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Chapter One: Escape
With a diet coke or sometimes a butterbeer, I could make it all come back up. I could enjoy food without the consequences. And as I leaned over the toilet, ever night at about one AM, I didn’t hear myself puking all I heard was the stupid little voice in my head saying: “You are a failure, Emmeline. And you are no better than any other model.”
Chapter Two: Lost
And as I sat there in the bathroom, I could only think of what my dad had said. A part of me died and went somewhere else, not necessarily better. A part of me was lost. And the part that was left wasn’t needed anymore.
Chapter Three: Binge And Purge
As soon as I started on a binge, my mind was somewhere else, and all I could do was eat and eat. I couldn’t stop. When you’re bulimic, eating is the only way you can vent.
Chapter Four: Bulimia Is A Punishment
I walked out of the stall and looked into the mirror. Pulling my hair off of the side of my face, which it had become plastered to in the middle of the night, I looked at my self, trying to figure out if my stomach seemed rounder, or if my thighs seemed larger.
Chapter Five: Apathetic
“After all I’ve done for you,” She spat, “After all those years. All those times I picked up the pieces. After everything you betray me like this!” I felt nauseous.
Chapter Six: Not Yet Fixed
And the old Emmeline was screaming for me to tell her. To get help. She was telling me not to be stupid anymore. I opened my mouth and then closed it. Smiling, I shook my head.
Chapter Seven: Consequences of Insecurity
“Fine! Then I’ll leave!” She gathered up her books and walked away. She turned around at the doorway, as all the class watched her. And she smiled and spat right on the floor.
Chapter Eight: Words Not Spoken
“We know about your disease, Emmeline. Bulimia. It’s more serious than you think. We’re not quite sure yet, but we think you may have had a mild heart attack.” “But that doesn’t make sense!” Shouted the voice I had heard in the beginning.
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