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How to Organise Strangers and Create Chaos by TheGoldenKneazle
Chapter 6 : Job 6: Get A Brilliant Evil Plan
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 2

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James Sirius Potter lookin' haaawt

Drool-worthy CI by the very fabulous JaydScarlett at TDA!

Job 6: Get a Brilliant Evil Plan


“Go away!”

“You can’t hide up there forever, you know.”

“…I can try.”

I heard a huff down below and some frantic conferring on my best friends’ parts. I didn’t bother looking down to know that they were all gathered anxiously at the base of the very tall tree in my wild garden that I had chosen to climb.

When I’m scared, I go high up. And what goes up, can stay up.

Then Rose put a sonorous charm on her voice (so no more shouting for her, but risking letters from the Underage Magic Control Office) and said, “You can’t get to the Potters’ if you stay up the tree, you know. You also can’t go to the loo, or eat, or drink, or sleep. And because I’m pretty sure your plan would be to stay up there way into the night then sneak down, we’re staying here until that point.”

Goddamnit Rose knew me too well.

But instead of responding I just flicked her the bird and carried on watching the sun set on the horizon, ignoring all my problems for the moment. I would have enough time to carry them when the sky was bleaker.

Want to hear them?

Pepper’s List of Stuff to Do
Find out a way to summon the knight bus off the top of muggle houses
Find out a way to normalise my eyebrows
Investigate the Lily Potter situation
Talk to Rose
Challenge the Fates about my destiny of ‘Death Before 17’

You know, these are all pretty big things. I’m allowed to be childish and run away to the treetops 29 feet above the ground considering I basically have no parents.

Yeah, the conceivers are busy chanting in the living room right now, probably silently co-ordinating toilet trips with the other chanting freaks, so they can look all hippy-ish and impressive by not going to the bathroom when we can notice.

That hippyishness lost any charm about 13 years ago when I was about 3 and first realised what bad hands I was in.

But it was only 9 years ago when I realised the full enormity of the freakin’ situation. And now, I was angry at the universe, The Fates, life, and anyone else out there.

I was friggin’ mad.

So I was sitting in the top of a tree, trying to calm myself by ignoring my problems and watching the sunset, but actually feeling that I was a pan of boiling water and that if I couldn’t let off some steam, I was going to TOTALLY EXPLODE.

So I did.

“Hey, MERLIN, or the FRIGGIN’ FATES, or whoever the FUCK is listening out there… You gave me a REALLY CRAP DEAL, you know that? It would be nice if you actually HELPED once in a while, y’know?”

There was no answer, of course. I hadn’t really been expecting one. I sighed and sat back, watching as the world darkened by inches. Then Rose’s dulcet tones drifted up to me from below.

“OI. You’re the Gryffie here, Jam-face. I’m the faken-Claw, Louis’s the rough-Puff, and Al’s the Slyther-out. We were all ok in other houses, but put in Gryffindor for a REASON. And you’re gonna get your skinny, stubborn butt down here right now Jammy, or so help me I will personally chop this tree down!”

…I had to agree with Rose. I was a Gryffie, and I could find the bravery to climb back down and face life again (plus I would have way more intact pride this way).

“Fine, Dora.”

And the other thing that kept me going? When I was at the Potters’, I could corner Rose.


As we all sat in the kitchen (the living room was full of weirdos) and dutifully played our parts given to us by an enthusiastic Lollipop, I couldn’t help but examine my friends.

Lollipop had given us all Disney parts to play once I had climbed down, and we were all happy enough to oblige and pretend that everything was fine now.

Albus Severus Potter was laughing hard, his thick-framed rectangular glasses catching the reflections of the rising moon from the uncurtained window. His large, emerald-green eyes were filled with merriment as Lollipop rode ‘Dragon’ (from Shrek) around the room, slapping his sides harder. His raven-black hair shimmered with other hints of colours at all angles from his birds-nest hair. Al was kind of average height, which he often thanked Merlin for; with both his parents kind of on the midget-y side of life, it was easy to see why.

He could be so studious, so happy, and was filled with such a happy-go-lucky inclination to trust people. He could be deadly when serious, but it was hard for him to not feel the effects of his actions sevenfold afterwards.

Rose Nymphadora Weasley was otherworldy-beautiful as she dutifully remained in her seaweed cage as Arial the mermaid, trying to repress a grin and managing a wry smile. With her gloriously thick and wavy crimson hair that was below her shoulders, it was easy to see why Lolli had picked her for the part. She was quite short, stocky and curvy; and all the guys loved her for it. But Rose was a true Boudica or Queen Elizabeth I when it came to her love life; occasionally foolish, but often ending it when her control ended.

Rose liked to be in control and do things her way. She was a seriously stubborn-ass person, and could make almost anyone do anything with a few harsh words and well-placed kicks. But she was also one of the most fun-loving and hilarious people I knew; while often studious with her studies, she had no qualms about breaking multiple rules for kicks and giggles. Her sea-blue eyes were wide and plaintively quick, despite all her evidence otherwise.

Lollipop was really enjoying her ride on Al; she tugged his hair to make him go around all the chairs scattered around the room and make her winding way to Louis, the evil villain who was Bad Kind John from Robin Hood. Louis was forcing me to marry him, because I was Lolli the knight/awesome magical fairy’s sidekick she had to rescue. I was also Rose’s friend, because I was Pascal from Tangled and also Nemo from Finding the said fish.

Louis was playing his part perfectly for Lolli; aiming his pretend longbow with amusing accuracy while he had me held by the wrist that he wouldn’t let go. This made it alarmingly difficult for him to aim and me not to fall over; he was taking this hold-Pepper-captive thing alarmingly seriously.

It could be hard to read Louis if you didn’t already know him. He had none of Rose’s immediate bolshiness or Al’s sarcasm, but his own more reckless and daring side that always rose to the challenge with me when the other two didn’t. He was always sweet and could be comforting, often lazy with his sleeping habits and never cruel. He was always light-hearted and illustrated his points well. He never backed down in arguments and could be seriously fierce when angered.

For the role of Lolli’s villain, his gleaming Veela-blonde hair was slightly unusual, but it was a beautiful corn-gold that most girls would kill for. He was quite a pretty boy, and for years lots of people thought he was gay, but then in fourth year he started dating way too many girls (and became a bit of a manwhore) which kind of got rid of that problem.

Where Al could act a bit nerdy and over-eager, Lou kept his cool. His big blue eyes charmed most girls instantly, and with his tall and lanky frame, would have been far more fitting for the part of knight rather than villain.

I love my friends most in the world, coupled with my siblings. They get me and respect me more than anyone else ever has; they were accepting of my mad family, possibly because they were so used to their own… but nonetheless, they accepted this gangly, awkward and socially inept mental case with the stupid, ridiculous name when we were all eleven and I fell down the stairs next to Rose, who then introduced me to her best friends (cousins), and gradually to the rest of The Clan.

The Clan… all the Weasley-Potters and the other add-ons who are magically accepted. Me (with Lou, Rose and Al); The Scamanders and Longbottoms (sets of twins with Roxanne in the year below us); Teddy Lupin (for obvious reasons); and the Marauders. Obviously James Potter and Fred Weasley are two of the four, but Simon Head aka Sleazy, and Fergal Finnegan are two other accepted Clan members too.

Of course, the younger pair – Lily and dear Hughie – have people that they bring around to the Clan stuff too, and there’s some older friends of Molly and Lucy and Dom’s, but they’re not in school any more and nobody really paid much attention to them when they were actually with us.

Ok, I didn’t, anyway. And my three BFFs agree too! (Yes, the use of ‘BFFs’ was used ironically).

But we stayed and played with Lolli all night and well into the early hours of next morning. Pea joined us later on and took over the role of Nemo – Rose loves little kids so it was all ok – and it was only when Bad King John had been snoring for half an hour next to an exhaustedly collapsed Dragon and Nemo that Lolli let us carry her to her bed upstairs. She had been dead on her feet by that point, but my, that girl is stubborn.

I like to think we share that trait among many, and indeed Rose pointed it out to me as we re-entered the kitchen… to find that Dragon had sunken into unconsciousness while we were away.

So I lay my head down on Louis’s shoulder and my feet on Al’s stomach, and Rose rested her head on Al’s chest with her feet tucked underneath Louis’s head, and we all slept until late the next morning.

Note to self: buy a cockerel. It helps to avoid situations like this at 11.34 the next morning…


“You know, Mum, I said they’d be here. There was absolutely no need to drag me to all the other houses too, and then here!”

“Oh shush Jamie.”

Two voices filtered through the fugginess of sleep in my brain to start the cogs working stickily and make me realise that there were two familiar voices right beside me.

Al was the lightest sleeper of all of us, but considering that we’re all pretty heavy sleepers, he could only say, “Huh…?” and rub his eyes while I blinked in the light, Rose twitched and stirred, and Louis just carried on snoring.

That boy could sleep for England, you know.

“Oh gosh… I’ll go put the kettle on. It looks like they’ll all need coffee.” The familiar, mum-ish voice faded to the other side of the kitchen, and the other person who sounded strangely like Al kicked the said person.

“Oi, Ally, get up. You too, Rosie-Posie… oof!” It looked like Rose had punched whichever idiot it was in the gut as retaliation for whatever he’d done to her. “Oi, there’s no need for that!” they wheezed and Al snorted.

“Sure is, Jamsie-poo. OW!”

Ah, James Sirius Potter had made an entrance. Great. Like I need more ‘tosser’ injected into my day.

“Okey-dokey… Pepper next!” And then I shrieked as a bucket of ice-cold water drenched me, and consequently Louis, from head to toe. I was dripping, but could only gasp as Al’s dickhead of a brother turned on the James Potter Smirk ™ and turned away to shake his head at the four (well, three) of us as he surveyed the sorry scene.

“Gosh, I think I see why you guys were asleep this early… though I have to admit that it sickens me slightly. I’m just hoping you took it in turns with Pepper.”


James carried on Smirking™ as I stared at him confusedly, Al nursed his ribs without listening, and Rose narrowed her eyes. “You know… this whole gang-bang thing you guys had going must have been pretty good. I would pay fair money to see Pepper and Rose getting it off, you know.”


I mean, yes I understand what he is implying – but why the fuck he came to that conclusion I cannot guess.

“James,” Rose said in her Steely Tone™, “are you implying we had an orgy here last night?”

James Smirked™ while we all cowered and glared at him. “Why, yes. Is that not what you did, little cousin?”

My hand shot out and slapped him, hard, before anyone else could retaliate. As James looked horrifiedly at me and held a hand to his face where there was already a bright red handprint, I stared at my hand in horror. What had I done?

Then I remembered what he had said and stopped regretting it.

Rose and Al were looking at me with expressions of mixed shock and impressedness, Louis was only half-awake and groaning, so I narrowed my eyes to a glare and tried to imitate the Steely Tone™.

“You utter dickhead. We fell asleep playing with my little sister, duh-brain, and were too tired to all attempt to squeeze into my bedroom!”

James was looking unimpressed, and despite my having quite a few years’ (unwanted) acquaintance with him, I could feel my anger rising and a desire to shock. He had no idea what kind of a life I led; he thought I was just another crazy, but spoilt, muggleborn.

“You know, have you been inside the living room of late?” James looked a little thrown by my sudden change of pace. “My parents are in there with their circle of crazy friends, and haven’t eaten or done anything except chant for the last three days. If you ask them – and they actually decide to not ignore you – then they probably have no idea what the day, month or year is. They won’t know if I’m on holiday or not, let alone if I’m actually home!”

I took a deep breath. James looked wary, so I carried on. “They won’t know how many kids there are about the house, or when they last went to the shops. ‘Cause guess who does all the shopping? All the paying of bills? All the childcare? And they will just run off with their friends to another fucking caravan convention.”

My weary tone was seeping through now, and I still wasn’t looking at anyone. “So, James Potter, would you like to ask me what I have done this summer? ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t half as fun as you seem to think.”

“I…” He seemed at a loss for words. Good. I sat there for a moment, trying to be oblivious to my friends’ mixed-response stares, and looked up at him as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head and looked around the muddley room.

“Yeah. I thought so.” I stood up and brushed myself off. “Who wants that coffee that Ginny put on?”

I walked away with four pairs of eyes on my back, not including Ginny’s, and started to pull out mugs from the piles of wrappers on the side.

I honestly normally don’t make that big a deal out of my family (apart from my name, but that’s fair enough). This week, it just seemed to be everywhere I turned.


It didn’t take too long, once we were all awake, to gather our things together groggily and shove them haphazardly into our trunks; especially with the help of Ginny Potter.

However, I did then have the task of leaving my siblings again… it was horrible having to say goodbye, especially after all our precious times over the last few days. I had spent all my time with my most favourite people in the world, and now I couldn’t see them for a long, long time.

Fortunately, my parents did awake just before I went, so I pleaded with them to remember their duties and take care of my siblings. I hope they heeded my words; they certainly seemed to, but it is always hard to tell with my parents.

But after a long set of goodbyes, we all stepped into the fireplace (one by one this time; I gave Louis a dirty look as I stepped in and he grinned in remembrance) and disappeared to the Potter household.

I promptly fell over their grate as I always do on arrival, tripping right into James himself and knocking him into the table. Al had sidestepped our crashing pile as we hurtled towards him, and instead James just cracked his head and mine on his.

Rose and Louis arrived through the grate and lastly so did Ginny. Everyone knew to be careful avoiding me because they had been doing it for, like, ever, so it was just James and I rolling on the ground and groaning, momentarily stunned.

When I had gathered my wits, the other three were already halfway through the living room, so hurried to catch up as I skirted all the furniture. The Potter Mansion was fairly large and I only knew my way around most of it.

So, what was it that I had to do here again?

Pepper’s List of Stuff to Do
Find out a way to summon the knight bus off the top of muggle houses
Find out a way to normalise my eyebrows
Investigate the Lily Potter situation
Talk to Rose
Challenge the Fates about my destiny of ‘Death Before 17’

Yeah, that was it.

When we got to The Burrow, it was going to be plain madness, with all the Clan teenagers crammed into one place. Yeah… total and utter insanity seemed to about sum it all up.

We all traipsed up the two flights of stairs to Al’s room, where there was plenty of space for all our stuff. He has a ginormous room, you know. All the Potter kids do; it gives us plenty of space to hold slumber parties during the holidays.

Rose immediately leaped onto the bed the minute we were through the doorway, squealing as Al’s mattress bounced up and down. “I CALL THE BED!” she shouted, half wrapped up in Al’s ridiculous Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles duvet he still insists on using.

Honestly, that boy’s capacity for both muggle-stuff-loving and childishness never ceases to amaze me.

“Oh yeah?” Lou stood beside me, an eyebrow raised at the sudden moodswing.

I joined in. “’Cuz actually…”

“I think you’ll find that…”

“We’re all


And we both ran to jump on Rose, laughing as she disappeared completely under all Al’s sheets and stuff that he had made a giant mess of on the bed when he was last here. Al took a running leap and landed on top of me as Rose stuck out an arm from beneath the pile and grabbed Louis’s shoulder to pull him under with her.

Instead, Louis pulled her up, and she scrambled on top of Al, knocking me into Louis as Al swore colourfully. I grabbed a pillow and hit Rose on her head, grinning.

Within moments, she had grabbed a pillow and simultaneously hit both me and Louis, who then grabbed his own and hit her back. Not to miss out, I hit Al and he completely fell off the bed.

He quickly chucked a pile of smelly socks right into Louis’s face, and Lou spluttered as I pushed him off to join Al. Of course, Rose then pushed me, and crowed “SUCKERS!”, before I surfaced long enough to pull her ankle, and consequently her, off the bed to join us in a giant laughing heap on the floor.

I love my friends.


“Rose,” I whispered.

“Yeah?” she whispered back. “You know, why do we have to be all secretive about this? Not that being practically kidnapped up to the Potters’ attic fifteen minutes into our arrival - ” yes, I had wanted to get this over and done with ASAP, “ - isn’t fun, but I still have some feathers in my hair I’d - ”

“Rose, shush.” To my surprise, she actually did, looking at me warily. “Why did you not tell me what Lily did?”

She paled. “I didn’t want you to get worked up about it. Or have to worry about me.”

Translation: if I pretended it never happened, I could just forget all about it.

I sighed. “Rosie, I am your best friend. You not telling me something – and I know EVERYTHING, so this is big – isn’t going to make it go away.”

Rose frowned. “That wasn’t - ”

“It was.”

“Was not!”

“Was too. And - ”


I sighed again and grabbed Rose by the shoulders. “Woman! It’s ok to try to deny it; deny it to your family, deny it to all your friends; hell, carry on denying it to yourself. But just listen to me. Next time, you need to tell me, because I have a plan now, that involves you accepting that Lily was a bitch. I can probably do it without you, but I’d really like your consent.” I looked at her hopefully, realising too late that my amazing pep talk was pretty contradictory.

Well, Rose is contradictory!

Ooh yeah. Good excuse, brain. (Yes, that was sarcastic).

I could see Rose thinking, conflicting emotions flitting across her face, then a conclusion draw itself out.

“Erm… no. It wasn’t big, and I don’t need any help.”


“But Rose - ”

She was already escaping out the hatch, and by the time I had reached out a hand to grab something (anything I could grab that would hold her back), she had gone.

That could have gone better, to be honest.

I rolled my eyes at Rose’s ‘adorable’ stubbornness and started to climb down after her, mentally renewing my list.

Pepper’s List of Stuff to Do
Find out a way to summon the knight bus off the top of muggle houses
Find out a way to normalise my eyebrows
Investigate the Lily Potter situation
X Talk to Rose X
Challenge the Fates about my destiny of ‘Death Before 17’
Talk to Rose V.2 (only after the LLP investigation)

I looked down to see where Rose had scampered to but was greeted only by the sight of an empty hallway.

“LUNCHTIME, FOLKS! IF YOU DON’T APPEAR WITHIN THIRTY SECONDS YOU WON’T GET ANY!” I jumped and banged my head on the rung above as I nearly fell off the ladder. Ginny Potter evidently knew her more-than-slightly-crazy kids too well to not include an incentive.

Plus, we had only woken less than an hour ago and eaten no breakfast. I was dying for some real food that wasn’t caffeine-infused, and practically sprinted down their three staircases.

When I arrived completely wrecked in the large dining-room-cum-kitchen, I got a load of confused/wierded out stares from Mr. Potter, Mrs. Potter, Louis and James, an eye-avoid from Rose, and a complete blank from Al, but was too busy collapsing to care.

Their house is pretty big, let’s face it!

Everyone quickly dug in to the Spanish paella dish that was in the middle, me included. After all, if we let Louis, James and Al alone with the communal dish and waited our turn, there wouldn’t be a communal dish. They’d have eaten it right along with all the rice and prawns and stuff.

After a few moments of frenzied eating, everyone slowed down and started talking more politely. Louis was arguing loudly with James and Ginny over the best quidditch team (the Cannons vs the Harpies vs Louis’ favourite Ballycastle Bats), and Rose was attempting to engage Harry in a conversation about baked beans, studiously ignoring my eye. I looked behind me and saw an offending tin of Heinz, and realised exactly what Rose had done.

I mean, baked beans conversation to avoid talking to me? Even I could have done better.

Well, I could have at least chosen HP sauce. Then you could talk about how HP stands for Houses of Parliament and all that shiz! Although HP are the initials of Harry, so it might be a tad awkward.

Al was looking completely out of it, jiggling his leg, looking at his lap and then distractedly around the room, absentmindedly spooning paella into his mouth at the same time.

That boy has concentration issues.

“Al. Al? Albus. Albus Severus Potter! ALBY!!” That got him looking up.

“What?” he said irritably. Jeez, way to make a girl feel wanted.

“Where’s Lily and when’s she getting back?”

“Erm…” Al frowned, “I think she said she was staying at Hugo’s. Yeah, that’s it.”

I thought for a moment then raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t Hugo staying with Roxy and the Scamanders this week?”

Al frowned even more. “…yeah, he is. And Lily was ranting… then where is she?” he trailed off, muttering to himself.

I raised an eyebrow and cleared my throat.

“Huh, what, Pep?”

“Al… if she’s not here then she must be with the boyfriend.” I had leant forward conspiratorially, but now leaned backwards. Al’s eyes were as round as saucers and looked like they were about to completely fall out their sockets as his mouth dropped open.

Good thing his glasses were there to catch the potentially falling eyes, then.

Ew, gross!

“Shiiiiiiit,” Al moaned. I grimaced.

“When is she staying with ‘Hugo’?” I asked, putting finger quotes around Hugo.

“Um, most of this week! On and off, you know? That’s why I thought she was just having a time out when she was here with that friggin’ slimeball! Oh my God, I’m going to kill him…”

“Al. STOP THAT,” I said, catching his violently stabbing hand. “Look, Rose is refusing to acknowledge that Lily is being a bitch. But I need to see Lily and talk to her for an idea that I have. So can you refrain from going apeshit on her and the slimeball when they arrive this evening?”

Al scowled, sighed, contemplated, and eventually nodded in defeat.

Yesss! Score for Pepper.

Now I just need to work out how to incorporate Al, James and Louis into my evil plan without Rose knowing.


(Yes, I just laughed evilly. It was fun, so stop laughing!)

Oh, and I need to get an evil plan.

Bum. That could really put a spanner in the works.

Pepper’s List of Stuff to Do
Find out a way to summon the knight bus off the top of muggle houses
Find out a way to normalise my eyebrows
Investigate the Lily Potter situation
Challenge the Fates about my destiny of ‘Death Before 17’
Talk to Rose V.2 (only after the LLP investigation)
Get a brilliant evil plan

*A/N: Hey peoples! Raise your hand if you’re excited to see more of the Potters? I am, but probably just because I know what’s happening next. It’s a lot, and it is FUN.
Yeah, the next chapter, “Job 7: Work Out What’s Between James and Me, and Convince Everyone Else It’s Nothing” is going to be A LOT of fun. So carry on reading!
Oh, and did you know that reviewing makes me write faster? Even fangirly ‘OMG LOVEITTT!!!” ones are plain AWESOME.
Yeah. I’m sure you’ve experienced the same thing. So please help me along and r-e-v-i-e-w!!
Til next time, folks


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