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Ron, Hermione, Hugo, Lily (II), Rose, Scorpius, Teddy, Victoire, OC, OtherCanon
Primary Relationship
Secondary Relationship(s)
Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Teddy/Victoire
Humor, Mystery, Action/Adventure
Next Generation
Contains profanity, Strong violence, Scenes of a mild sexual nature, Substance abuse
Story Reviews
First Published
2009-05-12 9:49am
Last Chapter
2010-05-21 9:58pm
Last Updated
2012-05-27 5:01pm

Track This Story: Feed

Ch. # Chapter Title Word Count Reviews
1 Parmenter, Again

Pyxis Parmenter was a regular of mine, I'd brought him in four times in the last year. He always put up a fight that was embarrassingly disgusting. Last time he'd enchanted eggs to follow me around while I pulled him out of his run-down old house. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get raw egg off your clothes? Just don't let it harden in your hair, that's all I can say.

3,259 35
2 Mostly Independent and Totally Broke

I swear I could feel something crawling on me where I'd sat on the filthy sofa. Ew, ew, ew. If I were Butrus Knapper, I'd have skipped out just to get out of that rowhouse.

3,246 25
3 Weasley Genes

You were practically invisible when Victoire Disillusioned you. She told me once that sometimes she Disillusioned herself to hide from her kids, so she could use the bathroom alone.

3,898 22
4 Small-Time Hoods

I had just taken a step back to think about what to do next when I heard Harmon Ladd muttering from inside. I ducked down, curling into a ball with my arms protecting my head just as the blast went overhead right where my face had just been. The window next to Ladd's front door had shattered as the spell went through it, and there was glass all over the front stoop, and all over me.

3,759 22
5 Gainfully Employed

“Cor,” Fred said, looking around at the neighbourhood. “Do you always go to areas like this? My mum would kill me if she saw me here.”

My mum would kill me if she saw me here, too. I didn't want to tell him this wasn't even as bad as some places I'd been. I wasn't sure if it would make him want to be a bounty hunter more or less.

5,185 21
6 You Can't Bring a Baby on a Stakeout!

I sat at the kitchen table and paged through the latest issue of Witch Weekly while Victoire fried a couple of eggs. She added a few sausages to the pan, and the sizzling made my stomach rumble. I needed a housewife. Well, what I really needed was to find Knapper so Scorpius could go back to being the housewife again. I decided not to call it that to him. Men can be so touchy.

5,919 19
7 Temporarily Deaf and Blind

I felt rude and awkward, and my words came out in a rush. “I work for Angelo Agnelli Magical Bonds, and I'm trying to find Butrus Knapper. I've been looking for anyone with even the slightest connection to him, and your name turned up as a school chum of his half-brother.” Did I just say chum? Oh my God, I'm skipping my mother and becoming my grandmother.

3,589 14
8 Bounty Hunter: 1, Aurors: 0

I'm aware that 'hunted down' is probably not the most accurate turn of phrase, but it sounds better than 'been insulted by and eventually brought down via a series of accidents that worked out in my favour rather less often than not'. Semantics.

2,758 13
9 The Good One

Mrs. Kochel is mean. Mean and vindictive, and she doesn't like us. Okay, we never pay our rent on time and leave our dirty wellies in the hallway, but other than that, we're pretty good tenants. Except that time we'd had a party and my cousin James made a four-foot hole in the wall, but she could hardly count that against us.

3,462 15
10 Like a Law or Something

“You tell that woman you're related to not to darken my door again,” Angelo said, pointing at me. “And I better not hear you mention her in my office again, either. She is dead to me! Vietato il discorso!”

“Uh-huh,” I said, unimpressed. That was the fourth time he'd forbidden me to speak of my mother since I'd started working there.

3,502 10
11 The Disappearing Man

I could do with some fish and chips, in the name of research, of course. I'd been sitting here hours, twiddling my thumbs, and my stomach was complaining loudly of my continued lack of forethought in handbag-based snacks.

3,220 11
12 The Banshee of Lupin Hall

I reappeared far enough away that the flames couldn't get me, and watched the building burn in dismay. I hardly even touched the place, honestly. No one could actually consider this my fault. Any reasonable jury wouldn't convict me.

3,492 12
13 Very Bad Things

Though I sometimes had a hard time connecting the Uncle Harry I knew, who gave piggy-back rides when I was a kid and had once eaten a flobberworm to impress his sons, with the Harry Potter who defeated Dark Lords, killed basilisks, and was called The Chosen One, I was aware of my uncle's accomplishments. If I were him, I'd trust my instincts too. But I wore unicorn shirts and couldn't fry eggs. I was no Harry Potter.

3,798 14
14 Rose's Bad Guys

Panic was sitting heavily in my stomach and heart as I looked around. I was in big, big trouble. Kidnapped, immobilized, and hidden away who knew where. I wanted to hyperventilate, but apparently you can't do that on purpose. I had no idea how I was going to get out of this one.

And then the panic really hit me. Johnny.

3,223 15
15 Hindsight

“Madame, this child is a menace,” Worthing informed me.

“He really is,” I agreed, staring up at Johnny in disbelief.

3,070 14
16 Mutual Debriefing

He didn't seem to care that Uncle Harry was still watching us, because he brought my hands to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “I'm glad you didn't get chopped into pieces and turned into Dark objects, Rose.”

2,924 13
17 Chuck Finley?

It is impossible to adequately explain to a child that you have to take the ice cream man to jail. At least he wasn't working in a Father Christmas grotto, I suppose. Small favours.

1,635 35


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