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 A/N: This is the first chapter in a while with a Dorcas only POV. I'm excited about it!




Dorcas POV


I was tired. And I was hungry. The last time I was hungry was probably two months ago. I hadn't heard from anyone since Saturday afternoon, and it was now Sunday, twelve o' clock. I had been playing with the lock on my door all morning, trying to get it open without using magic. Maybe I could turn out like Harley. She's been living well past her due date for a while now, and everything is fine. Sure, she's a bit testier than she was five years ago, but who wouldn't be? 


Madame Pomfrey said she would be back at Hogwarts by Sunday afternoon, but this was getting ridiculous. How could they keep me cooped up in here for so long? I may be dying, but I still crave at least minimal human interaction. A couple of house elves had been up to visit me in my tiny room to bring me meals, and one even brought a daily prophet this morning, but they were apparently given strict instructions not to apparate me out of the room. I had looked through the books again, multiple times, as they were my only source of entertainment. My mother was the only one out of us three in Dumbledore's book, and there was no such mention of a danger classification. 


This was hopeless. I don't even know why I was trying anymore. I was just going to end up dying anyway, right? A silent, dry, sob wracked my body as I let my mind drift into that territory of thinking. I guess this is what self pity felt like. I've never had it before, and I prided myself on that. I didn't like to self pity, and I didn't think I deserved it. It's funny how much can change in the span of a couple of months, hell, a couple of days. I heard the scraping of something metal coming from outside the room, like a door, or a window, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. It was probably just the house elves cleaning again. It was difficult for my hopes to stay squandered, however, as I heard a loud thud, and the crashing of beds, tables and chairs. 


"Bloody hell," someone muttered from outside my room. I sat up a little straighter in my chair, very intrigued by this. Did someone actually get through the barriers? I doubted that. Madame Pomfrey was pretty creative with her charms and hexes. But, all my doubts vanished as I saw the glint of a slice of metal sliding through the seam in the doorway. I got up, ready to embrace the possessor of this enchanted knife. 


"Sirius," I said breathlessly. I hadn't seen him since the afternoon of the ball, and even then, the relationship had been strained since long before that. He grasped me tightly, holding my head to his chest.


"It's alright, Doe," he whispered into my head. I didn't want to let go, because I knew it would open up a ton of doors I did not want to go into. There were a lot of things he's done in the past months that I haven't understood, and it was time to rectify that; no matter how much we both wanted to avoid it. 


"Sit Sirius," I said, motioning to the chair. I took a seat on my bed and looked at his hands. They were tumbling into each other furiously, a sign of nerves that anyone would recognize. 


"Are you alright, Dorcas?" He did not seem to know how to handle this situation. And, to be truthful, neither did I. 


"I'm feeling fine, Sirius," I said hesitantly.  


"I spoke to Nick, I'm sure Prongs told you about that," he said, his hands calming a bit as we got into the conversation. I chuckled, at the memory of James' description. I'm sure Sirius did an awful lot more than speak with Nick.


"So, how's his nose doing then?" He smiled, a bit sadly, and chuckled, most likely at the memory. 


"Well, he was telling the truth," I confirmed.


"Exhaustion? Really, Dorcas?" I shrugged gently, trying to come across as aloof as possible. 


"It happens, mate. I'm a girl, what can I say?" He crossed his arms in disbelief, and smirked at my feeble joke. 


"So how'd you get in here, anyway, Casanova?" 




"Merlin, have you ever heard of a muggle reference?" He smiled again, wider this time. 


"Have you ever heard of who I grew up with? And the windows were just locked. Simple Alohomora, I was in," he said simply. 


"That's not the only question I've got for you mister." He looked away from me, sucking in air between his teeth at the mention of deep, emotional exploration. 


"Let's not do this right now, Dorcas," he said, his hand raising to scratch his face. His avoidance was really annoying me. 


"No," I said, picking up my wand and flicking the door shut. "We're doing this right now. Every time I try and do this, something comes up and gets in the way, and we just have to get this over with before I forget what has even happened." 


"When did you grow up," he asked, with a mix of mild shock and amusement. 


"One of us was bound to eventually," I answered. I was just given the perfect opportunity to this year; but then again, he didn't know that, did he? 


"Well, let's get this over with then. What do you want to know." He let his arms relax, his forearms coming to rest on his knees. 


"Why did Emmeline cheat on you?" He rolled his eyes, and tilted back on the chair, his hands reaching to rub his face again. 


"Fuck, Dorcas, I don't know. Heat of the moment? My avoiding her? Because she's a damn smart, manipulative Ravenclaw? You'd have to ask her, but not important, move on." 


"What was in your uncle's will?" This was probably the one I was most curious about.  He got up and began to pace the room, clearly becoming annoyed. He was not happy. 


"I got everything. As expected." The shorter his temper grew, the shorter his sentences got. I'd seen this side of Sirius before, and it was about to get ugly. 


"And?" He looked out the window that showcased the black lake, and I rose to meet him. 


"Same family as I left this year. What do you want me to say Dorcas," he roared. I blinked rapidly for a few seconds, trying to disperse the rage and tension in the room. He was particularly touchy about his family. A lot more than other's realized. 


"I want you to tell me what's been going on in your life," I said, exasperated. "I feel like I haven't had a proper conversation with you since the beginning of the year!" He turned around to face me when I said this. 


"Have you ever stopped to think that that's entirely your fault?" he asked, pointing an accusatory finger at me. 


"Sirius, I don't want to fight. You know I'm just glad to see you," I said, desperately trying to hold onto to some happier topics.


"No Dorcas," he said, backing me up to the farthest wall from the door. "You are the one who wants to talk about everything. So let's talk," he yelled dramatically. "Why have you been in and out of the hospital wing for the past three months?" I had no response for him, except quaking limbs. Sirius had never spoken to me like this. 


"Please, don't do this Sirius," I said, looking down to avoid his fiery yet heartless gaze. He grasped my arm tightly and that made me look up in shock. I never worried about crossing the boundaries with him before. 


"Why the bloody hell are you fucking locked up in here, huh? How come I had to fly into the hospital, and pry the door open with a magic knife? You sure as hell aren't that exhausted," he barked, definitely mocking me at the end. His face grew  closer to mine by the second, becoming more impassioned by the end of his tiny speech than ever before. 


"I-I don't know, Sirius," I said, my own voice quivering pathetically. I didn't know how to answer him. My arm growing numb did not seem to help. 


"Don't lie to me, Dorcas," He said, his voice growing dangerously soft. He whispered it more to himself, I think. His eyes would not meet mine, but there was an intense heat between us right now. 


"I'm not," I said, trying to sound more confident. Although, I'm sure he saw through my facade. 


"So, you're telling me that you have no idea what's wrong with you?" I nodded fervently, my head growing weary from crying, sleep deprivation, and yelling.


"I don't believe you Dorcas." I took the initiative, and finally locked gazes with him. He had to let it go. I was not ultimately surprised with what I saw. There was anger, fierce anger, but also heavy sadness seeping through the steel and aqua irises of my best friend. 


"Then I don't know what to tell you, Sirius." His hand rose again, for what was the fourth time in our meeting, but it did not raise to his own face. He brought it to my own chin, and locked his middle and pointer finger around the back curve of my jaw loosely. His thumb rested on my pale cheek. 


"I want you to tell me the truth, Dorcas," he said, this time, growing softer and closer as his words ended. My arm had been let go, in favor of a position around my waist. This was all too familiar, and it was comfortable. 


"I've given you all the truth I have," I said, another lie slipping through my teeth, as my head tilted up to his, insinctively. My mouth parted, slightly dry from the large amount of talking I'd been doing without water or fresh air. My eyes closed, only hoping that he would just drop this and kiss me. I felt his mouth hovering over me, his breath dropping warmth onto my lips. His hand that was previously resting on my jaw moved up to my hair, and laid itself gently on the nape of my neck. 


"You're a horrible liar, Dorcas." 


"I've gotten better," I answered, quite silently, as I didn't have much control over what I said anymore. 


"That's true," he said, stroking my neck absently, bringing slight humor back into the conversation. Just as he always would. It's Sirius, after all. I just wish he would stop teasing me. 


"I want you to kiss me, Sirius." I guess it's just better to be blunt. Or so I thought, before I actually said that aloud. That was bloody embarrassing. 


"You have gotten better at lying," he murmured, his face now leaning down in that special area between my neck and chest. "I almost believed that," he mused, before finally letting his soft lips lay on mine. We stayed there for a second, and didn't move. There was no need to. It just felt nice to be there again. He withdrew first, slowly and unsure of why he had actually done that. My hands automatically shot up straight to his face, and just held him there. In limbo. Almost like purgatory. It was the swing between heaven and hell. Hell, being, the outside world, heaven being my lips. My eyes stayed closed, not wanting to face what we had just done. I didn't know what I was going to do. Damn it, this little talk had not actually cleared anything up. 


"You're quite the seductress, you know that Dorcas," he said, chuckling, his heavy breath still lingering with mine. 


"I've learned from the best," I answered, my hands finally loosening, and falling down his arms, to my sides. So this is how we would make it out of here. With humor, like always. 


I opened my mouth to say something as he backed away from me, in shock. Then, of course, we were distracted. I heard the muttering of incantations, and the stumbling of feet in high heels. I looked desperately towards Sirius, who didn't seem to have any kind of solution either. 


"You've got to hide," I whispered to him. 


"My broom's out there, Dorcas. She'll see it, trust me," he said, a mischievous glint in his eye. Man, I missed that glint. 


"Well then you've got to just leave now before she gets in here!" 


"But Dorcas, we are not done talking," he protested as I pushed him out the door along with him magic knife and wand. 


"I'm pretty sure that's not the actual problem right now," I muttered, not bothering to acknowledge him. "Just go!" I whispered, as he fixed everything he had inevitably knocked down on his way in here. I smiled slightly as he stumbled onto his broom, and flew out the window. Closing my door once more, hoping everything was in place, I touched my lips, as I always did after a kiss. I thought of the slight burn his small touch gave me, and smiled giddily again. I really needed to nip that in the bud right away, I thought, laying down quickly and trying to calm my nerves. Oh, bloody hell, Sirius kissed me. My nerves dissipated as I thought about what and who actually happened. Sirius Black kissed me. 


I heard a knock at the door, and Madame Pomfrey peered in, smiling at my open eyes.


"Good weekend, Miss Meadowes?" My eyes only got wider as I dug deeper into everything that happened. 


"You wouldn't believe," I answered, my voice just as distant as I was. 



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