I froze.

My neighbours, who are relatively good looking muggle college boys, would be out in their backyard at this stage. They always have a barbeque on the last Sunday of every month.

And my cousin had just run out of the house wearing my pink and purple spotted size B bra?

On his head?!

Not good.

I hurried over to my best friends, grabbing them both by their collars and dragging them out of the library. “Do you have no respect for my dignity?” I demanded angrily, once we were out of the Library.

Emily scoffed, “Hunny,” She said slowly, patting my hair down at the back of my head. “There’s no such thing.”

Everybody seemed to have resumed their natural eating course, save for Indiana and Sabriel, who were both miming me tripping in the Library last weekend.

I frowned and glowered in their general direction.

All of the four Gryffindors turned to see who I was looking at, and when they saw, they all rolled their eyes simultaneously.

“Don’t mind them.” Weasley assured me. “They’re cows.” He looked at Malfoy. “No offence dude, but I lead the rebellion to kill them both.”

Malfoy shrugged and, with a snort, said, “Get in line.”

I was sitting alone, with the space for about two of three people on either side of me, and no one sitting opposite me, left with the company of my Chicken Drumsticks.

I lifted Patrice (the rounder and rather burnt drumstick of the two) and stared at her solemnly.

“You’ll never leave me, will you?”

As if to answer me, the piece of chicken slumped off the bone and fell to my plate.

That—that—

That’s just not nice.

“You’ll do no such thing!” I exclaimed, shocked at their behaviour. “I demand you unhand me at once.”

“You hear that? She demands that we unhand her.”

But that was all I heard. One more word, “Muffliato” and then there was a strange buzzing in my ears that had me instinctively swiping at my ears to kill what I thought were oncoming killer bees.

I watched a documentary on those guys one. It was really scary. They killed a lady.

“Katie, you need to listen to me. And I’m being totally serious.”

That was a wonderful way to start off the conversation. I felt, momentarily, like running for the hills, or possibly killing myself.

I must have been a funny sight. Scrubs was still sitting in my leg while my other leg was still trapped under the duvet, as well as my left arm. My right arm had been flung across my whole body, so I was lying on my right arm, and I was balancing because my wand was permanently pressed to the music player, which was now jumping through songs by Freya Freewand and the Hexers, which gave away my angry mood.

“Hi.” Emily said slowly.

“Uh…” I said, completely bewildered. “Hi.”

Albus then looked back at me, “There’s no problem that can not be solved by chocolate...” He assured me.

My stomach seemed to have other ideas.

“Merlin, I think I might throw up.”

Albus blanched. “Except for that.”

“‘Courtesan’ means prostitute right?”

It did mean that. But that didn’t reflect on any of the students.

Well, at least not my mother.

“No need to get moody, lover.” He advised me. “You’re not fat and are very very beautiful.”

I stared at him. “Fat!? Why would you even use that word!?”

If it were possible, Fred went even paler.

“Oh, bugger.” Rose moaned.

“What!?” I hissed urgently. “What is it?”

Rose sighed. “Oh Katie I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m in such a bad mood today, and I’m sorry I was rude to you, and I’m sorry I sent Tyler away.”

Holy poo. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Don’t hyperventilate.

“What are you doing?” Fred Sr. asked again.

I looked down at my own hands—suddenly aware that I had no clue what I was doing before Fred Sr. took nearly ten years of my life away from me.

“I am…” I said slowly, staring at my wand in one hand and the half cut paper in the other hand. “…wrapping?”

“It’s about time you guys got here,” Fred told us conversationally, as he directed the two of us to the drinks table. “My dad hasn’t stopped cracking jokes about his ear since we got here.”

“Was he talking your ear off?” Rose asked him conversationally.

Anaesthetic spells were not allowed as they interfered with the regrowth serum.

In other words, ouch.

“You’re too important to me, Katie.” He said, a little hoarse.

I smiled up at him, my throat far too dry to say anything at this glorious point in time.

Come on knees.

Stay with me!

“Scor,” Rose was still staring at the will. “She’s saying that if she dies, all she’s going to give me is a glossary page. And an unusable one at that.”

It shouldn't have surprised me that she’d be less unhappy if it was a usable glossary.

“All I can tell you,” I said, mysteriously, with a sudden burst of confidence to talk like a normal person overcoming my nerves. “Is that it’s a group thing, and if something gets in the way of my going through with it, I’ll die....”

Em chuckled lightly.

She had no idea how literal I was being...

“You know what I’m talking about.” I said with an annoyed face. “Have you even met me?”

Come on. Buy the lie. Buy the lie. Buy the ingenious Albus Potter lie.

Natalie rolled her eyes and I instantly knew she hadn’t bought it.

Re: Talk to Al about a better, more buyable lie. Apparently the fact that I’m being tutored by Rose Weasley means I must have amazing hidden knowledgeable potential.

I couldn’t quite recall waking up.

“Right. I’m running off to join a cult of dragon worshippers who muggles to our gods. I’d take you as a sacrifice but they probably wouldn’t want you.”

It honestly wouldn't have surprised me.

Tuesday I’d spent with Todd.

Yeah. I know what you’re thinking.

Trust me.

“Look, Dalton. I don’t like you. You’re rude, conceited and think you’re amazing.”

...Was she kidding?

They brought in two Aurors to protect the student body from me.

“Why should I—?”

A Gryffindor size amount of bravery hit me and I interrupted him, brushing his protests away like an annoying fly.

“—Sir, I was there.”

Once we'd approved it, and the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff had done so as well, it became quickly apparent that having members from all four houses compliant in one single plan was probably an upside to the plan.

“I’m going to the wedding of Daniel Wood, and Dominique Weasley.”