Draco was on the Hogwarts express sitting with Pansy and Blaise. Though he was talking to them he still wouldn't be in a better mood anytime soon since all he had on his mind was his mission. Even though Snape had made a vow, he didn't feel safe at all. He looked outside as it was a gloomy day hoping it would rain. He saw in the corner of his eyes Pansy looking at him, but he had already been hearing rumors of her taking a liking in him. He saw that they were approaching Hogwarts which started to make his stomach aching, he felt sick. He went to the bathroom trying to see if he needed to vomit. He just stood there and looked at himself in the mirror and felt that burning knot in your throat when you want to cry. Tears rolled down his face knowing that he doesn't want to kill anyone and wishes he can just be normal. He didn't give a fuck anymore about anything right now he just wanted to get it over with. He heard a knock on the door; it was Blaise.
"Are you good Draco?", he said probably guessing he was crying or really upset.
"Yeah i'm good", Draco said trying to talk in his normal voice.
That is the stupidest fucking lie i can think of, Draco told himself in his head.
When Draco got off the train Crab and Goyle tried getting his attention with a hey but Draco didn't even notice them and kept on walking. They looked confused and wanted to know what he was going through since they knew him since childhood. As Dumbledore was talking before they began their feast, Draco was deep in thought just thinking of things that would put him in a better mood. He didn't wanna end up like a depressed teenage boy but that's how he thought he was starting to look. All during the next day in all of his classes he wasn't able to pay attention. It was just too much for him to accept the fact that he was a death eater and had to kill someone he didn't want to kill. It's not that he liked Dumbledore which he didn't, it's just that he was afraid to do it. He didn't want anyone to know he was afraid.
It had already been a couple months. Draco had saw Harry talking to someone and knew what it was about. He tried leaving as soon as possible to go somewhere, anywhere. He felt that he needed to get all of his anger and sadness out and decided to go to the bathroom were he would think he'd be alone. Harry followed him there which Draco didn't notice. As he was crying he saw Harry and did the only thing he needed to do to relieve his anger which was to hurt Harry. They continued trying to hurt each other when he got Draco. Draco wasn't crying because of the pain, just a little bit. But was crying since he felt overwhelmed.
If Harry was able to get me, how the hell do I expect myself to KILL someone, he thought to himself as he laid there on the bathroom floor. I am afraid.
Luckily Snape came to heal Draco.
How is Draco going to kill Dumbledore if he got hurt in a fight? , Snape thought worried but irritated since he knew Draco was afraid.
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