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“Ok!” Albus whipped out an extremely large and complicated looking diagram as we sat crowded around him at breakfast.

“So, this is a new chaser pattern I want to try.” He tapped the diagram once with his wand and the three figures I assumed were supposed to represent Roxie, Lily and I began to fly in a complicated looping pattern.

True to form Lily squinted at the sheet, trying to follow her own figures movements around the page. Roxie simply rolled her eyes at me.

“Mental” she mouthed.

I nodded in agreement.

“So,” continued Al “Lysander and Hugo, these two are you!” he tapped the sheet again and two more figures began to fly around, shooting bludgers at some new green figures who had also appeared on the page.

Lysander for once looked slightly sickly as he watched his figure perform a series of flips.

Al continued unabashed “Here I am.” His own figure flew up and down in front of the hoops performing a series of spectacular saves.

“And here you are Louis,” he tapped it again and Louis’s figure appeared, chasing the snitch around the sheet.

“Now,” he said firmly “factoring in two false snitch sightings, I think if we follow this diagram we should be able to beat Slytherin in roughly eleven minutes. Is everyone clear on their roles?”

Everyone sat in stunned silence hoping he was kidding.

“Catch the snitch…” suggested Louis slowly.

“Excellent! Dom?”

“Remove all the bones in my spine so I can bend at that unnatural angle….”

He frowned “could you please take this seriously?”

“Mate…” intervened Lysander “isn’t eleven minutes a little soon? I mean… Louis and I haven’t played before…”

“But you can see I’ve factored that into the diagram!” Explained Al proudly.

“The diagram is mental,” said Hugo bluntly “James never used diagrams…”

Immediately I kicked him, this was clearly the wrong thing to say.

Al scowled “how unfortunate James has graduated then and I’m the bloody captain.”

“That’s not what Hugo meant Al…” said Roxie shooting Hugo a death glare “it’s just that a new style of captaincy takes some adjusting for all of us. Leave the diagram with us and we can get to know it before the match tomorrow.”

Still scowling Al nodded and headed off to collect his books before class.

“He’s gone mental…” said Hugo in an awed tone.

“Well your tactlessness doesn’t help matters!” said Lily pointedly.

“I really don’t think I can bend at that angle,” I said, tilting my head to better see the diagram “not unless I manage to de-bone several key joints.”

Roxie blanched, “Not even Al could expect that… right?”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll catch the snitch in eleven minutes!” exclaimed Louis “that’s mental! Not even James does that!”

“True,” I added thoughtfully “his record was eight minutes once, but that was an easy catch. Most matches go for at least an hour!”

“This is mental!” said Lysander as he packed up his books and stood up “if I tried to do that move I’d brain myself with my bat and fall to my death!” he pointed to a bizarre cartwheel like movement his figure had just performed on his broom.

“Well it’s official,” said Hugo glumly as he stood up to head back down the table to his friends “we’re fucked.”


“Hey Dom!” Lorcan slid into the seat his brother had just vacated “I meant to ask you something yesterday but I forgot.”

“Go ahead…” I said slowly, my instincts for self-preservation kicking in. something told me this wouldn’t be an enjoyable conversation.

“Who was it? In the note. You just said Lauren was snogging someone in a broom closet and that it was a Weasley but you never told me who. And the stick figure diagram is unhelpful.”

He produced the letter from his pocket and spread it on the table so I could see for myself just how unhelpful the diagram was.

I should preface this by noting that, unlike Albus, drawing is not one of Lily Potter’s notable skills… the stick people looked more like trees. If trees could go at it violently in a broom shed that is…

The drawing showed one stick person from the back, which I presumed was meant to be Hugo since the other stick person sported very large breasts, and blonde hair that snarled like a very unflattering birds nest… not really helping the overall tree like impression.

Lily had animated the cartoon to make the stick figures snog and break apart every couple of seconds to allow a large speech bubble to appear from stick Lauren’s mouth proclaiming the words “I’m a dirty whore.”


“You’re right Lorcan,” noted Roxie as she surveyed the page “that is not a very good drawing at all. Dom needs to work on her sketching apparently…”

I glared at her through narrowed eyes “do not push me.”

“I think it’s a very good drawing!” objected Lily, apparently under the assumption that this was helpful, “Dom did a very good job… and the right thing. Because you deserve better Lorcan…”

The last sentence was said in such a worshipful tone that I wasn’t surprised that Lorcan looked a little alarmed.

“Thanks… so who is it Dom?”

Several seats away Hugo sat with his friends, but from the way he tensed at this question I knew he was eavesdropping like mad.

“What makes you think it’s a Weasley?”

“It says so right here.” Lorcan tapped one of the lower sentences of the letter.

“Oh dear,” I said pointedly “what a stupid and unnecessary detail for me to have included.”

Lily flushed and didn’t say anything.

At this stage I would have really loved to have thrown Hugo under the bus, or shoved the whole mess back onto Lily to deal with I really would. But unfortunately, I love the runts, and as much as Hugo likes to pretend he’s tough, he’s still several years younger, smaller, shorter and less muscled than Lorcan. And while Lorcan has always seemed like the saner of the Scamander twins, this is like saying Hippogriffs make better pets than Dementors. They do, but only because on a sliding scale they’re less vicious. You still shouldn’t go and buy one. And I had no idea of how Lorcan would react to the information that it was Hugo.

At the very least his friends wouldn’t take it lightly. Lorcan was popular, and the last thing Hugo needed was a war with the seventh year Ravenclaw’s or to acquire a nasty reputation as a girlfriend stealer.

Added to which I could feel Lily’s imploring gaze as I studiously avoided her eye.

The things I do for this family.

“I would rather not say…” I said primly.

“Ok…” said Lorcan, an ugly tone in his voice “because I already have some suspicions…” his gaze crept to Hugo’s end of the table.

Hugo looked up and turned a sickly colour.

“It wasn’t Hugo!” I said firmly. This was all I had intended to say, however for reasons I will never understand, another sentence exited my mouth.

“It was me.”


To say that this produced a reaction would be an understatement. Roxy choked on her drink while Lily let out a strangled shriek I think was supposed to be the word “what?”

Lorcan just appeared stunned.

“Dom don’t!” said Hugo firmly but I cut across him.

“It was me. Lauren and I got it on in the broom cupboard’s a couple of times… and I just felt you had a right to know…”

Regrettably several of Hugo’s mates heard this sentence and assumed expressions that would make an impartial observer think Christmas had come early.

 “Dom… you don’t honestly expect me to believe this do you?” Demanded Lorcan “what about Lysander?”

“What about him?” I returned innocently “why did you think I was so keen to avoid him?”

Seeing he looked unconvinced and was still shooting ugly looks at Hugo, I decided to suck it up. Let it never be said Dominique Appoline Weasley does things half heartedly.

“Oi Lauren!” I yelled across the hall to the Hufflepuff table as I exited my seat crossing the small gap between the tables to sit next to her.

When she turned around looking sulky I planted a very large smack on her lips before she could object, pulling away and marching back to the Gryffindor table before she had time to open her mouth and spoil everything.

“See!” I said calmly.

Lorcan just looked baffled “why on earth would you send me a note telling me to dump her then?” he demanded, “Did you think I’d mind?”

Since this sentiment appeared to be echoed on the male faces around me (with the exception of Hugo) I just groaned.

He chuckled “I’d have happily joined you in the closet Dom…”

I just shuddered and wished that for once, just for once, my mind actually considered the consequences of my actions. I could tell, already, that I was in for yet another spell of notoriety.


“Well really Dom! I can’t think what possessed you!” said Rose as she stirred our potion “you are the biggest idiot I have ever met.”

Since I knew her brusqueness was her way of showing she cared I didn’t object to being called an idiot.

“My mouth is faster than my brain!” I explained “and the thing about it being me in the diagram came out before I thought…”

“But you kissed her!” groaned Rose “why Dom? Why?”

“Well by then I was already committed to the lie! There’s no point doing things half assed…”

She just sighed and took away the gurdyroot I was maiming, beginning to chop it into her own perfect cubes.

“You always say that! But sometimes being discreet isn’t doing something half assed! Have you noticed these sorts of things don’t seem to happen to anyone else Dom?”

Meekly accepting her criticism of both my chopping ability and my behaviour I just sighed.

“I hate my life.”

“Be that as it may…” Professor Knott glared at us from the front of the classroom; his eyes narrowed “Miss Weasley I must ask you to refrain from discussing your scintillating personal life in my class.”

“Don’t worry Professor!” said Malfoy smugly “Dom’s just pissed off everyone found out she’s both a lesbian and a slut…”

“Oi!” Al looked up from his own desk where he sat next to Scamander, drawing his wand “say it again Malfoy and see what happens.”

“Enough!” thundered Professor Knott. Everyone ignored him.

“Say it again!” repeated Al dangerously.

Malfoy didn’t look remotely phased “Dom is both a lesbian and a slut… she stole someone’s girlf….”

He broke off when a spectacular hex hit him in the middle of the chest causing his face to erupt in what looked like enormous bogeys, which then grew wings and began to attack his exposed skin.

Turning to Al to congratulate him on a hex I’d never seen before I found him looking mystified as we all watched Malfoy shrieking and vainly trying to fend off enormous bat sized bogeys.

“Miss Weasley! Remove that hex immediately!” Professor Knott looked livid as he approached our table.

“It wasn’t me!” I objected at the same time Rose crossed her arms over her chest.

“No!” she said firmly “I hope they eat him!”

I blinked. Rose had hexed someone? Rose? Rose had hexed Malfoy… Rose who had never had a detention before this year. Who always told the rest of us to “use our words” to solve problems. Rose was as violent as… well… me!

The bell went as Professor Knott looked stunned at this disobedience from his best student.

Rose stood up, her eyes glittering dangerously “I won’t remove the hex because he’s an ass! And you can’t make me!” with that she swept out of the potions room leaving everyone in shocked silence. Except Malfoy, who while shocked, was certainly not silent as he continued to shriek at the attacking bogeys.

I revised my earlier opinion. Life wasn’t so bad after all.


It took the better part of the afternoon for Madame Pomfry to reverse the effects of Rose’s hex since she stubbornly refused to lift it. By this point I wasn’t sure which was bigger news throughout the school, my apparent romance with Lauren, or Malfoy’s flying bogeys.

Glad both that Malfoy was humiliated and that some of my notoriety was being eclipsed I was able to bear with an approach at good grace the sniggering that accompanied my appearance in every class and hallway.

Until the appearance of Lysander Scamander that is.

“So… Lauren Higgins, really Dom?” he chuckled as he took the seat across from me as I studied in the library before dinner.

I gave him a cheery grin, “Yep, apparently my taste is just that bad. Why do you think I’ve tolerated you this long?”

He snorted, “Anyone who believes that load of absolute bullshit is thicker than a concussed troll.”

“You would know…” I said pointedly.

“So how long does Hugo intend to hide behind you?”

I looked up sharply “He has nothing to do with this.”

Lysander rolled his eyes “Please. Anyone with eyes could tell he had a bad case of puppy love for Lauren. And that Lily is so obsessed with my brother I won’t be surprised if he wakes up with her at the end of his bed one of these days…”

I slammed my books shut, “Is there something you want Scamander? Or do you just want to wave around insulting theories about my family until I knock you out with my transfiguration text book?”

“I just want to know why they’re so willing to throw you under the bus is all… “

“That’s really none of your business is it?” I demanded “But for the record Scamander, it’s called family. Sometimes you do things that don’t suit you to help out people you love.”

His stare was penetrating as he leant back in his chair to survey me. “Then why is it Dominique my darling girl, that no one is sticking their neck out for you in return?”

Squashing the little voice that agreed with him I pretended I hadn’t heard and, shooting him a nasty look, packed up my books and swept back to the common room.


The day of the match dawned clear and bright the next morning. It was still crisp and cold, but the wind was a perfect balance between non-existent and gale force. Excellent to assist speed, but not strong enough to buffet players and affect play.

When I reached the changing rooms I was surprised to see Al storming out to meet me a thunderous look on his face.

“Did you know?” he demanded.

“Know what?”

“That he was coming?” Al pointed furiously at an approaching figure.

With a shriek of joy I sprinted over to be caught in a bone-crushing hug by none other than James Potter.

“What are you doing here?” I cried.

He chuckled “I wanted to see Al’s first match as captain! And Minnie has always had a hard time saying no to me.”

Muttering under his breath Al stomped back into the changing rooms.

“What got up his robes?” demanded James looking slightly insulted.

I shrugged “he’s been a bit mental lately… Everyone has.”

“Including you?” James grinned “it’s been three days since I saw you last Dom and you’ve managed to become a lesbian in that time?”

I just groaned, “How did you hear about that?”

He threw me a cheeky wink as he pushed my into the girls locker room “I know everything Dom.”


“And then,” continued Lily “Al went mental because he’s here! He kept yelling about usurping authority…”

“Usurping authority?” Roxie snorted, “What does he think he is? The king of Quidditch?”

The three of us were lingering in the girls change rooms, not wanting to meet up with the rest of the team and face a mental Albus.

“We have to go soon,” Lily pointed out “the match starts in fifteen minutes and Al will want to talk to us all.

I sighed, “Fine, but I’m not disarticulating my spine no matter what Al says, that is not a reasonable thing to demand of your chaser.”

“I don’t think he’s inclined to be reasonable,” whispered Roxie as we entered the boy’s locker room to see more mental diagrams plastered all over the walls as an extremely agitated Albus paced up and down explaining them to an extremely baffled team.

Sitting next to Lysander I whispered, “How long has he been at this?”

He shot me a pained look, “Too long. Plus he and James had a spectacular showdown when Al banned him from the locker room… said it was team only.”

Lily, on my other side whistled under her breath at this, “that’s bold… James wouldn’t like that.”

“He didn’t!” Hugo assured us.

“Are any of you listening?” Demanded Al, a frantic look in his eyes.

“Listen mate…” said Lysander carefully “just calm down. You’ve done a great job training us all up, we’ve got this ok?”

Al took a deep breath “Yep. Ok. We’re fine. So um, just win, please. And remember your formations and I’ll see you back here in eleven minutes!”

Louis groaned, “Kill me now. Someone. Please?”


The match began well; I could see Al making bizarre gestures at us all from his position in front of the hoops.

Sighing, Lily, Roxie and I began mimicking one of his demented formations that fortunately baffled the Slytherin team enough we managed to score a goal in the opening minute.

“Maybe Al isn’t so mental after all!” laughed Lily as we high fived.

“Hugo might be though…” said Roxie dangerously.

We all turned around. As the match progressed Hugo appeared to be becoming more and more obsessed with hitting Malfoy with the bludger.

“There are other players you nut job!” yelled Al “He’s the ruddy keeper! Focus on their chasers and give me a bit of a break!”

Hugo ignored him, and while the sickening crunch of bludgers hitting Malfoy was music to my ears, Lysander had my sympathy as he tried to protect the rest of us from bludgers on his own.

Since this was an impossible task for one person, and a new player at that, it wasn’t long before one of the Slytherin chasers, Arthur Boyd, managed to purposefully ram his broom into mine in an attempt to knock me off course.

“Foul!” shrieked Madame Hooch, awarding me a free throw.

Remembering Al’s diagram I flew in from the left, aiming for the closest hoop. At the last minute I accelerated my broom and bent myself at an angle that I had previously insisted was impossible to throw the ball through the undefended right hoop at the same time Hugo’s bludger grazed Malfoy’s left ear and collided with the left goalpost.

I burst out laughing at the expression on Malfoy’s face as I saw my goal added to the scoreboard.

I could see Al beaming with pride at the use of his strategies and I could hear someone, I felt sure it was James, leading a rousing chorus of “Weasley is our Queen.”

Unfortunately my good mood ended when Hugo, furious at his miss, wasn’t content to wait for the bludger to come back, but instead hurled his bat with all his strength at Malfoy, knocking him off his broom with a nasty crack.

“Foul!” yelled Madame Hooch once more, awarding the Slytherin’s a free pass that Al caught easily before he called a time out.


We all gathered in the changing rooms.

“I’m sorry but I’m not!” said Hugo mutinously.

“Way to cover all bases mate…” snorted Louis with a dry chuckle.

“You’re not sorry?” shouted Albus “in what possible realm would you not be sorry? What the hell were you trying to pull? Do you want us to lose? Or be disqualified?”

“He’s a wanker!”

“Obviously he’s a wanker!” Al roared, “He’s a bloody Slytherin!”

“He called Dom a slut!” Hugo yelled back “He deserves to be hit on the head with a beaters bat!”

I blinked, slightly startled by such an extreme show of loyalty from Hugo.

“Um, that really isn’t necessary.”

 “I couldn’t agree more Miss Weasley,” said a cold voice from the doorway. Startled we all spun around to face an extremely irate Professor McGonagall.

“It may surprise you all to learn,” she continued dangerously “that the Gryffindor Quidditch team is not a vehicle through which members of the extended Weasley clan can enact personal vendettas! You are not the only members of the house, though you may compose the entirety of the Quidditch team in one of the most astonishing displays of nepotic jobbery I have ever seen. Mr Potter kindly see that your team remembers this in the future before I suggest to Professor Longbottom that both this team and its captaincy would benefit from the extended absence of your family.”

With that she swept back to the stands leaving all of us standing in an awkward huddle.

“Brooms. Now. Win.” Said Albus through gritted teeth.

We won the match in the end. Al was too furious to be much use as keeper for the rest of the match, but luckily Louis caught the snitch before any more harm could be done. As victories went though… this one was rather hollow given our captain was furious enough that he refused to speak to anyone but Lysander.

“I get why you and Hugo are in trouble,” muttered Lily as we all sat in the locker room waiting for another speech from Albus, “but what in the name of Merlin did Roxie, Louis and I do?”

“I think a better question is what the hell has gotten into Hugo?” corrected Roxie grimly.

Hugo sighed, “It’s just… Dom has been so good to me lately. She took the blame for the whole thing with Lauren and she protected Lily over the whole letter thing. And I just saw him flying around on his stupid broom and smiling his stupid smile and it made me mad. Because he called Dom a slut, and embarrassed her, even though he knew she hadn’t actually done anything. And he deserves to get hit on the head with a bat for it!”

I was touched by this sudden display of loyalty “Hugo!”

“Geroff Dom!” he squeaked as I enveloped him in a hug “help!”

“For the record” added James from where he stood in the doorway. Albus had managed to ban him from the change room, but James, taking him literally, continued to lurk outside.  “I’m on Hugo’s side. Death to Malfoy…”

“It doesn’t matter what bloody side your on!” roared Al, emerging from the showers, “you’re not on the bloody team anymore James so you don’t get a say! I’m the captain! And it’s hard enough managing all of you without everyone saying we’re just some sort of big family joke! So start taking it seriously you lot or by Merlin I will kick you off the team!”

James looked flabbergasted that his youngest brother was yelling at him “Oi! I was captain before you were…”

“You did everything before I did!” shouted Albus back “and I might have to do it second but I don’t have to do it your way so just back off and stop sending me so many bloody owls!”

I stood up, “Ok, everyone just calm down…”

“Shut up Dom!” they both shouted.

Lysander snorted, “Christmas at your place must be fascinating…”


When we all left the change rooms in a subdued mood we found Rose and Lucy waiting for us. Al swept past everyone without a word while James continued to mutter about “filial respect.”

“That refers to fathers James,” said Rose tiredly “and Al is the captain now.”

“I know that!” he objected, “I came to support him! He did a great job! You won in just over forty minutes!”

“I think Al is annoyed at living in your shadow,” said Lucy thoughtfully “It’s pretty irritating to spend so much time being compared to and defined by older members of the family. Not that you’d know, but Louis and I get it all the time. You probably should have let him have his own moment as captain.”

Rose sighed “Just go tell him you have faith in him as a captain James.”

“Why should I have to?” he demanded, “He’s the one who’s PMSing!”

I jabbed him with my wand “just go!”

Rolling his eyes, he stalked back towards the castle yelling “Oi! Squirt!” after his brother’s retreating form.

“I’m bloody well taller than you!” Came the retreating shout.  

“That probably won’t help…” observed Lysander, setting off after them to play peacemaker.


With Albus and James gone Rose turned to further quarry.

“Hugo what on earth was that?” she demanded.

“Justice,” he said smugly.

“You can’t just go around hitting people with bats!” objected his sister, “you’ll end up in Azkaban!”

He looked unimpressed by this. “Says the girl who set flying bogeys on Malfoy!”

Rose flushed “that was wrong of me wasn’t it?”

“No!” we all insisted.

“Nice one by the way!” I added, “Where did you find that hex?”

She blushed, “It’s an old one of Aunt Ginny’s… I was complaining about Malfoy over the summer and she remembered using it on his dad…”

Everyone but Lucy roared with laughter at this.

Rose continued to look guilty; “it was so unprofessional of me as Head Girl… I should probably go see Scorpius in hospital wing and apologise! I think Hugo gave him a concussion.”

As we watched her retreating form Hugo suddenly looked startled.

“Since when does she call him Scorpius?”





Preview of the next chapter:

Lysander had made the mistake of suggesting in Hugo’s hearing that we lock the two of them in an abandoned classroom to “work out their frustrations by shagging each other senseless” and got a hex to the groin for his troubles.

That was an excellent morning.

But back to the post. I received a rogue bludger in a large pink parcel. No, dear reader, you are not misreading that sentence. Some absolute nut job decided that I would enjoy receiving a demented, flying cannon ball in my morning post. And just to add insult to injury, they wrapped it beautifully in pink paper with a large bow that made me all excited thinking I was getting a present. 


Hmmm... Who could have sent Dom a bludger in the post? Review with your guesses and let's see if anyone gets it right! As always I love hearing favourite quotes, characters or random observations. Make my day?

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