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The Diary of Albus Dumbledore

September 1, EWD (English Wizarding Date)

Another start-of-year feast.

How many has it been, around 574?

I’ve lost track of all the start-of-year feasts I’ve been to.

I’ve been keeping an eye on Harry Potter. Looks as if he’s asked out little Ginny Weasley. I have a feeling this might lead to something. No, not that!! I mean about Harry’s eventual defeat of Tom Riddle.

I wish I had a palantir.

Talked to Gandalf the other day at the Merlin’s Circle Yearly Meeting. Asked him why he’d been absent from the meetings for oh, about two-and-a-half centuries.

Seems he’d been busy helping out all those little people down in Middle-Earth. What are they called again? Tobbits, or something.

He had this especial fondness for this little family, called Shaggins. Wait, that’s not right. Oh well. I’ll Floo him later.

I do remember their first names, though. Frodo and Bilbo. So there was this ring, causing a lot of trouble.

Wait, I should be talking about the start-of-year feast!!

Oh, but I really want to tell about silly little Gandalf and his Tobbit adventures.

So this ring was going to cause the whole ruin of Middle-Earth. You should have moved to England, I said. Gandalf was all, “Leave the Shaggins?” You could have brought them with you, I said.

Silly little Gandalf.

So he sent Frodo on a quest to throw the ring into some volcano. I’d have thought Gandalf would do it himself, but he always was too lazy to do his own work. Didn’t know enough magic to Apparate with it there. Or even Portkey.

You could have given it to me, I said. I like jewelry. But Gandalf is stubborn as well as silly. It had to be destroyed, he insisted. Well, everyone made a big deal about Frodo throwing the ring into the volcano, and he got home and wrote a book.

It didn’t even make Witch Weekly’s top ten bestseller list.

Gandalf is so proud of Frodo.

Now onto the details of the feast.

I saw Harry and Ginny sneaking out of the Hall during the feast. Lee Jordan also spiked the pumpkin juice, which might explain why Hermione Granger was doing a lap dance on poor Ronald Weasley.

Hmm…what else?

Oh, mustn’t forget the other houses. Ernie Macmillan was showing off the awards and such he won over the summer. Must tell the professors to dock off points whenever they can. I can’t stand that boy. Hannah Abbot was having a mental breakdown over some silly little thing and had to be carted off to Poppy.

Cho Chang was crying—again!—and Marietta Edgecombe was asking if anyone had an acne treatment that worked. That girl must be roasting in her cloak. Wouldn’t take the hood off.

Draco Malfoy was absent from the table, as well as Pansy Parkinson. I heard that someone gave him the Slytherin password early over the summer.

I suppose that’s all for now.

Fawkes tells me that Peeves is beaning the couples in the Astronomy Tower. I don’t know why everyone uses the Tower instead of the Room of Requirement, it’s much more private, as long as you seal the door.

Oh dear, Pluto is making a 42-degree angle to Mercury. I must go to sleep now.

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