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Albus, Hugo, James (II), Lily (II), Rose, Scorpius, Teddy, Victoire, OC
Primary Relationship
Secondary Relationship(s)
Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, OC/OC, Other Pairing
Fluff, Humor, Romance
Next Generation
Strong Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme, Contains Spoilers
Story Reviews
Work In Progress (WIP)
First Published
2012-02-26 6:32pm
Last Chapter
2018-10-03 12:00am
Last Updated
2018-11-24 5:15am

Track This Story: Feed

Ch. # Chapter Title Word Count Reviews
1 Prologue

Merlin, I really sound like a fruit cup.

935 17
2 The Art of Attracting Perverts with Ketchup-Stained Parkas

 “Concentrating on academics, prefect, dorky glasses, ninja turtles panties...  Godric, Rosie, did I ever tell you how much of a complete sexual animal you are?”

“Oh my gosh, Dom! You can't just discuss someone's... undergarments... in public!"

4,563 22
3 The Art of Eluding the Scooching Game

"Yeah," Harold whispers in what he apparently thought was a sexy voice. "I can feel the electricity between us too."
Dear mother of french toast.

4,466 9
4 The Art of Gormandizing Rejection Ice Cream On Your Knees At Night

 You know, I really should start carrying my wand on me more often. I mean, not for defense or anything insignificant like that. Just for really crucial, imperative matters like when you need to conjure a spoon for your 5000 pounds of cookie dough ice cream.

7,961 9
5 The Art of Fraternizing with Puppy-Kicking, Child-Punting, Owl-Punching Ruffians

Malfoy swayed from side to side, seemingly entertaining the idea, before frowning.

"Right... but doing a favor indicates I'm doing something good."

I turned my palms upwards at him in curiosity, "And?"

"And I'm very opposed to doing good things."

11,406 23
6 The Art of Colliding with Arrogant Crumbums Whilst Thrift Shopping (Or Rapping About It)

 Last Christmas, Albus got two turkey drumsticks stuck in his nostrils, forgot he could breathe through his mouth, and almost suffocated.

7,355 16
7 The Art of Inadvertently Handling Unfamiliar Panties in a Rush to Tartarus

 You know, of all the times I fantasized about my first kiss, I never once pictured staring into the ebony depths of eyeless sockets and literally getting my soul sucked out of me.

12,000 9
8 The Art of Fleeing from Decrepit Demon Cats (and into Broom Closets)

Until that moment, I had assumed that in the event of life-jeopardizing danger, I would naturally operate on my fight-or-flight reflex…. Just like every other person who has ever existed.


However, I seemed to have taken for granted that my only reflex was making bad puns.

7,492 3


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