(c) to eons. @ TDA

"Got that bottom of the ocean
Pressure, pressure
Pushing down on me, you know
Take me away from here"

Kidnap Me by Cruisr

Lily Luna Potter

“Lily Potter!” My mother barked from downstairs. “I swear if you don’t get down here now, I can and will cause you bodily harm!”

I held the bottom part of my Parley away from my mouth, “Okay Mum! I’m coming!” I screamed back.

“Ow,” Scorpius whimpered.

“Sorry,” I spoke into the phone. “Look we can talk about this on the train,” my voice lowered and shook slightly, even though I knew it was stupid to worry about someone overhearing us.

Scorpius sighed, “Look I didn’t even see the girl! What are the odds of her recognizing us?”

I nervously tapped my fingernails on the back of my Parley, “Higher than I care to think about,” I mumbled. “Alright well I’ll see you on the train babe,” I told him.

“Okay, see you then,” he chirped and hung up.

Scorpius Malfoy was a morning person.

I, Lily Potter, was not.

In retrospect, however, I was only a teeny bit ruder than I normally was. I was usually quite obnoxious and loud anyway, but that came with the territory of usually being the only girl. I was always with boys, because of my brothers and their friends and my cousins.

“LP, Mom’s going to slaughter us all if you don’t come on,” James stuck his head in my room.

“Sorry! Sorry! I’m coming!” I shoved the few remaining things into my school-bag and hopped out the door trying to pull on my shoes and shove my hat on my head.

“What was taking so long?” James asked me quizzically.

“Nothing, just Isadora,” I waved my hand. “She couldn’t find her Burberry shades and wondered if they were here,” I said. “She loves those sunglasses more than she should,” I laughed.

I am an excellent liar if I do say so myself.

An especially a good on-the-spot liar too.

What can I say? It’s a gift.

“She’s the blonde one right? McLaggen’s younger sister?” James scratched his head.

“Yeah,” I rolled my eyes. He always gets my friends confused.

I can’t confuse his friends, because they are also my friends.

“I told you to come downstairs an hour ago!” Mum caught me at the bottom of the stairs. “Now you can’t have breakfast!” She glared at me. “It’s the most important meal of the day.”

“I’ll live,” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll get something on the train.”

“You better consider yourself lucky you live in this day and age,” Dad began. “In your mother and I’s time the train only had a trolley and—”

“There was the whole war/evil, maniacal wizard thing,” Albus droned from his seat on the arm of the couch.

“And since we are such spoiled little Pygmy Puffs, we wouldn’t have lasted a day, much less a whole school year with teachers like McGonagall and Snape,” James finished as he hefted his broom to the other shoulder.

“Just get in the car!” Mum barked like a drill sergeant.

She was always like this in the mornings. It was super annoying.

Like, no Mum, I don’t want to get up an extra hour earlier just to eat breakfast.

I’d rather kiss a frog. At least there’s the possibility of him becoming a prince.

With eating breakfast there’s only the possibility of gaining weight.

“Lily, your hat is in my face,” Albus muttered as we squeezed into the back of our family's tiny car.

Dad knew nothing about Muggle cars.

He swears that he’s an expert, because he lived with Muggles, but that’s a lie. Dad wouldn’t know an Audi from a Fiat.

“Sorry Al, but James’s bubble butt is squishing my abdomen,” I grumbled, shoving at James.

“Hey!” James shoved back at me. “I do not have a “bubble butt” as you say.”

“Yes you do,” I looked him.

“Okay fine, let’s take a vote!” James challenged. “If you think I have a “bubble butt” raise your hand.”

I raised my hand along with Al and Dad. Mum reluctantly stuck her hand up.

“Wow, thanks parents. You’re totally feeding my self-esteem right now,” James snapped and flung himself back into his seat promptly squishing me while simultaneously kicking his and Albus’s owls’ cages. “Oh Merlin, sorry Whodini,” James said to his black and white speckled owl. “And Archie,” he said to Albus’s brown and black speckled owl.

The owl was actually named Archimedes after some dead Greek bloke who ran naked through the streets of some Greek city, because he figured out something important. Or something like that…

And James’s owl was actually named by Albus as well.

He’s quite the clever sort.

“Jamie, I don’t think it matters what your butt looks like. No girls are going to care about your butt when your face is so handsome,” Mum tried to make amends, but James glared at her.

“Wow Mum that was cheesy,” Albus chortled as he fiddled with his phone.

“Oh hush up Al,” Mum sneered at him and slapped his knobby knees.

Al had chicken legs out the wazoo.

It was kind of endearing though, because it was Al. He was just the most adorable-est brother ever.

“Ow,” Al glared at Mum. “You’re abusing me,” he grumbled.

Al has this thing that he does where he mumbles. Like a lot.

“I’m gonna call…” he mumbled.

“What Al?” Dad asked.

James yelled, “Geez Al, Dad and Mum are old! They can’t hear anymore!”

I giggled loudly as Mum huffed and shot James a glare.

“I said I’m gonna…” Al mumbled again.

We all collectively sighed.

“For Fawke’s sake, Al talk at a normal speaking tone. It’s only cute when Ariadne Selwyn does it,” James grinned.

I looked at James incredulously, “That girl is a bitch!”

“Language Lily!”

Oh hush up Mum, you should hear me on the Quidditch Pitch.

“So she’s still hot,” James shrugged. “What does it matter if she’s a crazy bint?”

“The fact that she’s bloody bonkers,” I looked at him like he was an idiot. “Why would you want anything to do with her if she’s crazy as a Blibbering Humdinger?”

“Have you never heard of the Crazy to Sexy ratio?” James looked at me.

“No,” I raised my eyes.

“See look okay,” he began drawing in the air with Dad’s wand. “The crazier the girl is means that she must be as hot as she is crazy,” he drew an L for the graph and a line going upward from the origin diagonal across the graph. “It has to balance. So the crazier she is, the hotter she must be,” James explained.

“Oh,” I nodded. “That makes sense…” I drifted off. “Is that why Drystan puts up with Talia?”

“Yes, exactly why,” James nodded. “Talia’s not too crazy though, just insanely nice like all the time.”

“Lola Smith is another example,” Albus spoke up.

“She’s the Hufflepuff Quidditch Captain!” I crinkled my nose in disgust.

“She’s still fit as hell!” James grinned.

“Okay there are parents in the car,” Dad reminded us and we all giggled.

“Are we making you uncomfortable, Dad?” I sat forward and put my elbows on the console. I poked his cheek, giggling. James sat up and began tickling his neck.

“Alright kids,” he swatted at us with one hand. “Quit now. You’re gonna make me wreck,” he said calmly.

I’ve only heard Dad yell like once or twice. Mum yells all the time, but Dad never yells. He’s usually the good cop.

“Oh are we now?” James yelled in a weird Scottish accent.

We continued poking him and tickling him.

“Lily! James!” Mum yelled as Dad swerved and almost hit a very familiar red car.

I looked over at the car when they hit the horn. Hugo was there, laughing in the backseat. I knew that I had seen that car before!

“Look, it’s Hugo!” I waved at him. Rose sat up from the seat beside him and waved with a smile.

“Hugh!” James rolled down the window. He stuck his entire torso out the window and Hugo rolled down his window.

“JAMES POTTER!” Mum roared, but James didn’t acknowledge her, since he couldn’t hear her over the wind.

Hugo also unbuckled his seatbelt and hung out the window as well.

I watched as he and James exchanged conversation by yelling loudly, but all we could hear was a garbled humming.

“I feel left out!” I proclaimed and hit the sunroof button. I then threw my hat at Albus and knelt on the console.


I stuck my head out the sunroof and waved at Hugo. “Hi Hugh!” I grinned.

“LP! I missed you mate!” Hugo grinned at me.

“You know I should do this more often, this is so Zen,” I said. The wind wasn’t too horrible, because Dad had slowed down considerably since two of his children were half out of the car.

One being the favorite.

I’m the favorite in case you were wondering.

“Totally Zen,” Hugo agreed.

“Fuck bitches! Get money!” James yelled at the top of his lungs as we rode across a bridge.

An elderly couple in a convertible looked at him startled and James just waved.

“Alright Hugo catch you on the flip-side,” I threw up deuces and slid back down into my seat. James did same, blowing kisses at Hugo dramatically.

“You two are insane,” Albus shook his head as I brushed my glossy waves back into place with Dad’s wand. I then placed my hat back on. “By the way, you should go check your OwlChats,” Albus grinned at us.

“You got that on video didn’t you?” James laughed.

“Oh yes,” Albus grinned.

“I’ll check it later, my phone is in my purse,” I sighed and leaned back against the seat.

We drove a little further in silence. James and Al were on their phones. Mum and Dad were quietly discussing work or something in the front. I waited impatiently as we drove on and on.

Finally we got to King’s Cross. I grabbed my own owl, Owl Capone, and hopped out.

“LP!” a voice called.

I was then attacked from behind in a blur of blonde hair, Ralph Lauren perfume, and bony elbows.

“McLaggen!” I turned around after she released me.

“Did you miss me?” she blew a kiss at me as she fluffed her blonde waves.



“Jerk,” I scowled.

“Pineapples really?” She motioned to my shorts which were covered in pineapples.

I bared my teeth at her, “I like my pineapples,” I looked her up and down. “Not all of us can be models, okay?” I rolled my eyes.

“Well everyone can have good taste,” Isadora said pulling her sunglasses down to look at me above them.

“Hey Isadora,” James came up behind me. “I see you found your sunglasses,” he smiled at her.

“Hi James,” Isadora said and pulled her sunglasses fully off. “And what about my sunglasses?” She folded up her prized Burberry’s.

“Lily said you lost them, or thought you did,” James smiled like the kind, caring, older brother he is.

Damn him for it.

“Um,” Isadora looked at me. I gave her the ‘Please Lie Through Your Teeth and Save My Arse’ look. “Yeah,” Isadora flashed him a dazzling smile. “I just misplaced them,” she waved her hand. “Thank you for thinking about me,” she batted her lashes at him.

James’s cheeks slightly reddened.

Isadora was one fourth-veela and wielded her feminine wiles like a weapon.

She loved the game and my brothers were often her victims, because she was at my house a lot. Sometimes even all the males in my extended family were fair game.

She has spoken to my Uncle Ron like twice and he’s absolutely smitten with her.

It’s pretty hilarious.

“It was my pleasure,” James nodded. “We’d best get to the platform.”

I walked with Isadora as my father got my trunk. It was tradition for Dad to get it. I also get to ride on my trunk as per tradition.

“Ready, Lily Lu?” Dad asked as I hopped up beside Owl Capone.

“Aye, aye captain!” I saluted.

Isadora went back to her family. They were walking behind us. I could hear her parents arguing back and forth. For two people who love each other, they argue a lot. Isadora says that it’s how they show their love, because they’ve never divorced and she says that they both like to hear the sounds of their own voices.

“Well here we go!” Dad grinned and we raced toward the barrier. I closed my eyes as we slid through and exited on the other side. “And we’re here,” he laughed as I opened my eyes.

“It gets better every time,” I grinned at him as he helped me off the trunks. Owl Capone hooted his agreement.

“That it does,” Dad put his hand on my shoulder as we walked towards Hugo and Rose.

“You’re lucky Hermione was driving,” Uncle Ron was saying. “You kids are crazier than we give you credit for,” he clapped a hand on Albus’s shoulder and his chicken legs almost buckled from the impact.

Al is a delicate little flower.

“Somebody’s got to keep you lot on your toes,” James teased. “You are all getting soft in your old age,” he elbowed Uncle Ron who grumbled at him.

“Watch yourself, I still know a thing or two,” Uncle Ron said threateningly.

“That’s a lie! You never knew anything in the first place,” Aunt Angelina teased him.

Someone’s arms latched around my waist and lifted me in the air.

“Put me down!” I cried trying to see who it was.

“Look-y here I caught me a wild Lily Potter!” Freddie tried to do a horrible cockney accent.

“Fred!” I wiggled in his grasp. “Put me down! Do we always have to make a scene?” I huffed in defeat as he held me in midair.

“Of course! It’s a Wotter tradition.”

“Well that’s stupid.” I argued as he threw me over his shoulder. I spotted his wand in his back pocket and reached for it carefully, hoping he wouldn’t notice. “You’re a rubbish older cousin, Fred,” I said, trying to distract him.

“That’s what they tell me,” he laughed.

“Oh really well, have “they” ever told you that you look really stupid hanging upside down?” I asked him, his wand now completely in my grasp.

“No, not that I can think of,” Fred mused.

“Let’s find out then,” I grinned and flicked the wand. “Levicorpus!”

Fred yelped as he was jerked upward by his ankles, dropping me, and kicking James in the face in the process.

“Ow,” I rubbed my cheek as I held the wand aloft. “You dropped me on my ruddy face!”

“How did I know that this would be my family?” My favorite cousin’s voice came from above.

“Louis!” I grinned at him.

Louis was my favorite cousin. (Hugo and Lucy run a close second place though.)

“Lil!” He helped me to my feet and we hugged. “What did poor Freddie do?” He asked with a smirk.

“He wouldn’t put me down,” I shrugged.

“Sounds positively diabolical,” Dominique drawled as she entered the huddle, rolling her eyes.

I wasn’t fond of Dominique, simply because she felt like the entire world revolved around her.

She always had to be the center of attention, and was too much of a girly girl for my taste. Plus, she didn’t play Quidditch on the principle that there was the possibility of getting sweaty and dirty, and the uniforms were “drab and formless” in her opinion.

She also toted that snake boyfriend of hers everywhere she went like he was an accessory to her outfit.

I rolled my eyes at her.

“Maybe we should leave him there. He could be like our flag, so all of our family knows where to go,” Roxanne reasoned.

“Where’s Troy?” James asked, speaking of his best mate. “He should be here by now, his aunt’s always on time.”

Lucy and Molly appeared with their parents before anyone could answer him.

“LP!” Lucy hugged me. “Godric, I missed you!”

“Luce,” I hugged her back. “What took you so long?” I asked her. Usually her family were the first ones here.

“Molly! She threw a fit, because it’s her last year and she’s having a midlife crisis,” Lucy rolled her eyes.

I raised my eyebrows.

Lucy rolled her eyes, “I know. Just don’t even get me started.”

“Later, we can chat,” I promised her.

“I need to vent—”

“LP, I think my head’s gonna explode,” Fred’s voice came from above and I rolled my eyes at him.

“I doubt it, but whatever. Liberacorpus,” I cast the spell and Fred dropped to the ground. I handed him back his wand and helped him to his feet. “Learned your lesson, Fred-o?”

“There was a lesson in that?” He flashed me an idiotic grin before turning to Dominique.

I rolled my eyes. “Boys,” I sighed.

“I’m offended by that,” Louis looked at me.

“With the exception of you,” I patted Louis’s arm. “My dearest cousin,” I smiled.

“Oh parents, I see McCartney,” Dominique said, “I’ll write you and I love you,” she kissed both of them on the cheek and hugged them.

McCartney? I turned and watched Dominique go over to a familiar looking girl. Oh! McCartney Luck was one of the managers for the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

She looked so familiar.

Dammit, where else have I seen her?

Oh shit.

No. No. No!

Damn it all to hell.

McCartney was the girl who caught me and Scorpius at the Cannons’ game.

McCartney was also Dominique’s best friend.

And she was friends with all of my cousins and male friends.

Well, this is worse than I thought.

Shit. Fuck. Damn.

“You can take my lunch money!”

“Oh, I don’t want your lunch money for Fawke’s sake!” I sighed, exasperated.

McCartney looked at me with wide, luminescent, blue eyes, “Well what do you want then, LP?” She looked mildly scared, but not full-blown terrified.

I currently had her pinned against the wall with my wand pressed to her neck in a tiny alcove by the loo.

“You know what I fucking want,” I growled.

McCartney just looked on wide-eyed, “Um is this the part in those spy movies where you ask me if I know something that I think I don’t know, but then it turns out I kind of do and I get sucked into a dangerous web of lies and scandal?”

I looked at her with an expression that can only be described as the ‘Are-You-An-Idiot?’, “What in Godric’s golden boxers are you blithering on about?”

“Well I thought we were doing a thing, but I guess you didn’t get it?” She shrugged. “Can I make a request? I hope so, because I request that you remove your wand from my neck area. I don’t like people touching my neck or my spine.”

“Whatever, but you were at the Chudley Cannons game weren’t you?” I asked her suspiciously.

“Only the one where they played Puddlemere, because I’m a PuddU fan not a Cannons fan,” she explained. “Oh yeah I saw you!” She grinned, but then covered her hands with her mouth. “I mean oh yeah I didn’t see you!”

“You saw me and a guy in a broom closet didn’t you?” I asked her and she slowly nodded.

“Please don’t kill me! I have so much potential!”

‘I’m no going to kill you, Merlin! Do you ever stop talking?” I growled.

“I babble when I get uncomfortable! I’m sorry! Godric!”

“Look fuck it, I don’t care what you say, but forget what you saw,” I snarled.

“But what if I can’t? I mean I remember loads of things that I shouldn’t!” She cried with a scared expression.

“Well then what can I do to keep you quiet?” I asked.

“Um…” McCartney drifted off.

I looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“Can I get back to you on that?” McCartney asked me. “Either tonight or tomorrow?”

“Sure,” I sighed. “Sounds great.”

“Okay! I’ll see you later then!” She grinned.

“Yep,” I sighed and walked back to my compartment.

McCartney went into the loo.

I pretended to walk toward my own compartment, before taking a detour. I was neck-deep in hippogriff shit as of right now and my life and reputation rests in the hands of a class-A moron.


I went all the way to the back of the train and found Scorpius in an empty compartment. I looked around quickly to make sure no one could see me and entered. I shut the curtains quickly as hands latched onto my waist.

“Get over here,” Scorpius’s words were muffled by my hair.

He pulled me against him and we collapsed onto the seats.

“I’ve missed you,” he kissed my neck lightly.

“I can tell,” I laughed as he grinned at me. He sat back with me still on his lap. “So I ran into the girl who found us at the Cannons game,” I said.

“Really, who was it?” He asked quickly.

Scorpius couldn’t see the girl very well from where he was.

I felt bad because I shoved him down so she couldn’t see him, but she did anyway and he got a nasty bruise.

“McCartney Luck,” I said.

“Oh Merlin,” he put his head in his hands.

“What?” I asked him.

“For the love of Salazar,” Scorpius groaned. “McCartney’s sister is my best friend, Lennon. And Cart’s boyfriend is Vincent Goyle,” Scorpius looked at me balefully. “We’re screwed.”

“She said that she wasn’t going to say anything,” I told him. “And if she does I can take her. She’s all skinny and wimpy-looking,” I snarled.

“Lennon has a way of making people tell her things even when they don’t want to.”

“Well then what house is Lennon in? I’ll pay her a visit too,” I growled.

I didn’t like unhappy Scorpius.

And this was partially my fault anyway.

“She goes to Beauxbatons,” he shook his head.

“So then there’s no problem,” I rolled my eyes. “You’re such a drama queen.”

“Except that Lennon is really close with my parents. They absolutely adore her!” he looked at me with his own ‘Are-You-An-Idiot?’ expression.

“Well I can’t worry about her, because she is in another country! Godric, Scorpius I’m not a miracle-maker!” I hissed.

“I’m not asking that of you,” he said quickly trying to backtrack. “I’m just saying that she could be a potential problem!”

I rolled my eyes, “Well, since there’s nothing we can do about it right now, I’d better get back to my friends,” I said as I checked my phone’s clock.

“I’ll see you tonight, right?” He asked.

“Maybe…” I smiled coyly, “maybe not…” I paused in the doorway.

“You’re insufferable Lily Potter,” Scorpius grabbed my arm and spun me around. He kissed me on the lips and I reciprocated, running my fingers through his hair.

“And that’s why you love me,” I placed my finger on his lips and he smiled. “Bye love,” I kissed his cheek once more.

“Goodbye darling,” his affectionate used of the old school term was adorable and I loved it when he called me that.

I grinned uncontrollably as I began walking back down the long corridor in search of my friends’ compartment.

Howdy there neighborooni!

Long time no see, right???

Well I had some Beta-issues that have since been straightened out and so a big shout-out to my beta Lizzie! You da real MVP home-slice.

We both will be working to get the new chapters out ASAP! Pinkie promise!

And I'll have loads of time since it's ALMOST SUMMER! HECK TO THE YES!

So yeah this is short and sweet, because I'm hungry and I can smell dinner plus I have an English test that I haven't studied for and it's getting late... Oh... So I'm gonna go handle that!

I hope to see you guys soon leave a review if you can, but if not thanks for reading!



Lily Potter II is portrayed by Sadie Robertson (the brunette girl in the CI wearing a dark top)

Scorpius Malfoy is portrayed by Alex Pettyfer (the boy in the CI)

Albus Potter is portrayed by Logan Lerman

Hugo Weasley is portrayed by Oliver Dale

Rose Weasley is portrayed by Nataliya Piro

Isadora McLaggen is portrayed by Chloe Grace Moretz (who is the blonde girl in the background of the CI)

Fred Weasley is portrayed by Jacob Artist

Roxanne Weasley is portrayed by Ashley Moore

Louis Weasley is portrayed by Callan McAuliffe

Lucy Weasley is portrayed by AnnaSophia Robb

Molly Weasley is portrayed by Jacqueline Emerson

In the next chapter: We meet our final narrator, Maxima Brankovitch. Maxima and Troy Clearwater have a bit o' banter. The Weasley epidemic of 2020 is discussed. Maxima's fuck-buddy is introduced and the rest of her "gang." There's more banter. Owlstagram posts are judged. And pagan religious rites are discussed.

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