“Cut it out.” I shoved him.

“Cut what out?” He was playing dumb and I couldn’t stand it. What was I supposed to say? Cut out being really hot. Cut out being absolutely amazingly charming and funny. Cut out everyone in the school being in love with you. Just cut it all out, Sirius Black.

“Nothing.” I mumbled under my breath, deciding to keep my thoughts to myself.

I pulled out my History of Magic notes for the next three chapters. I caught a few Ravenclaws glaring, enviously perhaps, at me and chuckled. If only they knew what had inspired my insane study session. He’s got stupid glasses and lame messy hair. And I think he’s gay. And he launched a vendetta against me in Potions.

Stupid James bloody Potter.

Oh, no.

I did not just use the words “breathtakingly attractive” to describe James Potter. In no way shape or form do I have feelings for James Potter. I just had my heart stomped on by his best friend. To be truthful, I threw my heart out for Sirius to stomp all over, I just hadn’t expected it to hurt quite as much as it did – and so quickly. I looked over at James who was guiltily wracking his hands together in front of the fire.

“James?”

“Sirius threw me in the bathtub.” I explained. Lily opened her eyes wide and gasped lightly. I shrugged. “I mean it worked.”

“He threw you in the bathtub?” She repeated. I nodded, lamely. I wasn’t really sure what else to say, but I was never one for conversations with girls. “Typical.”

Was it? I thought to myself.

"Merlin, Hope.” Sirius put his head down on the table; his messy black hair flopped in front of him in an adorable fashion. “It’s not like we’re dating or anything.” He sighed, which touched a nerve with me.

“I know we’re not dating!” I hissed at him. He smirked.

“I meant me and Tabitha.”

I turned sharply and came face to face with James Potter. Behind his glasses, his eyes seemed to bore into me. I froze, clutching the strap of my bag. We stared at each other for a moment without speaking. James’ aura was cold, and mine was full of confusion. Where as Remus and Peter had accepted me through the whole Sirius thing, James seemed to stay on the outskirts whenever I was around. One-on-one James and Hope time happened very rarely, and both parties were fine with it. This was different. This was creepy.

"And then before I knew it, Sirius had another black eye, and you know what that means.” I hiccupped. “And here I am.”

It was silent for a moment, as my brothers stared at me in a bewildered daze. I blinked back at them, amazed at myself that I had gotten everything out. Then, my heart proceeded to break because I realized that, after everything that had happened, I was in love with Sirius Black.

. “Maybe if you hadn’t walked in on me like some peeping Tom I would have been able to pick out something a little nicer.” Color rose to both our cheeks.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before.” He said. I gasped and my cheeks flushed, intimate memories flooding my brain, but looked up to see him smirking.

“Why you!” I went to smack him but he grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into his chest. “What are you doing?” I hissed.

"Seriously, Padfoot, just don’t be a jerk to her.”

“Me? A jerk to her! I won’t do that, or Prongs here will give me another bloody black eye.” Sirius said sarcastically, and I could hear James scowl in the background. I shook my head. I would be the one with the retarded social protector who hated my guts. Defenders of virginity and purity were supposed to sweep girls off their feet and take them to dinner after they fought against evil horndogs. I, of course, got the one who thought I was mental and spoke to me in grunts.

Sirius Black did not look heartbroken.

 

He did not look upset.

 

He did not look like he spent the last few days rethinking each action of the last few months.

 

He looked great.

“Sirius, look at me.” He raised his head and his grey eyes stared deeply at me. Everything stopped for me for a moment – a solitary moment that seemed to freeze in front of me. His nervousness, my confusion and the pure anxiety of the situation molded together as he stared deeply into my purple-flecked eyes and subconscious psyche. But then he threw his head into his hands again and continued swearing.

 If that’s not a self-confidence booster, I don’t know what would be. I immediately burst into tears.

“I don’t know what to do,” I sobbed. “I don’t know what to do, Sirius.” I bowed my messy head towards his. “How could you do this?” My voice was a whisper, and his face clenched when he heard me.

“I don’t really think we should talk about this right now,” he was making excuses and it made me furious.

“But, what –what? I’ve been waiting all summer.” I felt my bottom lip jut out. “James,”

“Hope,” he interrupted me – seemingly annoyed for no apparent reason. “I’ve got to go, I’ve got stuff to do.”

Sirius sat on the couch, and I could feel his eyes boring into me as I ascended the staircase to the girls’ dorms. I tried to hold in more tears; he wasn’t going to follow me. He wasn’t going to rush after me and kiss me and tell me he loved me too. This was real life, and that’s not how things happened.

Sometimes the boy doesn’t love you back.

 

“I’m here to study,” he grunted.

“Why here?” I prodded him, pushing his Defense of the Dark Arts textbook away from my Moon Charts.

“Because you don’t talk,” he began, and then ran a hand through his hair. “And I just got a Howler from my mum about how if I ever planned on being an Auror or getting a summer internship at the Ministry then my marks would need to drastically improve.”

“Oh, shut it Hope,” James grunted. His ego looked bruised. “I’m dancing,” he paused, “obviously." I spun my head around to see loads of my fellow students also moving around like fools.

“I don’t,” I swallowed. “Dance.”

“Shocking,” James muttered. “You probably don’t even know how.”

That list of hexes was getting longer.

“A lot of Quidditch players use study to squeeze in extra practice,” he shrugged one cold, snowy December afternoon. “I think they just assume that’s where I go.”

“Where do your teammates think you go?” I prodded. Regulus, again, shrugged.

“Study period.”

“Your dumb map must be broken,” I muttered as I passed by him. “Regulus didn’t show up today.”

Silence.

I quickly turned back in surprise to see him storming down the hall. It took me standing on the tiptoes of my boots before I saw Regulus’ retreating figure, and Sirius’ storming quickly after his.