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Confusion by evans_4eva
Chapter 59 : Chapter 59
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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Hello! Thank you very much if you've read this far! Let me know what you think :) xxx

“I’m always yours too...”


In the week after James proposed to Lily, things happened in quick succession that changed things for us all. Of course, James couldn’t keep things quiet for long, and he and Lily wanted to tell everyone their good news. The only problem was Severus: being one of Lily’s best friends - and soon becoming one of ours - Lily wanted to let him know first. She agonised for hours at a time over it; although we had started to make amends with Sev, it was hardly a secret that he was still desperately in love with Lily. James shrugged it off.

“I don’t see what the problem is. Just tell him, Lily. He’s your friend. He’ll be happy for us.”

Three days after James proposed, she came to me. “Remus, what do I do?”

I was quiet for a moment. “You have to tell him first, Lily. He’s your oldest friend...and he deserves to hear it from you.”

“In love with you?” I muttered quietly.

She nodded, not looking me in the eye. “But he knows how I feel about James. He’s got to know that this would happen sooner or later.”

I nodded, unsure of what to say. “The best thing to do is to just sit him down and tell him. Let him know how much it would mean to you for him to be happy for you.”

She nodded again, more to herself than to me. “You’re right. I’ll do it now.”

I stared at her in surprise. “Now?”

“Well, it’s only half past eight. He’ll be in the library.”

“Well...if you’re sure. Do you want me to come?”

She shook her head resolutely, her shoulders set, although I could see her hands were shaking. “No. I’ll be back soon.”

“Ok. I’ll stay in the tower...owl me if you need me. Good luck.”

As soon as she left, I raced up to the dormitory and pulled the map out from my trunk.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” I muttered.

As the ink webbed out into the familiar map of the castle, I hurriedly searched for Lily and Severus...

I watched as she searched for and found him in the library, watched as she led him to an empty classroom and waited, not realising that I was holding my breath until my head started spinning. They remained there for less than five minutes, then suddenly Severus’ dot left the room really fast. I saw Lily’s hurrying after his, but he was too fast.

“Shit!” I muttered to myself, as she stopped following him and went running in the direction of the owlery - the place Lily always went when she was upset.

I pulled on a jumper, tucked the map into my pocket and hurried out of the tower, ignoring Sirius, Peter and James’ lazy shouts asking where I was going. Luckily, they didn’t follow me as I sprinted up to the owlery faster than ever before. When I reached the door, I forced myself to slow down and checked the map again. She was in there, alone. I slowly opened the door, let myself in and closed it again behind me.

“Lily?” I called quietly. “Lily, it’s me.”

No answer. “Lily? It’s Remus. Just me. Where are you?”

Silence for a moment, then, “Remus?”

I heard her voice crack as she replied and I knew that she was trying not to cry. I hurried over to her.

“What happened?” I asked gently.

That was all it took to make her burst into tears. “Oh Remus,” she sobbed. “He was furious with me.”

I felt like I was going to be sick as I made my way down to the library. No matter what the others said, I knew that, even if he told me otherwise, Severus wasn’t going to be happy. I took a deep breath as I entered the library, then another when I saw Severus hunched over a textbook in a corner. I stuffed my shaking hands into the pockets of my robes and made my way over to him.

“Sev?” I asked him timidly, guilt making my stomach churn when he smiled widely at me. “I - I need to talk to you.”

He looked at me quizzically as I shook my head at the seat he was offering. “Can we go somewhere...a bit more...private?”

“Sure,” he said lightly, packing his things into his bag and following me.

I went into the first empty classroom I could find, then turned to him.

“Lily...are you ok? You’re acting really...weird,” he asked, concerned.

I felt my cheeks flush. ‘C’
mon, Evans!’ I thought to myself. ‘You’re not admitting to murder here!’

‘Well...only to any hope Sev has left for us...’ another voice in my head muttered.

“I have some wonderful news to tell you,” I heard myself say monotonously.

He laughed. “Yeah, you sound really happy,” he joked. “What is it?”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m getting married.”

The room was suddenly so tense I could
feel it. I made myself open my eyes. He was staring at me, mouth open, eyes flaming. I stared back at him, for the first time in my life afraid of him. What felt like years, but was only really moments, passed.

what?” he finally choked, a revolted look crossing his features.

“J-J-James asked me t-to m-marry him,” I stammered.

He clapped one hand to his mouth, the other to his stomach and fell to his knees as his legs gave way underneath him.

“S-Sev?” I mumbled.

“Oh God! I’m going to be
sick!” he exclaimed, looking so nauseated that, for a moment, I really thought he might. "Tell me this is a joke!"

He staggered to his feet, slapping away the hand I offered him. “That
idiot?! And you said YES?!” he yelled at me. “What the FUCK is wrong with you, Evans?!”

I gasped, my mouth falling open. His words hit me like bullets - they hurt
that much - Severus had only hurt me once before, but this - this was much worse. I felt myself fall back and grasped at a desk for support. Severus stepped towards me menacingly, his eyes glittering.

“It was bad enough when you started telling me not to provoke him. Then you started to become friends with him and you never once thought about how I would feel about that. Then you started
dating him and I always thought you would come to your senses...but now you’re telling me that you’re going to MARRY HIM!!!”

Severus’ voice had raised to a yell, he was leaning into me, I could feel all of the anger and hurt radiating off of him and I really, truly thought that he was going to hit me, but all that I could concentrate on was my heart being torn out of my chest and ripped to pieces by my oldest and one of the best friends of my life -

Suddenly he stepped back curtly, his anger just under control, and sneered at me tauntingly.

“I always thought you were different, Evans. But you’re just like the rest of them...and I hate you for it. You
disgust me.”

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