Chapter 15 : Heart to Hearts and Insatiable Desires
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Out of all the people in Hogwarts, I was, unluckily, stuck with this lot as friends. I reckoned it was the dangerous truth. I, Victoria Rose, was fated to have utter goons as friends, because normal is just not for me. The universe has made that pretty clear during the pas sixteen years that I have been living. There was never a second when something was not going wrong, and there was never a year at Hogwarts where we did not spend the majority of our time scheming like little bitches.
I loved them with all my heart, but for once, I just wished that we could have a normal year together. But that seemed almost impossible.
“Mate, please, I’m begging you.” Desmond begged in a whiney voice as he dropped his head against the table and clasped his hands together. Ever since Sylvia, who was acting nice in a strange sort of way, approached Desmond that morning, he has been shamelessly begging Potter to take Sylvia out on a date. Why? Because Potter has somehow gotten it into his head that if Potter takes Sylvia out, it will get her off his tail.
I think the entire idea was thestral poo.
And I’m not just saying that because I’m in love with Potter… or whatever else you could call this monstrosity of a feeling inside of me.
Potter, for the tenth time, rolled his eyes and bit into his blueberry muffin. Even eating a muffin made him look… irresistibly attractive.
I hated blueberry muffins.
I hated Potter.
“No.” he answered sternly. “That girl is insane, mate. She’ll probably ramble about you nonstop if I try to take her out. Why don’t you ask Ty?”
Desmond glanced at Tyler, but immediately shook his head. “Tyler isn’t her type!”
Potter looked confused. “And what is her type? I thought male was her type.”
“I’m her type.” Desmond replied arrogantly.
Dominique snorted into her pumpkin juice. Lovely, Dom. Just bloody lovely. Now you’ve got pumpkin juice dripping down your chin.
“And since you’re most like me between the three of us…” Desmond continued.
Potter threw Dominique a napkin from across the table. She scowled at him, but nevertheless, took the napkin and wiped her face free of juice.
“Please, Jamesie Poo, please, please, please? I will forever be in your debt. I’ll do anything, please. Think of it this way! If I go on a date with her, she could..” Desmond looked around with wide eyes before he turned back to Potter. “Rape me,” he whispered fearfully.
Now I snorted into my pumpkin juice. But before I could take control, the liquid maneuvered itself down my throat quicker than I could take a breath, causing me to start coughing uncontrollably.
Potter, who happened to be sitting beside me that morning (it just ended up that way), threw me a disgusted look. He roughly grabbed the half empty goblet from my hand and set it back on the table, replacing it with water. He didn’t look pleased. “What makes you think she won’t rape me if I go on a date with her?” Potter retorted, turning back to Desmond.
Desmond scoffed smugly and ran his hand through his already messy hair. “Well mate, let’s be honest here. I think if any girl had the choice, it would be me.”
“Honest? Alright Dessie, let’s be honest.” Potter smirked, setting his half eaten blueberry muffin down on his plate. “In fifth year, who did Melissa choose between you and me?”
It was a touchy subject, Melissa Endwise. The one and only girl that had come in between Desmond and Potter since they met in our first year. As far as I knew, in the end, Melissa chose Potter, but got neither Desmond nor Potter. That little slut deserved it. Serves her right.
“She knew that you were the more sensitive one.” Desmond replied. “She still secretly saw me behind your back.”
“Okay, now you two are just being idiots.” Dominique spoke up for the first time that morning. “Just shut up and eat your bloody food.”
Tyler looked… scared? “Dom, hun, relax.” He said, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder.
Dom ignored him. “James, please just go on the date with Sylvia. Who knows, maybe it will work. We all know that you’re the more charming one.”
Desmond’s mouth dropped open, surprised and offended. “I resent that Dominique.”
Dom ignored him too. James looked smug.
“She’s right.” Layla said. “I mean, maybe in the end, Sylvia will fancy the pants off of you, and that would be better for all of us since you’re not the Cupid that we have to all help protect.”
James glared at Desmond. “Merlin, being friends with you comes with a lot of tied strings, doesn’t it?”
Desmond merely gave him a cheeky grin.
“But I have a girlfriend.” James reminded everyone.
He glanced at me. I think my heart just involuntarily skipped a beat.
“She knows it. The whole bloody school knows it.”
“Tell her that you two are on a break.” She shrugged.
“I don’t think she’s going to buy that.” I said tentatively.
Desmond smirked at me knowingly.
I ignored him.
James sighed in defeat. “What makes you guys think that she’s even going to say yes to me?”
“Just work your magic, James.” Layla said reassuringly. “There’s no way that she’ll be able to say no to you if you try your best. No girl in this school can. Except your family. And me, of course.”
“And me!” I added indignantly.
“Honey, you’re in love with him.” Layla reminded me, placing a hand over mine from across the table.
“Against my will.” I grumbled childishly.
Potter chuckled softly as he looked at me.
“Sorry, Vic.” He said, still looking at me. Once I turned to him, I was surprised by his expression. As long as I’ve known Potter, he’s never looked at me so… softly and tenderly. “I think we’re going to have to push back our date until the next Hogsmeade trip.”
I looked at him, confused. “What?” I asked.
He laughed. “You forgot your own proposal.”
“What date?” I blinked.
“Never mind. I suppose it’s best if you don’t remember.” He replied quickly.
“You asked him for one date so that you would rejoin the Quidditch team, remember?” Tyler reminded me nonchalantly.
Potter glared at him.
“Oh, that date..” I trailed off. “Sure, I guess that’s fine.”
“Oh!” Layla exclaimed suddenly, surprising each and every one of us. “I almost forgot to tell you guys!” she grinned excitedly and clapped her hands together. “There’s going to be a Halloween masquerade ball this year!”
Dominique and I looked excited as piss. The boys.. well the boys looked as excited as me heading to classes on a Monday morning.
“How do you know?” Dominique asked. “Usually they don’t announce these things until the week before!”
“I’m on the decorating committee. The prefects needed help, so I volunteered myself! You guys should volunteer too!” She said to Dom and I. “It’s actually perfect since we have two more Hogsmeade trips before the actual ball, which gives us plenty of time to pick out our outfits!”
Suddenly, Dom grumbled. “I can’t go to Hogsmeade on Saturday. I need to help Lils and Rose out with something.”
Layla looked at her solemnly. “I’ll pick something out for you? If you don’t like it we can always return it the next Hogsmeade trip.”
Dom thanked her before Layla turned to me. “So what do you say, Vic?” she asked. “Girls day at Hogsmeade on Saturday?”
Well fuck, I was dateless. Potter just bailed on me to take out the girl that was obsessed with Desmond. That doesn’t really look good on my part. Fuck, it’s not like I really wanted to go on a date with Potter.. It was just the arrow talking. “Sure thing.”
“Victoria, hurry up, we’re going to miss the carriages!” Layla called from the bathroom. “Vic!” she shouted even louder this time.
“Why are you coughing?” she asked with an ‘are-you-serious?’ look on her face. “Are you trying to play sick again?”
“No I’m serious Layla.” I wheezed in a pretend voice. “I have a massive headache and a feel a cold coming on.”
I was actually getting really good at this whole playing sick thing. Really, Really good.
-Cough even louder-
She sighed heavily. “Do you want me to pick up your things?” she asked.
“Yes please.” I nodded with a small pout on my face. “Oh, and would you please pick up these things as well?” I pulled a list from my bedside table and set it on her lap.
Layla’s eyes widened when she saw the length of the list. “What the fuck is all of this shit?”
I almost laughed.
“Just things that I need.”
“Where do I even get these?” she asked, dumbfounded as her eyes continued scanning through the list. “I haven’t heard of half the things here.”
I waved my hand and rolled over to the other side of my bed. “Take Desmond with you, he knows where to buy everything. Oh, and don’t forget to pick out a costume for me. Thanks, I love you.”
With one last roll of her eyes, Layla grabbed her bag from the foot of her bed, slipped on her knee-high boots and walked out the door. I let out a sigh of relief.
My ingenious plan was slowly falling into place
It was a beautiful Autumn, Saturday afternoon, and Tyler was stuck in bloody detention. Okay, to be completely honest, I could care less where Tyler is during beautiful afternoons. But today, I needed him to execute my awesome, fool-proof plan.
He was in the trophy room, polishing trophies. After all these years, you’d think that Hogwarts would have thought of better, and more efficient punishments. One would think that after enough detentions, the trophies would be gleaming. I think Filch purposely dirties them for punishment purposes… Suddenly, everything seems rather suspicious.
“Victoria?” Tyler asked sounding befuddled
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, it’s me you twat.”
“Do you have detention too?” He asked excitedly.
“No. I’m not an idiot like you.”
“Oh.” He said. “So, er… why are you here?” he asked.
“I’m here to help you escape!” I exclaimed. “Now hurry up and come with me before Filch comes back.”
Tyler looked confused. “But I need my wand. I can’t get it back until I’ve finished.”
Suddenly remembering about his wand, I scanned the room and searched for the mop that always seemed permanently attatched to the large grey bucket that was sitting in front of Tyler. “Ah-ha!” I muttered to myself. I unscrewed the wooden stick from the head of the mop and pulled Tyler’s wand out from the hollow opening. “Filch thinks he’s clever hiding it here.” I remarked quietly.
Tyler, however, looked amazed.
“That’s where he keeps the wands?” his mouth fell open. “All these years of countless detentions, and my wand was literally right under my nose…”
I rolled my eyes. “Off to Filch’s office!” I pointed towards the exit of the trophy room and ran, head first through the door. Tyler followed in a similar fashion. “Today is the day, my son.” I began dramatically as I turned around to face him. “Today is the day we go down as legends. Today is the day,” I looked off to some random space behind Tyler’s head and raised my hands. “that we become the first students in History to ever break into Nargus Filch’s office.”
He snorted with amusement. “We’re not the first.”
I dropped my hands to my sides and sighed. “Alright, whatever, second or third. It doesn’t really matter. Point is, we’re getting the map back today!”
“How did you get the keys?” he questioned once we started walking. “I wouldn’t exactly call that night a date..”
I shrugged. “Greyson knows how Potter can be, although I, myself, can’t even understand. I’m not entirely too sure actually. But he’s only lending it for the day. He wants it back by dinner.”
Tyler scoffed. “Typical Slytherin.”
“If I had the only set of keys that could open Filch’s office, I’d want it back too.” I didn’t know why I was defending Greyson. I guess it was because he gave me no reason to patronize him in anyway. I noticed the differences between typical Slytherins, and Greyson. Honestly, they were minor, but at the same time, they made all the difference in the world. “C’mon, this way is a shortcut.”
“How do you know?” Tyler asked, following me down the unfamiliar corridor.
“I remember it… I think.”
Despite my apprehension, Tyler followed me down the corridor without another word.
Finally, we reached Filch’s office. After staring at the door for a good thirty seconds, I pulled the keys from my pocket and began pushing random keys through random locks. While in the process of opening the first lock, I held my breath. Although I did say that Greyson was different from the other Slytherins, there was a little part of me that couldn’t help feeling skeptical. He was a Slytherin after all. No one can be too sure about trusting a Slytherin.
This might just be my Gryffindor pride talking.
Ten minutes passed, and I only managed to unlock two bolts. Tyler, who had grown tired of waiting behind me, slumped against the wall beside the door and slid to the ground. I felt his eyes on me as I fiddled with the next lock. “Where’s Filch now?” he asked.
“Manning the carriages.” I answered. “Students are still piling in, so we have a good twenty minutes before he returns.”
“What happens if we can’t get the map within twenty minutes?” he asked.
“We get caught.” I said plainly.
I expected Tyler to have a more animated response as opposed to the term of silence he settled in. This caused me to glance in his direction. He was staring up at the ceiling with a concentrated look on his face.
After the bottom lock opened with a click, a feeling of satisfaction spread through my body. Five more to go.
I pulled the next unused key and slid it through one of the locked bolts. As my curiosity suddenly sparked, I glanced at Tyler again. He was still staring at the ceiling. “What’s on your mind?” I asked, sticking the key into another bolt. No match.
Tyler sighed heavily. “What do you think about Dom?” he asked suddenly.
Taken aback by his question, I stopped abruptly. “What do you mean?”
He shrugged. “I mean, let’s say that you were a bloke. Through a bloke’s point of view, how would you see Dom?”
“Er…” I hesitated and turned back to trying to unlock the door. “Well.. I’m not sure. If I were a bloke… well, I guess I’d like her, sort of? She’s a little bit like Layla, but a more feminine version.” Tyler seemed to be listening carefully as I spoke. “She’s… I guess she’s a little high maintenance. Dom is the type of girl that likes attention, but she comes by attention easily, so she never had any problems in that dep —“
“What do you mean, she comes by attention easily?” he interrupted.
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. “Dom’s gorgeous, Tyler. Don’t tell me that you haven’t noticed it.”
He laughed a sour laugh. “Of course I’ve noticed it. I’ve noticed it since we were eleven years old. Every male in this school has noticed it. But attention… attention should be given not just to the beautiful.”
“She’s smart too.” I added and turned back to the door. “She may not show it that much, but she inherited her mother’s brains, and her fathers’ personality. Dom is just lazy to use it. She may not be nice, but she’s considerate, at times. She’s not as playful, since she has a low tolerance for bullshit, but she’s bendable. I think that she’d be a perfect girlfriend… in her own special way.”
Tyler gave me a look that forced me to correct myself. “Alright, we all know that Dom isn’t perfect. She has her flaws. She’s irritably cranky all the fucking time, along with Layla, and she can be a bitch when she want to be. She’s loud and obnoxious at times, and she’s too fickle to stay in a steady relationship. She’s possessive and blunt to the point where it’s rude. Sometimes her insecurities get the best of her, and we all know that. But.. that’s what makes her Dominique. Perfect little Dominique. Without all that, what fun would she be?”
Again, he sighed heavily. “Perfect. Who knows what perfect is anymore?” he asked, turning his head towards me.
It was strange seeing this side of Tyler. For as long as I’ve known him, I’ve only ever seen the playfully eccentric idiot (he’s not really an idiot when it really matters) who seemed to be incapable of being serious. I never even thought about him having more than one side at all. He’s always been carefree, lively, and funny. As I stared at him, it looked like bits of pieces were breaking away from his heart little by little.
“Why do you ask?” My voice gradually became softer as the conversation continued. “You love Dominique, don’t you? Even though you have no choice, you love her, regardless.”
“I…” he seemed skeptic. “I’m actually not sure.”
By now, I started working on the second to last lock. “How is that possible? You were shot by an arrow.”
“I know that, but.. I just don’t feel it anymore.” He answered. “That soaring feeling you get in the pit of your stomach whenever you see the person you love.” He placed a hand on top of his stomach wistfully and smiled at the memory. “It’s not there anymore. Do you still feel like that?”
I coughed uncomfortably and fiddled with the lock. “Yes, I reckon I do.” I answered, embarrassed.
“I like Dom.” He reminded me. “I really do. I’ve liked her since I was eleven.”
I turned to him with a shocked look on my face. “You never told me that!” I exclaimed sharply. “You’ve never told anyone that!”
He snorted. “Desmond and James knew. Desmond never let me live it down, and James threatened me in the very Potter-like way. Those boys just know how to keep a secret. Merlin knows that they’ve got plenty of their own.”
I laughed. “Oh yes, I know that way.”
“But anyway. I like her.” He said. “She’s beautiful. She’s hot. She’s smart. She’s funny. She can play Quidditch.” He shut his eyes tightly and a smile played on his lips. “Merlin, girls who can play Quidditch are so bloody hot.” I rolled my eyes as he continued. “But that’s besides the point. I’ve liked Dom since I was a child, and she was the only girl I ever wanted.”
“I sense a ‘but’ coming…” I said quietly.
“But.. I don’t know Vic. Dom should be with someone so much better. I can’t.. I can’t be with someone like that. It just doesn’t add up. ”
As I turned towards Tyler, the last bolt unlocked with a click. I was surprised with his words, but I felt… relieved, in a strange sort of way. Tyler, who was one of the biggest players in Gryffindor, cared about what Dom deserved. I felt grateful and touched on behalf of my best friend. At the same time, I felt sad for Tyler.
I bent down to his level. “You’re secretly a sweetheart, aren’t you?” I grinned, trying to lighten the mood. “Truthfully, I don’t know what to say to you, Ty.” I could tell that he was seconds away from laughing bitterly. “But, what I can tell you, is that you’ve got a good heart. And that’s a quality that Dom rarely comes by.”
Unexpectedly, Tyler smiled. He genuinely smiled. His dimples came out and his teeth shined. As he stood up and dusted himself off, he looked at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “I can never understand why James hates you.” He said before he pushed open the heavy door. “Are you ready for this?” he asked with a grin.
I grinned back, and turned my head forward. I prepared myself for what was ahead. “Let’s do it.”
We literally raided Filch’s office. Almost every useful thing that the bugger has ever confiscated was now in our possession. From dung bombs to smuggled love potions. We had it all. We replicated everything we had stolen and placed it neatly in Filch’s office, so that he wouldn’t expect anything. We replicated everything except the map. Tyler wanted Filch to know that we were in there. He wanted him to know that the map was back in James Potters’ hands, and that he didn’t win just yet.
After gathering everything in a sack we found in his office, we ran for it and returned to the common room before Filch returned. We dropped off the goods in the boys dormitories before Tyler lead me towards the kitchens with the very useful map back in our possessions!
However, we never managed to reach our destination.
While passing the main entrance, I caught sight of Potter and Sylvia. They were bloody holding hands.
I was going to cut someone.
I didn’t want to.
But I was going to fucking cut someone.
Tyler, who was completely oblivious to this entire scene before us, continued strutting towards them. Before he could be sighted, I tackled him into the nearest alcove and forced my hand against his mouth. “Shh!” I shushed as quiet as I could. “James and Sylvia are back.” I exclaimed. Slowly, I withdrew my hand from his mouth. Thankfully, Tyler complied and stayed quiet.
From the alcove, I watched as the two stopped in front of the staircase. Sylvia was smiling, and James was… well he was being his charming fucking self. They were speaking quietly — too quiet for me to hear. I wish I had extendable ears right now…
Suddenly, he started leaning into her smile. HE WAS FUCKING LEANING IN. Please, Merlin, Mother of Merlin, Son of Merlin, Father of Merlin, please, please, please, tell me that he’s not going to kiss her.
Potter leaned in closer and closer until their noses were touching.
From beside me, Tyler gasped and snorted. “Holy balls, he’s going to kiss her!” he hissed with a whisper. “Shit, James is really going for it! Wow, he really doesn’t do anything half-assed, does he?” he asked, turning to me as if waiting for me to agree.
I glared at him before turning back to Potter, idiot # 2.
They were talking to each other; whispering. A flirtatious smile still plagued her soon-to-be chopped up face. Her eyes were slightly closed, and Potter seemed to be staring at her thin lips.
“I wonder what they’re talking about.” Tyler whispered near my ear.
He began leaning closer, and closer. He was about a mere centimeter away from filling the gap.
“That’s it.” I grumbled under my breath. I whipped my wand out of my back pocket and quickly pointed it in their direction before Potter’s lips managed to touch hers. I muttered a simple charm, and almost instantly, her two front teeth began growing at a rapid rate.
“Vic!” Tyler gasped and then began whining. “What did you do that for? I wanted to see him kiss her! I would’ve been able to hold it against him for the next few months.
I kept my eyes on Potter and ignored Tyler completely. I wasn’t even aware he said anything until he nudged me with his elbow a minute or so later. Potter began look around, in search of the culprit. Sylvia, on the other hand, was making an extremely large fuss over her teeth.
“Time to go!” I exclaimed once James had his back turned. I grabbed Tyler and we bolted up the stairs as fast as our legs could carry us. We ran back to the common room and once we were inside, we collapsed on the couch. “That was close.” I said with difficulty breathing. I wasn’t the best runner.
“I think he saw us.” Tyler said fearfully.
Moments later, the sound of the portrait hole opening filled our ears. Our eyes grew wide. Without thinking, I kicked Tyler off the couch and shoved him towards the staircase. “Go to your dorm! Go, go, go! Pretend you were taking a nap!”
Luckily, he did not ask questions. He simply picked his arse off the ground and raced up the stairs.
I, on the other hand, tried my best to make it seem like I had been taking a nap the whole day. I laid my head against a cushion and shut my eyes tightly. I felt my heart race faster and faster as footsteps approached the couch. Suddenly, someone poked my arm. Trying to stick to my superb acting, I ignored the poke and continued ‘sleeping’. Someone poked me again. I ignored it. Another poke. Ignored. The poker sighed heavily before I felt my entire body being shaken awake.
“Victoria.” It was Potter.
Slowly, I raised one eyelid open. “What?” I tried to muster the best ‘sleepy’ voice I could on short notice. “Fuck, Potter what do you want?” I grumbled dramatically.
He didn’t answer me. Instead, he walked over to the end of the couch, picked up both my feet with one hand, sat down, and then dropped my feet on his lap. I stared at him. “Were you sleeping here all day?” he questioned.
Slowly, I nodded, and pushed my hands over my head in order to stretch. I softly moaned unintentionally. Potter looked away suddenly. “I got bored of my dorm. My bed was starting to hurt my back.”
He glanced at the couch. “This cushion is no better than your bed.”
I shrugged. “It’s soft.” I nestled my head deeper into the pillow and smiled. “Why are you back so early?” I asked him, trying to play it cool. “I think there’s about an hour and a half more until everyone else has to start coming back.
Potter looked away. “No reason, I just wanted to come back early.”
I frowned. “Weren’t you on a date?”
He nodded. “It wasn’t that great of a date.” Potter admitted. “Sylvia… let’s just say she reads way too much books. She’s so.. boring.”
“So girls who read books are boring?” I asked with disbelief.
“No!’ Potter exclaimed. “Don’t get me wrong. Girls who read are rather educated and interesting, and I appreciate them.” He then grinned wistfully. “I mean that’s why Ravenclaw girls are so damn fun to date.”
I grumbled against the pillow. “You’re repugnant.” I muttered under my breath.
He chuckled. “Why thank you.” He said sarcastically, and then he eyed me curiously. “Don’t tell me that you’re jealous.” There was amusement visible in his voice.
I scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself, Potter. It’s not an easy feat, making me jealous.”
He then laughed loudly. “I think you get jealous rather easily.”
“My, my, your head is getting rather large these days.” I remarked. “You better watch out. Soon enough, your broom might not be able to handle the weight.”
Potter ignored my remark, and continued teasing. “Would you like it better if I preferred Gryffindors over Ravenclaws?”
“Show some house pride, you daft wanker.”
“Hm..” he began thoughtfully. “I don’t know. Gryffindors are rather... well, don’t get me wrong. Gryffindors are the best. But in terms of girls, they’re rather.. to be down right honest, they’re… they’re practically blokes in my eyes. But they are definitely a step higher than Hufflepuffs, and of course, your average Slytherin.”
I gave Potter a look of disbelief. “So.. us Gryffindor girls are blokes in your eyes.” I summarized, trying to take it all in.
“You all look like girls.. but well.. you can’t deny it. You, Dom and Layla all act like men most of the time. I mean, why do you think it’s so easy for Des, Tyler and I to be around the three of you all the time?” he asked. “And it’s not just you three. All the other girls in Gryffindor do have some feminine qualities, but their personalities don’t exactly scream out female.
“Which is why you go for the girly Ravenclaws.” I finished for him.
“So, just because Layla, Dom and I would rather hang out with you guys and watch a Quidditch match, than hang out in our dorm while reading girly magazines, painting our nails and gossiping all night, we are not female enough for an average bloke to date.”
“Yes — wait, what? No!” Potter exclaimed suddenly. “You completely missed the whole point of what I just said.”
“Then make yourself clearer, Potter, cause you’re not making any sense.”
“What I meant was, Ravenclaw girls are the type of girls that us blokes mess around with and date for fun.” He turned to me and bore his eyes into mine. “Gryffindor girls.. well.. like I said. They’re like blokes, but in girl form.” He looked like he was having trouble explaining. “They’re the ones you can fool around with. Not in any sexual way, but.. er.. they’re playful.”
I rolled my eyes impatiently. “Get to the point.”
“They’re not the type of girls you fuck around with.” He said finally. “They’re meant for so much more than just a simple fuck. I do have some house pride, as a matter of fact. Which is why I try my best to stay away from the Gryffindors. Things tend to get complicated with them.”
“Ah…” I uttered, trying to comprehend what Potter had just said.
He sighed exasperatedly. “Don’t — just don’t try to comprehend it. It’s more of a bloke thing.”
But I did understand. I understood perfectly. I understood how Gryffindor girls did not have the type of personality a bloke could just toss around, and be done with. Although Ravenclaws don’t deserve the be treated like a whore either. They simply had a more.. playful personality, in a completely sexual way. In Potter’s language ‘I could fuck a Ravenclaw without feeling even an ounce of guilt.’
So many questions swam into my mind as I recalled the several physical exchanges Potter and I had shared. I recalled those times he snogged me senseless, without any clear explanation as to why. The question was rolling off the tip of my tongue. I was simply dying to ask it, but something told me that if I were to place the question on the table, I would be walking on very, very thin ice. What if I really was just something fun, and someone who will eventually find her way into the disposal bin of Potters’ life when he was through?
However, before I could even open my mouth, Potter cleared his throat and gave me a curious look. Deciding quickly, I shoved all the questions out of my mind and thought of something else to say. I was silent for a while. I had to be thinking about something or else I’d just look daft.
“Ravenclaws?” I began. “In truth, after last night, I’ve gained an interest for Slytherins.”
Potter looked at me with disbelief. “Slytherins?” he asked. “Really, Vic? Slytherins? They’re vile, and you can never expect anything from them.”
“If I remember correctly, you dated a Slytherin.” I reminded him dryly. “For a while, in fact. You seemed pretty shake —”
“Which is why I stand by what I just said.” He interrupted quickly. I could tell that Amelie was a touchy topic between us, or maybe it was touchy topic between Potter an anyone. Regardless, I knew my limits. So I let it go.
“When is it ever fun to expect things?” I said to him. “It’s fun to not know what to expect. After my date with Greyson, I must admit, it was… uncomfortable, but if I wasn’t so uncomfortable, it would have been.. alright.”
He scoffed. “Your taste in men has really gotten worse. First Willow, now Greyson?”
“Tell me about it.” I said, agreeing. “I’m in love with you, aren’t I?”
He laughed, and then asked, changing the subject. “Are you sure you were here all day? We left at nine o’clock.. It’s nearly five.”
“Just here.” I nodded. “What else could I have possibly done?”
“Why didn’t you go to Hogsmeade?”
“I wasn’t feeling well this morning.”
“Hm,” he began as he draped his arms over my legs. “I could have sworn I saw someone who looked like you downstairs.”
“There are hundreds of kids in this castle.” I reminded him.
“Yes but not one of them looks like you.” He retorted, leaning closer to me.
I fell silent. Potter was about five inches away from my face. It rendered me breathless.
“Your curly hair, your tall figure… that arse of yours.” He spoke softly, glancing towards my hips. “I could’ve sworn I saw you near the main entrance not too long ago.”
And then he pulled away all too soon, let out a shaky breath, and ran his hands through his hair. “Well, whoever it was, I’m thankful.”
“W — why?”
He turned back to me and grinned. “She saved me from a really awful kiss.”
I almost laughed, but then I stopped. “Hang on, to know that then you must have kissed her before hand.”
“You kissed her?” I almost fell out of my seat. “Potter!”
“Hey, a bloke does not kiss and tell.” He told me resentfully.
I rolled my eyes. “Girls don’t kiss and tell. Are you a girl?”
In a blink of an eye, Potter was hovering dangerously close to my face again. My breath got caught in my throat, and my eyes widened. His eyes flickered to my lips, and then back to my eyes. “You know very, very well that I am not a girl.” Once more, his eyes moved to my lips, but this time, it stayed there. “Or would you like me to remind you again?” The corner of his lips twitched slightly.
He was doing this to spite me. I knew he was. He wasn’t doing this because he wanted me in any way. He was doing this to see how far I could go before I was pushed over the edge.
So I decided to push back, and see how much Potter could take before he snapped. “Well I guess you failed to leave a lasting impression on me the last time.” I replied in hoarse voice, staring back at him.
Potter smirked. “I can’t have that, now can I?” He leaned closer until I could feel his breathe against my lips.
“I suppose that the famous James Sirius Potter does have a reputation to uphold.”
“I do, don’t I?” he leaned in even closer as he pressed his right hand against my knee while his left hand slowly made its way up my thigh. His bottom lip grazed mine as he spoke. “Reputations are pretty important.”
When he didn’t make a move, I almost smirked. “So are you going to show me, or what?” I asked impatiently. I had it all played out in my head. He was going to back away, and I was going to be the one who held the triumphant smirk in the end, not Potter. He was the one that was going to feel played, he would be the first to back away, and I would be the one who would feel pretty damn good about herself when everything ends.
Except when Potter finally leaned in and forced the tense gap in between us to disintegrate against my will, I realized that this had been a one-sided game. He was being completely serious, despite his playful tone. Almost as if it was pure instincts, his hands forcibly grabbed my hips, pulling me closer, and I happily expressed my delight by winding the length of my legs around his waist. His tongue immediately grazed my bottom lip, so I complied, and my lips parted, inviting him in. His hand slipped under my shirt while he pressed my body closer to his excitedly. For a while, our tongues danced and we explored each other’s mouths.
I sighed contently and basked in this feeling. I loved this boy. At this very moment, I loved this boy with every bone in my body, and I was finally giving into it. Although the feeling of love was artificial, it felt more than natural to me. Each and every time Potter kissed me with such vigor and passion, I felt at home. Everything was so overwhelming. I couldn’t breathe.
But, to my dismay, everything ended as quick as it began. Potter pried his lips away from mine with a strangled moan, but he did not pull away. His forehead was almost touching my own — almost. His breath was heavy and erratic while his eyes were blazing with passion. What I was most curious about, however, was everything else Potter was hiding behind those unnaturally passionate eyes of his. I could tell that there was something more on his mind than he cared to show, but I knew that no matter how hard I tried, Potter would never, ever willingly break down the large wall standing in between us. Not in a million years.
At this point, I wasn’t sure what to expect. With my eyes grazing over the contours of his handsome face, I came to two conclusions. Either Potter was going to kiss me with just as much fervor as he had not more than a moment ago, or he was going to push me away, like he always did. Before I could draw a third conclusion, Potter withdrew his hands and sat up right, leaving me laying on the couch both breathless and speechless.
I watched silently as he ran his hand across his face in a frustrated manner. I was too out of it to even notice that Potter looked rather put out. “I’m going out.” He said abruptly. Without even looking back, he immediately stood up from the couch and made a straight line towards the portrait hole. If I hadn’t caught the string of curses that Potter elicited before the portrait closed completely, I would’ve continued on thinking that he stopped merely because snogging was still unfamiliar territory between us. Now, I think it’s something completely different.
Trust Victoria to make things go from easily casual and purely playful, to something that doesn’t even make sense to the point where it surpasses the level of extremely mental. It’s difficult to comprehend how we went from talking about the difference between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor girls, to snogging on the fucking couch. I neither remembered nor cared how it all started. All I knew, was that I had to get out of that common room. I had to get away from Victoria.
I was sinking. I wasn’t floundering anymore. I was just fucking, downright sinking into the bottom of the deepest pile of shit in the entire world, and it was all because of Victoria. No. That’s a lie. It was all because of Desmond. Desmond and his bloody impulse of shooting people with arrows.
And somehow, everything always manages to end up revolving around Victoria. My world does not revolve around some fucking fickle, fickle girl who I don’t even give a damn about. Who the fuck was she to get me so worked up like this?
I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t handle it.
The fighting, the insults, the teasing, the flirting, the touching, the staring, the snogging, the jealousy, the insinuations, the guilt. It was all too much, and none of it was my responsibility.
I didn’t want this. It was too unfamiliar. Giving into Victoria was like blindly walking through a troll infested forest and expecting not to get squashed. Or flying through a brutal Quidditch match with no skill in flying what’s so ever. It was nerve-wracking, dangerous, and completely insane.
It took me a while to finally admit to myself that I didn’t want this. I didn’t want any of it. For a while, I thought that we would be able to play a game. I thought that it would be okay to snog her, just as long as we didn’t grow too attatched to one another (fake arrow not included). I thought that we could go on hating each other without a problem. She seemed to enjoy it, and I certainly have been enjoying myself. But lately, everything felt more than just a simple game.
What Victoria wanted was a relationship. She wanted a boyfriend. She wanted me to love her back.
But I had nothing to offer her.
Once I found myself at a safe distance away from the common room, I regrettably began to notice my unquenched hunger for a good fuck. Victoria had started something that she couldn’t finish, and once again, I had to clean up after her mess.
The students weren’t back from Hogsmeade yet, which left the castle clear of most third-seventh year students. I growled to myself, frustrated. My eyes began scanning for possible victims — females, to be precise. “Fuck, why isn’t there anyone around?” I needed to take my mind off things. I needed to stop thinking about the shit hole that I am currently burying myself in. I need a taste of my old life — the life I had before Victoria fell in love with me and ruined it all. I needed to feel someone else.
I reckon it was my silly way of proving that I didn’t need her. That I didn’t want her. All I wanted to do was make sure that I was still capable of enjoying anything that wasn’t her.
As I neared the library, it was as if Merlin answered my prayers. There she was. Joy Lovegood, walking right towards me. She was a seventh year Hufflepuff. She looked pure and innocent on the outside, but exteriors were deceptive, and, after sharing a long night’s tousle a couple of months back, I had earned the pleasure of learning all about Lovegood’s deceptive exterior. Although, having a good taste of her clingy and eager personality, she was truthfully not my first choice, she would have to suffice considering the short notice. It was purely physical, anyway. Personality didn’t matter when it came down to this.
“Joy,” I greeted her gladly, almost sound relieved.
Joy charmingly smiled back at me. “James Potter.. Fancy seeing you here.” She replied. “Why aren’t you at Hogsmeade?”
I took a deep breath and composed myself. I willingly pushed all thoughts of Victoria out of my mind and turned on the James Potter charm. Somehow, with great skill and (thankfully I was blessed with enough of this) allure, I somehow managed to back her against the wall. She looked tempted as she waited for my next move. I almost smirked, despite myself. She was practically putty in my hands. “Prior engagements.” I drawled, with a shrug. “Besides, I think I’ve found something else that sparks my interest much more than Hogsmeade.” Joy smiled bashfully, and I involuntarily smirked at her shyness. What was it with shy girls that made them so.. cute? She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear as I watched with curiosity as a pink flush spread through her cheeks.
Fortuitously, my smirked widened. I almost chuckled at myself with pride. I still had it.
It didn’t take long before Joy found herself in an empty classroom, pinned between my body and the stone wall behind her. About five minutes of reckless flirting, and another five of a heated snog session was all it took to get her on her knees, begging for more.
Minutes passed until I lost track of time. Foreplay had been longer than I would have liked, and the pleasure wasn’t exactly satisfying. In short, it was dull. Despite my wishes, she wasn’t enough to keep the haunting thoughts in my mind at bay. She was gorgeous, and she knew how to take a hold of situations, which was something I always admired about her. Yet, there was something I yearned for that she could not give. I reckoned it was the lack of passion that put me in a rut. All she was interested in was pleasure for herself, without a single thought for her partner. But I supposed the term ‘meaningless sex’ explained it all.
She was different from Victoria. She was playful, and she loved to tease. She knew how take, as well as how to reciprocate. She was more than passionate, and the best thing of all, she knew how to get under my skin without even an ounce of effort.
Here she comes, running back into my fucking mind, making me compare her to my most recent fuck, and making me feel more guilty than ever.
The moment it was over, I roughly pushed Joy away and picked up my clothes from the ground. My disappointment, along with Victoria plaguing my thoughts put me in a bad mood. Lovegood, on the other had, was most likely smiling. I didn’t even have to look at her to know that she was smiling as she searched for hers. How couldn’t she smile? I always left them smiling.
“Here’s your tie.” I picked up a yellow and black striped tie from the ground and threw it in her direction without another look.
“You could be a little more grateful.” Joy snapped irritably.
I turned around and noticed that I had thrown the tie in her face. “Perhaps you should be the grateful one, Lovegood.” I muttered. Without another word, I threw the door of the classroom open, not bothering to properly straighten myself out.
What I saw next made my breath hitch in my throat. I swear, the guilt was going to eat me alive.
A head of curly blonde hair immediately whipped around at the sound of the door opening. During that short, brief hair flip, I found myself praying to Merlin that who ever it was standing before me, it was anyone but Victoria. Regardless, a part of me already knew that it was her. I stopped in my tracks, my hand still attatched to the brass door knob. My eyes widened, and I’m pretty sure that my heart rate sped up a significant amount, but I wasn’t paying any attention to my bodily reactions. That was the last thing on my mind. What I was paying attention to, however, was the surprised expression printed on the contours of Victoria’s face.
“Potter.” She breathed.
I said nothing for a few moments. It wasn’t until Joy decided to appear behind me, looking as disheveled as ever, when I decided to speak. “W — what are you doing here, Vic?” I asked her, unsure if I should start acting sorry now, or later. My first instinct was to ignore her, and get on my way. Although, once I noticed the level of emotions portrayed on the surface of Victoria’s beautiful face, I couldn’t bring myself to treat her the way I treated all the other girls.
Victoria ignored me. Instead, her eyes danced from Joy, to me, and then back to Joy. For a small fragment of a second, a look of hurt flashed through her eyes, but it was quickly replaced by fiery anger that worried even me. He pursed her lips in attempt to compose herself and looked away until she realized that she had been holding something this entire time.
Looking back at me, she held up a thick piece of parchment in her right hand. As her eyes flickered towards Joy, she held her wand to the surface and muttered a charm I could not understand. After one last look — a look that began eating at me from the inside out — she threw the parchment at my chest and it fell to the floor, forgotten. Without a single word on her part, she then turned around and walked back down the corridor she came from.
“What was that about?” Joy asked curiously, peering over my shoulder to see what Victoria had thrown in my direction..
I ignored her, and bent down to pick up the familiar piece of parchment. Once it was finally in my hands, I scanned it in disbelief. The pieces began to fall together. The sudden question of whether or not I was able to get into Filch’s office, the sudden date with a Slytherin, skipping a trip to Hogsmeade — it all fit. Before I could even think about how badly this gesture tugged at my heartstrings, I lifted my gaze and frantically searched the corridor for any trace of Victoria.
She was already gone.
A/N: Don't kill me please! they're having issues again, and i know all you guys want is to see them get together! it's only a matter of time ;)
please review! tell me what you guys think :) thoughts, comments, questions?
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