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Rating
Mature
Chapters
51
Words
193,121
Characters
Scorpius, Albus, James (II), Lily (II), Hugo, Rose, OC
Primary Relationship
Other Pairing
Secondary Relationship(s)
Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Rose/Scorpius, OC/OC
Genre(s)
General, Humor, Romance
Era
Next Generation
Advisory
Strong Language, Strong Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Contains Slash (Same-Sex Pairing), Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme
Story Reviews
1,136
Status
Completed
First Published
2009-11-14 2:07am
Last Chapter
2011-09-23 9:07am
Last Updated
2011-09-23 9:07am

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Ch. # Chapter Title Word Count Reviews
1 These Lips are Virgin Lips

I froze.

My neighbours, who are relatively good looking muggle college boys, would be out in their backyard at this stage. They always have a barbeque on the last Sunday of every month.

And my cousin had just run out of the house wearing my pink and purple spotted size B bra?

On his head?!

Not good.

4,502 36
2 Is Dating a Professor Even Legal?

“What’s so impressive about him anyway?” Oscar asked us, very grumble-y.

I shushed him and continued to stare.

It was Emily that ended us answering him. “Scorpius Malfoy,” she explained, “Is rich and famous. That is explanation enough.”

I nodded, “Plus the fact that he’s totally gorgey-porgey.”

5,267 12
3 Oh My Sweet Chicken Drumsticks

I hurried over to my best friends, grabbing them both by their collars and dragging them out of the library. “Do you have no respect for my dignity?” I demanded angrily, once we were out of the Library.

Emily scoffed, “Hunny,” She said slowly, patting my hair down at the back of my head. “There’s no such thing.”

3,987 17
4 Otherwise Known As Oz

I painfully refrained from snorting. People who laughed at Fred Weasley generally tended to wake up with purple skin. I could not however, stop my face from twisting unflatteringly into a nasty sort of amused shape. Weasley noticed.

Good Merlin—I’m dead.

“Something funny?” He asked me with a smirk.

I shook my head. “Nope...” I said hurriedly, “Purples not my colour.”

3,724 26
5 Who Needs Intelligence When You Look Like That?

Everybody seemed to have resumed their natural eating course, save for Indiana and Sabriel, who were both miming me tripping in the Library last weekend.

I frowned and glowered in their general direction.

All of the four Gryffindors turned to see who I was looking at, and when they saw, they all rolled their eyes simultaneously.

“Don’t mind them.” Weasley assured me. “They’re cows.” He looked at Malfoy. “No offence dude, but I lead the rebellion to kill them both.”

Malfoy shrugged and, with a snort, said, “Get in line.”

3,059 19
6 I Could Live Without the Mocking

“Oh,” Scorpius added. “And I’m never going to call you Katie, or Dalton again.” He told me offhandedly

I gulped.

Was I in for one of Scorpius’s infamous nicknames?

I GET A NICKNAME!!

Oh god.

I get a nickname.

3,121 13
7 A Dork in All Other Respects

I was sitting alone, with the space for about two of three people on either side of me, and no one sitting opposite me, left with the company of my Chicken Drumsticks.

I lifted Patrice (the rounder and rather burnt drumstick of the two) and stared at her solemnly.

“You’ll never leave me, will you?”

As if to answer me, the piece of chicken slumped off the bone and fell to my plate.

That—that—

That’s just not nice.

2,535 14
8 Better Friends Than I Could Have Asked For

Quick—say something inconspicuous, that will change the subject.

“Did you know that Squids are telepathic?”

YES! Score for the KATEMEISTER!!!

“They’re not.”

Dammit. Must learn to not burst out random facts to the girl who is tutoring you.

3,924 19
9 Both Kind of Idiots

“You’ll do no such thing!” I exclaimed, shocked at their behaviour. “I demand you unhand me at once.”

“You hear that? She demands that we unhand her.”

But that was all I heard. One more word, “Muffliato” and then there was a strange buzzing in my ears that had me instinctively swiping at my ears to kill what I thought were oncoming killer bees.

I watched a documentary on those guys one. It was really scary. They killed a lady.

3,477 23
10 Wackiest Bird Since Errol

“Think about it, Katie.” He said. “Think about how angry Rose’ll be if you don’t remember.”

Good God, that’s a scary thought.

THINK, BRAIN, THINK!!!

4,132 17
11 A Flourish and a Tap

“Katie, you need to listen to me. And I’m being totally serious.”

That was a wonderful way to start off the conversation. I felt, momentarily, like running for the hills, or possibly killing myself.

4,450 32
12 Do The Rain Dance

“That’s tragic.” Rose said, holding back a smile.

I nodded. “It was very fitting, considering his name. You know that the human Michelangelo cut off his ear?”

Rose frowned, “That was Van Gough.”



“Oh.”

3,811 27
13 Answers in a Portrait

I must have been a funny sight. Scrubs was still sitting in my leg while my other leg was still trapped under the duvet, as well as my left arm. My right arm had been flung across my whole body, so I was lying on my right arm, and I was balancing because my wand was permanently pressed to the music player, which was now jumping through songs by Freya Freewand and the Hexers, which gave away my angry mood.

“Hi.” Emily said slowly.

“Uh…” I said, completely bewildered. “Hi.”

4,162 22
14 Encounters With an Ice-Queen

“—anyone using you as a life line, must be down to his final resort.” Fred explained.

Ouch.

Rose frowned. “Fred, that was rude.”

“Yeah, hubby,” I sneered. “Shut up or I’ll file for a divorce.”

3,352 13
15 Hyperactive Super Energizer Bunnies P1

Albus then looked back at me, “There’s no problem that can not be solved by chocolate...” He assured me.

My stomach seemed to have other ideas.

“Merlin, I think I might throw up.”

Albus blanched. “Except for that.”

3,610 23
16 Hyperactive Super Energizer Bunnies P2

"Mumsy and Popsickles?”

Fred was staring at me, eyebrow raised over my shoulder. I shrugged. “I had issues with pronunciation as a child.” I explained.

Fred frowned. “So you had problems with ‘Mummy,’ and ‘Daddy,’ and decided ‘Mumsy and Popsickles’ was easier?” He asked.

2,884 19
17 Can You Say Dramatic Codswallop?

“‘Courtesan’ means prostitute right?”

It did mean that. But that didn’t reflect on any of the students.

Well, at least not my mother.

4,675 16
18 Not Quite What I Anticipated

Which brings us to our new problem. We have just walked in on Lindsay Forest, doing unmentionably fifteen year old boy things with the twin sister of his old brother’s girlfriend.”

5,262 27
19 More Sodding Relatives

“No need to get moody, lover.” He advised me. “You’re not fat and are very very beautiful.”

I stared at him. “Fat!? Why would you even use that word!?”

If it were possible, Fred went even paler.

5,114 23
20 Not Quite the Impression I was Hoping For

Ron Weasley stared at me amused for a moment, as I gaped at him. Clearly, he didn’t think I was heavy or anything—considering he hand caught me out of thin air—and his arms were still wrapped chivalrously around my waist.

“Katie Dalton?” he asked, bemused.

My face went roughly the colour of a radish.

4,427 18
21 No Interest in Smoochie Time

“Oh, bugger.” Rose moaned.

“What!?” I hissed urgently. “What is it?”

Rose sighed. “Oh Katie I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m in such a bad mood today, and I’m sorry I was rude to you, and I’m sorry I sent Tyler away.”

Holy poo. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Don’t hyperventilate.

4,774 22
22 By Good Merlin, They're Famous

I was to be introduced to George and Angelina Weasley.

As their daughter-in-law.

And, if they were anywhere near as observant as their own sister in law, they would quickly be able to tell that I had the hots for their nephew.

Which is just a tad awkward.

5,087 27
23 A Full House

“What are you doing?” Fred Sr. asked again.

I looked down at my own hands—suddenly aware that I had no clue what I was doing before Fred Sr. took nearly ten years of my life away from me.

“I am…” I said slowly, staring at my wand in one hand and the half cut paper in the other hand. “…wrapping?”

5,081 16
24 Gifts All Around

I reached for the small envelope—with Potter embedded across the back, in small letters, all fighting for attention—and slowly opened it, holding my breath like a hopeless teenage girl.

Which I was.

No matter.

3,198 16
25 It's Not Exclusive

“It’s about time you guys got here,” Fred told us conversationally, as he directed the two of us to the drinks table. “My dad hasn’t stopped cracking jokes about his ear since we got here.”

“Was he talking your ear off?” Rose asked him conversationally.

3,370 16
26 Heroes

Although some of us in the large room clearly didn’t want to be there.

And not in the ‘ahh—get—me—out—of—here—I’m—going—to—die!” way either. More specifically, in the ‘I—should—be—out—there—fighting—to—save—the—people—I—love” sort of way.

I shouldn’t need to point out that I was definitely of the first opinion.

3,395 15
27 Life Without Emily Cook

Anaesthetic spells were not allowed as they interfered with the regrowth serum.

In other words, ouch.

2,810 29
28 The Inevitable Guests

“We’ll get to meet your parents properly tonight as well, which is exciting.”

Exciting is not really the word I’d use for it.

More like potentially cripplingly embarrassing.

3,117 24
29 Super Secret Agents

“You’re too important to me, Katie.” He said, a little hoarse.

I smiled up at him, my throat far too dry to say anything at this glorious point in time.

Come on knees.

Stay with me!

3,536 43
30 Psychological Consequences

“Katie!”

I jerked back from the Encyclopaedia I was reading, so quickly I had to hasten to steady my chair.

Well great.

Now I’m being haunted.

3,841 30
31 Devil Spawn

“Scor,” Rose was still staring at the will. “She’s saying that if she dies, all she’s going to give me is a glossary page. And an unusable one at that.”

It shouldn't have surprised me that she’d be less unhappy if it was a usable glossary.

3,798 31
32 Planning an Invitation Occasion

Hilary frowned curiously. “Yeah I guess, it’s like an exfoliate lotion, for me. They always say like 33% exfoliation. They should be like… 66%... or even 99%.”

Hilary smiled at me.

“Speaking of exfoliators…” she mused slowly, “will I need to use one for this party?

3,298 16
33 A Poohead By Any Other Name

“All I can tell you,” I said, mysteriously, with a sudden burst of confidence to talk like a normal person overcoming my nerves. “Is that it’s a group thing, and if something gets in the way of my going through with it, I’ll die....”

Em chuckled lightly.

She had no idea how literal I was being...

3,761 20
34 The Puff Inbetween

“Really?” I demanded, scowling. “Three separate pieces of paper? Haven’t you heard anything about the current environmental crisis?”

Todd stared at me.

Greenhouse emissions, meet Todd Williams.

Your satanic creator.

Or at least contributor.

4,047 15
35 Espionage With Albus Potter

“You know what I’m talking about.” I said with an annoyed face. “Have you even met me?”

Come on. Buy the lie. Buy the lie. Buy the ingenious Albus Potter lie.

Natalie rolled her eyes and I instantly knew she hadn’t bought it.

Re: Talk to Al about a better, more buyable lie. Apparently the fact that I’m being tutored by Rose Weasley means I must have amazing hidden knowledgeable potential.

3,474 10
36 Adversus Anima

Adversus Anima. Curse. Casting Incantation: ANIMAUS CARITAS ADVERSE (pronounced: AN-EEM-OU-S CA-REET-A-S AD-VER-S-US)

2,318 22
37 A Hospitable Visit

I couldn’t quite recall waking up.

3,826 33
38 A Meeting and a Match

I hadn’t seen any of my friends since before the incident. Well, except for—

But THAT was a whole OTHER thing entirely.

3,445 18
39 Under the Bleachers

“Right. I’m running off to join a cult of dragon worshippers who muggles to our gods. I’d take you as a sacrifice but they probably wouldn’t want you.”

It honestly wouldn't have surprised me.

4,056 20
40 A Paper Doll

I ran at them both.

The library watched on.

I didn’t fall over.

(I know...)

3,910 19
41 Friendly Favours

Tuesday I’d spent with Todd.

Yeah. I know what you’re thinking.

Trust me.

3,047 13
42 A Plan in Motion

“How’s the nose, twinkle toes?”

3,951 12
43 Hells Deal

“Look, Dalton. I don’t like you. You’re rude, conceited and think you’re amazing.”

...Was she kidding?

4,242 16
44 Birth of a Hero

I literally could not talk. My throat had gone so dry that there was no way I’d be able to make any sort of sound.

I made an gurgling sound.

3,373 24
45 45

They brought in two Aurors to protect the student body from me.

2,032 20
46 Masculine Confusion

Tyler and David were at the school within six minutes of the events in the Slytherin common room. Two minutes later and every single child with the last name Potter or Weasley were taken from the castle, and brought back to their now even more heavily guarded homes and ordered to stay there.

2,817 22
47 Man on a Mission

“Why should I—?”

A Gryffindor size amount of bravery hit me and I interrupted him, brushing his protests away like an annoying fly.

“—Sir, I was there.”

4,143 16
48 One Way Or Another

"Do they know?" James asked. "Do they know about what happened in the kitchen, when you were in the pantry?"

4,601 22
49 Oh, Them Lies

Once we'd approved it, and the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff had done so as well, it became quickly apparent that having members from all four houses compliant in one single plan was probably an upside to the plan.

3,784 19
50 An Expose

Touch wood.

4,410 33
51 Epilogue

“I’m going to the wedding of Daniel Wood, and Dominique Weasley.”

3,104 81

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