“You can’t just say deja vu and walk away like it was an answer.”
“I’m not walking away, I’m just…” Finally I stopped, “Ok maybe I was walking away…”
There were legends from muggles and wizards alike that vampires had once inhabited Corvin castle, but that wasn’t what made it a site worth investigating. Instead, the runes I’d found alluded to dragon eggs - it was right as I finished this groundbreaking translation that Logan had shown up.
“But it’s only because telling you the truth will only make things worse.”
“How’d that work out for us last time, Potter?”
She asked with a huff, clearly at her wits end with my behavior. She was right, of course, but that didn’t make it any easier. There’s a reason divination is such a controversial field for wizards; knowing the future can be a curse. I didn’t know where to start or how to explain it, which is why I found myself just repeating my earlier answer.
“You called it deja vu…”
“Yeah, I caught that part. What ab-”
“In Romania. We were talking about the castle and I made a joke that you should be used to it since your brother all but lives in one. And you shoved my shoulder and called me a git…” I rattled off the encounter at a speed that would rival Logan’s fastest. Upon realizing this I slowed down and started again, “You shoved me and I tripped over the gravel-”
“Is that what this is about? Because I knocked you down?”
“Of course not! It’s because when I tried to get up I was on my knee and reached up for you to help me- but before you pulled me back to my feet you hesitated…”
Something changed in her eye as she played the memory over in her mind.
“Maybe your chest tightened in a way that felt familiar even though you’d never felt it before. Or you suddenly got butterflies in your stomach. For me it’s like...like I’m on a cliff and at any moment I’ll tumble over the edge - but I’m not afraid of falling.”
She quickly glanced to the side to stop me from being able to read her expression so I knew I’d struck a nerve.
“It’s french you know? Translates to ‘already seen…’”
She bit at her bottom lip before meeting my eyes again, “I take it that’s not a proper interpretation though is it?”
“It might be.” I shrugged as if there was any back-pedalling from this. “More often it’s the other way ‘round though...it’s something you’ll hear again, or someone you’ll see again, some place you’ll be again.”
“So...you’ve been so weird around me all day because you think that I’m fated to one day look down at you on bended knee?”
My shoulders tightened as I nodded slowly. Then, to my utter bafflement - she laughed.
“That’s funny to you?”
“It’s ridiculous!” She cocked her head to one side to look on me with pity for taking it so seriously. “I don’t have magic James. I can’t have premonitions of the future - you realize how mental you sound right? And besides, you’re with Fiona so the idea that you’d-”
“I’m not with Fiona.”
I shouldn’t have said it so curtly, but her tone agitated me. Mine seemed to cut threw her.
She shifted her weight to her left foot and tucked a loose curl behind her ear, “since when?”
My anger retreated as quickly as it’d flooded over me. I answered almost deflated, “A month or so…”
I reached out to take her hand, but again she surprised me and pushed my hand away. Then she took a step back before fully turning on her heel and storming off; back towards Gemma and Freddie’s flat. I started after her, but while she couldn’t hurl curses, she was very familiar with curse words which she shouted at me until I stopped.
At a loss for what else to do I just started walking in the opposite direction, trying to process what had just happened. I made it to my bike, but couldn’t bring myself to leave. Instead I just leaned on the seat, my eyes staring at my feet propped on the edge of the pavement.
If I hadn’t been ranting at myself internally I might have seen her approach. However, I had been silently ranting and was therefore unprepared for the smack she gave me on the back of the head.
“What do you think you’re doing?!”
“I was just thinking!” my arm shielded myself from another attack, “Merlin, woman!”
“Don’t you Merlin me! Dropping some mystical wizard fate shite all over me and then just walking away - where do you get off?!”
“You stormed off! I tried to follow after you, but you told me exactly where I was welcome to go! And I’ve watched The Lord of the Rings with Freddie ever summer since fifth year so I know that inviting me to the fires of Mordor meant you probably wanted some space!”
“You’re bloody right I wanted space!” She shouted back, shoving me just like she had at that castle. This time, however, I had my bike to keep me from stumbling over.
She started down the road again as if she’d finished what she had- but then turned back around and was charging at me with an accusing finger at my chest.
“I’m good you know! My life is good! I have a job I love. I have a family again!” She pressed her finger into my chest for good measure, “And you and me were good! We were friends - after everything we put each other through- still we were able to be friends!”
“What am I supposed to say right now Logan?! What do you want me to-”
“Why didn’t you tell me about Fiona?!”
I felt the breath in my lungs escape without permission and my heart sink deeper than its supposed to sit.
“There’s not a good reason…” I answered honestly.
Her accusing finger finally fell back down to her side and she took a step back, “Then tell me a bad one.” I took a deep breathe to try and recover what had been stolen away,
“Because if I told you we’d split up you’d ask me what happened...and I was embarrassed, okay? I only told my sister yesterday and even then I made her swear not to - damn it” I stopped mid-confession upon realizing a terrible error, “I didn’t make her swear not to tell anyone. How did I overlook that?”
I shook my head to try and move passed the egregiously bad deal I had struck.
“I didn’t want to admit that I’d somehow gotten myself into the same place I’d been that summer before I met you...cause it’s like this cycle I can’t seem to step out of...and I was embarrassed.”
“And you feel like you deserve that shame somehow, right? Because you saw the end coming from miles away and still it ran you down…”
Our eyes met in a way that only hers could. In the way that she saw through my posturing. In a way that only someone who understood what I’d been through could see.
“It didn’t feel like the edge of a cliff to me.” She picked up from our earlier conversation as she circled around me to the front of my bike, leaning on the front handlebars, “It was more like racing down the road on your motorcycle and you suddenly take a sharp turn...that split second of fear and excitement all at once.”
I leaned back on the seat of my motorcycle again like I had been before she’d assaulted me.
“You know this pattern I’m stuck in, it’s odd, but usually after a long relationship I somehow always find myself snogging a muggle…”
“Is that right?” Logan asked coyly narrowing her gaze at me. She leaned in a little closer, but stopped just short of my lips, “Well I’d hate to reinforce bad habits…”
We didn’t live happily forever after - there were definitely some lows mixed in. But we did end up back in Romania. We were even at a castle when I proposed eight months later. And now, watching our kids run around the back yard, I can’t help but think how thankful I am for that summer education in Muggle Studies.
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