A/N: Welcome to my new fic! This is very different than my first fic but I felt like I should post it. I think anxiety is one taboo theme that should be discussed. Hope you enjoy and please leave a review. I really want to know what you think. Also, credits to In My Blood, a song from Shawn Mendes which kind of helped me write this.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
- Hey, another shot here!! – Seamus yelled to the busy waitress passing their corner.
It had started as a small gathering with Ginny and Harry, Ron and Hermione and their friend Luna, who returned from one of her many travels. But then Hannah and Neville had a break from working at the bar and had joined them, and just an hour ago Seamus and Dean passed through the door and found them there.
So now it was a full gathering of friends on the Three Broomsticks and there were a lot of people talking at the same time, smiling faces and laughter amplified by the big amount of empty bottles on the table.
Harry had been having and awesome time, looking at Ginny’s smiling face and his cheeks hurting of laughing so hard with his friends.
So he was surprised when it crept on him out of nowhere. Or maybe not so much surprised. It wasn’t the first time it happened.
And the frustrating thing is that it happened in these laidback moments. He had no reason to be thinking that now. He didn’t have to worry about that.
But still this thoughts still took a tight hold of him. The thought that maybe his constant efforts of catching dark wizards weren’t enough. That maybe their count was wrong and there were more dark wizards on the run.
And he started to look at the doors and all the windows. And subconsciously got closer to Ginny.
He just had the will to take her straight home already.
But of course he didn’t. He wasn’t about to show the others his worries. He kept a forced smile on his face, not even paying attention to what everyone was saying, their voices a bare humming on his ears. He was too concentrated on the thousand thoughts running through his mind.
And he wouldn’t let anyone know what he was thinking. Because he knew that they would surely say there was nothing to worry about. All the facts and reason were pointing to that. And he should know that too.
Because it was true. But he didn’t choose which thoughts took over his mind. And it felt like he had no power over them.
So he took another sip of his beer to concentrate on something else and took a deep breath. It relaxed him a little. But soon his mind went to the same place without his permission.
He wanted to get it over with and just go home with Ginny, so that everyone would do the same and he didn’t have to worry about it anymore. But everyone was so happy and he would just ruin a perfectly good evening over nothing.
Cause it isn’t the first time these thoughts took over his mind and nothing had actually happened just because he was thinking them. So why would this time be any different? It wouldn’t. But what if he should do something? Just to be sure. And it was like a boomerang in his mind, his thoughts going away and coming back to the same place.
The lack of control almost drove him crazy. It was his mind, damn it! And he didn’t want it to go this way. He tried to argue with it, but it seemed more and more like he didn’t know what side the arguments were for. Would he let his imagination take over or would he think rationally? It seemed like he wasn’t the one to decide.
He felt Ginny’s hand on his thigh and he knew that she knew what was happening. It wasn’t only one conversation they had had about it.
It was very good. It relaxed him a bit and he was able to put the thoughts to the side, just to remain there, like an itch but one that allowed him to enjoy the evening.
After half an hour, they decided it was time to go home and all was solved. He arrived home with Ginny and got ready for bed, ignoring the subject. As they lay there before sleeping, she asked – Everything okay? – and he said – Yeah.
Because it was. She understood and didn’t try to give him rational arguments that wouldn’t help or just went with what he said. She was just there for him. And that was enough.
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