“Sirius, get up,” I sung as I walked into the room. I sat on the bed next to him and tried to shake him awake. He reached up and pulled my face to his without even opening his eyes. The kiss was soft and I felt Goosebumps on my neck where his hands were.
“Now I can get up,” He whispered as he pulled away from me.
“Why can’t you move back in the dorm now?” I pouted. “I want you there and James isn’t going to murder you in your sleep. I don’t like having to come all the way here to see you.”
“J, I don’t want to push him too much,” Sirius rested his forehead against mine. “Imagine what it would do to him if he saw us doing this every morning,” He tilted his head slightly and kissed me again.
Sirius’ words reminded of me of what James said before and I couldn’t help but agree with him. “I guess you’re right,” I mumbled against his lips. “You need to get dressed,” I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer as he laughed.
“J, you need to let go if you want me to get ready,” He tried to be stern but wrapped his arms around my waist to hold me closer to him. “What would your mum think if we didn’t turn up?”
I wrapped my legs around his waist. “She won’t miss us. She’ll be too busy with her darling James. I swear sometimes she even forgets she has a daughter too!” Sirius laughed and I let him get ready.
“Jessica, how are you sweetie?” My mum beamed as we walked up to her. “Sirius, have you been behaving yourself?”
We both gave her a hug as we waited for James to catch up; he had refused to walk with us.
“James, hurry up,” She called and he walked a bit faster.
“Hi, mum,” James didn’t look at Sirius as he hugged mum. She raised her eyebrows slightly but didn’t say anything. “Where are we going?”
“How about the Three Broomsticks?” Mum suggested and we made our way there. James walked in front of me and Sirius and we held hands the whole way there.
The pub wasn’t that packed yet as it was still early and most students were still eating breakfast. We managed to find a table near the fire and James made sure he didn’t sit near Sirius.
“Jessica, would you come and help me get the drinks?” Mum asked and I looked nervously at Sirius; I didn’t know whether it was safe to leave him with James. I glanced at James and he nodded. We walked to the bar in silence. “Sweetie, is there anything going on that I should know about?”
I looked at her with a confused expression, “What do you mean?”
“Sirius and James haven’t said a word to each other. Normally, they only stop talking so they can eat.” She laughed and I forced a small smile. “And you haven’t exactly looked relaxed either.”
“I’m fine, mum. Sirius and James just had a disagreement about something,” I didn’t meet her eyes; my mum always had a way of telling when I wasn’t telling the truth.
“Was it about you?” She turned my head so I was looking directly into her hazel eyes. “I’ve seen the way Sirius looks at you sometimes.”
“What do you mean?”
“He couldn’t keep his eyes off you over the summer. When you have that cute little daydream face on, he would always have a small smile on his face. I caught him once and he blushed like a Quaffle. So, what happened?”
I blushed and she smiled in a way I’ve never seen before; she looked eager to actually hear something about my life! “Well, James found out that Sirius had been in the girls’ dorm to talk to me one night last year and they kinda got into an argument about it. James kicked Sirius out of the dorm and made me stay there to keep an eye on me. He wouldn’t let me see Sirius at all and I had to put up with that bitch Evans all the time. When Sirius got attacked, none of them came to see him.”
“Sweetie, I know James was only looking out for you.” Mum looked at me and a small frown appeared. “So, how are they both here now?”
“After practice, Sirius asked me out properly and James said he couldn’t stop me. James still hates him but I think he’s making an effort for me.” I glanced nervously behind and relaxed when I saw that they were both still alive.
“If you and Sirius like each other don’t let James ruin anything. I don’t think James’ hates him; they’re closer than brothers and he just needs time to get used to it all.” She hugged me and whispered, “Jessica, I don’t want any grandchildren just yet so please be careful.”
I rolled my eyes; feeling slightly sickened by talking about sex with my mother and went back to the boys. Sirius was looking at the table and James was looking out of the window; both looked uncomfortable. Sirius grabbed my hand under the table and he rubbed his thumb in circles over my wrist.
Sirius slung his arm over my shoulders and I rested my head against his chest. “Well, that was…interesting,” He whispered in my ear. James had gone to find Lily and mum had gone home. They had made small talk for an hour and mum had smiled knowingly at Sirius.
“At least he hasn’t murdered you, yet.” I giggled and Sirius tapped my head.
“Don’t tempt fate, love. I’m sure it took all his self-control to sit at the same table as us.” Sirius pulled me closer to his chest. “Do you know how good it feels to be able to hold you like this in public? I don’t have to hide anything anymore.”
“Mum said that she caught you staring at me over the summer,” I looked into his eyes and a soft blush covered his cheeks. “Sirius, are you blushing?”
“I couldn’t help it sometimes, you just looked so sweet,” He kissed my forehead. “Especially when you were trying to act all innocent.”
“I am innocent,” I pouted and he traced his fingers over my lips.
“Of course you are, love.” He sounded like an adult talking to a small child and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Hi, James,” I practically sang as I dropped into the armchair next to his. Lily scowled at me as James turned away from her.
“Hey, J,” He smiled and it was the first natural one I’ve seen on him in weeks.
“Can I talk to you in private?” I asked as I narrowed my eyes at Lily.
James looked between the two of us and sighed, “Lils, could you just give us a minute, please?”
I waited until she was on the other side of the common room. “James, I was wondering if Sirius could move back into the dorm with you guys,” I looked at him and grabbed his hand. “I know he misses you lot and you can’t deny that you miss him too. I just want it to go back to how it was before.”
“J, I just need some more time. I can’t trust him anymore,” James pulled his hand back. “Mum tried to talk to me after we left you two. She said I should give him a chance but I don’t want my Jessica to be hurt. I want to protect you but you just want to do what you want. I’ve lost my friend, my brother, because I wanted better for you.” James looked close to tears and I moved to sit with him on the sofa.
“Sirius won’t hurt me. He knows you would kill him if he did,” I rested my head on his chest and he pushed the hair off of my face.
“I care about you so much, J. I just want you to be happy and I don’t know if Sirius is the one to make you happy.”
“James, hardly anyone marries the person they’re with in school. Not everyone feels like you do for Evans. Sirius makes me happy right now and that’s all that matters.”
At one in the morning, I opened the curtains around my bed and was thankful all the boys were asleep. I picked up a pile of my clothes from the floor and put them under my duvet to make it look like someone was in the bed. I tiptoed over to James’ trunk and opened it as quietly as I could. My nose wrinkled as I searched through his boxers and socks but I smiled when I found what I was looking for. A small pang of guilt shot through my body but then I remembered that the cloak belonged to me as much as it belonged to James. It had been in our family for years and our dad had said that it was for both of us so surely I should be able to use it whenever I wanted to, right?
I started searching again but couldn’t stand to touch anymore of my brother’s pants so I got out my wand and pointed it into the trunk. “Accio map,” I whispered and the parchment flew straight into my hand. James mumbled something in his sleep and I froze. He started snoring again and I relaxed. Technically, I wasn’t stealing the map either; it partly belonged to Sirius so I was just bringing it to him. Even though I knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I knew that James would probably go mad if he knew I was sneaking out in the middle of the night.
I crept out of the dorm, down the stairs and out of the portrait hole. The cloak covered me better than it did James; even though we were the exact same height, James was much broader and I was smaller (even with my huge chest). I practically ran the whole way to the room of requirement with my eyes glued to the map.
“Sirius,” I whispered as I pushed the door open. He was already sleeping; I could tell by the soft rise and fall of his chest. I was a little disappointed but I put the cloak and map on a chair before lying down next to him. I leant against his chest and closed my eyes, listening to his breathing.
I opened my eyes and smiled when I saw J asleep in my arms. I pulled her closer to me and she mumbled something in her sleep. It felt so nice to be able to actually wake up with J next to me. This was the first time we had been able to wake up peacefully and one of us hadn’t had to rush back to the right room. James probably didn’t know she was here but J was determined and if she wanted to do something there was no way to stop her.
I tried to move her slightly so I could sit up but she just clutched me tighter and the corners of her mouth twitched. “Morning, J,” I whispered and smiled as she fought to keep pretending to sleep. I ran my hand down her back and her eyes opened immediately. “I see you stole the cloak and the map.”
“I didn’t steal anything. The cloak is mine and the map is partly yours,” J stuck her tongue out.
“Hmm, I’m sure your brother will see it just like that,” I mumbled but she still heard.
“Sirius, can’t you just leave James out of this? He’s not even here! I’ve told you that I don’t care what he thinks about anything but you just can’t let it go” J pulled herself out of my arms and stared at me.
“J, I’m sorry. It’s just hard to forget all the thoughts I had before. I’ve spent months sitting here thinking about how James would see it if anything ever happened between us so it’s hard to ignore something like that. He’s like my brother and I’ve lost him over you. I love you but I love him too.” I watched her face soften and she let me hug her. “I spent the last year thinking of ways we could be together without hurting him so it’s only natural that I think about his feelings.”
“The last year?” J asked with a small smile and I knew that I’d said too much. “What sparked this wanting to be together then?”
“You had a fight with Evans and you looked so alive. I thought it was just a one-off reaction but then something changed how I feel.” I pushed her hair off of her face and she raised her eyebrow at me.
“What changed it for you?” Her eyebrow was still raised and I couldn’t avoid her hazel eyes.
“This changed it,” I growled as I rolled her onto her back. I kissed her deeply and I could tell she knew what I meant. She slipped off her nightdress and I ran my hands over her body. For the first time, I was the one who started it. I lost myself in her as the sun rose and the light flooded the room. “I love you, J.” I whispered against her lips.
“I love you too, Sirius,” She whispered back. I didn’t know she could hear me but I felt my heart swell with her response.
“Can you give this to Sirius, please?” Peter handed me a small parcel while James was in the bathroom and I nodded with a small smile. I had wondered if any of them had remembered that it was Sirius’ birthday today but obviously at least one person had. I quickly hid the parcel in my bag as the door opened and James walked over to me.
“J, I’m going to breakfast now,” James smiled at me and I jumped up to follow him out of the room. We had got into a routine of going to breakfast together and I would sit with James until Sirius and Lily came down when we would split up.
“Jam-Jam,” I giggled as he raised an eyebrow at my old nickname for him. “I want to go and wake Sirius up. I don’t want him to miss breakfast like he did yesterday.” I knew the reason he had missed breakfast was because I sat up with him for hours talking about total nonsense. The only reason I didn’t miss it was because James had woke me up by singing about Merlin’s left knee; my brother is not normal in his head!
James just shrugged and I gave him a quick kiss before running all the way to the room of requirement. The door was immediately visible to me as Sirius had told the room to let me in whenever. I grabbed the door handle and practically bounced into the room.
Sirius was still asleep and I slid into the bed beside him. I rested my head on his bare chest and matched my breathing with his. Our chests rose and fell together and I inhaled his unique smell. “J,” He mumbled and I thought he was awake but his eyes were still tightly shut and his breathing hadn’t changed. I lifted my head so I could watch his face with a hungry expression. There was a small smile on his face and I couldn’t help but kiss him.
“Happy birthday,” I whispered as he slowly opened his eyes. His hands wrapped around my waist and he pulled me on top of him. He put a hand under my chin and pulled my face down to meet his. I could feel the passion in his kiss and tried to respond with the same amount. He groaned softly as I bit down on his lip and he pulled his lips from mine as he flipped me onto my back. He was suspended above me, using his arms to hold his weight. I tried to pull him back to my lips but he smiled mischievously. Sirius kissed along my jawline and down my neck. He found the spot where my pulse beat in my neck and bit it gently. My senses felt heightened and my body tingled everywhere he touched. I let out a loud groan and he laughed into my neck. When he was satisfied with biting my neck, he moved down to kiss my collarbone. My breathing caught in my throat and I needed him more than ever before in that moment. All the carefulness between us was gone and I decided I liked this rougher Sirius better than the gentle one. His hands ran down my body and slid up my skirt to hold my thighs. He made a space between them for his own legs to rest and I shuddered as his hand went higher up my skirt. I knew exactly what he wanted to happen and I wanted the exact same thing but we had class to go to. “Sirius, we can’t do this now,” I whispered, with difficulty as he was still kissing my collarbone and I kept gasping. My whole body was screaming at me not to stop him but the rational part of my brain tried to override those thoughts.
He pulled his face away from my neck and pouted like a little boy, “But it’s my birthday!” He said with a smirk.
“And it will still be your birthday after our lessons are over,” I winked at him and his eyes lit up.
“Will you stay here tonight?” Sirius’ hands were on either side of my waist, resting in the soft curve of my body. I nodded and he grinned wider than I’ve even seen.
“Does James know you’re not staying in there tonight?” Sirius asked as we made our way up to his room after dinner.
“I know that he knows it’s your birthday. I don’t think he’s gonna want to think about where I’m going to be and what I’m going to do tonight.” I giggled and Sirius pulled me closer as we walked.
There were two letters on his bed when we walked in and he picked them up straight away. I watched him smile widely as he read the first one which he handed to me. I recognised my mum’s handwriting immediately.
We wish you a very happy birthday and hope you are well. I regret that we can’t see you today but I promise we will make it up to you the next time we see you. I have enclosed a watch for you as James mentioned that you had not received one for your seventeenth birthday. I hope you like it and you deserve it, regardless of what you feel about yourself.
I hope Jessica is doing fine too.
Mum and Dad x
I knew just how much this would mean to Sirius and I was glad my mum had sent the letter. Sirius was part of our family and he would be so touched by her words, even though I knew he would never show it to anyone but my parents. Sirius handed me the second letter and I could tell that this wasn’t as nice as the first.
I’m sorry for what happened before.
Sirius sat on the bed with a vacant expression and I hugged him. “Don’t think about him. He chose his side and you chose yours. He’s only your family in name and after this year is done, you won’t have to see him again unless you choose to.” I told him as he buried his head into my hair.
“J, I still love him after everything he’s done to me. I still remember the little boy who used to adore me. Even when he curses me, I can’t do anything to cause him harm.” Sirius held me for a few minutes before pulling back and putting on the watch my parents bought him.
“Do you want my present?” I asked with a small smirk and his eyes lit up. He nodded eagerly. “Well, we had planned on giving you a joint birthday and Christmas present so you haven’t got your main present yet.”
“What do you mean, ‘we’?” He asked and his smile faded a little bit.
“James, Remus and I had sorted something out but we agreed not to give it to you until Christmas. I asked Remus about it yesterday and he said that James still wanted you to have it.” I pulled a small box out of my bag and gave it to him. “This is for you now though.”
He pulled off the paper and grinned widely, “Thanks, J.” He opened the box and gazed lovingly at the broomstick servicing kit I’d bought it. He kissed me sweetly before I went into the bathroom to shower.
I stepped out of the shower and dried myself as quickly as I could. I grabbed my hair mousse from my bag and put some in my hair to control my curls. I left it wet as I pulled out the lingerie from my bag. One of my aunts had bought it for me last year and I hadn’t ever worn it. I wasn’t brave enough to wear it every day and I had no one to show it to until now. I pulled on the corset style top that pushed my already large breasts up and clung to my curves. It was pink and black lace and the semi see through panels made my body look slimmer than it was. The pants had a ribbon that tied up just above my bum and helped to show how big it actually was without clothes to cover it. I didn’t bother with any tights as my legs were still tanned from the summer. I didn’t look in the mirror before I covered my body with a black satin dressing gown; if I did then I would have chickened out of wearing such an item.
I pulled open the door and stood waiting for Sirius to notice me. I giggled softly at the concentration on his face as he read the book on motorbikes that Peter had bought him. He slowly lifted his head and I’m sure his eyes popped out of his head as I let the gown fall from my shoulders. There was a soft thud as the book dropped to the floor and Sirius’ jaw dropped open.
“Happy Birthday, Sirius,” I whispered as I walked over to him. Sirius’ eyes slowly travelled up my body and I bit my lip as his gaze reached my face. I could see he was itching to grab hold of me so I stepped back and grinned at him.
“J, you look amazing! I mean, you always look amazing but not like this. I love you in anything you wear but this is just…” He trailed off and licked his lips slowly. My heart started to flutter and my body started to tingle without even a touch from him. He reached out to touch me but I moved backwards again and grinned teasingly at him.
Sirius moved closer and closer to me and I kept stepping back so I was just out of reach. He followed me with a smirk until my back hit the wall. I knew I was cornered and I knew that Sirius had planned for this to happen. He stepped closer to me until he was inches away and he put his hands on either side of my head. He towered above me and my eyes were level with his full lips. A slow growl escaped his lips as I put my hands on his chest. His breathing was faster than ever and he grabbed my hands. Sirius held my arms above my head with one hand while the other ran up and down my body.
“I love you, J” He growled softly before he captured my lips with his. His spare hand wrapped around my thigh and he pulled it around his waist. I lifted my other leg and Sirius moved his hand underneath my bum to hold me up. He carried me over to the bed without removing his lips from mine and he lowered me gently before he pulled his top off. I ran my hands over his chest and I knew that I wasn’t going to get much sleep tonight...
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