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WAGES WITH WEREWOLVES By: Sykoticstalker27 “Oh come on, Padfoot,” came the exasperated voice of Remus Lupin. “We both know that Hufflepuff has no chance against Ravenclaw in tomorrow's game!” Sirius, however, seemed insistent that Hufflepuff would emerge victorious. “Come on, Remus.” Sirius mimicked his friend’s tone. “Surely you have to admit that this is the best line-up Hufflepuff has had in years.” “They are still no match for Ravenclaw, especially since that kid, Davies, became their seeker.” Sirius snorted and shook his head. They'd been having the same argument all week and he was getting tired of his friend's persistent stubbornness on the subject. Sirius decided to ignore the fact he was being just as stubborn as his friend. “Remus, I know how to solve this argument once and for all.” Remus raised a brow in question. “We'll make a small wager.” Remus's other eyebrow flew up. “Padfoot, the word ‘small’ is not in your vocabulary, especially when it comes to wagers. I remember when you made Peter recite poetry to Professor McGonagall at breakfast.” “Yeah, but-” “Then there was the time when you made James wear a green tutu, more makeup than a clown, and make passes at Snape.” “Oh yeah. I had almost forgotten about that one.” Sirius snickered. “So what makes you think,” Remus continued. “That I'm crazy enough to agree to this ‘small wager,’ as you put it?” “You're a Marauder?” Sirius suggested. Remus snorted. “What's a matter, Moony? I thought you were so sure you were right. What? Afraid to put your money where your mouth is?” “I'm not afraid, Padfoot, I just wouldn't want you to be mad at me when you lose.” “Such confidence. Come on then, Remus, if you're so sure that you're right.” “Alright, Sirius, but I'd just feel bad about taking your money.” “Who said anything about money? The loser of this bet will have to do whatever task the winner assigns.” “Well, alright, Padfoot, just don't try to chicken out after you've lost.” “Oh, don't worry about me, Moony,” Sirius said with a smirk that made Remus wonder just what he had gotten into. Friday was the day of the match and excitement was running high. Remus, James, and Peter were sitting together in the Gryffindor stands waiting for Sirius to show up. “Where is he?” James wondered aloud. “It's not like Sirius to miss a quidditch match, especially if he's made a bet on it. Oh wait! I think I see him!” James waved at familiar looking figure a few rows ahead. Sure enough it was Sirius, who was looking entirely too pleased with himself. “Sirius, what are you up to?” Remus demanded, recognizing that look on his friend's face. Sirius schooled his features into the classic “who me?” look. “Why, Remus, dear friend, I'm insulted at such rash and unfounded accusations! How could you say such cruel, heartless things?! How could you think that I-OOF!” Sirius was cut off by a smack on the back of his head. “Do you mind, Black?” Lily Evens asked from the row behind. “Some people don't want to hear your hysterics this early in the morning.” Sirius rubbed the back of his head and gave Lily a hurt look which she ignored. “I don't know what you see in her, Mate,” Sirius muttered to James, making sure Lily couldn't hear. “Oh don't complain, Sirius. I was about to smack you myself; Lily just beat me to it.” Sirius pouted. “Some friends you lot turned out to be.” he muttered sulkily. “Oh be quiet, Sirius. The game's about to start.” at those words Sirius perked up. It was true. The Hufflepuff players were already lined up on the field and the Ravenclaws were marching out of their changing room. Sandy Edgecombe’s voice echoed around the stadium as the energetic girl began her narration. “It's a lovely day! The weather is absolutely perfect for a good game of quidditch! Now, I've just received an announcement from the Ravenclaw team. It seems star seeker, Maxwell Davies, has had an unfortunate accident and will be unable to play.” Sandy's voice was drown out by the loud cries and boo's coming from the Ravenclaw end of the pitch. Remus didn't even bother listening to the rest of Sandy's announcement and turned towards Sirius, who was looking determinedly innocent. “You had something to with this, didn't you?!” Remus demanded of his friend. “Of course not, Remus! I would never do such a thing!” the glint in Sirius's eye told Remus otherwise. “Come on, Remus, you heard Sandy. It was just an ‘unfortunate accident.’ Well, unfortunate for you anyway, Mr. Know-It-All.” Remus restrained himself from killing his friend and focused on the game, silently praying for a miracle. Unfortunately, it seemed as if God were on Sirius's side today because within half an hour the snitch had been caught by Hufflepuff's seeker and they won 370 to 280. Remus buried his head in his hands. He was doomed. After the game, Sirius had dragged Remus to their dorm room to give the werewolf his task. Remus watched with apprehension as Sirius dug through his trunk. Finding what he was looking for, Sirius straightened up and handed a sheet of parchment to his friend. “Now, Moony, these are the lyrics to the song you're going to sing in the Great Hall Monday night at dinner.” Sirius announced happily. Remus's head shot up and he looked at his friend in horror. “Sing? What do you mean sing?! I don't sing!” “Oh, yes you do. I've heard you before in the shower. You're not that bad either.” Sirius grinned, and Remus blushed brightly. He couldn't believe that someone had actually heard him. “I don't suppose there’s any way I’d be able to talk you out of this, is there?” Remus asked hopefully. “Nope and don't try to back out or I'll dress you in a skirt and make you sing that song ‘I Feel Like a Woman’ done by that American witch singer.” Remus paled; he wouldn't put it past Sirius to do that. He had done it to Lucius Malfoy just two months ago when the he wouldn’t keep his snide remarks to himself. Remus shook his head. “Well, it's not like I have much choice, so you might as well play the song so I can learn how it goes.” Remus sighed. Sirius tapped the parchment with his wand and music began to play. “Oh and before I forget, you'll need a girl to dedicate this song to.” Sirius added happily. Remus groaned, and buried his head back into his hands. It was Monday night and Remus was feeling decidedly nervous about this whole debacle. The only comforting thought he had was that if he had his way, he wouldn't be the only one singing tonight and a certain canine animagus would learn an important lesson about messing with werewolves. Dinner had just ended and the light in the Great Hall dimmed except for one spotlight in the middle of the Gryffindor table. Remus sighed; it was time. He made his way up to the center of the table wearing a costume that Sirius had conjured. He was wearing a furry headband with two faux wolf ears, his two canine teeth had been sharpened with a charm and looked like fangs. He was also wearing a black tee-shirt borrowed from Sirius with “party animal” written across the front. A fake, furry, wolf-like tail poked out from dark blue jeans and the outfit was finished with an old pair of Sirius's black leather boots. Remus was embarrassed, but glad he didn't end up dressed like James had when had lost his bet against Sirius. Remus sucked in a breath and saw Lily come up to the table next to him. She had volunteered to help him when she learned of what Remus had to do and was now wearing a red cloak with the hood up and carrying a wooden basket with food in it. Students looked on curiously as music began to play. Remus took a deep breath and began to sing the words he now knew by heart. "Who's that I see walkin' in these woods? Why, it's Little Red Riding Hood! Hey there Little Red Riding Hood, You sure are looking good." Lily blushed as Remus grabbed her hand and pulled her closer. James fumed in his seat. He knew there were only two reasons Lily was up there. One was to help her friend the other was to infuriate James, and it was working. James grumbled and viciously bit a carrot in half. "You're everything a big bad wolf could want. Listen to me. Little Red Riding Hood I don't think little big girls should Go walking in these spooky old woods alone. Owoooooooo!" Remus let out a realistic, wolf-like howl that made many girls laugh or cat-call. Now blushing fiercely, Remus continued with the song. "What big eyes you have, The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad. So just to see that you don't get chased I think I ought to walk with you for a ways What full lips you have. They're sure to lure someone bad. So until you get to grandma's place I think you ought to walk with me and be safe." Remus pulled Lily close to his side in a half embrace. James was now growling in rather wolf-like way and viciously attacking his potato. He also had to physically restrained by a laughing Sirius when he heard two nearby girls talking about how Remus and Lily made an adorable couple. "I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on Until I'm sure that you've been shown That I can be trusted walking with you alone. Owoooooooo!" Remus let out another loud howl and several girls cheered and laughed while others howled after him. Remus grinned, perhaps this wasn't as bad as he had thought. "Little Red Riding Hood I'd like to hold you if I could But you might think I'm a big bad wolf so I won't. Owoooooooo!" This time, Lily and several other people (mostly girls) howled with him. "What a big heart I have- the better to love you with. Little Red Riding Hood Even bad wolves can be good. I'll try to be satisfied just to walk close by your side. Maybe you'll see things my way before we get to grandma's place." Remus couldn't help but feel that was rather appropriate when it came to him, because even though he was a werewolf, he still had a big heart and cared deeply for his friends. Remus spun Lily around the table and prepared to finish the song. "Little Red Riding Hood You sure are looking good You're everything that a big bad wolf could want Owoooooooo! I mean baaaaaa! Baaa?" The wolf ears on the headband turned into sheep ears, but Remus had finished his song and didn’t care. He and Lily took a bow to the thunderous cheers echoing in the hall. Remus stepped down. Now he just had to teach his friend a lesson. Remus smirked and waved his wand. With a few well chosen words, Sirius was now standing on the Gryffindor table under the spotlight. His long hair was pulled into high ponytail on the top of his head and he was a red dress with a skirt that stopped at his knees, showing his hairy legs. Felling vindictive on Remus’s behalf, Lily added a pair of large red high-heels to finish off the costume. Familiar music began to play and Sirius paled as he recognized it, but there was nothing he could as his body began to sing and dance without Sirius's permission. "Let's go girls I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright Gonna let it all hang out Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice Yeah, I wanna scream and shout No inhibitions-make no conditions Get a little outta line I ain't gonna act politically correct" Here Sirius waggled his finger at everyone. "I only wanna have a good time The best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... Oh, oh, oh," He popped his head from side to side as he sang that part. "Go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady Men's shirts, short skirts Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction Color my hair" He brought both hands up and ran them through his hair. This had the effect of messing up his ponytail and turning his hair an obnoxious, bleach blond and made him look like a Malfoy. "Do what I dare Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel Man!" He cocked an eyebrow. "I feel like a woman The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take The chance to get out on the town We don't need romance-we only wanna dance" He swayed his hips around in what would have been a seductive manner if he weren't a teenage boy in a dress. "We're gonna let our hair hang down" As he sang that part, he pulled his hair out of its messy ponytail and the bleach blond curls fell in messy waves around his head. Several guys cat-called and whistled teasingly. Remus grinned; he was really enjoying this. Sirius sang the chorus again, but this time he ripped off the dress to reveal a tight, sleeveless shirt and mini skirt. He then threw the dress out into the audience, causing more fake cheers and cat-calls from the guys while several Hufflepuffs, who were know to have a major crush on Sirius began fighting over the torn dress he had thrown. Lily smirked to herself as she pocketed her wand; she knew the removable dress would be a nice touch. "I get totally crazy Can you feel it Come, come, come on baby Oh, oh, oh, I feel like a woman!" The song ended and once again the hall erupted in cheers, but this time it was accompanied by hysterical laughter. “Yeah, yeah laugh it up,” Sirius grumbled, but there was small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Even he had to admit it was a brilliant prank. “So, Padfoot, have you learned your lesson?” Remus asked with a grin. “What lesson would that be, Moony?” “Why to never mess with me or else you'll suffer dire consequences of course.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, I've learned my lesson, Professor Moony. Don't rub it in.” “Well,” Remus grinned. “Since you've learned your lesson, I suppose I can so something for you.” Remus flicked his wand and Sirius was now back into his robes. He'd let Sirius deal with his hair on his own. “Thanks, Moony.” Sirius grinned. “You know, Remmy, I think that annoying little snot Malfoy got a little too much enjoyment from our performances.” Sirius gestured over to the Lucius Malfoy, who was laughing rather obnoxiously and imitating Sirius’s performance to a snickering Narcissa and Bellatrix Black. “What say we teach them a lesson?” Sirius asked Remus grinned. “Excellent idea, Padfoot. Shall we do it together?” Sirius smirked and nodded. They both pulled out their wands and with two flicks of the wrist, Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa and Bellatrix Black were now under the spotlight. Malfoy's hair had been pulled into two ponytails on both sides of his head. He was wearing a white button-up shirt and a pleated grey skirt that did nothing to hide his scrawny legs. The outfit was finished by little black dress shoes that you might see on a five-year-old girl. Narcissa's hair had been pulled into a high ponytail and she was wearing a leopard-spotted tank top and brown leather pants with a pair of boots to complete the ensemble. Bellatrix's hair had been cut so it only came down to past her chin and she was wearing a tacky sequin top with matching shorts that barely covered her thighs. The three Slytherins could do nothing as their bodies began to dance and their mouths to sing the most obnoxious song in the world. "yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I think I did it again" Several people winced as Lucius sang in a high-pitched voice while Narcissa and Bellatrix sang backup. "I made you believe we're more than just friends Oh baby It might seem like a crush But it doesn't mean that I'm serious 'Cause to lose all my senses That is just so typically me Oh baby, baby Oops!...I did it again I played with your heart, got lost in the game Oh baby, baby Oops!...You think I'm in love That I'm sent from above I'm not that innocent" At this point, a pair of devil horns sprung up on Malfoy's head and, Narcissa and Bellatrix had red pointed tails swishing behind them. "You see my problem is this I'm dreaming away Wishing that heroes, they truly exist I cry, watching the days" Here Bellatrix and Narcissa began to cry, their faces becoming red and puffy. "Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways" Their faces were suddenly covered up clown makeup, and all of them had red round noses. Sirius smirked, it had been the thrid time that month he'd used that partcular hex on either Malfoy or Bellatrix. "But to lose all my senses That is just so typically me Baby, oh Oops!...I did it again I played with your heart, got lost in the game Oh baby, baby Oops!...You think I'm in love That I'm sent from above" A little glowing halo appeared above Malfoy’s head and Bellatrix and Narcissa had realistic angel wings that began to flap and carried them off. "I'm not that innocent" The wings disappeared and the two Slytherin girls were dropped on their bottoms. "Yeah, yeah ,yeah, yeah ,yeah, yeah, Yeah ,yeah, yeah ,yeah, yeah ,yeah Oops!...I did it again to your heart Got lost in this game, oh baby Oops!...You think that I'm sent from above I'm not that innocent" The song ended and Dumbledore stood up, clapping and beaming at all the students. “Wonderful, wonderful! Music truly is a wonderful thing! However, it is time for all young witches and wizards to go to bed, and I’ll see what I can do about starting a Hogwarts choir! Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” Dumbledore smiled, ignoring the matching looks of horror worn by the staff and students alike. “Now off to bed with you!” “Sirius?” Remus called as the two walked towards the Gryffindor dorms. “Yes, Remus?” “If Dumbledore starts a choir because of your "small wager," and I end up singing again, you do know that I will kill you, right?” Sirius paled slightly, but he nodded. “Frankly, I would be surprised if you didn’t, Moony. You can be pretty vicious at times. Perhaps I should have a chosen a song more befitting of your violent nature.” Remus rolled his eyes. “And maybe the next time you turn into Padfoot, I’ll stun you and take you to the muggle world to be neutered.” Sirius winced. “You’re such a brute, Remus.” Remus grinned wickedly. “I know.” and with an uncharacteristically evil laugh, he entered the portrait hole. Sirius shuddered and decided to take Remus’s advice of not messing with the werewolf to heart. "Note to self: Never mess with a werewolf, especially one that has a taste for revenge and knows where you sleep." And with that thought in mind, Sirius settled into an uneasy sleep. THE END

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