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A Walking Cliche by ladymarauder85
Chapter 2 : The one with the plan
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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thanks to AtomicPanda @ TDA for the gorgeous CI


Well, as September turned into November, my life had changed dramatically. My Mum had made the move to Washington with my new step-dad and they assured us they would be back in time for all our holidays. Aunty Maggie and Uncle Blake were on hand if they were needed throughout the term. Mum had told Jez about magic and he’d taken it slightly better than the last one. Well, he’d not had her committed anyway. Freddie had shown James the picture of my brother naked and he’d promptly made copies for the whole school to see as well. If it was me I’d leave forever but it only seemed to increase the amount of girls who wanted to date my brother. So, not only was I almost an orphan but I had now decided I was sibling-less as well.

And all that was just the tip of the iceberg.

Today, I am contemplating chucking myself off the Ravenclaw tower and happily haunt the school, terrifying any adolescent male who dares to breathe. It would be a perfect way to execute my idea that the male species need to crawl under a rock and die a very painful and slow death. Or even better, I could just chuck them off the Ravenclaw tower and live in peace myself.

I can't remember ever feeling suicidal or murderous before- apart from when we lost out to Gryffindor in the quidditch cup last year but let’s face it; I had good reason to feel that way. Quidditch is my life.

Though it did make me feel a lot better hearing my fist crack James Potter’s nose. Every cloud...

To make it clear, I was dumped in front of the whole school. It didn’t just feel like the whole school, it was the whole school including all the teachers and a couple of sets of parents. It was during a quidditch match that we were both playing in. Yes, during.

His reasons included the following: We have no time together as he is Head Boy, quidditch captain and needs to study for his exams to ensure he gets a good job after school.
Real reason: I wouldn’t sleep with him, I think.

My ex-boyfriend is now in the hospital wing with beaters bat related injuries and I have been banned from playing in the next match.

“We won the game Professor so it’s not the end of the world.”

“Mark could have died! It was lucky professor Longbottom slowed him down before he hit the floor otherwise he would have been in St Mungos!”

I’m not usually a violent person. Well, if you don’t include things that involve quidditch anyway. I’m also not much of a crier but the tears started as soon as I got back to my dorm. I don’t know what I was more upset about; the breakup, the possible end of my whole life, the imminent howler from my Auntie Maggie or the fact the whole school is talking about me.

I knew he was getting a bit impatient, I hadn’t exactly said no to sex, I was thinking about it, but I never thought he’d break up with me over it.

The thing that really got to me was that he didn’t look upset about the break up at all and while I spent the next week in detention and trying to ignore the stares and whispers he seemed to be much more cheerful than he had in ages. I was also banned from practicing quidditch for the week of my detentions and although I was not allowed to play against Hufflepuff in the next game, I was allowed to practice, after the ban.

The next Friday morning, I sat at the Ravenclaw table trying to ignore the fact that Mark seemed to be the life and soul of his group of seventh year friends and I was there picking at my breakfast.

“I swear to Dumbledore if you don’t start eating I will write to your Aunty Maggie Jess. You look like death,” I grumbled as Melody bit into her bacon roll, “I know it must be hard seeing him all the time, but he isn’t going to be missing you if your face resembles Voldemort. You really should think about brushing your hair as well.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full it’s disgusting.” She just grinned.

“We are sorting you out tonight after dinner; I’m starting to get embarrassed to be seen with you.” Melody usually went the whole honesty is the best policy thing and if I didn’t love her so much, I’d probably slap her.

I let my eyes wander around the great hall, anywhere other than Mark and they fell on the Gryffindor table. James Potter, captain of the Gryffindor team had climbed onto the table, eyes wide and a goofy look on his face.

“I just want to let everyone know that I am in love!” There was a titter of laughter around the Great Hall. “That’s right, James Potter is in love.”

The whole room looked toward their table in amusement. It wasn’t unusual for there to be a commotion around him; he always up to something.

“Zoe Perry I want to marry you,” He was on his knees now, one knee resting in a bowl of cereal, in front of a pretty blonde girl who was beaming at him and the whole of the great hall laughed, even the teachers looked amused, “we could go to that little church in Hogsmede and then we can have lots of babies.”

His friends were beside themselves. Aiden had actually fallen off his chair and was doubled over in laughter.

“James, get down now. Keep your personal life outside please.” Professor Longbottom shouted from his seat. He appeared not to have heard him and instead began singing a love song to her, clutching her hands in his own.

“He is the worst singer I have ever heard.” Hannah laughed.

“This is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life!” Melody screeched in my ear. “Do you think he has been imperised? I thought he’d dumped her?”

“At least someone is in love,” I mumbled.

Zoe looked so happy I was concerned she might burst. I managed a small smile when he was dragged off the table by Professor Longbottom and Professor Slughorn and pulled out of the great hall. He was still singing and Zoe got up and followed them out, smiling as though it was the best day of her life, along with some of his friends who were clutching themselves as they stumbled out after them.

“Well, that just made my week,” Melody said.

Needless to say, Potter wasn’t in any of my classes all day but Freddie was telling everyone that he had been slipped a love potion. Maybe I should slip Mark one, and then he may remember what he felt like before he finished with me. After dinner I went back to my room and my dorm mates were waiting for me. Melody had a brush in her hand and a manic look on her face.

What a crappy week.

It turned out the girls’ night wasn’t too bad. Melody sorted out my birds nest that rested on my head and we spent the night chatting.

“I’d love a guy to declare his love for me in front of everyone, it’s so romantic.” One of our other dorm mates Cassie Wood said as she took her make-up off.

“I would be completely mortified if anyone did that to me,” Hannah called from the bathroom where she was taking a bath, “If Ben ever did that to me I would dump him there and then in front of everyone.”

“Why?” I asked, as Melody brushed my hair as we lounged on her bed, “I wouldn’t like it if it was as extreme as Potter was today obviously, but it’s nice to know a guy isn’t embarrassed to show he cares, its sweet.”

“No offense Jess, but you hated it when Mark slobbered over you in front of people,” said Cassie as she slathered moisturiser on her face, “are you sure you’re not just saying that because you want him back?”

“That was more to avoid my immature brother hexing him Cass, and who said I want him back?” I saw her share a look with Melody, “I just wish he would talk to me.” I hated myself for sounding so pathetic but it was true.

“It may have something to do with the fact you used his head as a bludger, but who knows?” Hannah shouted a hint of laughter in her voice.

“I know I shouldn’t have hit him while he was on his broom. I was just so embarrassed, it was like a reflex.”

“I know honey; there was no need for that Hufflepuff idiot to start commentating your row instead of the match either. I did get her with the excellent tongue tying hex though. The detention was completely worth it.”

My best friend is amazing.

“You need to show him what he’s missing instead of moping around, kick arse at quidditch and get a smile back on your face!” Hannah walked out of the bathroom, a fluffy towel wrapped around her and determined look on her face, “You are amazing Jess and if he doesn’t want you then screw him, but I think he’s made a made a huge mistake.”

I love my friends.

“I’m surprised Aiden hasn’t got hold of him yet.”

“He broke into the hospital wing on Sunday night and the nurse caught him standing over Mark ready to curse him apparently. He was in my detention on Monday.”

When he’d got hold of me after my public humiliation he’d tried to be sympathetic but like every other male I know, he failed to improve my mood at all.

“He’s an arsehole anyway Jess. You’re better off without him or anyone actually,” I rolled my eyes, “I think it would be easier on everyone if you just stayed single forever and I wouldn’t have to worry about getting arrested for hexing the bollocks off anyone.”

“Thanks for the sympathy Ade; I’m off to drown myself in the black lake.”

“There’s the spirit Jess,” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and squeezed my shoulders before flashing a smile at a couple of girls as he walked away.

If you didn’t realise before now, lots of girls like my brother. One of them is Melody.

I once made the mistake of asking her what the hell she fancied about him and I wish to this day I’d never heard the words that came out of her mouth.

“I once walked in on him in the shower and I saw, well let’s just say your brother is fit. And very well…proportioned.”

The thought of it still makes me want to be sick. I never even wanted to know how the hell she’d managed to walk in on him showering. But it is Melody.

The next night was the last of my detentions so I made my way down to the dungeons and pushed open the potions classroom door. Slughorn, as cheerful as ever, despite having to oversee detention smiled as I entered.

“Ah Miss Kenny, the most dangerous student I have ever taught!” I grimaced but Slughorn didn’t seem to notice. “Pop yourself down next to Mr Potter and I’ll get you some ingredients to sort through.” He walked into his store cupboard and I could hear him moving bottles around.

“Alright Potter?” I sat down next to him and chuckled, “I didn’t realise you were such a talented singer, you should do something with that.” I teased, he replied with a dirty look.

“Go easy on him that was a powerful love potion he swallowed. The antidote took a couple of hours to take hold.”

“And yet, it is me who is in detention. What about the nut case who poisoned me?” He moaned.

“You may have been under the influence but you did try and strangle Professor Longbottom and we can’t prove who gave you the potion so until we can there is nothing we can do about it,” He put a selection of ingredients in front of us. “I assure you whoever it was wasn’t trying to hurt you, just make you unable to resist the young lady’s advances.”

“You should feel flattered Potter.”

“Shut up Jessie.” I scowled at the nickname. There were only two people in the world who called me Jessie; my Aunty Maggie and James Potter, two of the most irritating people to have roamed the earth. “What are you in for anyway?”

”Trying to kill the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain,” Potter raised his eyebrows, “Now, I need these sorted through, labelled and put into the correct area in the store cupboard. I ask you to be very careful Jessica; you don’t have the best track record in my class,” Potter snorted in agreement, “I’ll be back soon to see how you are getting on.”

We watched as Slughorn, led by his massive belly, left the classroom and closed the door behind him. James huffed as he separated the massive pile of leaves, potions, berries and a few other things I wasn’t too bothered about.

“Are you going to help or what?”

”What are you so moody about?” I replied, just as huffy as him. He opened his potions book and flicked through it to a chapter on plants.

“I am not moody, just stressed,” he ran his finger down the page, trying to identify the purple leaf in his hand, “I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment.”

“Like what?”

“Mind your own business,” He replied, not looking up from his book.

I got the impression he wasn’t up for small talk so I got on with my half of the pile. Potions is the bane of my existence. I only just scraped through to get into the NEWT class and I would have never managed it if it hadn’t been for my brother tutoring me for a month solid before the exams.

You may be wondering why I’m taking the subject if I am so bad at it but I was faced with the dreaded parental guilt trip last year and I had no choice. My Mum suddenly realised that I was far too obsessed with Quidditch and really should have a rounded education just in case my dreams of playing professionally didn’t happen.

About fifteen minutes of no talk I was getting bored. I wanted to find Slughorn, grab him by the robes and shout: ‘I have learned my lesson; I’ll never do anything wrong again! Let me go!

“What are you doing?” I wondered for a moment if I said that out loud but he was gawking at a pile of berries I was putting into a vial.


“You need to separate them. There are at least three different types of berries in there.”

“Oh.” He took the vial off me and emptied it back onto the table.

“This is one of the berries that would have been used to poison me.” I rolled my eyes as he held up the blood red berry and inspected it.

“You weren’t poisoned you drama queen, you were slipped a love potion,” he scowled in reply, “I didn’t realise you were good at potions.”

“I’m good at everything.”

“Sure, how could I forget?” He was forever showing off, “So…” I said after a few more minutes of silence, “did Perry manage to have her wicked way with you the other day or did you escape just in time?”

“Ugh, she is stalking me,” I rolled my eyes at his dramatics, “she’s convinced we should be together and keeps following me everywhere. She’s so weird.”

”She must be if she fancies you.”

“Aw come on Jessie, are you really telling me you have never once thought about what it would be like to kiss me?” He pursed his lips together and leaned in jokingly.

“Nah Potter can’t say I have.”

“You know what they say; if you bully someone it means you fancy them. That right hook last year was a belter, you must really want me,” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

The thing with Potter is, as arrogant as he is; he is actually quite funny with it. Being one of Aiden’s best friends I try and avoid hanging out with an of them if I can help it but I usually find myself laughing at them all when I’m in classes with them and other than the punch; I’ve never really had much of a problem with him.

“Oi!” I hadn’t noticed him take my potions book and doodle on it until it was too late. The inside cover read Jessie loves James, encased in a big love heart. Before I could snatch it away he tapped it with his wand. The heart turned bright red and started pumping like a real heart and the letters flashed in all different colours.

“I told you that you fancied me.”

The rest of the hour was taken up with James teasing me about my apparent love for him and me teasing him back about his performance over breakfast. When Slughorn came in all the ingredients had been sorted and packed away and I hadn’t melted anything, set the desk on fire or injured myself at all. All in all a pretty successful hour in a potions room. I waved bye to James and wandered back towards my common room, mood slightly improved.




Being the good Ravenclaw that I am I spent my Monday morning of free periods in the library finishing off all the homework I hadn’t managed to get done over the weekend due to my detentions and moping.

“I thought I’d find you in here, typical Ravenclaw geek.” The voice of James Potter said from behind me.

“I’m working on my transfiguration essay,” I replied as he sat down, uninvited, ”what are you doing in here?” I noted his messy, just got out of bed hair and lack of any books, quills or parchment or interest. Which would only mean one thing; he wanted something.

“I need a favour.”


“You don’t even know what it is yet,” I shook my head, “Please, I have a serious problem.”

“Just one?” I replied not looking up from my essay.

“I need you to be my pretend girlfriend,” I snorted then looked at his face and realised he was serious.

“Not a chance.”

“I need to do something to get rid of Zoe and I don’t know what else to do. That love potion was lethal; Slughorn said he thought they’d never get it out of my blood.” I laughed.

“It was hilarious to watch though,” I reached into my bag and pulled out a new roll of parchment, Potter was still looking at me expectedly, from the other end of the table, “I’m sure you’ll live. Everyone knows you were spiked, so your reputation is still intact.”

“Please, I’m begging you.”

“Why me? We are not even in the same house and I don’t mean to inflate your overly sized head even more but I’m sure there would be plenty of girls who are more than willing to do this favour for you.”

“While that is true, we’re mates and I know that you won’t take advantage of me,” I tutted, “And anyway, you being in another house is a good thing- I can just hide for evenings and tell everyone I’m seducing you in a dark corner of the castle.”

“You are unbelievable! Can’t you just tell her you’re not interested?”

“I have tried everything!” He threw his arms up in the air dramatically. “She is terrifying me. I came back from detention last night and she was in my bed. I have no idea how the hell she got there-“

“Surely that’s what you men all want, a willing girl waiting for you in bed?”

“Not this girl, she’s nuts! Please Jessie; I’ll be your friend forever and ever and ever,” he actually gave me a puppy dog look.

“It will completely ruin my own love life.”

“What love life? The whole school watched you get ditched,” he teased, not noticing I had gone ridged in my seat. “Look, come on Jessie it won’t be for long, you never know, it might be fun.” He winked.

“You are a knob. Not a chance.”

I went back to my homework and ignored him as he continued to beg. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mark come into the library with some of his friends and I froze. James stopped whining and I could see him move his chair so he could see what I was looking at.

“Oh,” he moved into the seat next to me and nudged me with his arm, “still raw?”

My sarcastic retort was still on my lips as Mark's hand moved to the arse of one of the seventh year girls that was with him. He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, before sitting down at a table. I felt sick.

“I have to go.”

I threw my things in my bag as quickly as I could, praying that Mark wouldn’t see me and I wouldn’t cry in front of Potter.

“Wait Jessie.” He followed me out and pulled my arm back towards him.

“Are you ok?” I nodded but didn’t catch his eye, “I’ll walk with you to lunch.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

After my the library incident I’d gone back to my room for a cry, so wasn’t in the best of moods by the time I walked into Defence Against the Dark Arts with Melody a couple of hours later. I groaned inwardly when I saw Potter sitting comfortably in Melody’s seat, with a grin on his face.

“Hey Jessie, I saved you a seat.”

“Move Potter.”

“Look Melody, I really need Jessie’s help today.”

“You definitely need help, that’s for sure.”

“You can look after Freddie for me today and I promise you can have her back next lesson.”

Melody looked from me, to Potter to Freddie with a raised eyebrow. I hadn’t mentioned the library incident to her yet as I was a bit embarrassed about the crying, so I just shrugged. She wandered to the back of the room where Fred was sitting next to my brother and cautiously sat down. I couldn’t blame her; you had to be cautious around the Potters and Weasley’s. To be honest, I expected her to put up more of a fight but I could see her watching me and James closely from her seat, I think it helped that my brother threw his arm around her once she sat down.

“Can’t you take no for an answer Potter?” I said through gritted teeth.

“I could see you were upset earlier, I just wanted to make sure you were ok,” who thought Potter had a sweet side? “And I have a proposition for you.” Ah there we go; thought there might be something attached to the nice comment.

“You clearly aren’t over Mark, though I can’t imagine why,” I avoided looking at him and instead watched the rest of the class pile in and take their seats, including Zoe. He lowered his voice, “being my pretend girlfriend will make him jealous.”

“Why the hell would you make Mark jealous?” I snorted.

“Let me see; I’m a much better Quidditch player, much better looking, smarter and I haven’t got the embarrassment of being the head boy. That’s just for starters.” I made a face at him and got out my book, quill and parchment.

“Don’t forget modest,” He grinned, “I don’t want to make him jealous.”

“But you do want him back?” I looked away from him. I’d been denying it to all my friends, but a part of me did want him back and I was mortified for feeling that way; “Come on Jessie, please.” As irritating as he was, James Potter’s whining was starting to wear me down.

 “Aiden would never go for it.”

“I have obviously filled him in on the plan. His ideas on how to hurt your ex after he dumped you were quite inventive and there are rules between guys.”

“Rules?” I said flatly.

“Yeah you know don’t go out with an ex unless you clear it with them first and absolutely no sisters- that is the golden rule,” I stared at him, “Come on, don’t girls have the same sort of rules?”

“Not really. Melody frequently snogs my brother,” I gagged for effect, “I guess ex-boyfriends might be a bit different but none of us have really had to be in that situation so it’s never come up.”

“Well Aiden thinks it’s a good idea actually, better you have a pretend boyfriend that a real one so he doesn’t have to worry about hexing their bollocks off.” I let my head fall onto the desk and decided it might not be that bad.

“What exactly is in it for me?” His eyes went wide in surprise at how easily I had caved and he sat up straighter in his chair.

“Loads! You get to stare at me for long periods of time, snog me whenever you-”

“No snogging! Right, if I actually do this we have to set boundaries. No touching, no seducing, and definitely no snogging.”

“How the hell is it going to look real? Zoe may have a screw loose but she’s smart.”

I shrugged. “Just tell a few people we have been snogging.”

”Good, already done that,” I stared at him, “well, I was pretty confident you would say yes after this morning and anyway I needed a head start. The girl is mental.”

“I really hate you Potter!”

“Now, now if we are boyfriend and girlfriend we have to start using first names.” I’m pretty sure I growled.

“Thought you were meant to be a big, brave Gryffindor?” He just grinned at me and pulled out his book from his bag as the professor came in.

“We will have our first date tonight. I’ll pick you up at seven and we can plan.”

“Plan? I thought you were more of a fly by the seat of your pants kind of guy.” To this he grinned, clearly taking it as a compliment.

As soon as the lesson was over Melody pulled me out of my seat and dragged me out of the classroom.

“What the hell was that about? Aiden told me you and Potter have been snogging, please tell me he’s joking because you haven’t told me so therefore it must be a joke and if it isn’t a joke and you have somehow forgotten to tell me I may have to kill you-.”

“Shhhh Melody, take a breath.” She folded her arms across her chest instead. “I have not been doing any snogging, he just wants Perry to back off so he’s spreading rumours.” Melody blinked a few times clearly confused.

“You told me not twenty-four hours ago that you miss Mark. Do you think this will actually help that whole situation?” I shrugged. “So you are ok with people dragging your name through the mud? It’s James Potter.”

“I’ve already been dumped in front of the whole school and I’m possibly off the team for good because it’s ultimately Mark’s choice in the end, so my life is practically over. It can’t get much worse can it?”




“How did your ‘date’ with Potter go?” Melody asked amused whilst tweezing her eyebrows later that evening.

“Not bad actually, he showed me how to get into the kitchens as a thank you. He reckons we’ll only have to keep it up for a couple of weeks.” The plan was to make sure we were seen together as much as possible preferably alone and in compromising situations. I was hoping he was joking.

Melody put down her mirror and tweezers and looked at me in concern.

“I really don’t think this is a good idea Jess.”

“It’s fine,” I waved my hand.

“Look, you two are a walking cliché. You two fake-date to make people jealous, end up falling in love, your brother kills James and gets put into Azkaban and the best friend doesn’t get to marry the love of her life.”

“Why do I only know drama queens?”

“It’s really selfish,” she sniffed. I made a face at her as she resumed plucking her eyebrows, “The saddest thing is that in all the time I was seeing your brother he never once took me on a proper date and here you are with a fake boyfriend and he’s more romantic.”

“I do not fancy James Potter. At all, not even a teeny bit. I saw the boy go through puberty via my brother, not going to happen,” Melody huffed, “And you need to stop reading those muggle romance books and find a boyfriend who is not my brother.”

She chose to ignore me and instead listed all James Potter’s faults which included his ridiculous hair to his uneven nostrils.

“Moving on,” I shouted over her tirade, “Have you seen this?” I threw the newspaper at her and gestured for her to read it, “James gave it to me; he said his Dad has been practically living in his auror office because things are getting really bad.” Melody scanned the front page and I heard her swear under her breath, “his dad thinks these are not isolated incidents and they are all somehow connected.

“Death Eaters?”

“I doubt it. There have been no muggle attacks have there? It’s seems to be well connected people that are being targeted. Look, those two were both high up in the Ministry-“ I leaned over and pointed to two names in the article, “-This one is dead and the other one’s memory was so badly damaged he is in St Mungo’s, they thought he was dead too when they found him.”

“Bloody hell,” Melody breathed.

There had been odd attacks over the last few months or so, but they were quite spaced out so I never imagined they were linked to each other. James had seemed quite worried and said Freddie’s Dad had told him all about it the night before. Due to the seriousness of the situation I refrained asking how Fred had managed to see his Dad in the middle of the week whilst at school.

“Everyone seems quite worried according to James,” Melody sighed, closing the Prophet, “He was meant to be meeting up with his Dad on the next Hogsmede trip but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to make it.”

That night it took me ages to get to sleep. Our world is much smaller than the muggle one and most people were connected in some way either by family, marriage or friends and the thought of anything happening to someone I loved made me feel sick. For the first time in months I was glad Mum was out of the country.

Potter was not wrong when he said telling people we were snogging would get round to the right people. James sat next to me at the Ravenclaw table and made sure his PDA was enough to make it clear we were dating but not enough to make Melody vomit into her coco pops.

Perry looked like she was going to cry, Mark looked almost confused- which James says is a positive reaction. To top it all off my brother even popped over and said very loudly that he was happy we were both dating and he couldn’t wait until they were brothers in law.

I honestly hate my life.

After dinner that evening, James made a racket about dragging me out of my seat so we could go flying together.

He walked with me across the grounds gripping my hand in his but instead of heading to the broom cupboard he dragged me into the quidditch locker rooms.

“Wow, you really know how to romance a girl. I thought we were going for a fly?”

“I am being romantic, you like Quidditch.” I laughed as he locked the locker room door with a flick of his wand, “I was only saying it to wind-up the love of your life, but we can fly if you want?”

“You don’t know anything about women do you?”

“I think the fact we are in this situation makes it clear I know less than I first thought, though I’d rather you didn’t mention that to anyone else. I do have a reputation to uphold.”

He sat down on the floor and rested his head against the wall. I stared at him for a minute and realised he did look pretty stressed. He had bags under his eyes and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“What the hell happened with Zoe?”

“We dated for a while; I ended it when I discovered she was a psycho.” He was looking past me at a spot on the wall.

“That’s it?”

“Mmm.” He clearly wasn’t up for sharing so I swung my legs over the bench and faced him with a sigh.

“Look, if I am going to have to deal with a jealous, psycho ex-girlfriend then I really need to know what I’m in for.”

“You’re smart, I’m sure you can handle her.” He winked.

“What exactly am I going to have to do James; I don’t want this turning into a circus? I saw Freddie earlier and he said he had prayed to Dumbledore’s portrait that I live to see Christmas so you can’t blame me for worrying.”

James sighed, “It did get quite messy, it’s really complicated.”


“Can we maybe talk about this another time?”

“But-“ He cut me off by pulling me up off the bench and throwing me against the wall as the door unlocked with a click.


“Just play along,” he whispered as he pinned me to the wall and let his lips brush my neck.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your little make out session but we have a practice to get on with,” Mark fumed from the door, “Get out Potter.”

“I thought we didn’t have practice until Friday,” I tried to ignore the James Potter attached to my body as I replied to Mark.

“You thought wrong. Get your broom and get on the pitch, you have two minutes.”
He slammed the door behind him and I pushed James away from me.

“What the hell was that about? Didn’t I tell you, no seducing or snogging? That was definitely lip to skin-“

“It worked didn’t it?” he replied with a smirk, “I thought it would be him. I’m pretty sure he scheduled an emergency practice session when he heard us talking about our romantic flight for two on my broomstick, under the stars-“

“You really are something else.” I didn’t know whether to hit him or be impressed.

At least Mark hadn’t decided to permanently replace me on the team if he was letting me join in with practice, so at least something good had come of the whole thing.





“Been making babies with Potter yet?” Melody asked as she plopped down in the seat next to me in charms the next day.

“I’d rather make babies with you.”

“Wow, any chance I could see that?” James said turning around from the seat in front of us with a really lecherous look on his face.

“I’d let you off buying me a Christmas prezzie if you let me in on that too.”

“When have I ever bought you anything for Christmas Fred?”

“Oi! That is my sister and Melody. Both off limits so get your heads out of the gutter!” Melody beamed at the bit about her being off limits and I tried to tune them all out and focus on learning about cheering charms. I could use a bucket load of it right now.

One week into this stupid arrangement with Potter and I was already regretting it. He seemed to be everywhere I went which meant my brother and Freddie were everywhere I went. Not only that but Zoe seemed to be everywhere as well, following James around, crying and demanding he talk to her, threatening me and Mark still wasn’t talking to me.

It was exhausting.

Freddie had taken the same route as Melody and was convinced that me and James were going to fall in love with each other. I sat down next to James at the Gryffindor table just as dinner was finishing.

“You are on the rebound and even I have to admit, the boy is good. Your ex looks like he is one more cheek stroke away from hacking James’ head off.” Freddie said around his treacle tart. “And the boy is my best mate but I respect you too much to let you go there.” He laughed as James tutted, “All that alone time in broom cupboards…”

“Who the hell actually snogs in broom cupboards?” James, Fred, Melody and my brother all looked incredulously at me. “You have all snogged in a broom cupboard?”

“What is more surprising is that you haven’t. Where did you go with fuck-wit over there?” Freddie replied gesturing his head over to the Ravenclaw table.

“Lalala I don’t want to hear this.” Aiden put his fingers in his ears and began making noises like a five year old.

“Haven’t you lot ever heard of a bedroom?” I asked loudly next to Aiden’s ear.

“Ugh, do you have to? I don’t want to even think about you doing anything involving- you are my baby sister-“ he cringed.

“Oh yeah because that’s even worse than seeing you and Nikki mid-shag in the summer-“ I spoke without thinking and saw the colour drain from Melody’s face. It was not missed by the other three either and my brother put his head in his hands and groaned.

“Nikki? That Slytherin slag from the year below? You said you were done with all this fucking around Aiden.” My stomach turned as Melody got up.

“It was nothing, she’s exaggerating. Nothing happened, I swear-“

“Shit. Melody, wait!” I ran out after her and she spun around to face me once we were out of the great hall.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She demanded.

“I didn’t think it was a good idea,” I said honestly, “I thought you said you were done with him anyway?”

“That’s not the point, you are meant to be my best friend Jess, you should have told me!”

“I know, I’m really sorry I just didn’t want to upset you. I love my brother Melody, but he treats you like crap,” Aiden came running out of the great hall, followed by Freddie and James. “And you really could do loads better than someone who treats you like that.”

“Melody, let me just explain-“

She took one look at Aiden and stalked off towards Ravenclaw tower.

“Can’t you keep your mouth shut Jess? I told you not to say anything about Nikki!”

I gave Aiden the filthiest look I could muster. Part of me really wanted to tell Melody what happened at the wedding in the hope that she would finally realise she could do a lot better than Aiden. They had been on and off for about a year and although they were never ‘exclusive’ as they called it, I knew Melody liked him a lot more than she let on and I knew all the other girls upset her. She had assured me they had finally ended things for good a few weeks into the summer holidays.

“You are such an arsehole, do you know that? She doesn’t deserve someone like you messing her around. You either like her or you don’t.” It was clear my brother really fancied her but I could never really work out if he had actual feelings for her or not. He stormed away and I was left livid with the other two idiots.

“Come on Jessie, let’s go and pop your broom cupboard cherry.”





AN: There is loads of things in this story that are typical cliche's (hence the title) but not all is as it seems. There will be some darker chapters in this story later on but on the whole I'm trying to keep it funny.

Well, what do you think?

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