A/N– This is my first fic so be nice. This is just a really stupid fic inspired by a sugar induced fit of hysteria that for some reason made me creative for a while. Hopefully you don’t think the creativity ran out to soon. Remember-this is a humor story, it’s just about supposed to be stupid. ^_^ Have fun! Harry awoke with a terrible headache. "That's the last time I challenge Ron to a pumpkin juice drinking contest," he muttered to himself,"Now where did Ron go? More importantly, where the hell am I? This doesn't look like Hogwarts." Harry looked around and realized he was in a high ceilinged room with a single door and seven pillars arranged in a seemingly random pattern around the bare, grey floor. His eyes opened wide when he saw that the wall were covered with crude drawings of plans to destroy him that a five-year old could have done a better job on. In the corner was a bronze llama eating straw and spitting at the pictures. "Muahahahaha!" "O great! You again," sighed Harry. "Yes it is I, Lord Voldemort!" "Whoopty-do!"said Harry," I've beat you four years running and now your back for more, huh?" "That's what you think," said Voldemort who stepped out from behind one of the pillars,"My stupid death-eaters couldn't finish you, but now that you are in my secret lair I will unleash upon you the fiercest animal known to man! Come Mr. Fuzzykins!" "Mr. Fuzzykins?" repeated Harry in a confused voice. At this moment a penguin entered the room with a piece of cheese balanced on its feet. It wattled up to Harry until it had it's head an inch away from his. It had a name tag on that read in horrible handwriting "General Fuzzykins." Harry didn't know general of what, but he didn't care. "He's so CUTE!" squealed Harry as he gave the poor animal a bear hug. "Can I keep him Voldie? PLEEEEEEEASE?" Harry looked up at Voldemort with eyes that seemed to take-up his entire face. "Well I guess so if you remember to feed and- Wait! What am I saying!? Of course you can't keep him!" Voldie shouted. Harry started to cry. "But I want him!" he whined. "O my god," Voldie muttered. Mr. Fuzzykins managed to escape Harry's grasp when he head butted Harry. He wattled back to Voldie and started to eat the piece of cheese off of his feet. "Hay!" whined Harry,"come back here." "Lets just get on with this shall we?" said Voldie, and with a wave of his wand poofed them all to another room. "Here is where you shall meet your final destruction." Voldie said. A horde of penguins entered through the seventeen doors around the room which was very much like the first except this one lacked the pictures on the walls and had odd markings on the ground. They all began to squawk until cheddar cheese began to rain from the ceiling. Harry looked puzzled at Voldie who shrugged. "It's about the only way to keep them under control," he remarked. He held out both hands and started to move them up and down."An army of penguins to do my bidding or several lifetimes supplies of cheese? I think the penguins are better." Harry said," I guess I can see where your coming from. One question though, what happened to all the death-eaters?" "Well the stuff has to come from somewhere and...," said Voldie guiltily. "You didn't turn them into cheese did you?" Harry said horrified. "Of course not!"said Voldie."That would just be sick! I turned them into cows!" He seemed quite proud at his accomplishment. Harry raised an eyebrow. "O come on! I had to do something with them and this much cheese isn't cheap! I'm an evil Villain! What do you expect?" Harry nodded his head even though he still thought it was odd. Voldie cleared his throat and said,” You will now precede to meet your doom. No doubt you have seen these symbols on the floor and-“ Harry cut him off,”I know what these are now! What kind of a sick and twisted person are you!? You wouldn’t really make me play-“ “Yes! You will play my army in a game of... shuffleboard!” Voldie laughed maniacally. Harry looked at the ceiling and overly dramatically shouted,”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Harry sat-up on his Hogwarts bed and saw Ron studying what looked like a map in the bed across from him. Dreamily he said,”Penguins! They want my to play shuffleboard! I don’t want to play shuffleboard!” “You go tell those penguins Harry,” answered Ron. “Yeah, tell them,” Harry said as he lay back down. Harry was asleep before he could hear Ron muttered under his breathe,”Bloody idiot. Hey, who’s Peter Petigrew?” A/N– Well what do you think? I know you have an opinion so please review. I know it was dumb but there were a few laughs in there weren’t there? O well! Review anyway! ^_^ Thanks for reading!
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