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Rating
15+
Chapters
15
Words
46,152
Characters
Fred, George, Oliver, OC, OtherCanon
Primary Relationship
OC/OC
Secondary Relationship(s)
Other Pairing
Genre(s)
Drama, Humor, Romance
Era
Hogwarts
Advisory
Mild Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature
Story Reviews
359
Status
Work In Progress (WIP)
First Published
2008-12-20 5:10am
Last Chapter
2010-04-06 4:32am
Last Updated
2010-04-06 4:35am

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Ch. # Chapter Title Word Count Reviews
1 Advance warnings courtesy of Oliver Wood

Oliver continued to look baffled “but she is titchy, look at her!” he gestured at me to illustrate his point.

My eyes narrowed further “I'm not titchy!” I shrieked “maybe you're just so freaking tall” I began to prod him in the chest “that everyone else looks so small from the position of your immensely swelled head!” I jabbed him once more for good measure then stormed out of the great hall.

2,161 32
2 Bodily improvements courtesy of Fred and George

“Please Scarlett,” wheedled George “we need to evaluate the results!”
“No!” I said “I'm not coming out until they go away!”
“They last for forty eight hours,” said Fred “and I can't see Lee or any of the others being to happy with you moving into our bathroom for the next two days.”

2,692 18
3 Unwanted Groping courtesy of Marcus Flint

I sighed “no matter what you say he won’t believe you; he is determined to blame me.”

“Maybe if we apologised,” said Katie tentatively.

“We gave him breasts,” said Alicia “I doubt he would be very forgiving.”

“Plus the Slytherins laughed at him,” I added “he may kill you.”

2,642 15
4 Dinner dates courtesy of a Temper Tantrum

I left the great hall and continued along the corridor, when I was sure I was alone I promptly began kicking the wall

“Bloody sodding Wood!” I muttered “throw me off the team will you? Make people think we had sex will you? Be a bloody fascist wanker will you?” each word was punctuated by a kick to the wall.

3,360 25
5 Extreme makovers Courtesy of Alicia Spinnet

I glared “what is it with people making changes to my body that won’t go away? Do I have a sign on my back that says ‘please screw with’?”

2,196 18
6 Friendly bribes courtesy of Scarlett Summers

I stormed down the corridor until I reached a deserted spot where I promptly began to kick the wall

“Bloody sodding Wood! Snog me behind a tree will you? Throw me off the team will you? Accuse me of not being smart enough to make snack boxes!” each word was punctuated by a kick to the wall.

A voice came from behind me “well this is just déjà vu!”

2,774 21
7 Compliments and Cookies courtesy of the Devil

"I trust him.”

Alicia snorted “because that means so much.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means Scarlett, that you would trust the Devil if he offered you a cookie and told you that you had pretty eyes.”

3,153 21
8 Interventions courtesy of the Quidditch Team

"if someone doesn’t explain the creepy pictures soon then I'm leaving!”
“Ok then drama queen, sheesh,” Alicia rolled her eyes “Scarlett Summers, this is an intervention!” she gestured dramatically. Everyone turned around to me, looking for my reaction.

“An intervention...?” I repeated slowly.

4,010 27
9 Romantic epiphanies courtesy of a metro-sexual pirate named Victor.

“Scarlett have you completely lost your mind?” he demanded flatly “hiding in a wardrobe to avoid confrontation is ridiculous.”

“I'm not hiding!” I yelled back “I'm looking for Narnia.”

Angelina snorted “I should never have let her read those books,” she confided to George “she spent an entire week searching every wardrobe in the castle for magical lands.”

3,167 23
10 Madisonial Abuse courtesy of Alicia Spinnett

“If Oliver is my one true love then I may as well jump off the top of the astronomy tower,” I retorted.

Angelina sighed “why in Merlins name would you do that?”

“Because he’s been doing a lousy job of it and he doesn’t love me back so I'm going to end up old and alone with only a houself named Tibby to keep me company!”

3,404 27
11 Sinister Plots courtesy of Group Bonding

“No!” I said stubbornly “I'm a lesbian and Katie and I are together.”

He looked flabbergasted “Katie too?”

I nodded wishing I could curl up and die somewhere “yes... we’re together, and in love... and considering a commitment ceremony.”

3,131 27
12 A broken nose courtesy of Katie Bell's elbow

“I heard that,” muttered George from inside the cupboard “and for your information mate, I really don't have any objections to getting locked in a cupboard with a girl like Ang, I just object to having you jump on me in the middle of the night and straddle me while someone stuffs a dirty sock in my mouth.”

“That is officially the weirdest sex game I’ve ever heard of,” I muttered.

3,323 29
13 Temporary insanity courtesy of Oliver Woods kissing techniques

“Arguing,” I said instantly “we do that very well.”

“Kissing,” he interrupted, “we do that even better.”

3,294 23
14 Drunken Arguments courtesy of Firewhisky

"You know what?” I said calmly “If you were really my boyfriend I'd feed you poison." 

Oliver snorted "If you were really my girlfriend, I'd drink it."

“Looks like you’ve drunk enough tonight,” I said flatly.

“Oh sure,” he hiccupped “blame me, when you drove me to it.”

3,623 29
15 Glow in the dark tattoos courtesy of Oliver Wood

“I think he’s kind of like a dog,” said Alicia thoughtfully “marking his territory, only instead of peeing on a tree, he’s tattooing his girlfriend.”

Angelina shook her head “in what possible realm is that supposed to comfort her?”

“So this tattoo is Oliver’s metaphoric pee?” I demanded “great.”

3,222 24

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