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Lily flicked her quill across the piece of parchment sadly, she had never felt so rough. Professor Norton was booming on about this patronus and that patronus and she had never felt more exhausted. She let her eyes flicker to Alex next to her, but to Lily’s amusement had her head on the desk and was softly snoring, Lily snickered and elbowed her friend gently.

“Dementor” Alex cried, sitting straight up, Lily giggled as did the rest of the class, Alex grinned slightly not a bit embarrassed, “Sorry Sir” she added smirking, Norton rolled his eyes and turned back to the board.

‘Oops’ Alex mouthed at Lily, who rolled her eyes and smiled at her friend.

That had brought her mood up a little, she turned back to her parchment and continued to scribble down notes, until a piece of paper hit her on the head, she turned around to see Sirius Black grinning at her, she raised her eyebrows at picked up the paper.

The paper merely said, Can we copy your homework for potions? She rolled her eyes and turned back around.

“No” she hissed, Sirius pouted and James looked up from his notes and glanced between his best friend and Lily before raising his eyebrows and looking back down.

“Please Evans, Slughorn will make us clean the dungeons if we don’t have it” he whispered back.

She raised an eyebrow skeptically, “good” she hissed turning back around, tuning back into Norton’s lesson.

“PATRONUSES” he boomed, Lily sighed, “I want you to practice them for homework, for a week today, and that’s the end of our lesson, have a good day” he finished, before turning around whilst the class scooped up their books into their bags.

Lily smiled at Alex and gestured towards the door, it was their last lesson of the day and the pair of them had decided to study in the common room as they were both shattered.

Louise and Remus were off to the library and Rosie was pestering James and Sirius on how to sneak into Hogsmeade, so she could go with Lucas.

“Radiator” Lily said as they got to the fat lady, who smiled at opened up.

They climbed through the portrait hole and noticed that the sofa wasn’t free, Sirius, Peter and James were huddled by the fire, talking in low voices. There was nowhere else to sit so Alex shrugged and walked over, Lily followed reluctantly, they sat in two arm chairs opposite the three boys, trying their best to ignore them.

“Evans” she heard Sirius whine, she looked up from her textbook and raised her eyes.

“No Sirius” she said stubbornly, he gave her puppy dog eyes, “Don’t try that one on me, it’s not going to work, do your own homework you have until tomorrow” she reminded him.

“But Evans, it’s really really hard, please” he pouted.

“Sirius, no” she said tiredly, she was sick of the marauders and she had never felt so exhausted.

“McCord” he tried.

Alex snorted, “Don’t even bother asking” she told him, not looking up from her book.

Sirius slumped and turned back to Lily, “Evans, you look awful” he said.

“Thanks Sirius” she said dryly, he grinned at her.

“I meant you look ill” he said, she sighed.

“I feel it” she said coldly, turning back to her book.

She closed her book and stood up, shoving it into her bag, she felt a wave of dizziness overcome her as she stood up, her head was pounding hard and she felt like she could throw up.

“Lily, Lily” she heard Alex say, very distantly.

“Evans, can you hear us?” she thought it was Sirius.

“Lil, Lily, we need to get her to the hospital wing” she heard James say panicked, the last thing she heard before the world went black.

*

She woke up a few hours later, her head pounding, she tried to open her eyes but her vision was a little blurry, she could make out six figures surrounding her bed. She blinked slightly and they came into focus.

“Rose, Al, Lou” she mumbled, grasping her head, she heard somebody give a sigh of relief.

“Hey, we’re here too” she heard Sirius mumble grumpily, she rubbed her eyes slightly and James and Sirius came into view, she smiled slightly.

“Sorry” she said weakly.

“That’s fine, I copied your potions homework anyway while you were out, so you can be angry with me now” he said smugly, she rolled her eyes but couldn’t be bothered to scold him, her eyes flickered to James, he gave her a weak smile, she narrowed her eyes slightly, his eyes were red and puffy as if he had been crying.

She opened her mouth to say something but he stood up quickly, “I’ll be back later” he mumbled, before grabbing his bag and heading out of the hospital wing, she groaned slightly and closed her eyes.

“Miss Evans, its best if you keep your eyes open, in case you pass out again” Madam Pomfrey said, busying around her, “now drink this, you’ve got wizards flu, this is all that can help, I want you to drink two sips of it and then your friends need to leave so you can sleep”

She sighed and look two sips of the potion Madam Pomfrey had stirred up for her before groaning at the taste of it and closing her eyes. She heard her friends mumble goodbyes as they headed out of the Hospital Wing, but she had never wanted them here more than she did now, now she was left alone with her thoughts.

*

‘I didn’t want her to see me cry’ he thought, as he stormed through the castle out onto the grounds, he wiped his eyes of any remaining tears as he flung his bag down onto the grounds and leant against a tree.

His conversation with Sirius hadn’t exactly gone to plan, he was furious with his best friend but more furious with himself.

“James, we need to go to Defence” Sirius had sighed as they were stood in their dormitory.

James had turned and rolled his eyes, “Why are you so fussed about getting there so quickly, we have twenty minutes until it starts” James pointed out.

“I know, but I need to copy Evans’ potions homework don’t i?” he had reminded him.

James scowled, “why her homework?”

“Why not her homework? She’s the best in our year” Sirius told him, James raised his eyebrows and Sirius paused, “You’re serious? You don’t want me to ask her for help just because you’re pissed with her?”

“Yes” James said bluntly.

Sirius snorted, “you’re the one who has been a complete ass here James, not her, so grow up and man up”

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand Sirius” James threated, Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“I do understand what’s going on James, im not Wormtail, I know what’s going on with you and her, and if im honest you’re in the wrong, not her, you’ve been acting like a total ass James, and you know it, you’re not acting like yourself, you’ve been disrespectful and cruel towards her and its about time somebody told you that. We all think it, Rem is too nice to say so and Pete is too scared, well im neither of those things so im going to say it bluntly, you don’t even deserve her” Sirius fumed.

James gaped at his best friend, “IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSSINESS” James yelled.

“It is my fucking business James, you know it is, she’s a great girl and you’re a great guy but what the hell has gotten into you recently? This is not James” he said gesturing towards James, “You know its not, something is going on you’re not telling us which is making you into this person, the anti-James. James sort yourself out, because you’re going to lose forever and we both know you don’t want that” Sirius said before walking straight out of the dormitory without a backward glance.


What annoyed James even more, was the fact Sirius was right, he hated that. He knew he was in the wrong and he hated himself for it. He had never wanted to run from something before but when Lily had wanted him at Christmas, he had panicked, he had never thought about it if she had agreed to be with him, he had always focused on flirting with her, never being with her. And he had known all along he would’ve been a terrible boyfriend to her, so his first instinct was to push her away not wanting to hurt her.

But he had only hurt her more. He was a cruel human being, he knew he was, he was the worst person in this school, he didn’t deserve to be a Gryffindor, he wasn’t brave, he was a coward, his father would’ve been disappointed in him.

He grabbed his bag and got up, knowing what he had to do. Today he was going to turn everything around, he was going to be a new person and he didn’t want to even remember the James Potter he had been recently, because that guy was a prick.

Walking through the grounds, he knew where she would be, she always there this time on a Thursday. Walking to the Owlery, he headed up the stairs, and opened the door into the tower. He was right, of course, she was just sending a letter off, she turned around at his presence and beamed at him, her smile dropped when she noticed his sad smile and started to look nervous.

He gestured to a bench, she nodded and sat down next to him, “Hannah” he said quietly, “im so sorry” he whispered.

“It was never me was it?” she mumbled, “truthfully was it?”

Looking into her eyes he shook his head, “you deserve so much better, I don’t deserve anyone, im so sorry”

“James” she said softly, “When you win her back, don’t let her go again” she said, to his surprise.

“I won’t” he said honestly, “I promise”

Hannah stood up, “she loves you James, you just need to remind her of it, you need to prove to her, you’re the person you were before, she needs reassurance and reminding, it’ll take time, but you’ll get there” she said quietly, before heading out of the Owlery, leaving James to his thoughts and his plans.

*

Lily opened her eyes, she didn’t know how she had been asleep for, but she felt shattered, looking up there was a figure stood over her bed, she rubbed her eyes and James’ face came into focus, he smiled sadly at her and she sat up ignoring her thumping head and heart. He took a seat.

“You alone?” she asked quietly, he nodded, “where is everyone?”

He didn’t take his eyes off hers, “dinner” he said softly, she nodded slowly, “how do you feel?” he asked.

She shrugged, “like I’ve been thrown off the astronomy tower” she sighed, he chuckled nervously, “why are you here?” she asked.

He gulped, “to apologize” he said quietly, she frowned and waited, “I don’t know how to explain how I’ve acted Lily” he said putting his head in hands, “not like a Gryffindor that’s how I’ve acted, I’ve been an ass, I don’t even expect you to forgive me, I just hope you’ll accept my apology” he paused and she waited, “I was scared, I was a coward, I never knew how to treat you like a girlfriend I was never prepared for that, I panicked, I pushed you away hoping it would hurt you less but I’ve hurt you so much more, I didn’t want to be your boyfriend knowing it could end in tears, I couldn’t break you, I respected you too much, but I’ve disrespected you, I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve anyone, if I could I’d take it all back, and re-do it all, I’d treat you like a princess. I ended things with her but I should’ve done it sooner, the minute I knew you liked me I should’ve jumped at the chance, because any boy would be lucky to have you Lily and I hope he makes you happy” James said sadly, standing up.

Lily nodded, not knowing what to say. James sighed and turned away from her, walking out of the hospital wing. She felt the warm tears stream down her cheek, she hated him for it, but respected him for it, nobody else would have the confidence to admit what they had done was wrong, but she wanted him to fight for her, she wanted to scream after him, but she was exhausted.

*

“Im sorry Padfoot” James said, standing over his best friend, Sirius, Remus and Peter were sat in the common room talking when James turned up, James had promised he’d start again today and apologizing to Sirius would help, Sirius looked shocked.

“W-Wh-What?” he spluttered.

“I broke up with Hannah, apologized to Lily and im apologizing to you, im starting again, I don’t want to be that guy anymore, I want to be the guy who deserves a girl like Lily, the guy who you can be proud to call your best friend, the guy I can be proud of not ashamed of, im starting over” he finished.

Sirius grinned at him and stood up giving him a manly hug, “im proud of you mate”

“That was deep Prongs” Remus chuckled from the sofa, Peter threw a cushion at him.

“Give him a chance, he’s starting over, how many of those emotional speeches have you made today James?” Peter grinned.

“Two” James smirked, “one to Lily which was much longer and one to you Paddy”

“Did she forgive you?” Remus asked.

James shrugged, “I wanted her to think about it, I left giving her time, I don’t blame her if she doesn’t, I just think she deserved an apology after everything, but I’ve changed for good this time, James Potter is back and he’s a new man” he grinned.

“Im proud of you” Remus said.

James smiled, “I just hope Lily see’s that side of me, I’ll spend forever making it up to her, and this time im not lying” he said solemnly.


I hope your respect for James has increased, and hope you liked this chapter, and for all of you worrying, Lily was not pregnant don’t worry;)

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