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    Rating
    Mature
    Chapters
    27
    Words
    102,382
    Characters
    Cho, Draco, Fred, George, Albus, James (II), Rose, Scorpius, OC, OtherCanon
    Primary Relationship
    Other Pairing
    Secondary Relationship(s)
    OC/OC
    Genre(s)
    Humor, Action/Adventure, Young Adult
    Era
    Next Generation
    Advisory
    Strong violence, Scenes of a mild sexual nature, Substance abuse, Sensitive topic/issue/theme
    Story Reviews
    834
    Status
    Completed
    First Published
    2011-01-20 3:08pm
    Last Chapter
    2013-07-12 5:53pm
    Last Updated
    2015-12-05 9:04pm

    Track This Story: Feed

    Ch. # Chapter Title Word Count Reviews
    1 Begin with a Bang

    Bea didn't have occupational hazards. She was the occupational hazard.

    She then gave her 'I-told-you-so-you-owe-me-a-butterbeer' smirk to Fred, who replied with his 'You-got-lucky-buy-it-yourself' eye roll.

    Except they both probably should have been paying attention to the gurgling sound and Fred's eye roll only got to 'You-got-lucky-buy' before a classroom-shattering boom threw them backwards.

    2,515 97
    2 A Biscuit a Day Keeps the Slytherin Away

    Hogwarts was desperately lacking in information kiosks.

    The wall scraped apart. Bea and Fred hesitantly stepped in after her, unsure of what to expect. A pit of snakes? Plans for world domination? Dark Lords running amok?

    2,654 59
    3 Sweet, Sweet Revenge

    She had her revenge and ate it too.

    Bea nodded weakly while the amusement from onlookers crescendoed in the background, culminating in a jeer from Phillip Goyle, who was hardly one to talk with black-as-tar mixture, "Oi, you make potion inside the cauldron!"

    Whirling to Albus, Bea hissed — or rather, belted out dramatically, "Whaaat haaaappened?"

    3,585 51
    4 A Perpetual Mess

    It was only a matter of time before someone took off their shirt.

    Glancing up, she saw him—and lunged. "That's my bag!"

    Scorpius had it sitting on his knee, drawstring loosened. "I should think so. It says 'Bea Chang' right here on the tag."

    2,636 39
    5 Wingman (or Woman) Knows Best

    The deadliest weapons in the world were a pair of long legs.

    "As much as I hate to share an opinion with your little girlfriend, you really are no fun."

    "Bea's not my girlfriend," Fred declared for the umpteenth time and sipped his glass as well.

    "Good on you. That makes the fact that you're clearly attracted to me a lot less inappropriate."

    2,431 30
    6 Two Plans Too Many

    Robbing Gringotts was still easier than getting Weird Sister reunion tour tickets.

    "We're not robbing Gringotts."

    "They just make it
    seem hard! I've got a great plan—we don't even have to break into the vaults!" Albus gave a squeak as Bea wrenched him by the sleeve and pushed back his fringe. "Just draw on a scar, call him Harry, and we can walk right in!"

    2,874 34
    7 Apologetics Anonymous

    If war conference talks were settled with cupcakes, world peace would arrive a lot sooner.

    "What I don't understand is how everyone seems to see all these opportunities," Bea grumbled. "If you like these opportunities so much, you go get them yourself. Malfoy's giving them away like hotcakes, isn't he? Money, fame, leggy girls. Opportunity hotcakes with extra syrup! Tastes delicious until you start choking on the lies and get backstabbed with a butter knife!"

    3,819 31
    8 Just a Little Breaking and Entering

    The biggest threats to Hogwarts were students with too much free time on their hands.

    Bea tapped an idle House-Elf on the shoulder, who circled around to glare at her with his one good eye. "Erm, sorry to bother," she said, "but did you see a Scorpius Malfoy in here about a week ago? About yea high, blond, always in a suit, probably thinks he's better than you?"

    3,645 32
    9 Hogwarts, A Mystery

    Naturally, everything blew up in their faces at the last minute.

    "Thank you, darling," Scorpius breathed in relief, hugging the arms that encircled him.

    A deep ahem interrupted his reverie and Scorpius looked up to see Fred arching an amused brow. "I'm not your darling."

    3,363 25
    10 Take a Chance on Me; Initial Here

    Scorpius had a heart after all. He still didn't have any fashion sense.

    "...you're very strange," he said after some consideration.

    She glanced down at Scorpius. After a longer pause, she responded, "...yes."

    4,655 23
    11 How Do You Solve a Problem Like Beatrice?

    By crushing every one of her hopes and dreams and stomping them to the ground.

    The flurry of worry spread to Albus and Lucy — especially Lucy, who practically leapt from her chair to squish Bea's cheeks together. "Oh no, look at what we've done. She's in shock! The conversation's gotten too serious, hasn't it? Bea, think of puppies! I'll go get the emergency biscuits!"

    4,716 24
    12 Fishing for Wishy-Washy Wishing

    Even after twelve chapters, no one listened to Fred.

    Fred hustled Bea outside before she could get distracted by the glittering sweets. He said that the surprise was 'better than Honeydukes', and if it was better than Honeydukes, it was either a unicorn or two Honeydukes.

    4,521 29
    13 Destination Downhill

    Their agreement definitely sounded a lot better on paper.

    Albus knocked into him as he hopped around on one foot, trying to remove his own pair, and was barely able to avoid a pile-up. "What's wrong with pink? I like it; it's festive."

    "For a My Little Centaur tea party, maybe. Gods, Potter, have a little taste."

    3,822 28
    14 Oh, Bludger!

    Albus had become somewhat of a connoisseur of awkward moments.

    The maddening tension was squeezing Albus too tight, and he'd even take angry screeching arguments over this. He opened his mouth and blurted, "My dad died."

    Bea and Scorpius gaped at him, but before they could utter a word, he continued, "Well, he did. Once."

    3,769 23
    15 Choose Wisely

    Take-backs were non-redeemable.

    Anjali smirked from her perch. No matter the mayhem, even her tiniest action demanded notice. "Of course he knows what I'm talking about. And I think you deserve to know the truth, Bea."

    5,550 34
    16 Dreams Don't Come Easy, Darling

    The best broom flying lessons were the impromptu ones.

    Cracking open a dirt-crusted lid, Bea stared up at the stationary sky, not a single ache or breath left in her body. The blue was almost too crisp and incomprehensibly tall to be real; how could they have fallen from there? Perhaps she was dead and this was heaven.

    No, there would be togas, she reasoned, and the mud would be made of chocolate.

    3,392 24
    17 The Art of Hanging Over

    When in doubt, party.

    "We did win the match today. What do you think we do, write essays to celebrate?"

    Scorpius blankly pondered the level of sarcasm in Rose's comment before a grin lit up, the kind that made Bea's hairs stand on end. Oh no, it was his
    idea face.

    5,756 18
    18 For Better or Worse

    Keep calm and carry bon-bons.

    Scorpius was avoiding her.

    She had known, of course—she was avoiding him, too—but it wasn't like when they crossed paths in the halls, when it was easy to brush off their missing greeting.
    I didn't see him, Bea would tell herself, just like he didn't see me. But this one glimpse marked the unavoidable truth: he had seen her and she had seen him, and at some point, they had both decided they were better off if they hadn't.

    6,187 30
    19 That's How the Biscuit Breaks

    And how the castle crumbles.

    Scorpius leaned over the desk for a look. "How could that little — " Then another crack sounded, and his feet slid like a spider on skates as the whole room sunk an inch. In a blink, the crevice had gone from small to alarmingly drafty.

    Fred pulled him up. "Little things turn into big problems!"

    4,578 34
    20 And So It Begins Again

    One more time, with feelings.

    Then, after glaring for sulky minute, she unflipped the tin, chucked the burnt cakes into the rubbish, and brought out a new mixing set from the cupboard.

    "Do you plan on blowing up more of the castle?"

    3,788 17
    21 Missing!

    Who misplaced Malfoy?

    She could only hope that within an hour's time, a professor would be dragging him out by the collar, unharmed except for the U-shaped mark on his cheek, and she would have laughed off how she overreacted — thinking he was dead, for Fawkes' sake — when he only fell asleep in a broom closet.

    3,736 27
    22 Dead End

    A grifter and a granny walk into a pub.

    Bea's hand tightened around the crook of his elbow, and Fred could feel the unuttered questions tapping in her fingers. We'll find him, right? He'll be okay, right? As much as habit wanted to treat this outing like another caper about the castle, this was no unicorn hair heist; they were searching for a flesh-and-blood prize.

    4,839 28
    23 Another One Down

    Dead bodies were a bit of a mood killer.

    He was going to die, stunned on the street or cornered behind one of the buildings blurring past. His life was going to flash before his eyes and he would see, too late, the things he held most dear.

    In defiance, his mind presented the most banal thoughts. Mr. Welly. The dinner menu. Did he have clean socks left?

    3,541 20
    24 The Great Escape

    The last caper.

    The two men who kidnapped her only saw a small, frightened girl. Which wasn't untrue. She barely topped five feet and had cried more in those three days than she ever had in her life. But it was misleading, like calling the Head Auror a man with a head injury and no fashion sense.

    4,651 22
    25 Bittersweet

    A raincheck for someday.

    Earlier, when Roxanne delivered lunch from Mum, Fred overheard her chatting with Lily, "He controls like, five percent of the economy now, or something ridiculous like that. Could bankrupt Britain with a sneeze."

    3,687 8
    26 Open at the Close

    Goodbye, farewell.

    And so they parted — an inch, a foot, glancing over their shoulders every so often, until they were lost in separate crowds.

    2,362 14
    27 Epilogue

    And capers ensue.

    There was a shop on Hogsmeade's High Street with a glittering grid of windows and blue scalloped awnings.

    1,310 33

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