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Harry, Ron, Hermione, Bellatrix, R. Lestrange, Lucius, Narcissa, Voldemort, Draco, OC
Primary Relationship
Secondary Relationship(s)
OC/OC, Other Pairing
Crossover, Humor, Romance
Strong Language, Strong Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme
Story Reviews
Work In Progress (WIP)
First Published
2007-02-18 8:29am
Last Chapter
2007-10-22 8:21pm
Last Updated
2007-10-22 8:21pm

Track This Story: Feed

Ch. # Chapter Title Word Count Reviews
1 Inane Ramblings With My Head

Bumps on my head made me blonde. Waking up to find herself in a small cell, trapped with her teacher, idol, creepy stalker crush boy, current hottie, ex boyfriend and her own mind wasn't what she planned when she decided to walk down the ravine. What could've happened?

955 2
2 Bleeding From the Head Down

“So… I guess it’s safe to say we’re probably not in a torture cell in Iraq?” Trapped, trapped, trapped! And to make it worse, she was losing brain cells by the minute as she bled from the head down. She never really appreciated Barbie band-aids until she didn't have them...

972 1
3 Sleeping With My Eyes Open

I was in a lulling half sleep, the kind where you get the best amount of rest possible but in reality you’re awake. Having the best sleep of your life is the best feeling ever - until somebody wakes you up. And now, this time, it wasn't her alarm clock - it was something definitley more scary then blinking digital lights.

782 1
4 There Are Death Eaters Taking The Sexy Out Of This Situation

I could feel Eastman’s warm, quick, short breaths on my neck and his body slightly touching mine, which would’ve been incredibly sexy if we weren’t going to be killed. Whoever opened the door is coming more into clarity, and the results are in; whoever it is, is a Death Eater. Who knew fear could be so crippling? And who knew that landing in your worst nightmare could be such, well, a nightmare? Dana reports, live on the scene.

974 2
5 And The Death Eater Is...

My soul and fear were having a very psychologically stimulating talk right now. Finally finding out who it was underneath that mask, Dana could not be more scared. So what about that 'Mudblood' that the Death Eater let slip? More and more secrets are unraveling, and nobody likes it...

1,192 2
6 18A Fantasies with Johnny Depp

“You’re being threatened by a Death Eater, are going to die soon, and you’re dreaming up a fantasy about that stupid Muggle star? Pathetic.” Panic is an overwhelming emotion. But dreaming about Johnny Depp is even more overwhelming, and distracts greasy haired Death Eaters from killing you.

1,330 3
7 Voldemort Has A Problem With Invading People's Privacy

Maybe I was dead? “Get up, you stupid Muggle.” Apparently not. Superficial reveries about ruined designer clothing are perfect for escaping the mass murderer who is obsessed with invading your mind. Geez, privacy much?

1,320 5
8 He Made Me Forget CPR With Boulton - Now I'm Going To KILL Voldemort!

I managed to chuckle before my lungs collapsed on me again. “I’m dying way too much these days.” The pain is finally coming, and the author feels sad for giving Dana this. But who's there comforting her? Find out inside... LAST CHAPTER BEFORE PARIS BREAK. (ooh la la.)

939 3
9 A Long Winded Anecdote of My Life

“So that’s my story, Boulton Doolittle. You can either embrace it or you can shun it, but whatever you do, you must be afraid…” Being afraid is easy when you're listening to a long winded anecdote of her life. Because really, who can talk for that long with that level of insanity? Only Dana.

961 3
10 Sugar Low

"(...)I am the puzzle piece both Ross’s monkey and Curious George swallowed! I have an un-dead monkey! TOP THAT!” The truth is revealed about Dana's sordid past - again. Or is this a lie? Follow amateur detective Boulton Doolittle as he attempts to crack the case. (By the way, he's not actually an amateur detective. The Hardy Boys bailed on us.)

853 6
11 Back To Our Feature Presentation (Enjoy Your Complimentary Cornflakes!)

“Voldemort? Again?” I blurted, ignoring his look of fury at Voldemort’s name. “Well, you can tell Tommy to come here.” After coming up from her sugar low, another character is dragged out of Plot Bunny Hell and shoved into the story with brutality. Who is it? Find out after the break... and the (dum dum dum) previews! (Ala Voldemort level of dum dum dum...)

1,184 2
12 A Sadistic Game of Jeopardy

"(...)So what will you choose when the time comes, Mudblood? Would you choose power and life, or a moral center and death?”  The darker side of Voldemort's realm is revealed to Dana in a mess of huge, life changing decisions that wipe everything else out of her mind when her own life - and the lives of others - are put into a very precarious jeopardy.

1,748 2
13 Decisions, Decisions... That Will Possibly Shape the Rest of the Story

Life goal #1937 – offend Death Eaters, check. Life fear #1935 – die at hands of very angry & offended ‘Dark Lord’ Voldemort, unfortunately check. Find out the long anticipated decision of Dana's that will shape the whole story - will she accept? Or will she not?

1,622 2
14 The Platinum Blondes (ala Marilyn Monroe)

I rolled my eyes and smiled, determined to get them into trouble. I had a feeling she was wearing the pants right now. Stirring up trouble again, as cheesy as that sounds - Dana loves it. Especially the fact that the platinum blonde family is here to lead her to her luxurious better-then-a-motel room.

1,121 3
15 Black on Black with a Spash of Black

“You honestly don’t know?” Narcissa snapped, huffing again when I shook my head. God that woman exhaled a lot. The mystery of the intruder in the bathroom is solved, and Dana, the teenage girl, decides to make a very impractical decision on why this life could be great.

1,713 3
16 Destroying the Sparkly Jeans

If Heaven were a mall - which it is - it would look like this. Dedicated to my most faithful reviewer, Zazuli, the Sock Eater. May you have many clean socks to eat from Dobby the House Elf and Yours Truly.

2,147 3
17 Danser sur la Lune

(...)where the illness spreads while she is passed out from drinking the sweet wine. And all she hears is silence. The reality of the Great War begins to dawn on Dana, as she finds two of her friends and a ferocious battle - as well as another power.

1,836 3
18 Mission: Free Spirit

OKAY. I COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT GUYS! What the hell did Voldemort do to me? Did he mess with my hormones or something? And if Dana isn't able to stop thinking about hot celebrities, will she ever be able to complete what she has dubbed Mission: Free Spirit as 0010?

2,511 3
19 Murder on the Street or a Sex on the Beach?

I had just bumped into my boss’s worst enemy’s (ex?) girlfriend, and was three minutes later then I had wanted to be at this point. Dana is stuck in a huge predicament once again [could there be any more forks in this road?] - to blow off her important mission for drinks with the enemy, or to go and mass murder some innocent Muggles. Decisions, decisions...

1,840 4
20 Surreal Realities

Wow, this was kind of strange. First, one of my friends turns up as a beached dolphin, then the other as a goddess… what was next? And now you can stop hanging. What shall happen after the cliffhanger Chapter 20? Find out inside, where a beautiful chapter awaits your tired eyes; tired from this horrible summary.

1,684 6
21 The Cheeky, Prejudiced Death Eater Child

“I know that but some people don’t. I mean, I still watch cartoons in the morning, for God’s sake! [...]" Dana Wray, carted off to unknown places, brought back to conscious life by a talking dolphin and cheap rip-offs of more successful scripts, is now residing in yet another place where everyone seems doomed to hate her - joy!

1,948 4
22 Dana and Her Army of Snivelling Ex-Death Eater Wimps

“So,” I said stonily, as everyone stared. Draco gave a hiccup and I suppressed a laugh. “What’s… up.” He's baaccckkkkk! What should you expect? Well, everything, we hope...

1,638 4


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