Disclaimer: I do not own the lovely world of Harry Potter or it's characters.

Thank you to my skype writing group, without whom I would be lost. Thanks to Len(DarkLadyOfSlytherin), Leslie(onestop_hpfan), Lee(SunSation Gal 07), Jenny(Erised), Marina(tell_me_what_the_truth_is), Annie(gingersnape), Ty(tydemans), Gina(justonemorefic), and Sarah(Gryffin_Duck) for encouraging me with this story. And thanks to them for all the title suggestions, even though I did get the suggestion to name this story Sausages while sausages are, in fact, completely irrelevant to this story. :P

My first attempt at a Ted relationship fic. :) Thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Please review.

Enjoy! Watch the beautiful chapter image. It moves! :O

Teddy Lupin - Garrett Hedlund
Scorpius Malfoy - Alex Pettyfer

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beautiful chapter image by CoCo786 @ TDA

Outrageous. Absolutely outrageous. Everyone who was around for the second wizarding war always told us their stories, stories about how scary it was and how lucky we were not to be there. Well, I've heard my fair share of elaborate stories from my god-father and his family, but I feel like I've been stuck right in the middle of it this morning at the Ministry.


The Minister was found dead this morning, and the entire Ministry has gone to hell from there. It's as if, without a Minister, we can't act appropriately and accordingly to our departments. I could, mind you. I'm mature enough, but it seems most of these fifty-year-old crack pots hear some guy's dead and all hell breaks loose.

We've learned that the Minister was murdered; that much is sure. So, most of the employees in the Law Enforcement Department have scattered like flies with the belief that the Minister's laws have upset the people and they will be targeted next. Some have quit, some are running about while madly screaming, some are setting their offices on fire to destroy whatever evidence they might have to upset the killer and removing any skeletons from their closet.

Well, hey, I don't know. Hypothetically speaking with the skeletons, of course.

Poor Hermione is trying to round them up and keep them in order. Some of the wizards in the Law Enforcement Department, along with a few Aurors, have been sent to the crime scene to collect evidence and clean things up. Criminals in the Ministry today for their trail at the Wizengamot have been neglected, lying on the floor in their bounds with silencing charms so their guards can learn more of the situation. Basically, no one is doing their job. Workers from the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes have abandoned their work places, letting said catastrophes grow even more out of hand and endanger whatever people are near, and small creatures are attacking the enchanted paper notices flying about.

Me? Well, I was standing smack in the middle of the hall way in the Auror department, trying to take everything in. I mean, really, what idiots. One death and the world has gone to pot. People die every day. Granted, it was the Minister who died this morning due to murder, but still.

Honestly, I didn't get it. The Minister dies and the rest of the wizarding world thinks everyone is out to get them.

Ron Weasley ran by me, trying to stop a rogue co-worker currently screaming at the top of his lungs. "Ted! You're not getting paid to just stand there. Help me, why don't you?"

"Right, sorry," I stuttered to him and chased after the man. I yanked my wand out and shouted, "Petrificus Totalus!"

Ron stopped in his tracks, nodding and seeming quite pleased. I looked to him and waved my wand around like it was the important factor to the entire situation like it was. It was a gesture that read, where is your wand, you idiot? Ron rolled his eyes and commented, "Now's not the time, Teddy."

"Where's Harry?"

"Off dealing with this at the crime scene. Left us Aurors in charge of trying to contain the situation, but - "

"But that's not going very well," I snorted.

Ron gave me that look again, and I lifted my shoulders in questioning. Ron never appreciated my humor. Not in the work place at least.

I never wanted to be an Auror. I had always wanted to maybe write for the Quibbler, or I dunno. Something where my humor could be appreciated. It was never what I pictured myself doing, but even when I was in my Hogwarts years, adults would tell me that the Auror Department would be lucky to have me. What, metamorphmagus and all. I only ever pushed it aside; it was never an option for me, but then I finished my schooling and bloody hell, did that department want me. Even with Harry as the Head, they didn't stop asking me to begin training. I hadn't even applied and they wanted me, but I think my god-father had something to do with that. It was only when the Ministry agreed to pay for my Auror training did I really come to terms that it would be good for me and that I was perfectly suited for such a job.

And the Auror Department sure used me to their advantage. I would be the one sent in disguised as a creepy bloke who hangs out with all the wrong people. I always did discover the most information as such; it's easy to do so when people don't think you're actually an Auror.

"Straighten this up," Ron said. He liked to order me around when he knew he had the power. I'd like to order people around too if I could. "Start with getting any in-control witches or wizards from the Department of International Magical Cooperation to calm everyone down in the Creatures and Magical Catastrophes departments. The Catastrophes Departments should be dealing with this the best, and they're off blowing things up! Then get those damn Wizengamot guards to doing their jobs."

"Yes, sir," I commented and was off. Ron had a point; the workers from the Catastrophes department were off making their own catastrophes and not dealing with the current one at hand, leaving us Aurors to go and pick up the mess, acting like muggle police men and babysitters.

I grabbed the nearest incapacitated criminal from the ground and dragged him down to the Wizengamot. Luckily someone was still doing their job and holding off the dementors off by keeping up his patronus. I looked to him, grateful, and spoke to him and also the dementors. "Any criminals brought down to the Wizengamot are to be escorted back to where they came from. Let them go if they were not under Ministry confinement, or send them right back to Azkaban if that is where they came from. Trials will be rescheduled for another day."

Luckily the mess was all cleaned up in an hour or two, and the workers had somewhat calmed themselves. After the initial shock of things, they were able to clean the Ministry up, restoring it to a somewhat 'good-as-new' condition, and others returned to their work place.

Ron and I went back to our headquarters to cool off, avoiding some still overly stressing wizards. Ron sat down at his desk, kicking back with his hands behind his head and feet on the table. Lucky Ron; he was Harry's right-hand man, so when Harry was out, Ron was pretty much Head Auror. I didn't have a desk; not yet at least. I was still new to the whole Auror Department. I was just approaching my four year mark, and while it sounded like a long time - and oh, Merlin, it has been - it's not too much compared to everyone else here in the office. Harry and Ron are coming up on twenty-four years soon. You had to do something special or be around for a really long time in order to get a desk. Not that I minded much. Most of our work consisted out of office.

I sat down in the chair next to Ron's desk, just trying to figure out how and why the Minister died. Murdered, sure. But how and why, why being the greatest question. Jarvis Eldridge had been a good Minister, I thought. Not as good as Kingsley, of course, who stepped down just a few years ago. But good.

"What do you think happened?" I asked Ron quietly, knowing he was deep in thought about the situation as well.

"No idea," Ron rolled his shoulders.

"What's going to happen to the Ministry?"

"A fast election for a new Minister. For a while everything here will just be trying to deal with keeping everyone calm, already trying to push past it the day it happened. There's still a Ministry to run," Ron commented.

"Right," I sighed.

A few hours later, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

Two sets of DNA had been found on the victim's body: Scorpius Malfoy and Rose Weasley. No one knows why, but the tests don't lie. I know other Aurors are fast at work in retrieving Rose and Malfoy from whatever business they were carrying out. I can't speak for Malfoy, but Rose would be having her day interrupted at Gringotts to be hauled off by the authorities.

Rose is a Curse Breaker. Dangerous stuff, if you ask me, and for her job, she travels the world to find ancient tombs to break the curses of and she brings the lot of gold back to Gringotts. Tomb-Raider, I think we all called her for a while after she got the job. It was uncommon for such a young witch to get the job, but thanks to an awesome rec letter from her Uncle Bill, she pulled it off. I never knew Rosie that well, but I know she wouldn't kill someone whether she broke into the tombs of dead people or not.

Actually, as I think about it, Rose travels so much that maybe we haven't been able to notice who she's become. Maybe she would kill someone...

But she wouldn't, would she? Had she been conspiring with this Malfoy?

But after Ron had learned that it was his daughter’s DNA they'd found, he and Uncle Harry had been hauled off and sent to their offices. Ron went kicking and screaming, of course. Actually he wouldn't even go. Harry had to haul him out by the collar of his shirt, knowing what's best for him.

There is a law about relatives of defendants being on cases, and well, it's illegal. So Harry, Ron, and even Hermione, a big time lawyer over in her department, can't be in on the case at all. They have to act like it's not going on around them, and they can't be told any information on the case. Apparently it's found unfair to the Ministry and the defendant, as any relatives could sway the decision of the outcome of the trial.

I find this ridiculous. If Harry, Ron, and Hermione could stay on the case, then Rose would definitely get off the hook. And that's what we needed, right? Little Rosie couldn't be sent to Azkaban. She was innocent, right? I couldn't speak for Malfoy; he probably was guilty in the whole thing, but Rose. No way.

But apparently muggles have this law too.

So that's why I'm stuck in an office with Jimmy Peakes and some big dudes who were just under the Minister in the level of importance. Jimmy was also an Auror, a short man with a broad build who intimidated me even though I stood a full foot taller than him. He was a few years younger than Harry and Ron and had apparently been a pretty fierce beater in his Hogwarts years.

Rose and Malfoy are to be taken into separate solitary confinements for questioning, and a trial may or may not be in the future depending on the results of the confinement.

But wait. Here's the really mortifying part of this: Scorpius is to be taken into solitary confinement for questioning by the big, bad scary Aurors, and Rose...?

Well, she'll be in confinement, but there's this whole other twisted side to the story.

Another Auror has been assigned to pretend like he wants to help Rose and Scorpius in what way he can, so John Ruckman will be taking Rose to a secluded cottage in God-Knows-Where.

Here's where I come in.

I'm going along to be her interrogator. The weirdest kind of interrogator you have ever seen.

If Rose and Malfoy's DNA has been found together, then the Aurors have reason to believe they were either working together or were also being targeted together. Either way, they believe putting the two together would spark some sort of answer. Even if it was just one answer to one of our million questions.

And here's where the Aurors love to use my metamorphmagus abilities to the greatest extent. I will be in confinement with Rose disguised as Scorpius Malfoy.

It's madness. A genius kind of madness, but absolutely ridiculous.

I'd morphed into some pretty weird people before, but never this. I'd been disguised as the sketchy kind of man who would pick-pocket you and was sent into Knockturn Alley to spy on some questionable folk. I'd sprouted a beard before and a massive gut to go with it. I've been four feet tall and stick thin; I've had blue hair just because I felt like it and orange the next. And not even the ginger kind of orange, I mean orange. I've worn warts like an accessory and hair like it was a rat's nest, and all for my job. Hell, they even took advantage of the fact that I could change my gender when they found out.

A fact I always wanted to keep to myself because, honestly, it's quite frightening. I'm a man. A man. And most certainly attracted to the opposite sex, so it's one odd situation when your co-workers require you to sprout breasts, long brown hair, and a pretty face.

I'd done it all for my job. I'd worn the heels, and god-forbid, I'd worn the dress.

And I still feel more masculine than ever, so don't use that against me!

I'd gone the whole nine yards in every which way for my job, but never had I done this. Doing what I did, I just looked like someone else. I didn't act like them as well. When I morphed, I turned into someone I didn't know, perhaps someone who didn't even exist.

But this was different. I wouldn't just look like Scorpius Malfoy. I'd have to act like Malfoy.

I'd become Malfoy.

Merlin, wasn't there some sort of law against this?

"You're serious?" I blurted, even knowing that it was a stupid question. Of course they were serious.

Jimmy Peakes nodded. "Yupp. We've seen what you can do, Lupin, and with Potter off the case because his niece is the potential criminal here, I'm in charge."

He was so short; I could stand up and stomp my foot on him if I wanted to. Squash him like a bug. But Peakes scared me, and I didn't know why.

"This is different!" I blurted, dismissing my urge to use my height as an advantage. "You want me to become Malfoy."

"In order to pull information from Rose Weasley, yes. The amount of information we could get from her is endless," Peakes said. He was shuffling through the papers for the case, already filling out paperwork. "Besides, Weasley is already receiving special treatment here. Scorpius Malfoy is to be placed in solitary confinement here at the Ministry. We have less reason to believe he may be innocent in this great scheme with the decisions his relatives have made, but Rose Weasley comes from a good family. She will most certainly be given the nicest circumstances any defendant has been offered while in solitary confinement."

Great. So we were back to stereotyping people like children. Yeah, Scorpius Malfoy came from a family with a bad reputation, but people change, and from what I heard, Draco Malfoy went through a big change after the war. He certainly would have raised his son to be better than him. No matter how much I dislike a pureblood who is judgmental of someone just because their surname is Weasley, I don't think he should be given bad treatment just because of his name.

And if Rosie is in the case, then Malfoy must be innocent. Rose couldn't possibly have conspired to kill someone.

Despite the fact that I may not have known her the best out of her massive, ever-expanding family, I know that it's not in her nature. No Weasley would, no stereotyping intended. Out of any of my god-father's family, I knew his children the best. Yes, Rosie was one of Al's best friends, but Rose and I didn't live at the Potters. When I was around Rose, she was generally off with Lucy, Lily, and the other girls.

"Look, Lupin," Peakes sighed. "This is all just precaution and protocol. Weasley must be questioned. She's the prime suspect in the murder of the Minister of Magic, for Merlin's sake. It very well may be that she is completely innocent and has been horribly framed, but that's what we need you for."

I sighed and pursed my lips tight together. I clenched my fists in anger and let my currently blond hair shoot a vibrant red to let Peakes know just how angry I was. His eyebrows rose at me, but he knew better than to test me. Peakes wasn't my boss; my god-father was. Even as he whistled under his breath, I gave a nod of consent.

"What about Harry and Ron? They can't know I'm involved in the case in such a crucial way," I inquired.

Peakes shifted through more papers as if my question didn't even matter. "I'll simply tell them you have been sent to Rose Weasley's most current location of work, other than Gringotts, to collect data and probable cause."

There won't be any probable cause for Rose, but whatever.

At least I hope there won't be any.

I'm slightly terrified about what I may learn, actually. I refuse to believe that little Rosie may have played a part in a murder, and I refuse to believe she conspired with Malfoy. But what if she did? What if she and Malfoy were an item or something? Shit, what if I walk in there as Scorpius Malfoy and she kisses me full on? Little Rosie?

Sorry, as much as I like a good snog from a girl as much as any other man, it's Rose. I've known her my entire life. I remember when she and Albus were just infants and gnawing on each other’s fingers; I remember being eight and having to hold her one afternoon, not that I minded. She made cute sounds when she was a baby. I was one of the first people to hold her the day she was born when I was just a boy. I dated her cousin until things went horribly wrong.

She's always been little Rosie to me even though she's now nineteen, living on her own, and supporting herself. And maybe aspiring to be a twinge homicidal? Who knows.

I'm taken shortly to a room near the Wizengamot where Scorpius Malfoy is being confined. It's basically his own prison cell. Only he's got a bed, a small bathroom, a table for eating, and it's warm without the dementors hovering over you to suck out your soul. Much nicer than Azkaban, I'll say.

The guard opened the door for me, and Peakes said to me from behind, "Take all the time you need."

I nodded, slipping in, and saw Malfoy sitting at the table. He was already staring off into space. Great, one hour of solitary and he's already turned into mush. We'll see how effective this proves soon.

I nodded to Malfoy, making myself known since he hasn't seemed to register anything at all or even pay attention. "Oi, Malfoy."

He turned his head and seemed somewhat surprised by my arrival. But he must have known I was an Auror, for he didn't react much further. He turned back, continuing to stare at the wall, and he grumbled under his breath, "What do you want, Lupin?"

“Watch what you say to me," I sneered, still unsure of how I wanted to act around Malfoy. I couldn't read him just yet. He obviously knew what he was in for, and he wasn't protesting. But then again I could have missed the entire show while being held up by Peakes. I'd played my role in the whole good Auror, bad Auror situation before, and sometimes it was fun to play the bad Auror.

"How may I help you then?" Malfoy seethed through gritted teeth. He glared at me from the corner of his eyes.

On our initial meeting, how am I to assume that he didn't kill the Minister? He sat there without protest and without question. I'd never met the kid before, but I guess I had met him on a bad day. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Anything you say can and will be held against you in Wizengamot," I reminded him like it was my protocol to. "So you're lucky all I need you to do is to sit still and keep your mouth shut."

"Why?" he asked.

I sighed. He doesn't like to shut up, and I made a mental note of that for the future.

"Just do as I say," I hissed. I went to stand across from him and just stared with my arms folded across my chest. I knew why I just wanted him to sit still and keep his mouth shut. If I were to become him, I needed to know his features, and I'm sorry but I didn't have Scorpius Malfoy's appearance memorized by heart.

So I took in every aspect of his face. It was round until you reached his jaw, where it narrowed with a thin chin and long, thin lips. He was pale and had the kind of hair that grew darker in the winter and lighter in the summer, and thankfully it wasn't slicked back like his father's always was. Instead, it was loose about his head in curls.

He was an all right lookin' kid, and I decided I could handle being him for a while.

When I knew I had gathered what I needed, I turned to leave without a word. As I thought on the change of my appearance, I could already feel myself beginning to shift. I pushed past Peakes and into the nearest restroom where I looked into the mirror and groaned.

"Bloody hell." Scorpius Malfoy is not as good looking as I am.

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