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Hate to Remember
What happened last night? That's the question that I wake up to every morning and it's a question that I can never answer. I've tried so hard to forget everything from the past that I'm starting to erase the future too. I want to badly to erase Nikki's face that I fear I'm starting to erase my own as well. (thanks to padme alejandra for another beautiful banner!)
Empty Spaces Fill Me Up with Holes
............wondering why everyone seems to be thinking about Nikki. The thing is, I can't remember a thing about her, but the mention of her hurts so much I can hardly bare it.
Distant faces with no place left to go
"No reason. I've gotta go though." He says, walking quickly toward the door. "Uh… ok. Later, I guess." I mumble after him. As he slips through the door he tells me 'good-bye'.
Without you within me
"What do you remember about Nikki." She pushes, and I hate where this is going already. The mention of the name almost stings. I swallow hard, "Nothing." And I close my eyes tight, willing away the thoughts that flood my brain - thoughts that I can't place.
I can’t find no rest
"Draco," Ron starts from the other side of the room, as he takes a shoe box out of the closet by the door of my apartment, "there are some things you need to see." He tells me, handing the box to me. "What's this?" I ask, tapping on the lid. The sides of the lid are taped down like I wasn't supposed to look inside, until now.
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess
I stare at the flickering flame, my thoughts solely on it and the patterns it creates on my blank walls, when I'm thrust from my trance back to reality when I hear someone pounding on my door.
I tried to go on like I never knew you
"Where did she go?" I question Harry as I stare at a picture of Nikki and me that I've kept all this time. It's one of us at Harry’s house. I'm smiling, standing next to her, with my right hand cupping her cheek. She's facing me and has the biggest, brightest smile I've ever seen. Looking through all these pictures has made me realize how much I miss her. Seeing all that I lost, all that I ruined, not only for myself, but for her too. It kills me.
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
"So, is this everything?" Ron grunts as he picks up another box. I'm finally moving. This house has been nothing but bad news for me and everyone else around me, so I'm out of here. The only thing is, I'm moving in with Harry, Ginny, and Lily, but they told me they didn't care. I still feel like I'm going to be in the way though.
a new beginning
"You can stay in here." Ginny tells me, opening the door to a small bedroom in the basement of her and Harry's house. The walls are a bland white that are complimented by a boring hard wood floor. Still, I smile graciously as I throw my bag onto the bed in the corner. "If you need anything, I'll be upstairs with Lily." she adds as she leaves me.
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
"But you said you wanted to see her!" Ron yells, trying to defend himself. We're standing in the living room of Harry and Ginny's house. It's just him and me and I'm trying not to murder him. Outside, in his car, Nikki is waiting to come in.
without you all I’m going to be is incomplete
The sliding glass door to the patio opens and closes, followed by Lily's voice as she runs toward the living room where Nikki and I are still standing, still staring at each other. When we hear her high pitched giggles nearing the room, we both turn, waiting for her to appear. And when she does, she stops so quickly she nearly falls down.
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