Hogwarts- May 29th. “Dear Harry and Ron. I’m sorry. I truly am. You have to understand though, that I had to do this. Things couldn’t stay the way they were- it was all beyond my control. There’s so much you don’t know about me, about everything. I nearly told you so many times, but in the end, I just couldn’t. I thought you would push me away- and to be fair you would have had the right to, but I wouldn’t have been able to deal with that on top of everything else. I couldn’t bear to have you push me away, so I did it myself. I never told either of you a thing, so I suppose I betrayed you both in more ways than one. You are my best friends but I didn’t trust you enough to tell you. I hated myself for that. I guess I’d better start at the beginning. You both know how messed up I was at the beginning of Seventh Year, after the War, Ginny, my parents. You thought me getting Head Girl was what I wanted. I used to want it, but then it just became too much- extra responsibility, everyone looking at you. I had an idea of how it must always be for you Harry. I changed, and I know you both noticed. I told you that it was nothing but it wasn’t. I was self-destructive and I tried to make it all stop. Draco Malfoy saved me- then, at least. We started spending time together, it was easy since we shared a common room. I came to realise that he wasn’t so bad, he was just as censoreded up as me. Anyway, we ended up sleeping together one night, and I didn’t dare tell either of you then- especially you Ron, you would have killed him. In the beginning, it was only about the sex, the escape, but things changed. It was more than physicality. We never talked about it but it was different, for us both. In April, I found out that I was pregnant- three months gone. I kept it to myself- didn’t even tell Draco. After what happened of course, I kept thinking that if I’d have told him maybe he wouldn’t have gone. I wanted to love our baby but it was so difficult without him. The hardest part though, was having to pretend that I didn’t care. Every day I’d listen to the school saying how much better it was with him gone. Do you realise that out of all the students, me and Pansy were the only ones at his funeral? She was the only one who would have been able to understand, she loved him as much as I did. I couldn’t talk to her though, for obvious reasons. Every night I would cry and everyday I’d pretend I was alright, that I was fine, and that I wasn’t dying inside, I kept it hidden from everyone. Like I said, I didn’t want to hate our child, but knowing it was growing inside me just kept reminding me that he wouldn’t ever be there for me again. That he hadn’t been for a month now, and that he wouldn’t ever be coming back. So, now you know everything. Again, I’m sorry. I know from too much experience that it truly is the hardest for those left behind. I wish there was another way but there isn’t. I want to be with him too much. I hope you understand. I know you’ll probably both try to blame yourselves and think that you could have helped me, but don’t. you couldn’t have. That’s what I’ve learnt this last year you see. No matter how many friends you have, you will always be alone." * * * AN: more than 80 people have read this story, but only TWO have reviewed! come on people, where's your compassion?! if you read it, and like it, or dont like it, or whatever, can you please just review?! thanks, minty.
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