It was hard for James to describe the feeling.

Despite being James’s best friend, Sirius just didn’t quite understand what James was going through at the moment.

What James was going through was pure torture.

He had been fine before, when they hadn’t been friends. Now that they were actually on civil terms and might be able to be considered friends, it was torture.

James could deal with the blows to the ego and the massive letdowns because he knew that he had given Lily no possible reason to fancy him aside from his good looks and superb Quidditch skills (none of which impressed her).

But what James couldn’t deal with was that for the first time in his life, her beautiful smiles were directed at him.

Instead of watching her smile radiantly at someone else, her smiles were now his.

Of course, he didn’t own all of her smiles, but he did treasure the ones that she gave him, even if they were slightly reluctant and very guarded.

James liked thinking that he could make her laugh, because there was nothing better than to see Lily Evans’ face brighten up because of him and no one else.

Sirius thought that James should just give it another shot, and ask Lily out once more.

Remus thought that James should wait on asking her out again, but she definitely liked him.

Peter didn’t have any comments, though he did note that Lily had talked about him before.

James didn’t think so. He didn’t agree with any of his friends because deep in his heart, James knew that it would only break him more when she rejected him.

That sort of rejection wasn’t comparable with anything else. Even losing to the Slytherins looked like a better prospect than being rejected by Lily when they were finally becoming friends.

James didn’t want to ruin it, but he knew in his heart that Lily Evans was going to be the death of him one day.

He wasn’t sure how, or why, but what he did know was that Lily Evans was one woman that he would the longest lengths for.

James’s friends thought it was absurd that James might actually be in love with Lily.

But James knew the truth himself.

The concept of love was still so foreign a thought; no matter how many times Dumbledore brought up how important love was, James still couldn’t fully comprehend the thought of love.

James knew he loved his family; James knew he loved his friends.

But loving Lily Evans?

That was scary, that was.

Yet he knew that he wasn’t barking mad for thinking that way.

There was nothing quite like the feeling of when Lily walked into the room. There also was nothing quite like the feeling when Lily walked out of the room.

The worst pain for James, however, was when she was sitting right next to him, yet James missed her so much because he knew he couldn’t have her.

A little birdy had let slip the other day that Lily had something going on with the Ravenclaw prefect (what was it with girls and prefects?!), and the thought of Lily in the arms of another haunted him.

The last time that Lily had a relationship was in their fourth year. Though it hadn’t been long lived, and although Lily had been invited to Hogsmeade by various blokes throughout the year many times, James didn’t think he could stand being friendly with Lily while some bloody Ravenclaw hung by her side, smirking at him because he had Lily and James didn’t.

James wasn’t quite sure he would be able to hold his manliness all in because he might just completely lose it and break down.

Yes, James was certain now.

He definitely loved Lily Evans.  


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