(In Library) NOTEBOOK – (Reads) Malfoy M Malfoy seems to be entirely too cheerful for a person with a father in Azkaban… I should check it out. HARRY – (Whispers into invisible extendable ear) Come in Fire Head! This is Pickled Toad Eyes calling Fire Head. EXTENDABLE EAR – Read you, Pickled Toad Eyes. HARRY – I’m following a lead, Malfoy M Malfoy. EXTENDABLE EAR – Got it, I’ll cover you. Over and out. (Harry advances upon Malfoy) MALFOY – (Exasperated) What do you want, Potter? HARRY – (To Extendable Ear) Mayday, Mayday! Subject has seen me! EXTENDABLE EAR – Code five! HARRY – Oh, I just noticed what beautiful eyes you had. EXTENDABLE EAR – That’s code six, you moron! Code five! HARRY – Right… Malfoy, I wanted to talk to you about… Global Warming. MALFOY – (Stares at Harry) Potter, have you gone mad? (Harry sits at Malfoy’s table) HARRY – No, seriously, I’m wondering how bad the environmental damage will be… MALFOY – I’m guessing we’ll all die. HARRY – Interesting hypothesis! (Writes something down in notebook) MALFOY – No, wait… That says, “Malfoy M Malfoy isn’t cheerful, he’s negative today, as usual.” Potter, have you been spying on me? HARRY – Of course not! (To Extendable Ear) Mayday, subject has discovered project! EXTENDABLE EAR – I’m on my way, Pickled Toad Eyes. (Loud screech and snarling) HARRY – The purse! Malfoy, help! MALFOY – Potter, you’re stupidity saddens me. (They go outside and see the purse eating Ginny’s leg) GINNY – MAYDAY! MAYDAY! HARRY – EXPECTO PATRONUM! PATRONUS – Um… What do you want me to do? HARRY – Get the purse! PATRONUS – You want me to attack a purse? HARRY – Yes! PATRONUS – I quit. (The Patronus disappears) MALFOY – Well, that always sucks. HARRY – No! EXPECTO PATRONUM! EXPECTO PATRONUM! (Voldemort shoots out of his wand) HARRY – What? VOLDEMORT – I’m your new Patronus! HARRY – Correct me if I’m wrong but, DHYIKJEDHYHWDIDSWSDDUEW FIFHEEWR UWHF EUF FUFDE FD! (That was confused shouting) MALFOY – No, you’re on the dot. GINNY – A little help, here, please? (They take the purse off her leg and it scampers away, handles flopping) VOLDEMORT – Crap! I’ve just realized the magnitude of what has happened! I am now enslaved to your wand, coming out whenever you summon me to protect you! SNAPE – (In the shadows) All a part of my evil plan! Muah ha ha ha ha! (Clears throat and looks around) *For now that’s it*
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