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    Chapter 9


    “WHAT?” James, Lily, Peter and Nita shrieked.

    “You mean to tell me,” Lily darkly hissed, “that your girlfriend poisoned one of my best friends?”

    “When you, uh…when you say it like that, I suppose it does seem a bit…bad,” Remus hesitantly said.

    “It doesn’t make sense anymore, though,” Nita cut in. “There’s no reason for Kirsty to hate you four. She’s dating one of you, for goodness sake!”

    Sirius locked eyes with Remus, urging him to speak up. When Remus didn’t, he huffed. “Fine, I’ll say it. She was a jealous bitch. She got majorly pissed off that Remus ditched her at Hogsmead to spy on Nova and James.”

    “Wait, what?” James asked. “You spied on me?”

    “It’s not as bad as it sounds,” Remus quickly said. “Besides, Sirius, Peter, and Lily were there with me!”

    James frowned. “That doesn’t make it any better.”

    “Nova found out,” Remus added.

    James blinked a few times. “Bloody hell, how are you alive then? Surely she’d have castrated you for doing something like that?”

    He merely shrugged in response, causing Sirius to frown slightly. “She’s got a soft spot for Moony, methinks. Look at you Remus! You’re in the lead!”

    Remus shifted around awkwardly before saying, “That doesn’t matter, what matters is that Kirsty poisoned Nova because, well, because of me, really.”

    “I thought she was a good person,” Lily whined. She instantly perked up. “Oh, that bitch is going to get it.”

    Nita quirked an eyebrow. “How?”

    “You’re forgetting that I’m a Head. I’ll give her hell,” Lily said, smirking in delight at this advantage.


    “And bloody hell, you won’t believe it, but Snape of all people brew up your antidote! Imagine that!”

    Nova weakly smiled at Sirius’ attempts to cheer her up after telling her that it was Remus’ girlfriend who poisoned her.

    “And you’ll be so damn proud, woman, that little firstie? Tonks? Nymphadora Tonks, innit? She figured this whole thing out! Even the bloody professors were in a right state, but it was an ickle firstie who’d done it all!” Sirius went on.

    Remus leaned against the door frame and watched as Sirius interacted with Nova, going unnoticed by either one of them. He wasn’t sure what to make of everything that happened, but he knew he had to break up with Kirsty before anything else.

    As for Nova…that was a whole other thing. His best mate was in lurve with the girl that he too was slowly falling for, and neither had a single clue whether she returned any of those feelings to either of them.

    It was just a big mess, is what Remus thought. He even debated letting Sirius have Nova and finding someone to fall for, but couldn’t seem to find it in him to give it a go for real.

    He knew that this triangle was going to go nowhere if nobody spoke up. He didn’t want to be the one to speak up though.

    “Sirius,” Nova whispered. “I get that you’re trying to help, I do, but honestly…this isn’t helping.”

    Sirius sighed and leaned his head backward. “I know. I knew it was a failed attempt two sentences in, but I couldn’t find it in me to stop.” He gently held her hand and leaned in. “What can I say to help it?”

    Remus decided that this was as good as any moment to walk into sight.

    “Ah, Nova,” he brightly said, strolling towards her cot. “How have you and that callipygous of yours been?”

    Nova burst out in laughter. Sirius locked eyes with Remus and in that short exchange, he knew that Sirius was telling him that he knew just what to say.

    “So you do admit that it’s perfectly shaped, right?” Nova inquired.

    “I’m sorry,” Sirius cut in, before pausing a second. “What exactly is a callipygous?”

    Remus and Nova exchanged glances before bursting into laughter together. “It…it,” Nova sucked in a breath after her laughing fit, “It was a term made to define, er, well…”

    “To define a perfectly shaped arse,” Remus bluntly stated.

    Sirius blinked before standing up. “Bloody hell, mate, I think I’ve got a callipygous. What say you two?” he asked before promptly shaking his booty.

    Nova crackled in laughter once again. It took a few minutes for her to regain her composure and when she did, she breathed in heavily again and scolded the two of them for making her laugh too much.

    “Just doing our job,” both replied.


    “Peter has been trying to take your place in our group,” James tsked. “Awful thing, really. He hasn’t exactly got the ridiculous commentary part down yet. He’s also not as random as you, so we’ve been seeing the defects in his plan.”

    Nova visibly snorted at this given information. “He’s also not unbearably honest.”

    James frowned at her words. “That’s true, too.” He then perked up slightly. “On the upside, Remus broke up with Kirsty and Kirsty has three months worth of detentions given by Lily and I for every little thing she does in the corridors.”

    Nova gasped at this. “You can’t do that! You’ll be in trouble!”

    “I’m fairly certain ol’ Dumby knows what we’re up to, Nova. He’d have stopped us if he wanted to by now.”

    “She might have accidentally dropped it into my tea though,” Nova argued. “You can’t accuse like that. She might have even been cursed or something.”

    James rolled his eyes. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re too nice?”

    Nova simply sighed. “Add it to the list of things people tell me.”


    “How tall is she?”

    “Five seven.”



    “How tall are you?”

    “Five eleven.”

    “I’m five ten.”

    “Well, we’re good on those terms.”

    “What in Merlin’s baggy pants are you two up to now?” Peter huffed late that night.

    Remus and Sirius glanced at each other and then at Peter. “We decided that whoever has more traits from Nova’s Good Boyfriend Qualities List gets to ask her out to a date first,” Remus explained. “Seeing as I’m four inches taller than her and Padfoot’s five, we each gain a point.”

    “You’re bloody mental, you are,” Peter whispered.

    “Agreed,” James groggily said.

    The three of them glanced at him, as he smirked. “I can pretend sleep, you know.”

    “Shut up you two,” Sirius cut in. “We’re serious about this. We need to know who wins the first chance.”

    Remus nodded, agreeing with Sirius, so Peter and James sighed, sitting up straight and muffliato-ed everyone around them. “Okay, we’ll help. I’ll track Sirius, Peter tracks Remus.”

    “Let’s start from the top of the list,” Sirius offered. “Must be adorable.” He looked up at James and Peter. “No bias, now. Which of us is adorable?”

    James and Peter stared at Sirius for a long while before switching their gaze onto Remus.


    “Definitely Remus.”

    Sirius frowned. “Alright, I’ll give you that one.” He glanced down at the notebook, where he copied the list down on. “Must be physically attractive. Wormtail, Prongs?”

    “Both,” James and Peter spoke at the same time.

    Remus glanced down at the notebook and up at Sirius. “Which of us does she feel nervous around?”

    Sirius blinked. “Well definitely not me. She teases me more than anyone else.”

    Remus frowned and racked his brain to think if she’d ever acted nervous around him. He perked up when he remembered one time. “She was nervous around me once!”

    “When?” Sirius incredulously asked.

    “When you turned the girls’ stairs into a slide and I came down when she asked for me through you,” Remus reminded him. “She was stuttering and going bright red and everything.”

    Sirius groaned. “Fine. Three for you, one for me.”

    “Beautiful muscles,” James piped up. “She did say that Remus had beautiful muscles once.”

    “But you’ve also got nice muscles,” Peter added to Sirius.

    “Not ‘beautiful’ ones, though,” Sirius glumly said.

    Remus blinked. “How about we both get this one? Four for me, two for you?”

    Sirius shrugged in a disheartened fashion.

    “Must look devilishly sexy in a tight white shirt,” Peter continued on. “Oi, Remus, didn’t you go down in a tight white shirt that day? When Sirius turned the girls’ stairs into a slide?”

    “Merlin, you’re right!” Remus gasped. “And I asked her in Transfig when McGonagall was assigning us seats, if I looked alright in a tight white shirt. She said, and I quote, ‘If it helps, you totally look sexy in a tight white shirt.’”

    “Fuck me,” Sirius whined. “I give up. You win.”

    Remus frowned. “No, you have more qualities than I do, I’m sure of it. Just wait till we reach the end, mate.”

    “And you do look good in a tight white shirt, Padfoot,” James added. “Five for Remus, three for Sirius.”

    “Oi, pull off your shirts,” Peter demanded. With confused expressions on, both Sirius and Remus began tugging their shirts off. Peter eyed both of them before nodding. “Six for Remus, four for Sirius.”

    “What?” Remus asked.

    Peter pointed to the notebook. “Must look devilishly sexy in no shirt. You’ve both got good abs, you know? Six packs are always a turn on to females, right?”

    “Oh, right,” Sirius absentmindedly nodded. “Well, we can both withstand her weirdness and randomness, right Moony?” Remus nodded. “So seven for Remus, five for me.”

    “Oi, who’s got pretty eyes?” Remus asked.

    James stuck his face in front of Remus’ and Sirius’ faces. “Sirius. Sorry, Moony.”

    “Yeah, Sirius’ eyes kind of have this odd shiny sparkle kind of thing,” Peter added. “Seven for Remus, six for Sirius.”

    “Then who’s got the ‘I want to tangle my finger in’ hair?” Sirius questioned.

    “Moony,” James and Peter instantly said. “He’s got the thick, slight curls thing, you know?” James added. “Girls dig that.”

    “Gorgeous smile?” Sirius asked.

    “I think-”

    “No stop, backtrack a minute,” Peter cut James off. “I think Sirius has good the thick locks too. I think we should give him the point as well.”

    “So then what does that bring it to?”

    “Eight, seven.”

    James nodded. “Okay, but gorgeous smile has to go to Remus. He’s got them pearly whites.”

    “He’s just got a downright nice smile.”

    “Nine, seven.”

    “Ten, eight,” Sirius said. “We both meet the height requirements.”

    Remus looked up. “Now who the bloody hell has got the adorable laugh?”

    James and Peter glanced at one another before shooting two Rictusempra spells at Sirius and Remus, causing them to double over, laughing at the sensation of tickles erupting over them.

    “Sirius,” James and Peter finally said.

    “Okay,” Sirius wheezed out. “Okay, so that makes the score ten to nine.”

    “Oi, either of you sing?” Peter asked.

    Remus blushed red instantly. Even Sirius was surprised. “Bloody hell mate, do you?! You realize you’ve gotten every single one of these traits, spare the laugh and the eyes?”

    “Shut up,” Remus mumbled.

    “Eleven, nine,” Sirius said. “What’s next?”

    Remus glanced down. “Must be smart enough to have an intelligent conversation with. You’re pretty smart, Sirius.”

    “So are you,” Sirius told him. “Twelve, ten. Must like you for you. Obviously we both get that one. Thirteen, eleven.”

    “You ever think Nova looks hideous when she’s got a lack of sleep?” Remus asked.

    Sirius shook his head. “Nope. You?”

    “Never. Fourteen, twelve.”

    “Must be satisfied with what he has and never pressure girlfriend,” James read aloud. He glanced at Sirius. “Now we know Moony would be good with this one. But given your track record, Padfoot, only Moony would be given this. However, seeing as you admitted you’re in lurve with Nova, I highly doubt that you would pressurize her into anything.”

    “Fifteen, thirteen?” Sirius questioned for confirmation.

    Remus nodded. “Fifteen, thirteen,” he confirmed. “Must never lie.” He frowned. “I haven’t told her I’m a werewolf. It’s technically a lie.”

    “It says in parenthesis, though,” Sirius cut in, “that it’s iffy and it depends on what the lie is. Your argument is invalid. However, I’m the one who got you to steal her panties, and she did ask if anyone had seen red knickers, so I’m lying as well.”

    “But then I am too,” Remus countered. “Because I’m the one who actually got them!”

    “That was you two?” James asked in a surprised manner. He suddenly frowned. “Oi! Give me back Lily’s polka dotted bra. If you wanted the merch, at least take it from the girl you want, not mine.”

    “Do neither of us get the point?” Sirius asked.

    “I doubt we deserve the point for this one,” Remus told him.

    He shrugged. “You’re probably right.”

    “Must ask out girlfriend in the most adorable way and when there is a ball, must ask out in double the adorableness,” Peter continued on. “Let’s skip this since we haven’t gotten to this point yet.”

    “Good idea,” James said. “Alright, well, Sirius has got dimples.”

    “Moony’s got slight ones,” Peter added. “You can see them if you look closely.”

    “Sixteen, fourteen,” James said. “Oi, Sirius, didn’t she tell you that you were super cuddly like a teddy bear once?” Sirius nodded. James snuggled up to Remus for a few minutes. “Nah, Sirius wins this one. Sixteen, fifteen.”

    “We’re both fun and or funny,” Sirius added. “Seventeen, sixteen.”

    “We’ve both got a serious side as well,” Remus piped up. “So it’s eighteen to seventeen.”

    “Must like pranks, though obviously not too extreme,” Sirius said. “Nineteen to eighteen?”

    “And must have at least half of those traits. So twenty to nineteen?” Remus finished. His eyes widened. “Bloody hell, I won.”

    “One fucking point,” Sirius muttered.

    Peter gasped audibly. “Merlin and Circe! You daft idiots! We went through this whole list, but we forgot that this is only our opinion on the matter! You’ve got to get the answer from Nova for each one!”

    Sirius began smack his head against his bedpost.

    “Like the way she said that Sirius was super cuddly and how I totally looked devilishly sexy in a tight white shirt?” Remus asked.

    “Exactly like that.”

    Remus and Sirius frowned.

    “Alright, Marauders,” James smirked. “We’ve got a mission.”

    “Mission Who Is Nova Crushing On,” Peter added. “WINCO for short.”

    “We’re naming a mission?" James cried. "This is bloody awesome! I can see it now! Mission WINCO: The Chase After Nova Prescott’s Heart.”

    “Winco,” Remus mumbled. “Sounds like a plan.”

    Sirius cracked a grin. “So you’re telling me,” he excitedly said, “that we get to follow Nova around and keep track of how many qualities she says we’ve got?”

    The three others nodded. “Oh, this’ll be good,” Sirius laughed.

    Remus didn’t say it, but he was excited for this too.

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