| ||Rating: Mature||Story Reviews: 334|
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, Pettigrew, OC
Genre(s): Humor, Romance, Angst
Pairings: James/OC, James/Lily, OC/OC, Sirius/OC
Status: Work In Progress|
First Published: 2008.10.04
Last Published Chapter: 2012.07.26
Last Updated: 2016.05.16
Favorite Story Of: 136 users
| ||Advisory: Strong Language, Strong Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse|
It was love at first smite for James and I…the first time I saw him I nearly killed him via suffocation by cleavage (his own, thankyouverymuch) after he said my name was manly (the bastard) …it turns out our love really does know no limits. Oh, and did I mention that I’m dying? No? Hmm. Funny how that always slips my mind. banner TDA sweet_dreams 50,000+ reads!!
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|Ch. #||Chapter Title||Word Count||Reviews||Read|
|1||My Little Problem
“Hi, Mr. C. Good summer? How’s the hubby?”
|2||Scones, and why I Hate Them
“You could have died. I won’t let that happen again, Max. I’m going to be with you from now on, all the time; nothing can hurt you any more.” He gives me a fiercely protective look. Wait…did he say he’s going to be with me all the time? NOOOOO!
|3||Follow the Yellow Brick Road...wait, WHAT?
“Of course. Follow the yellow brick road, and you’ll get where you want to go.”
|4||My Life is Defined by Awkward Conversations About even more Awkward Body Parts
“Hey, you! You, with the funny hair!” I call out, hoping for directions. He looks over at me, eyebrows raised. I inhale a quick breath; he’s gorgeous. “Show me where the main lobby is.” I command. He chuckles.
“Hey mum, do you mind if Remus comes over tonight for dinner?” I look up; James is standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with a casual sort of elegance. Our eyes meet; I feel a slow blush creep up my cheeks. My heart stutters. Mrs. Potter gives a small intake of breath, looks at me, and then looks at James, a slow smile spreading across her face.
“ME, JAMES. You are going to make your little flower girl jealous by using ME.”
|7||James: You and Me, On the Floor, NOW!!
“Whatever you say, Prongs. I’m just glad that Max here is a girl. I must say, when Remus told me that I have to ‘go see James and his new love interest Max’ I was quite concerned.”
|8||Why it's a Bad Idea to Diss a Hat's Mother
|9||New Friends, New Problems
|10||Riddles and Hot Chocolate
|11||Me vs. Her vs. Those Tacky Sequined Platforms
“You wanna fight, Evans?” I ask loudly. She stands; she’s even taller than me. Exactly James’s height, I notice.
“Dick Van Holsen, at your service!” He says, winking.
|14||Let the Ferns Fall Where They May
“OMIGOD!” Another voice screeches; I’m guessing that it’s Brigit’s. “Is that a BOY in your bed?”
|15||Blind Accusations and Bikinis
I should probably go a bit lower. I’m breathing fast in the excitement; my lungs are starting to ache. Fuck. I fly lower and slower, trying to calm my racing heart and rapid breathing. I should land now. I should definitely land.
|16||It'd be Easier if I Hated You
“C-can you maybe s-step back from me?” I ask breathlessly, my face flushed. “Just a bit…I’m having trouble concentrating.”
|17||From Another Perspective
I’ll let you pretend to be asleep, Max. I’ll let you pretend this never happened.
|18||R-E-S-P-E-C-T... the Sea Horses
“Yeah. Cute and friendly-looking. I respect the sea horses; the dudes understand us. They’re the ones who give birth, you know.”
|19||Under the Bleachers
...I feel hands grab me from behind, and they aren’t friendly hands either. One covers my mouth; the other reaches down and grabs both my wrists, preventing me from struggling or screaming. The boys are too distracted by the game to notice anything, of course. I try and break away from the grip, but it’s dragging me down, under the bleachers, and then I’m thrown down to the ground, and a figure is looming over me...
|20||Remembering is Definitely Overrated
And I know, as some things are just known, that this girl will hurt someone badly some day. Hurt them so deeply they may never recover.
|21||Nightmares, Yoga, and Cramps (In that Order)
“I don’t mean to sound offensive, but can you possibly…err…stop doing your yoga, or whatever? It’s rather…awkward.”
|22||Pranking the Pranksters
“I have an idea!” Eira says suddenly, looking mischievous. “Why don’t you walk back up to the castle with Potter, Jimmy? Max and I can take a walk by ourselves.”
|23||Part One of Three: The Set-Up
I have made this prank into a, shall we say, mini-series of sorts; it will be split into three parts, The Set-Up, The Dish-Out , and The Clean-Up. Enjoy!
|24||Part Two of Three: The Dish-Out
And then all of a sudden, the second the lake was in sight, Dick went charging towards it yelling “BOOOOOBIES!” at the top of his lungs, while trying to rip his shirt off. He ended up blindly tripping over a log and landing flat on his face, grunting upon impact, his shirt still half-on, half-off, covering his head. “Fuck.”
|25||Part Three of Three: The Clean-Up
“You can’t expect us to let this go, Max. And you know what they say.” He grins suddenly, pulling my mouth to his. Against my lips, he whispers, “Payback’s a bitch.”
|26||Changing of the Tide
“What?” A harassed-looking Madam Pomfrey grumps, a shawl wrapped around her shoulders, her hair down. When she sees me, she sighs. “Oh, bugger, not you again.”
|27||Mr. CeCe and the Land of the Butterflies
“Hello, what’s your name?” I ask it. It blinks.
“Hey there, DeVough! You’re looking scrumptious, as usual!” Dick says, waggling his eyebrows at me. “Fancy a quick shag when you’re well again?”
|29||Is He CRAZY?!? Oh. Wait. Of Course He Is. He's a Marauder.
“Hey! Hey you with the big head and creepy bark-laugh thing! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!” I throw a pillow at his head. He ducks it easily, and moves towards me, and next thing I know he has me in a huge hug. I’m too surprised to even fight it.
|30||Tragic Tony the Scarface (Ian, for short)
“You don’t know anything, bitch,” he growls at me. “Nothing.”
|31||I Can Think of Worse Ways to Nearly Get a Concussion...
I crashed, whammed, or slapped into six feet, three inches of pure, unadulterated hotness.
|32||Black Lace, Bubblewrap, and her Band of Merry Ferrets
“And this one is Hummus, named after my favorite Mediterranean dish, and this one is Bubbles, and over there is Edgar—oh, stop moving, you silly thing!”
|33||A Velvet-Lined Coffin
God, I have to stop referring to them in the present tense. They no longer do, say, act, but did, said, acted. Forever doomed to the past-tense. One of the many disadvantages of being dead, I reasoned.
|34||Bright Yellow Drinking Kicks
“We’re kidnapping you!” Sirius exclaims, looking positively thrilled with the notion. “In fact, I brought props!” He pulls out some shoddy-looking handcuffs and a bright red bandana.
“YOU SLEPT WITH HIM?” he yells, only in whisper format.
Sooo, it’s over the river and through the woods, and back to England we go. To find out why I’m dying and do lots of lying and possibly jump off a cliff, yo ho!
|37||I Love You, Remus Lupin
“I’ve missed you,” I say softly. “You look…really nice.” I swallow and try not to breath, because he smells freaking amazing, and I am NOT going there again.
|38||Furry Little Problem, in the Plural
Once upon a time, a girl was pricked by a needle. That needle had some badass dark magic on it. The girl lived with it for awhile, but eventually it was too much for her. Eventually she died. She died and the people who had once loved her forgot her or moved on.
“I need a pregnancy test potion.”
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