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A Rollercoaster Ride by potterfan310
Chapter 4 : Of Secrets, Crying and Admitting Defeat
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3


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Stunning CI by Ianthe @ TDA!




A/N Huge thanks to all of you who read, review and favourite. Here's chapter four!

It was just us, no one else. Lessons were over for the week and after double Herbology last, Aidan had somehow persuaded me to help him with homework. The others were in the library which is how we ended up in the very empty, but messy sixth year boys dorm.

Somehow I knew we weren't going to get any homework done and I was right. The second after we sat on his bed,  I had barely pulled my cardigan off because I was hot when Aidan kissed me. It was as if all my senses came to life and before I knew, clothes were gone and we were no longer just kissing.

"Aidan," I mused as I looked up into his blue eyes, from where I led beside him. "We ne-"

I was cut off by him putting a finger over my mouth stopping me from saying what I wanted to. "Shh, I hear something."

"Aidan, you here?" Came my cousin Hugo's voice as the dorm door squeaked open and I sunk further under the covers. "So much for studying then." He laughed to himself before shutting the behind him with a bang.

I felt a hand running along my leg and then Aidan started to tickle my weak spot. I let out a loud laugh and clamped one of my hands over my mouth. With my free hand I batted at Aidan's arm. "Stop," I hissed as I emerged from under his quilt. "What if he comes back?"

"Then I'll do this," he replied as he bent forward, kissing my mouth, which was open in protest.

I melted against him, his arms snaking around my waist as my own went around his neck, the one running through his hair.

I couldn't bring myself to ruin the moment. To tell him what had been on my mind. To say it out loud would make it feel real. The fire running through my body blazed under his touch and instead of saying anything, I kept quiet, my thoughts becoming dazed as Aidan kissed me.

***




Sneaking out of the boys dorm had been harder than I expected, it was nearly dinner time therefore the common room and the stairs to the dorms were both busy and alive with chatter. Thankfully no one was in our dorm when I entered, stripping off my uniform I chucked it onto my bed before getting changed. Picking my wand back up, I tucked it in the pocket of Aidan's grey hoodie that I had on.

I couldn't face dinner, I didn't think I could face Hugo considering he nearly caught me and Aidan earlier. That and I still had something on my mind, one word etched into my brain. Molly had tried to broach the subject with me but I kept brushing it off,  I couldn't talk about it, not yet anyway.

There was one person I wanted to talk to, someone who would understand. Having got Kallie to get Albus' invisibility cloak she handed it to me this morning at breakfast. I pulled it on as I came down the spiral stairs, careful to not brush against anyone who passed.

It must have been pure luck that Liam and Hugo came walking through the portrait hole, just as I as about to leave. Slipping between I accidentally touched Liam's hand and I had to refrain from laughing as he looked at Hugo.

"Dude?" Liam questioned.

Having had to run partway down the corridor to stop my laughter I was unable to catch the rest of their conversation. Feeling that tiny bit happier than I had in days, I stepped into an alcove and slipped the cloak off folding it up and tucking it under my hoodie. Becoming lost in thought I made my way through the castle.

The thought that this could be my last time here scared, the thought that something was growing inside of me scared me. But what scared me the most was losing everyone I loved. I couldn't even imagine how mum and dad would react, let alone Aidan or even the gang.

Once on the third floor I headed for the statue of the One -Eyed Witch, using my wand I tapped it's head and muttered, "Dissendium."

The witch's hump opened revealing the short slide, bracing myself I slid down clutching the invisibility cloak close to my stomach.

"Lumos," I murmured before getting to my feet and starting the walk down the passageway.

***



Despite the cold November weather, I was sweating when I arrived in Honeydukes. The shop was still open and I was able to slip through the cellar and shop easily.

"No!" I yelled in frustration as I saw the sign in the apothecary window said 'closed'.

"Can I help you dear?" a small voice asked from behind me.

I whipped around to find an elderly witch hunched over where she stood. There was a weird looking bird on top of her purple hat which  gave me the creeps.

"D-do you know B-Beatrice?" I stuttered. "She works in the apothecary?"

The old witch gave me a smile. "The lovely girl, brown hair?" I nodded. "Of course, she lives above the shop with her little one."

"Thank you," I called in reply as I rushed through the gate at the side of the shop and down the alley. In front of me I found a bright red door, lifting the knocker I let it go with a 'bang' against the wooden door. My foot tapped impatiently as I waited, it felt like forever to me but soon enough Beatrice opened the door with a smile on her face.

"Lily?" she questioned when she saw me.

I looked at my feet as I scuffed the toe of my shoe along the floor. "I-I was wondering if I could talk to you, but the apothecary was shut and I-I just can't do this," I said as my voice quivered and broke as I held back the tears.

Ushering me in, she told to me head on upstairs whilst she closed the door. I went on up and as I entered the living area I instantly saw pictures stuck to her fridge that her little boy must have made for her. The thought that he might be here hadn't occurred to me now that I had just barged in on her night.

I mumbled, "I'm sorry."

Bee just waved a hand at me as I perched tentatively on the edge of her sofa. "Drink? I've got squash, pop, milk or you can have something warm?"

"Pop, please."

It didn't take long for Bee to us both a drink, which she brought over with a plate of biscuits. She took a seat on the chair and looked over at me. "What is it you wanted to talk about, Lily?"

I shut my eyes for a second before replying. "I-" I paused struggling to find the words to say this. Taking a deep breath I tried again. "Me and Aidan, we're not together. I mean we're best friends, practically inseparable and we've been messing around since February. Until now we haven't had a problem."

"It's not necessarily a bad thing, Lily. I mean you two know each other so well so you obviously care for one another. A baby will change your life totally. Every relationship you have, whether it be Aidan or your parents, will be pushed to a point," Bee explained. "I understand completely with what your saying but sometimes it's when you get to that point that you realise you need that person, no matter what is happening."

I nodded, I mean I wasn't sure what Aidan would do but thing I did know, was that this would test both our friendship and what ever sort of friends with benefits relationship we have as well.

"I know things will change," I started to say as my voice quivered again. I hated having to stop to compose myself but I knew I had to sort myself out. "I just can't do this, I can't be a mother at seventeen, Bee, I just can't. Does it make me a bad person because I don't want this baby?" I asked as I was powerless to stop my voice from going and the tears from forming.

As I tried to wipe away tears Bee got up and came to sit by me, pulling me into her warm embrace.  As she stroked my hair, in a soothing voice she said, "It's okay, Lily. Of course it doesn't."

I hiccuped through my tears. "I'm not ready. I honestly can't do it, I don't want to be a mum at seventeen, I want to stay at Hogwarts and do what teenagers do," I sobbed. "I don't want to do my seventh year with a baby, I want to leave here with a bang not with a baby who was unplanned."

Bee let me go, as I struggled to breath thanks to my crying and snot, and passed me the tissue box from off the coffee table which was covered with magazines and toys. I shook my head as I blew my nose, feeling more awful than ever. "I don't even have a job, how could I afford a baby!" I exclaimed. "I didn't plan on getting p-" The word caught in my throat as I blew my nose again, trying to steady my breathing. "Knocked up, this wasn't meant to happen. I don't want this and I feel awful for saying it but I don't, Bee, I really don't."

Bee pulled in and hugged me again, letting me cry onto her shoulder as I hiccuped and sobbed. "I'm not saying you have to pick now, but you have three options, Lily."

I nodded as I pulled away. "C-can I use your bathroom, please?"

She smiled at me. "First door on the left. I'm just going to get something from the shop," Bee informed me as she stood up.

Whilst it was fairly small, the bathroom was very neat and colourful. I half smiled at the rubber ducks which were lined up on the side of the bath. Looking in the mirror I found a different girl staring back at me. My hair was a complete mess, my eyes were red and puffy and no matter what I looked completely and utterly miserable. Not only that I felt it too.

Running the cold tap I cupped my hand underneath splashing my face with the water. If felt so nice on my cheeks which felt like they were burning. It took me a while to stop crying and even then there were still tears in the corner of my eyes. Sighing I left, trying to keep it as neat as I went on.

On the coffee table were three leaflets, each with a different heading. "I should get back to the castle," I murmured, sitting back down.

Bee smiled at me, placing her hand on mine and squeezing it. "It's okay to be scare, but promise me that you will see Astoria."

I nodded, I'd have to face up to this sooner or later, and I'd rather not have it be later. "I promise."

As she handed me the leaflets she said, "Have a flick through them, see what you think is best. Speak to Astoria about them too, it's your choice but both she and I can give you advice."

"I'm sorry for intruding on your night," I apologised. "I hope I didn't wake your little one?"

She laughed. "He could sleep through anything, but don't you worry, you didn't intrude. I wasn't doing a lot any way as my parents are babysitting tonight. I'd have only fallen asleep in front of the TV."

I smiled weakly as we hugged again. I stuffed the leaflets in my pocket, wishing I could be in a dream.

"Thank you."

Bee waved from the door as she watched me head down the street back to Honeydukes. I hated knowing that the walk back up would be filled of my thoughts and me muttering to myself. If someone could take me away I would go with them, even if it meant living somewhere freezing cold.

I hated my reality and yet I would soon have to face up to it.




 "I can't," I told Aidan as I brushed my fingers across his.

It was Saturday evening and we were alone in the Room of Requirement in amongst the beanbags and cushions, in our small haven of privacy. The others thought we were off studying somewhere. I knew this would be a good time to tell him but I couldn't bring the words out of my mouth. I got tongue tied at the thought of telling him.



"Why not, Lil," he protested. "You're our best chaser and we need you there for practice, we can't have two chasers.

I sighed. "Aid, I told you I've been told to take it easy since I've been ill, so I can't do practice later."

Aidan let out a huge sigh and I felt his chest rise and deflate as I was lent against him. "I don't want to goo," he whined. "Can't I just stay here with you."

Laughing as I sat up, I turned to look at him leaning forward to kiss him. I had been planning on saying that he had to go and so did I, but I couldn't. I loved how my body fitted against his, like two puzzle pieces. His hands snaked away my waist and I smiled against his lips which were soft as always. I swear that boy uses lip balm, honestly.

"Don't go," he mumbled.

Pulling away I made to stand up, but his fingers caught mine as he looked at me with a dopey smile.

"Please tell me your coming to see the fireworks?"

"Of course, now come on," I told him as I attempted to pull him up. After watching me struggle he eventually got up himself as he picked up his broom up off the sofa.

On leaving the room I was thankful there was no one in the corridor. Standing on my tip-toes I gave him a swift kiss on the cheek and then left quickly, leaving him bemused. Waving back to him as we went our separate ways I headed to collect Molly.

I didn't have to go far as the second I turned the corner I saw her walking towards me. She gave a little wave as I stopped and waited. Linking up with my arm we made our way down to the first floor where the Hospital Wing is.

"So," Molly started to say. "You've made a decision then?"

There hadn't been any time to talk to her last night when I got back from Hogsmeade, but I spent most of the night weighing up my options. Then this morning everyone seemed to be around so I couldn't tell her. I had a feeling she would be there no matter what but I also know I should have told Aidan.

I nodded. "I can't do it, Mol. I can't have a baby," I uttered the word in a repulsed voice as if it were a bad word.

She squeezed my hand as if understanding. "Did you tell the father?"

"No, I mean if it's nothing more then he doesn't have to know."

For the rest of the walk through the castle we were silent. The chatter of students around us kept me distracted from my thoughts whilst Molly hummed under he breath. I was hesitant when we got there, the great big wooden doors just waiting to be pushed open. Molly nudged me and I forced myself to go in. I had been in the hospital wing many a time for various Quidditch injuries but thankfully it was never anything serious.

From where she sat at her desk at the far end of the ward, she looked up at our arrival. The walk down felt like it took forever, that the room was getting longer and longer and that I would never make it. It wasn't until Molly nudged me again that I came to my senses.

"Good evening, girls. How can I help you?" Astoria greeted as she stopped what she was doing.

I opened my mouth ready to speak but the words couldn't come out. I felt like a goldfish as I opened and closed my mouth.

"Can we talk in private, please?" Molly piped up.

"This way."

We followed her into her office which had another desk inside, as well as filing cabinets which covered the walls from floor to ceiling. The large window behind her desk let in a large amount of light, whilst the two doors off it were closed. There were two comfy looking chairs this side of the desk so we sat down, as Astoria shut the door.

"So," she said as she sat down, crossing her hands on top of the papers on the desk. "How can I help? Will you be needing any contraception?"

Molly let out a squeak but turned it into a cough as I looked at the floor.

"I-I-I'm p-" The word got caught in my throat once again. "I-I'm knocked up," I blurted out.

The room was dead silent as I continued to stare at the floor. Astoria cleared her throat before speaking, "Is that so? Have you done any tests?"

"Three muggle ones, I think I'm two months, maybe."

"Very well, have you thought about what you're going to do?"

I screwed my eyes up willing myself not to cry. "I-I wish to have an abortion," I murmured as Astoria logged onto her wiz-computer which meant she was able to communicate to St. Mungo's without having to wait for an owl.

"At St.Mungo's I take it?" She asked and I nodded, opening my mouth to ask a question. "Everything will be discreet, Miss Potter, I can assure you." Astoria typed some more on the wiz-computer and then looked back at me. "Is next Saturday okay at eleven thirty in the morning?"

"Sure, thank you."

Molly who had been silent raised an eyebrow at me making me frown back at her. "Um, Matron, last week Lily was quite sick, a lot and last Thursday night she fainted out of the blue. I told her to come and see you, but she's stubborn y'see," Molly explained as I just looked at her.

"Is it okay if I run a few tests, Miss Potter? To double check that you are pregnant and to find a reason for this? Morning sickness is common of course but you shouldn't have been that ill with it," Astoria explained to us.

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and nodded.

"I will need to do both a blood and urine test. If you could fill this up for me please." With that she handed me a vial. "The bathroom's just off the ward."

Nodding I left the room to the small bathroom and did what I had to, despite thinking I couldn't. On re-entry I handed the vial to her and Molly wrinkled her face in disgust. There was now a striking purple potion filling another vial on the desk, Astoria then mixed that into the one I had just given her. As they connected they made not only a splashing sound but a sizzling one to. I was memorised as they swirled together.

"Now you haven't got a phobia of needles or anything, Lily?" I shook my head as she led me out of the room, trailed by Molly who was looking a bit lost as to what to do.

She prepared my arm before using the needle to name two small tubes of blood. Molly squeezed my hand as I winced as she pulled it out, placing a cotton wool ball on the small hole.

"I can have the results of both tests to you in half an hour. You can either wait to choose to come back."

Standing up, I chose to leave, I couldn't stand waiting here for half an hour, it would do my head in. "I'll be back," I assured her.

Molly linked my arm, outside the hospital wing we nearly bumped slap bang into Kallie and Olivia. My face dropped and I was lost for words.

Kallie's face lit up. "There you are! We've been looking for you, the boys went off to practice and whatever else they get up too."

"How come you're not with them, Lil?" Liv questioned.

"Still a bit weak from that stupid sickness bug," I said through gritted teeth. Kallie gave me a sympathetic look but the her smile faded as she looked from Molly to the hospital wing.

Gasping, she clutched her hands to her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Mol, I forgot to ask. How did the test go? Y'know the pregnancy test," she asked as she mouthed the word 'pregnancy'.

I didn't have time to react or even nudge Molly because she spoke with ease.

With a shrug of her shoulders she said, "False alarm, came out negative."

Liv patted her arm. "Probably for the best, it's ridiculous having a child at this age!"

I was outraged by that. She has no idea how it could have happened and yet she's so quick to judge. For all she knows it was stupid mistake, the one time that we didn't use a condom and boom I get freakin' knocked up.

Before any of us could say anything more, Kallie dragged us off to the grand staircase. "Come on, the fireworks will be starting soon," she squealed.

I allowed myself to be taken away, I needed a distraction so I wouldn't mull over my thoughts or even over think them. Kallie took us outside and we sat on the cold stone steps, it was chilly considering all I had on was Aidan's grey hoodie over my top.

Even from here we could see the pitch and I longed to be down there with them. I wasn't going to let this affect my training, we've got a big match coming up next month and we cannot afford to lose. I could make out the girls passing what must have been the Quaffle between them, I could tell from the way there were separate from the others; that and their long hair.

One of the boys was zooming around the pitch, followed by another. It was bound to be Aidan and Liam since they're our beaters. Aidan, I sighed at the thought of his name. Am I right in not telling him? I mean this will all be over soon. Next I will make sure that we have something, hell I'd even consider going on the pill. This isn't happening again, at least not for a good few years.

The sky was darker already, making it harder to see those training despite the big bright pitch lights. I already knew that a bunch of fireworks were being let off on there because they were muggle ones, and Aidan had told me practice would have to finish earlier.

Out of most of the holidays, I really do love Bonfire Night. The sky always looks so pretty and with every bang, fizzle and pop I instantly think back to when I was little. Mum and dad had taken myself, James, Albus and Teddy out to one of the hills near The Burrow. It was there in the cold we set up a small camp with a fire in which we cooked sausages and then toasted marshmallows. I remember we were all huddled under these giant blankets, keeping warm as the sky lit up in an array of colours, it was like there was thousand of Bertie Botts bean being thrown across the dark sky.

I was so lost in my own world that I hadn't realised that the team had come up or that Aidan and Liam had joined us and Hugo and Matt who also appeared out of no where. I was vaguely  aware that Molly muttered to me that time was up but for now I didn't care. I was happy, remembering special times, I didn't want those result to ruin anything.

There were larger gathering of people out and about, there were even people sat down by the lake  wrapped up in thick coats or snuggle in a blanket. As if my thoughts had been read, something fluffy was thrown at me by my brother.

"Hey!" I protested,  but secretly I was glad. I couldn't tell whether it was for my benefit, being his sister or Kallie's. Wrapping it around myself and Molly, as well as Kallie who joined us we hugged the ends tight to keep in out body heat. I found myself smiling at the fact that some of the Professors were out here as well.

From down on the pitch the first lot were being set off and I smiled at the loud banging noises whilst those nearer us set off Uncle George's special creations. I nearly jumped out of my skin when a firework dragon roared from behind us as it floated over the castle doors.

The test results were pushed to the back of my mind as I started to enjoy the night. They still bothered me but at least I had a smile on my face, I was going to enjoy tonight, no matter what, Every now and again a tray with mugs of steaming hot chocolate or warm Butterbeer would float by. Aidan ending up sharing out blanket too, so it meant we were sat in close proximity, his one hands held mine and I smiled some more just as a Flaring Weasley went up, creating a shower of bright red and orange sparks. It was a perfect way to end the night really.

***



By eleven McGonagall was bringing at end to the fireworks, thought I had a sneaking suspicion there would still be some of uncle George's floating and flying around the grounds tonight. As much as I didn't want to I dragged myself back to the hospital wing with Molly, the others hadn't notice as we had left them outside and people were slowly heading off to various common rooms in dribs and drabs.

It was dark when we entered and I felt bad having to knock her office door, in case she was asleep.

"Miss Potter," a voice from behind called. Turning on the spot I saw the matron walking up the ward to us. "You're not the only ones enjoying the fireworks." Astoria unlocked her office, picking up a file from off her desk. "The urine test came back positive, you're definitely pregnant. As for the other results, it appears that your anaemic, Lily."

I frowned, I know Bee had mentioned it to me when I saw her the first time but I had no idea of what it meant.

Seeing the look on my face she proceeded to explain and I nodded in return trying to take all of this in. "There are three types and yours is the most common, it can be treated and whilst you've made your decision you are going to have to be careful over the next two weeks. It's important you get enough iron in your diet."

"These," she explained as she produced a list, passing it to me. "Are a list of foods all enriched with iron. I've also prescribed you some  iron supplements and folic acid tablets , you're to take one of each a day."

I nodded carefully as she handed over two packets of tablets. "Will it last?" I asked. "I mean even after I have the..." I trailed off.

The matron shook her head, browns hairs escaping out of her neat bun. "Not forever, you'll have to take them for a week or two afterwards. I'll then do another blood test to either make sure it's just pregnancy related or whether you need further treatment."

"Thank you, matron."

She smiled as we left and I clutched the tablets close to my chest under the blanket which I had ended up carrying.

"Let's got to bed, I'm completely shattered," I admitted as we passed people in the corridors who were still fascinated by stray fireworks outside.

It had been such a long day that my bed and the thought of sleep was looking very promising. As was a lie-in tomorrow providing I won't have to throw up at stupid o'clock. Oh the joys of this stupid, messed up illness.

A/N The reason why Lily was so ill was due is due to her having anemia. Nobody ever said being pregnant was easy as Lily is finding out. Lily's has finally seen Astoria and made a decision of sorts. Thoughts?


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