Scorpius Malfoy is pretty pissed off right now. First of all his best friend Albus Potter has been shagging girls back and forth since September. It’s already October and Scorpius hates it. Albus has no more time for him, because now he’s actually developed his reputation as the school's number one player.

Second, his best friend doesn’t even try to make time for him. They won’t be at Hogwarts for much longer. It’s their 6th year and Scorpius is worried that Albus will waste the whole year with girls. And personally he thinks sixteen is too young to have sex anyway.

3rd, his other best friends, Rose Weasley and Edmund Dante, are doing absolutely nothing about it.

“You shouldn’t worry about him so much.” Rose tells him, without even looking up from the textbook she’s reading.

“This is serious. He said he’d be back at 7:45. It’s 8:00.”

“He’s with Melanie. Calm down.”

“Exactly. He’s probably showing her his-“

“Don’t you dare say that vulgar word again Scorpius Malfoy!” Rose yells.

“Speak English.” Edmund says.

“Don’t say that disgusting word again Scorpius Malfoy!” Rose says with more force. “Better?”


“Sorry I’m late!” Albus cries, jumping through the portrait hole, dragging a fiercely blushing Melanie behind him. “We were just in the library.”

As soon as Scorpius sees Melanie’s fierce blush he faints a little into Rose. “Scorpius?!” She cries. “Get the fuck up! I know you're faking.”

Scorpius stirs, then rubs his eyes. “What happened?”

“You’re faking.” Rose scolds.

“No. Honest.”

At this point Albus has rushed over, leaving Melanie behind and grabbing Scorpius to look him in the eyes. “Are you okay?!” Albus asks. “You had me scared.”

“I’m fine.” Scorpius answers, a little annoyed.

Albus’ face is a mere five centimetres away from his. This causes Melanie to huff out of jealously, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Albus springs up, dusts himself off, and runs back to Melanie.

All the girls Albus messes around with are jealous of Scorpius. They are the best of friends. They freak out if the other hurts themselves (even just a paper cut), are always there for each other, banter and tell jokes, hold hands, and fight like an old married couple.

Of the many things people say about them, the girls have reasons to be jealous.

“If they were gay, I’m sure they’d be dating.”

“Bets open for when Albus and Scorpius are going to shag.”

“Maybe they’re secretly dating.”

“They’re so cute. I’m sure they’d stick together in any situation you put them in.”

“It’s like they’re joined at the hip.”

“They’re the best of friends.”

“I wish I was like that with my friends.”

“They’ve probably already shagged.”

“I wonder if they ever practice kissing on each other.”

And a lot more. They are the only Hogwarts power couple that isn’t actually dating.

Of course all the dating and shagging rumours are false, which is what Albus always tells his one-week girlfriends. Actually, the idea of having sex with Scorpius repulses Albus. Once he’d dreamt about it, and he ended up in the hospital wing for four days (no spells seemed to work) because every time he thought about it he threw up.

“What were you doing in the library?” Scorpius asks, with an accusing tone. He knows they did something sexual, why else would Melanie be blushing like she’d done something sexual?

“We were studying for NEWTs next year.”

“I know when NEWTs are.” Scorpius says bitterly. “But we always study together.”

Scorpius’s eyes tell Albus it might be a good idea to run. He knows Scorpius hates when he isn’t given every detail or all the attention.

“Um, I thought it might be nice to try something new. And Mel needed help with her potions theory, so I said yes.”

Scorpius can’t help himself. “Then why is she blushing like you did something-“

“Scorpius! Vulgar language!”

“Shut up Rose.” Albus says, tightening his green tie around his neck. “We were just studying! What's gotten into you?!” Albus yells.

“Me?! What’s gotten into you?!” Scorpius yells back.

“Look, Mel’s blushing because I kissed her! Are you happy now?!”

“Like I believe that!”

“So, what? You’re jealous?!”

“What if I am?”

“Then you shouldn’t be, I wouldn’t shag you anyway!” Those were not the words Albus Potter had expected to come out of his mouth.

“Dormitory.” Scorpius says bitterly, pointing a finger to the 6th year boys dorm.

They stomp up the steps angrily to the 6th Year Ravenclaw boys dorm and lock the door behind them.

“I should be going.” Melanie says awkwardly, pulling at her red jumper sleeves.

“You’d think she’d be more confident for a Gryffindor.” Edmund snorts as soon as she leaves.

“Edmund. Focus.” Rose says.

“We’re not going to listen at the door again, are we?” Edmund whines, running a hand through his sandy brown hair.

“Yes. Yes we are.” Rose answers, tightening her blue tie and jumping up. Edmund follows gingerly. They go up the stairs and together, do rock paper scissors to see who will listen at the crack and who will listen at the key hole.

Edmund lost, so he flops down on the ground to listen while Rose smooshes her ear against the key hole.

“You know what, I’m sick and tired of this!” They hear Scorpius yell, and then they hear a large thud.

“Oh, it’s getting physical.” Rose whispers, and Edmund nods from his uncomfortable spot on the floor.

“Sick and tired of what?!” Albus responds bitterly.

“Of you shagging around with these girls. What the fuck?! You have no time for me, Rose, or Edmund anymore, and you’re constantly dumping these girls and breaking their hearts! And for some reason, they’re jealous of me when all I’m getting is the leftovers! You’re an utter ponce if you think we can stay friends when you’re fucking around and you don’t give a shit!”

“You know what?!” Albus asks. “I don’t even know why we’re friends! You were just always there and I trusted you! I don’t understand why the fuck you’re so jealous but-“

“I’m not jealous!” Scorpius yells.

“I think it’s because you want to shag me!” Albus yells. “I can’t be friends with you if you want that!” Again, another thing Albus didn’t expect to come out of his mouth.

“I don’t want to shag anyone! Especially not a boy. Especially not you!” Scorpius retorts.

“I hate you!”

“The feeling is mutual!”

“That’s it, we’re over!” The boys shout simultaneously.

“Amazing. Perfect unison even when fighting.” Edmund says, and the two rush back downstairs to make sure the boys don’t know they were listening.

The boys each storm out of the dorm in turn, and Albus leaves the Ravenclaw common room entirely for his own house.

“What happened?” Rose asks curiously, like she and Edmund didn’t just hear everything.

“We friend broke up.”

“Oh,” Rose says, giving Scorpius an awkward hug.

“Actually Scorpius, we listened in at the door.” Edmund mentions, bored.

“Merlin Edmund. Don’t do that!” Scorpius says, angrily. “Maybe some of those things were private.”

“So you do wa-”

"Vulgar language!"

“I DON’T LIKE ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER!” Scorpius roars, earning him loud hushes from a few 7th year and 5th year Ravenclaws.

“Okay, okay.” Edmund says, raising his hands in supplication.

“I think you should apologize.” Rose tells Scorpius earnestly.

“Me? He’s the one who accused me of liking him!” Scorpius yells.

“Is that bad?”

“Rose! I’m not gay.”

“Whatever. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that he’s your best friend, and you two need to make up.”


“God you're stubborn Malfoy.” Edmund says scornfully.

Scorpius shakes his head, picks up his books, and gets up to leave. “Where are you going?” Rose asks.

“The library.” Scorpius replies bitterly.

He leaves the common room and goes down to the library. He hopes Albus won’t be there, and he knows he will be pissed off if he is. So before he sits down, he scans the library to make sure that Albus isn’t there. Once Scorpius is sure that Albus isn’t in the library, he sits down and rubs his eyes. They’ve never fought like that before, and Scorpius hopes it won’t happen again. But he knows he won’t be the one to apologize.



Author’s Note:

‘That’s it, we’re over!’ and ‘Amazing, perfect unison even when fighting!’ Is from the Anime Ouran Highschool Host Club, episode 5, The Twins Fight. This English translation belongs to the company Funimation Entertainment.

Track This Story:    Feed


Get access to every new feature the moment it comes out.

Register Today!