In life as in dance:
Grace glides on blistered feet.
I was upset and cold when I climbed through the portrait hole. All I wanted was to sit in one of the chairs by the fire, warming up before running upstairs for a wash.
I walked over to the chairs, but they were all occupied … By none other than Potter, Pettigrew and Dorothy Hill. That didn’t stop me, though. I sat down on the floor not more than a foot from the fire, stretching out my fingers for warmth.
“Didn’t see you in class earlier, Lily?” Hill said sweetly.
I felt another happy bubble break.
“I know,” I mumbled. ‘I was having a much better time by the lake than any of you girls had in that extra lesson…’ I thought.
“Why was that? You’re the solo girl, right? Not very smart of you to skive off dancing lessons since that’s the case?”
And another happy bubble just shattered.
‘She is so evil. I could have strangled her right here and now.’
“I just needed a weekend off, okay? Nothing to fuss about!” I looked hardly at her, struggling to keep my voice down.
“It’s your solo,” the girl spat. “You clearly don’t know how to appreciate it, actually, it looks like you don’t even care!”
Another bubble of happiness killed ...
I edged closer to the fire to get further away from Dorothy. I stared into the flames, knowing they were a perfect match to my rising temper.
“I thought you were obsessed with dancing, Evans? Why the change of heart?”
I wanted to scream.
If he was getting into the discussion as well, it was bound to turn out as bad as it could. In other words, I was tempted to leave.
But my dislike of Hill was deeper than that, so I wouldn’t leave without the last word.
“Potter, who gave you the permission to judge me that way?”
“Hey! Sorry for the insult, but I thought you were.”
We were in another argument. Great. Just great.
“You make it sound so negative,” I hissed.
Potter chuckled and threw his hands up in surrender. “Didn’t mean to.”
Hill gave me one last cold glare and left her chair. My eyes followed her as she walked up the circular staircase, showing off her long legs.
I jumped into the unoccupied chair and closed my eyes.
“I just wanted to have a weekend off, that’s all,” I whispered to nobody. “Why did it have to turn into such a big thing?”
I felt somebody gaze at me. There was no mistaking.
I opened my eyes and met Potter’s hazel look, his face kind of amused. His hand jumped up to his temple and ruffled through his black hair. I was tempted to roll my eyes at him, but I had been enough rude for one day.
“Don’t worry, Evans,” he said, relaxing in his chair and focusing on the fire. “That weekend off can’t hurt. Actually it’s quite nice having you around some more, I had something to tell you.”
“If you want Remus to look over ‘his’ charms-work again, drop it. I’m not that easily fooled.” My voice drawled, I was exhausted even though I hadn’t moved a muscle too much all day.
“I meant to ask you something else, but ok, I’ll ask you myself next time I need your help in that subject.”
His voice was so smug I wanted to slap him. He just didn’t manage to press his ego down to an acceptable level.
“What then?” I was almost falling asleep. It was only seven in the afternoon, but still.
“Would you please go out with me? Just once? Please?” he smiled sheepishly at me. I raised my eyebrows.
“What do you think I’ll answer?” I sighed.
“Try once more.”
“Hmm … I’ll think about it?”
“Not that, another answer. Shouldn’t be hard to guess.”
“No?” he whispered.
“You are quite correct. Now that wasn’t too hard, was it?”
I gave him a quick applaud and felt my eyes drop.
“Well, well … I’ll just ask some other girl to go out with me, then,” his voice had suddenly dropped.
Actually he sounded somewhat hurt, but I knew he was just pretending to be. He could date all the girls he wanted, as long as it wasn’t me.
“Be my guest,” I muttered.
He rose from his chair and left. I didn’t complain.
“Evans! You’re going to regret this!”
Hill’s voice echoed through the common room. I woke up form my short nap. It didn’t take long to notice her figure towering up next to me. She was holding something in her hands.
A pair of pointe shoes hung from her fingers. They were ripped and torn and … destroyed. Literally a mess. I sat up in my chair just surveying them for a moment. The whole common room held it’s breath in excitement of what would happen next.
“If… If you’re going to blame me for that, you’re … wrong,” I managed to force out, pointing at the shoes.
“Who else would? You knew I was about to get the ballet solo at the show so why not take revenge at me and destroy these? I don’t know of anyone else who would commit such a crime.”
‘Okay, first, it’s a pair of shoes. They are not made of gold.’
‘Second, I wouldn’t do that, I’m not a scheming rat like you.’
“And when would I have the time to do that? I had breakfast and then headed for the grounds, I was in the grounds all day!” I exclaimed.
“Prove it,” Hill said through gritted teeth.
“Ask anyone!” I said.
After second thought, I spoke again.
Or maybe that was not a very good idea…
I heard him whip his head around at the sound of his name. “Any of you ladies want a word?” I heard him say next.
“Yes, why don’t you come over here, Sirius dear?” Hill said silkily, not taking her eyes off me.
I was tempted to roll my eyes again, but I didn’t dare. I was on the spot already.
Black came over, looking puzzled.
“Can you confirm that Lily was in the grounds all day?” Dorothy asked.
Black winked at me and took over the chair Potter had occupied earlier.
“Of course, she laid by the lake all by herself, looking very lonely, and very attractive …”
“Save the details,” she hissed. “So she was there all day?”
“Sure thing, couldn’t take my eyes off those legs…”
‘Oh … My … God …’
I kept myself together and pretended he didn’t exist.
“See? I have a .. eh.. witness. So you can’t blame me!” I said with false happiness.
“You’re not getting away that easily … I know you did it,” Hill said before leaving again, gladly showing off the killed shoed to anyone asking.
‘Why couldn’t she just hiss Reparo and the problem would be solved?’ I snapped in my head, wondering how Hill came up with such ridiculous attempts to stamp on me.
I rose to leave, to get away from this embarrassing scene. But I was held back, because Black took hold of my arm.
Black was in his corner.
“Yes? Want anything, dear?” I said sarcastically, mocking Hill’s way of speech.
“If you want me to stick up for you some other time, just ask.”
He actually said it seriously. I was surprised.
“Thanks,” I said. He sure knew how to play his roles.
But the smile on his face as I replied said something else, apparently. Black didn't use that phrase the same way I did … All he thought about could be said in a word with three letters.
I was tempted to say something rude again, but I held it back. I didn’t doubt for a second Black’s ability to ‘stick up’ for girls. I was glad he hadn’t done that for me. If he did, it would be the last time he ever did it.
I left for the showers.
Feeling the warm water stroke my back was much better then sitting in the common room arguing. For a moment I was back by the lake, and it was the warm wind surrounding me, not the water.
I could almost picture Black again, slowly coming closer.
No! Don’t think about that! Don’t you dare admit you liked it, Lily Evans!
You just did.
Oh no … Shit.
I was confused again. But now I had admitted it, that I actually found it exciting having Black where I had him.
But… hello! This was Sirius Black we were talking about!
And he just made me realise I had lust for something more than that stage and the tremendous marks.
I longed for someone to show me affection. And I longed for showing affection.
It scared me. I had become an expert of hiding my own feelings, even so deep I couldn’t reach them myself. And now this particular thing was welling back, making me afraid of myself.
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