A/N: So this was an experiment we did for fun to see if we could write a one-shot with dialogue only. We (lovegood27 and hedwig1751) took it in turns to write a couple of sentences each (like in the prequel to this) so it's written by both of us. Hope you like it! Remember to review ;)

"Hey Scorpius."

"Bloody hell, Albus! You gave me a heart attack!"

"Clearly not, since you're still standing and talking to me."

"Whatever. What are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be with all of your Gryffindor family and friends?"

"Not all my family and friends are in Gryffindor- you know that. You and Rose are family too, and you guys are in Slytherin."

"...I'm not family, you know."

"I know. But you might as well be."

"Getting heartfelt and sentimental now, are we?"

"You're one to talk about being heartfelt and sentimental."

"And what's that supposed to mean, exactly?"

"It's been seven years and you still haven't asked her out!"

"Asked who out?"

"Come on, you know who I'm talking about! You're blushing, for Merlin's sake!"

"Well that might be because of my extremely gay feelings towards you."

"You know as well as I do that you don't swing that way, mate. I figured that out when I found you and Parkinson in that broom cupboard last year. Rose is still a bit pissed about that actually."

"What? Rose? Why would she be? How does she even come into this?...Ok, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Wow, I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be the dumb ones. Clearly not."

"That's discriminating- against yourself! How does that even work?!"

"Stop changing the subject, Scorpius."

"Well, you know, it would just be a little bit more appreciated if you could just fucking tell me what you're trying to imply."

"I'm trying to imply that you've had a massive crush on Rose for seven years and it's about fucking time you go and ask her out."

"I need to go and study..."

"No, you're going to stay here and stop ignoring your bloody feelings-"

"Ow! Alright I'll stay- no need to be violent! Besides, aren't you supposed to be the overprotective, angry cousin?"

"Cliché, much? Just saying, I will pummel you into the ground if you break her heart-"

"What?! She doesn't even like me like that!"

"-but, I will have to put my rash Weasley-Potter-Evans temper aside for the greater good-"

"How lovely, Saint Potter. Also, you're quoting your namesake."

"-in order to restore the happiness of my two best friends."

"To restore the happiness? We're both perfectly fine! The happiness was never lost!"

"Yeah, if you say so...Scorpius, you're clearly mad for Rose! You just need to ask her out, otherwise how will you ever know if she likes you back?"

"She doesn't. I don't even need to try asking her out to know."

"Well someone here's being optimistic-"

"I'm being realistic."

"-and you do realise that no one can be certain of everything, even creepy Slytherins who make you think they're reading your minds."

"I'll just pretend that wasn't specifying as shit and continue the conversation. I know Rose doesn't like me and I am definitely not asking her out."

"Aw, come on now. Please...? There's a Hogsmeade trip this weekend..."

"Stop the puppy eyes, Albus!"

"Alright, how about- I've stopped now, Scorpius, you can turn around now! Anyway, how about we flip a coin instead? If you win, then-"

"Flip a coin?! Are you insane?! No way!"

"Why not? There's a fifty-fifty chance for both of us that we get what we want so it's fair. So if you win you don't need to ask Rose out. If I win, you ask her to go to Hogsmeade with you this weekend as your date. So...heads or tails?"

"Your asshole. This is stupid!"

"No it's not. Come on, heads or tails?"

"Albus, no. I'm not doing it. I'll lose!"

"Kind of the point, mate. Heads or tails?!"

"Where did you even get a Muggle coin from?"

"Found it on the street. It looked cool so I kept it. But don't change the subject, just pick a side."

"I'll pick a side when hell freezes over. I'm not risking asking Rose out."


"FINE! Tails."

"...It's heads. Go ask her out tomorrow at breakfast."

"No, no, no. This isn't possible. You're lying! Let me see that coin!"

"Here. See? It's heads. Go ask Rose out."

"Don't smirk at me like that! It's annoying."

"What can I say? You must have rubbed off on me over the years."

"I fucking hate you, Potter."

"I hate you too, Malfoy. But you still have to ask Rose out tomorrow."


"There she is. Go ask her, Scorpius!"

"I don't want to! She'll laugh at me and say no."

"She's your best friend! She won't laugh at you, idiot! And anyway, you have to. We flipped the coin and-"

"To hell with that fucking coin."

"..and I asked out Laura when you told me to-"

"And look at how well that ended."

"Don't even remind me. But the point is I asked out my crush so you have to as well."

"I knew there was a reason I wasn't in Gryffindor..."

"Yep, which is that Gryffindor is awesome and you clearly aren't- ow!"

"I swear to Dumbledore, I will slap you."

"I don't think my namesake would appreciate that. And you just slapped me anyway."

"I'll slap you harder."

"Please don't. Do it after you've asked Rose out. Now go!"

"Fine, I'm going now! I hope your bloody satis- oh no, Albus. You are not going to come to the Slytherin table with me to torture me even more. Go and wait with the Gryffindors."


"Put that finger down, you bastard- oh, hi Rose."

"Hi Scorpius. Um...what were you just talking about with Albus?"

"Oh...just boy stuff."

"...boy stuff?"

"Yeah...you know, practising our macho expressions and other shit..."

"That is a really bad impression of Tarzan-"

"Actually, it's supposed to be macho and enticing and everything, but ok..."

"Macho and enticing my arse."

"...stop laughing at me!"

"No way! This is what best friends are for- to take the mickey out of each other!"


"Hey, what're you doing here, Lucy?"

"Oh hey Rose, Scorpius. Albus wanted me to tell you, Scorpius, to hurry up."

"What's Lucy talking about, Scorpius?"

"Oh...um...nothing...Well anyway, you can tell him to fuck off, Lucy."

"Eh, ok. See you guys in class!"

"Bye, Lucy!"

"See you..."

"So what was that about?"

"Well Al's being Al, isn't he? Ha...ha..."

"You're avoiding my question, aren't you?"

"Well...you've got me there, haven't you? How could I ever fool the brilliant Rose Weasley, my best friend..."

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too, you idiot...are you alright, Scorpius?"

"Um, yes. Just choked."






"You know on Saturday..."

"Yes, it's the sixth day of the week, well done. What about it?"

"It's a Hogsmeade trip, so..."

"Well, we're going to go together, aren't we? As friends, of course...We have since third year."

"Well...um...yeah. Yeah."

"Yeah to you too."

"Oh, very funny."

"My jokes are world class."

"I can tell. Just like your Dad."

"Oi! My jokes are much better than whatever my Dad can come up with- he's Ron Weasley, after all. Anyway, why would you think that we wouldn't go to Hogsmeade together?"

"Oh, just checking that you weren't gonna ditch me for some arsehole..."

"Actually, Max Seymour from Gryffindor asked me-"


"-but I turned him down. Not my type, you know, dark haired guys. Dark haired and red headed guys make me think too much about my family, and dating them just makes me want to throw up...speaking of which, you look uncomfortable, Scorp. Anything wrong?"

"Nope...it's nothing. Nothing."

"It's obviously not 'Nothing'. You were going to say something."

"Oh, what? No I wasn't..."

"You were! You can never hide anything from me!"

"...That's incredibly creepy. And you're doing that weird laugh again."

"You love my 'mwahaha's and you know it. ADMIT IT!"


"Well, you asked for it."

"...fucking hell, stop it!...how could you do this to me?!"

"I'm the devil, darling."

"I noticed. Only the devil herself would resort to tickling. It's lethal."

"Well you're lucky I've shown mercy...or I might just start again."

"Put those fingers away now! They are lethal weapons!"

"I'll put my 'lethal weapons' away-"

"You do realise what that sounds like, right?"

"-on one condition."

"A condition?"

"You heard me."

"Well...what is it?"

"You go with me to Hogsmeade."

"...I thought we already established that."

"I mean, as a date."

"A-a date?"

"Well, you can say no, obviously, because it's a free country and all that shit but I just wanted you to know that, erm, I would like to go with you and yup."

"Smooth. Ouch, you didn't have to hit me!"

"You need to acknowledge my sentimental speech, you idiot!"

"So...I'm your type, then?"


"Dammit, woman! I'll go with you, yes, as a date. I've had a crush on you for a while now, you know."

"Well, good. Me too."


"So...mutual feelings and all that, huh."

"No shit."

"And to be honest, I'm kinda proud that I was the one to ask you out. I don't have Gryffindor courage, you know."

"I don't either...you know the whole objective of this conversation was for me to ask you out."

"Well, wonderful. That worked."

"I know, right. But to be fair, I did bring the topic of Hogsmeade up..."

"...but you still didn't ask me out."

"We're dating either way, though, so win-win!"

"Does this mean I'm your girlfriend?"

"...I'd like that..."

"Good. Because whether you like it or not, I'm going to be, since you've agreed to be my date."

"In that case, it's good that I do like it. You're my type, you know, bushy red heads with 14 freckles across the bridge of her nose."

"You counted?"

"...what makes you think that, Girlfriend?"

"Well, it's good that ferrety faced blonds are now my type, now isn't it, Boyfriend?"

"Oh shut up."

"Honestly, you know I won't. But what d'ya say we go find an empty broom closet before class starts?"

"I've tarnished you already, haven't I?"

"Seven years of being around you tends to do that to people."

"Let's just go before anyone fin- woah! I'm coming, don't drag me!"

"I wasn't dragging you. But whatever."

"Just for the record, you were. And this broom closet you picked is way too small."

"...Are you complaining?"



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