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You know what hurts A LOT? Falling from a THIRTY-FOOT tree! You know what else hurts? Falling from a THIRTY-FOOT tree with BRANCHES! There’re millions of branches sticking out the sides of the THIRTY-FOOT tree, so when you fall from the THIRTY-FOOT tree, you’re not only in pain – you’re in A LOT OF PAIN!!! ALL BECAUSE OF THE DAMNED THIRTY-FREAKING-FOOT TREE!!!

And then, once you’re done flicking off the damned THIRTY-FOOT tree, you tend to notice that you landed in a damned PUDDLE OF MUD! And that’s just the least of your worries! Yo-

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I think James is a little… angry… right now, so I’ll be taking The Journal so he can go back outside and kick the tree [repeatedly]. So, me being the calm and collected person that I am, I’ll tell you what happened minus the swearing and tree-death threats. [The fact that I didn’t fall is beside the point]

After falling from the tree rather un-gracefully, James landed in a conveniently placed mud puddle. It was very unfortunate for my dear friend, because Ms. Evans did NOT actually see either him or Remus, but rather was heading to get her book bag that she left under another tree about 15 feet away. Fearing for his life, James ran like the wind and completely forgot The Journal.

[Impending doom music]

I was on the other side of the lake, and knew I’d never make it as she walked over. It was all so surreal – Remus, sensing the immediate danger, jumped from the tree! I was still running, and everything seemed to be in slow motion. Remus waving his arms around in the air as he fell, Lily curiously walking to The Journal and failing to notice Remus’ and my attempts to stop her.

“Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!” I vaguely remember yelling, but it was too late. My side cramped up, and I toppled over my own feet. I watched in horror as Remus fell to the ground, and the injured soldier crawled with all his might to the mud puddle. It was too late.

Remus sighed in defeat and let his face fall into the mud puddle. I flipped onto my back and asked God to take me now. Lily opened the book and walked away, reading it in all its James-y glory.

[Doom music ends, death song comes on]

As I thought out my will and moped about how I’d never get to use that bungee cord Remus left me, James himself ran back out as fast as he left.

“Where’s the journal!?!?” He screamed in panic, picking me up by the shoulders. I gave him a defeated look, and he dropped me and ran over to Remus. “WHERE IS IT!?!?!?!” He frantically searched the whole area around the tree and rolled Remus out of the way. Remus didn’t respond and merely went along until gravity stopped him as he crashed into a bush.


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All right, I’m back from killing the tree and now I’m calm. I’m James, and I’m calm. Calm is me. I am calm. Thank you, Sirius, for helping to fill in the details. I’ll take it from here though.

I continued my fruitless attempts to find The Journal for hours before Sirius and Remus slowly got up and led me inside. We trudged up to the common room, and on the way many people asked us who died. Remus was in a state of fear, shock, and fear. Sirius had a look of horrible defeat on his face, and kept muttering things I couldn’t understand under his breath. I felt so…empty. If only I had remembered The Journal before running off… I could have saved us all…

Now, you may be wondering how the hell I’m writing in The Journal if Lily got it. Patience, my dear snooping, journal-reading readers, patience.

So anyway, as we continued our death march through the halls, we reached the inevitable common room. We knew what monster lay inside. The monster that had The Journal. The most beautiful, smart, funny, wond- er, yeah, Lily Evans was inside.

After hugging my best mates and thanking them for their attempts to save us, I took a deep breath, and went inside.

The hinges on the painting with the Fat Lady creaked open.

No one was inside.

And then we noticed it was dinner time. Everyone was in the Great Hall! And yet, there It was. The Journal. On the middle of the small table that sat before the fireplace, it was there, along with a note.

Tell Remus to go take a shower. That mud on his face must look extremely unappealing.

-Lily

P.S. My favorite food is ice cream.



So that’s it. That’s the amazing tale of how The Journal was dropped, lost, kidnapped, read by the enemy, and recovered. I bet you were thinking something along the lines of an explicit death scene where each of us was murdered slowly and painfully, but nope. Actually, I think I’m kind of disappointed… but not so disappointed that I’m not praising God and shouting, “I KNEW YOU LIKED ME!!!”


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Hey, God likes me too you know!


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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: DAY….SOMETHING.

Remus says my lessons are on hiatus until we know for sure Lily won’t murder me in my sleep. This information has made sleeping very hard to do, especially when you jump a couple feet in the air every time you hear a creak from somewhere in the tower. Damn lucky Peter and his lucky cheese… his life’s going to be so easy.

I think Lily’s planning something… she keeps looking at me at meals, and I’m pretty sure I saw the fires of hell dancing in her eyes once or twice. Or maybe I’m just being paranoid…AHH- no wait, sorry, that was just Sirius turning in his sleep.

Yeah, so what if I’m writing this in bed? Under the covers? Real men know when to hide.

Classes have been… horrible. Lily’s friends keep whispering in her ear when I look up, and she keep smiling… I’ve seen the smile before. Well, okay, I don’t remember the exact smile, but I know I’ve seen it on myself sometime so it must be the smile I use before a prank! That’s it! Plain and simple – she’s plotting something.

As if I didn’t have enough pressure already. I need some lettuce…


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Yeah, real men are afraid of women. Gah, my messages are getting too short…write something interesting!

P.S. Lettuce is gross!



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: STILL ON HIATUS

Well, at least now I have something to take my mind off of [the amazing] Lily. End-of-the-year exams start tomorrow! You might wonder why I haven’t been studying AT ALL, but in my opinion, if the information didn’t stick to my brain the first time, it won’t stick any other time. Besides, I’m naturally brilliant and everything sticks anyway.

It’s so hard to walk through the common room! The air is as thick as… really thick butter. All the fifth and seventh years are studying as if their lives depended on it, and they keep glaring at me…jeez, is it a crime to hum now? I think I’ll do it just to annoy them. Hum hum hum….la de da de da de da....

Ow! God, jeez, I was just humming for god’s sake! No need to throw a book at me Wood! [fifth year – he’s also the keeper on the Quiddich team] And I don’t have to “shut the bloody hell up!” if I don’t want to! And I don’t want to.

Bud da bu bu bu …duh duh duh duh… HOLY CRAP!

All right, no more humming then. One book at a time I can take, but when all the fifth and seventh years throw their books at you at once, it hurts! Ow…jeez…That hurt you know!


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Remus and Lily are a little touchy too… a word to the wise: Don’t take Remus’ book while he’s studying.

Speaking of books, people throwing hard objects at James? Why wasn’t I there???



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS: ARE POSSIBLY ON PERMANENT HIATUS

Yeah, I think Remus is too shaken from Operation Lost Journal That We Got Back Easily to teach me any more. I hope not, because I was making a lot of progress!

Anyway, bored. Bored, bored bored! We just finished taking three out of seven exams, and I have nothing to do! Our next one is in an hour, and then the rest are tomorrow. I am SO f-ing bored!

Resisting…temptation to…play with…stolen snitch! I suppose it counts as a gent lesson, but I forgot to write it down. Anyway, Remus told me to stop taking out the snitch I stole. Apparently Lily thinks I use it to show off, but I don’t! Seriously, [no pun intended] I just want to keep my skills up! And I don’t want to give it back… I even named it! Harry the snitch… stop laughing Sirius! I’ve had him since fourth year when we had that illegal night-time Quiddich match with the Slytherins. [Which we won, of course]

Harry. I like that name. Harry…not Harold though, that name’s for old men who play chess in the park with their pigeon-feeding wives. Harry…Harry Potter! Eh, a little common sounding, but I like it. Goes well with Lily Potter…Lily Evans Potter…

Erm, right, what was I saying? Quiddich, yeah, don’t take out snitch…fingers…twitching… damn it, I don’t care. Lily will have to learn to love it.


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Now that’s the way! Assert yourself! The man’s supposed to be in charge James, let her know that!

Mua ha ha… Harry the Snitch, eh? I should kidnap him and hold him ransom!



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WHO CARES ABOUT GENTLEMAN LESSONS WHEN EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER!?!?!?!

Woo-ee!!! No more exams! No more sitting in rooms where the only sound is people’s quills scratching against the parchment! No more being bored out of your mind and not being able to do anything about it! Hooray!!!

Now there’s just a week and a half to do nothing around the school! Spontaneous parties in the common room abound!

I love the end of a school year.

And yet…wow. Sixth year is over. There’s just one more year of school before I’m out and about on my own. How weird is that? Can you imagine Sirius out in the world?

EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Heh, I’m just kidding Sirius. But seriously, [no pun intended] my life is moving so quickly! It seems like only yesterday when I was in my first Quiddich match and I threw up over the Hufflepuffs from nerves. I can still remember each and every prank the marauders have played together. All the full moons we’ve spent exploring. And soon it’ll all be over…

I’m going to make sure seventh year is the best yet! I will finally win Lily over – I just know it! Somehow, I can just tell we’re meant to be together. Damn it, she’s coming over! Ahh, must run for life!


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Luckily, James made it to our dormitory before Lily caught him. He’s scared shitless of her, he is. Operation Lost Journal That We Got Back Easily probably scarred him for life.

Hey, wait a minute. How’s he going to win her over if he’s scared of her? In love with her, yes, but still scared!

And by the way, no one will run from me. They’ll all kiss the ground I walk on and all the women will swoon!



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GENTLEMAN LESSONS CONTINUED!

So after Sirius showed Remus my last entry, Remus decided it would be good if I could get over my fear of Lily. Let’s just say it’s not working well…

In other news, Gryffindor has won the Quiddich Cup! Not that I ever doubted us, but yes! The other teams were very good, and we’ll have to train hard next year!

Right now, I’m sitting on the Hogwarts Express. I kind of forgot to write during the lazy days [as I have dubbed the last days of school] so now I’m writing to let you know I haven’t forgotten about The Journal. How could I? [Don’t answer that]


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SUMMER VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time for endless Quiddich, sleeping ‘til noon, endless Quiddich, eating whenever, and endless Quiddich!

Grr, James is a Quiddich Nazi. I bet he’ll be working me [I’m on the team] to the bone next year! Oh well, IT’S SUMMER!!!




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A/N: I’m so, so, so, so, so, so sorry for making you all wait so long! I hadn’t noticed it had been three whole weeks since I’d last updated! I’m so so so sorry! But I hope I made up with it with this chapter! The first part was so much fun to write – the retelling of what happened! Hooray!

Questions for the next chapter to keep you going:
What will James and Sirius get into over the summer?
Will Remus visit?
What was with the absence of Peter in this chapter?
You’ll all find out in the next chapter! Or maybe you won’t… depends what kind of mood I’m in when I’m writing it. ^_~ Heh, I’m just kidding ya! Or am I….?

And also, shoutout to May, with the whole calm thing! ^_^
Thisbe Gwydion, I know I said I’d use that one line but I couldn’t find where to put it! Next chapter, I promise!


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