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Rating
15+
Chapters
23
Words
41,579
Characters
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Lucius, Draco
Primary Relationship
Draco/Hermione
Secondary Relationship(s)
Genre(s)
Humor, Romance
Era
Post-Hogwarts
Advisory
Strong Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse
Story Reviews
147
Status
Completed
First Published
2011-07-23 4:52pm
Last Chapter
2012-01-18 4:03pm
Last Updated
2012-01-18 4:03pm

Track This Story: Feed

Ch. # Chapter Title Word Count Reviews
1 My Single Rule

I have a single rule when it comes to girls.  You never let them know you like (maybe even love) them because once you do they use it against you for everything.

1,279 11
2 My Rubber Duck 'Ducky'

“She gets under my skin!” I complained. “Every move is like a judgment. Her beady eyes just exude this judgmental...judgment!”

1,574 9
3 Giant, Overstuffed Turkey of a Bird

That didn’t sound half as bad as Apparating.  Well, you giant overstuffed turkey of a bird, you don’t scare me! Turbulence and ear popping are nothing.  I’ve been through a war, turkey bird!  What have you been through? Turbulence and ear popping. Ha!

1,487 5
4 Welcome to Mulberry

Why, the last time I took so much notice to any girl’s features was when I had a crush...wait...

Oh bugger...

2,344 6
5 The Smirk

Nobody, and I mean, nobody perfects the smirk quite like we do.

1,764 2
6 Just Disastrous

So, I was sitting in the jail cell, dreaming about apple pie and how I might get my hands on some when Granger came storming in, waking me from my sleep. She couldn’t have come an hour earlier and allowed me to miss the apple pie consumption by the evil mustached sheriff? Injustice, I say!

1,719 2
7 To the Rescue!

Tilting my head, I whispered to Granger, “Do you trust me?”

“Not in a million years,” she shot back.

“Good, this ought to work perfectly then.”

1,542 4
8 Soap Operas


Well, there is no way in hell I’m giving up my place.  It’s got a bloody television! I can watch all my favorite soap operas...er...science fiction movies.  Oh, bloody hell.  Don’t...laugh. Soap operas can get really intense. For example, Joey can be in love with Annie, but Annie’s actually in love with James who at first you think is in love with this other girl Carmen, but really, he’s gay, and he’s in love with Joey.  The intrigue! 

1,520 4
9 All the Lady Ferrets

Wait. Did she just call me a ferret?  And did she just use that as a reason for why I am one day going to punch her in the face?  What in the bloody hell does a ferret have to do with punching? If I’m a ferret, I can’t punch anyone anyways.  Although, I bet I’d look like a bloody attractive ferret. All the lady ferrets will flock to me, and then Granger will be sorry!  I’ll be getting more girlfriends than she ever will!  Well, I mean, I suppose boyfriends for her.  I mean, I think. 

1,784 9
10 Lucius Malfoy

“Your Dad! He’s out!” she panted.

2,128 1
11 Am I Magical?

There were no beauty charms to make my face look absolutely flawless anymore now that I couldn’t use magic.  I mean, I look great most of the time, but just a little bit of charm work can make me look like a Greek Adonis.  And really, what girl doesn’t love an Adonis? 

1,414 1
12 Close Contact

Close contact isn’t something Malfoys generally like.  We usually settle for the stoic handshake or occasional hug.  Mum doesn’t care though.  If she likes you, she’ll hug you and mess with your hair and force feed you.  The woman doesn’t have any concept of personal space.

2,070 0
13 To Discombobulate the Enemy

I can feel the words forming on their lips, the spells ready to fly out.  So I’ve got some choices.  I can 1. remind them that I am in fact unarmed, 2. plead to Granger to be reasonable, 3. hide behind my furniture, or 4. scream and wave my hands around like a banshee so as to discombobulate the enemy.

1,417 4
14 Part of the Deal

I suppose I never figured that to be part of the deal. I suppose I never thought the two of them were really in love. They never showed it when I was young, and I grew up thinking they were shoved together by some cruel twist of fate, not by their own choosing.

1,790 2
15 Beautiful Tonight

Well, she looks beautiful tonight. 

1,625 5
16 The Trouble a Rubber Bath Toy Can Cause

This doesn’t mean I like her any more than that silly little feeling that’s been hanging around like the flu bug.  But I believe we’re beginning to tolerate each other rather well, don’t you?

1,992 7
17 Dance With Me

I smiled a little bit before standing up and offering my hand. “Dance with me?”

1,855 5
18 The Wounds Don't Heal

Hermione’s eyes fell.  “It will.  The wounds don’t heal, but in time, it’ll become a part of you, and then it gets easier.” 

2,153 5
19 Dangers of Flying Pastries

Peeking my head in, I let out a sigh of relief as I spotted my mother’s pale blonde hair.  “Mum?” I asked.  She let out shriek and threw a pastry she had been holding in my direction.  It flew with surprising speed and accuracy at my head.  I only just avoided it, and I heard it splat against the door in front of me.

1,856 5
20 Wide Range Hurricane Hermione


“Hermione Granger came to your flat and destroyed it?” Rick looked around in disbelief. “She’s a wee little thing. I can’t imagine that...”

“Well, not exactly,” I said, sitting up a little, “She’s one of those wide range hurricanes.  Works from home.”

2,267 18
21 Il y a longtemps que je t'aime

I tried to scoot back subtly, but instead, I overshot, and I landed on my arse.  A few waiters hurried over to help me, and I cursed a little.  Merlin, of course I would end up embarrassing myself in front of Hermione at a crucial time like this.  Now, my face is probably pink, and my bottom is stinging.  It’s just not fair.

2,627 21
22 A Little Secret

“You’ve got to be joking,” Draco said, dropping his face in his hand as the two of them exited the room. “I only just got used to Weasley.” Hermione’s laughter could be heard echoing down the halls as the couple headed out.

1,553 7
23 Wonderful New Life

I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking this is going to be the gateway to a wonderful new life. And it’s one I get to share with the love of my life. I’d say I’m rather lucky, don’t you?

1,819 14

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