
How to reconcile
The smoke screens were gone.
How to compromise
He looked so… tired.
James Potter was, admittedly, quiet brilliant.
I was lucky and I wouldn’t forget it.
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