“The two of you are positively sickening. You especially.” Her tone turned sarcastic. “You’re a man, for Merlin’s sake! You’re not supposed to be devoted to your wife, the wife you met when you were eleven. You’re supposed to show up early for practice because she’s driving you up the wall with her nagging. Not show up late because she seduced you.”

“Are you sure?  I could have sworn I saw her out and about with some man in Diagon Alley the other day.”

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake!  She and her brother were shopping for a birthday gift for their mum.  I know because I was there.  She’s not bloody cheating on me, you daft twit!  She’s pregnant!” 

Naturally, she refused to share her suspicions with me until one day I got fed up and cornered her.  She immediately broke up with me because I wasn’t ‘respecting her privacy.’  I might have said something about her constantly going through my sock drawer, and if that wasn’t a lack of privacy, I didn’t know what was.

“Don’t be absurd.” I scoffed. “You don’t look like a cow. For one thing, you don’t have any spots.” One look from her let me know my attempt at a joke wasn’t at all appreciated. “And for another, you’re not fat. I don’t think you’re fat. I think you’re fine just the way you are.”

 Not to be outdone, Kenna smirked at me. Over the years, I’ve come to understand exactly why she was always screaming at me about how the next time someone smirked, she was going to permanently alter his face with her spoon. Smirking is obnoxious. “Well, obviously, you’re not very good at being the male, because it took eight years for you to plant the children that are growing inside of me.”