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Lupin, Sirius, A. Longbottom, F. Longbottom, Lily, James, OC, OtherCanon
Primary Relationship
Secondary Relationship(s)
James/Lily, Sirius/OC, Other Pairing
General, Humor, Romance
Strong Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme, Contains Spoilers
Story Reviews
First Published
2007-08-15 1:19pm
Last Chapter
2008-02-25 8:46pm
Last Updated
2008-02-25 8:46pm

Track This Story: Feed

Ch. # Chapter Title Word Count Reviews
1 Chapter 1

The room we had entered was at the very top of the castle. And it was all windows. It looked like the roofing on the outside but it was windows. "Whoa," he muttered.

2,052 8
2 Chapter 2

"Nah, it's cool. I watched 'The History of Sex' on the history channel," I said.

"I'm sorry?" James asked while Lily gaped at me.

"You heard me. There were quite a few… interesting facts," I said.

"Oh god," Lily mumbled.

"My dear, Madison, I love you," James said.

2,508 9
3 Chapter 4

And I'm sure it's totally obvious. But not even Brittany or Emmy has noticed. I'm sure Lily has, however. She gives me weird looks and knowing smiles. I want to shoot her. 

2,614 6
4 Chapter 5

"But now I am considering becoming a Victoria's Secret model. What do you think?" I said posing. 

So much for a modeling career. I'm going to be fat.

3,240 4
5 Chapter 6

Blame genetics! You have that, James has his flat arse, Lauren's ears are lopsided, and Lily has that ridiculously red hair!

1,704 5
6 Chapter 7

"You want her to look like an Eskimo." 

"Oh shove a chocolate bar in your mouth and shut up. I think Eskimos are nice looking." 

"And I can only hope polygamy isn't illegal so I can marry you both."

2,708 6
7 Chapter 8

Man, that boy, if he wasn't dating Lily I would snatch him up. And prostitute him. I can just see me rolling in tons of money. Every girl is insane not to love him.

"Sorry I'm late, baby."
"Sorry I'm late too." 

3,451 5
8 Chapter 9

"Boys are so stupid."

"You see, Mads, you're going on a trip to a farm. The funny farm."

I think I'm going to start drooling.

2,576 4
9 Chapter 10

We're rad and we can be.

The boys' dorm really does smell. I mean horribly. Like rotten fish. Eww!

2,741 1
10 Chapter 11

Poor Donovan, the third year.

"Sugar," she mumbled. That's where I got that!

"You know they were originally were called Blooders?"

2,560 4
11 Chapter 12

Maybe I'm hallucinating. It is pretty late and this stupid essay could make me visualize and hear things I desperately want to but I'm not actually. Shoot! I just wrote that.

3,364 3
12 Chapter 13

The people I associate with! Such morons!

3,320 2
13 Chapter 14

"He does! Come on, prude little virgin boy wanted to shag you. You're hot and all but if Jenna Jameson tried to seduce him he would have turned her down," she said, "Jenna Jameson!" She repeated the porn stars name for emphasis and I smile slightly.

"Ya know," she said nostalgically, "Like Batman. The Bat cave. You are Slutgirl!" She did a Superman pose. The effect was horrible because she had icing on her chin. Moron. I started laughing.

3,429 3
14 Chapter 15

She was staring at her hand in deep concentration. Oh lord! I plugged my ears while she let an ear splitting shriek out.

2,426 5
15 Chapter 16

"Boring crap. Aha! Here's some good stuff. 'James fell off his broom… AGAIN! He started crying. His mummy had to come home from work. It was funny. James would not shut up either! Emmy and I laughed at him and he went inside pouting.'"

2,576 5
16 Chapter 17

She jumped up and escorted the whiney toe-less Joe away. HAHA! Toe-less Joe. I'm a comedian.

3,503 5
17 Chapter 18

"I know, put my earmuffs on the cookie!"

"'Oly dith! I buwnt my bucking dongue! Id scolding!"

4,077 8
18 Epilogue

This is the end.

1,805 17


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