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Prologue: The Test
I start to hyperventilate and think that I am most certainly about to die. Maybe I’ll come back as a ghost, like Moaning Myrtle. I could haunt this sixth year Gryffindor girls’ bathroom – Rose Weasley, the pregnant ghost of Gryffindor house. That has a nice ring to it.
I can still remember how good he was – that’s saying something, because I can barely remember what age I am most of the time.
Great – the Potters are coming. Which means Scorpius Malfoy's coming. Maybe I can hide out in the attic until they leave.
I'm Not You
I feel sick – my parents are sex addicts.
A Blue Christmas and a Random New Year
Maybe I should just go buy some cats and spend New Years with them.
Maybe Voldemort just didn’t like tea.
Letters From My Godmother
“Well, the thing is…” I start, “I’m sort of…with child.”
Gimme A Break!
Of all the Owleries in all the schools in all the world, he has to walk into this one…
Yes, I consider a pregnant sixteen year old who talks to herself in her head and considers spending her life (or afterlife) haunting toilets as perfectly normal, thank you very much.
Chocolate, Cupboards and Memories
What the hell am I even talking about?
It Can't Get Any Worse...Right?
“Thanks for not shunning me from your life,” I say, “and for not killing Malfoy and ending up in Azkaban and starting a big chain-reaction of self-destruction throughout our entire family.”
Learning to Live Again
This place is damp, dark and it has a really funny smell…and not in a good way. I’m pretty sure something died here.
The Cherub's Wrath
I don’t think he gets that the dark mark is a sign of all the suffering our parents and grandparents went through, but more of a fashion statement. Then again, James went to the last Halloween party dressed as Voldemort.
Ask Your Mother
Great, the ‘ask your mother’ excuse. Why do fathers always think that that will get them out of everything?
My Father's Daughter
“Malfoys and Weasleys will never be friends, no matter how much your generation think they will.”
Secrets and Cigarettes
"You and Malfoy can pretend for as long as you like that you’re ‘just friends’, but no matter what you’ll never change the fact that you’re pregnant with his child, Rosie."
Boys Don't Cry
“I have not been crying,” he says stubbornly, “Boys don’t cry.”
A Long Night
What's an odd stalk here and there between friends?
An April Fools Prank Gone Horribly, Horribly Wrong
“Fred!” James yells, and Fred comes stumbling down the stairs from the dormitories, “How is it that you have the Prank Mastermind for a father and you’re still crap at this?”
The Hospital Wing
I find myself stressed once more and shouting at the matron.
He frowns back. So I continue frowning. And it’s just one big frown-a-thon.
Happy Birthday, Rosie
Okay, I can see how we’re a pretty messed up family, but being arrested and interrogated and suspected of being terrorists really isn’t that typical for us.
A Day To Remember
There are some sentences that, when you’re around six or seven, you think you’ll never have to say, and believe me, that’s one of them.
The Perfect Idiot
Rose doesn't do romance.
Blissfully Perfect? Not Likely.
Cynical, sarcastic, pessimistic Rose Weasley is no more – I officially love life.
We Don't Do Things The Normal Way
“Yeah, but we got pregnant before liking each other,” Scorpius reminds me, “We don’t exactly do things the normal way.”
The Hitch In The Plan
Laura Phelps does sarcasm. You learn something new every day.
No More Mister Niceton
I wish I had the camera.
“I think we momentarily fulfilled every child’s worst nightmare and became our parents,” I say, “Promise me we’ll never do that again.”
Then again, if I wasn’t pregnant, none of this would be happening.
Victory and Defeat
I’m so happy to hear this I could do the Hippogriff step. The Hippogriff-step is quite a complex dance move that should only be attempted by very drunk grandmothers on a Friday night – it involves a lot of flapping your arms and bobbing your head, while running around in a circle.
The End Of An Era
I have to admit that despite the fact that I was twice humiliated in front of the school, my parents broke up and reconciled, I lost my grandfather, I got pregnant and I broke up with Scorpius Malfoy, this year had to be the best one I’ve had. And tomorrow, it’s all over.
A Spot Of Discomfort
"Rose, when I was eighteen years old, I was tortured under the Cruciatus Curse by Bellatrix Lestrange, and I can safely say that it was like a day in a beauty spa compared to labour!"
Blood, Sweat and Tears
Good God men really are useless in crisis situations.
Call Me Mum
"In case I haven’t introduced myself already – Rose Weasley. But you can call me Mum."
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