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"You say that we're all tied up 

And wrapped around in useless states of mind

But at the same time we're still young

We have the time to realize that we were wrong"


Beauty in the Breakdown- The Scene Aesthetic


General POV


Lily stared at Avery incredulously. For the past fifteen minutes, she had been slowly shaking her head, back and forth, back and forth, her wide emerald eyes even larger than usual. Lily wondered how there was so much she didn’t know about her family, how could there be so much her uncle Lionel and specifically- her own father hadn’t thought to tell her.

“Lils, are you okay? I know this is a lot but it’s all going to be fine. You just need to be careful with your powers.” Avery rubbed his cousin’s shoulder and stood from one of the overstuffed armchairs in the Gryffindor common room. Lily still hadn’t said anything and Avery worried that she was going into a state of shock. “Lily..?”



Blinking rapidly, Lily stood fast, startling Avery. “You have to tell your sister. You must!” She pushed Avery towards the portrait hole, her eyes pleading with his.



“I have already but it wouldn’t hurt for you to talk with her about it as well, I know she is scared to death of what I’ve told her and I’m sure you are as well.” Avery grabbed his school bag and turned to leave.



“I can’t, Avery. It isn’t that easy right now.”



“Yeah, I’ve heard about all that has happened in the few months I have been gone… You can’t, Lily? Or do you mean you won’t? There’s a difference and you need to figure out which it is. You need to make up with Loren and stop being so hotheaded. I understand your anger with her because the choices she has been making hold a lot to be questioned but they are her choices and all you can do is stand by her right now.” Avery replied.



Lily held herself to her full height, she hated being told wait to do, “Avery, I can’t be a part of what she is doing to herself. She is being so-“ 



“Shut up. If you hadn’t figured out, with everything that is happening in the world… with what I just told you is going on in our own life, in our own family, do you think any of that truly matters? So make up with her, Lily, sooner rather than later because with the way times are now, none of us may get a ‘later’” Avery didn’t wait for a reply, he simply turned and left the stunned redhead in his wake.



A part of Lily was outraged that her younger cousin have so easily just put her in her place but what the young girl didn’t know was that maybe, just maybe, that is exactly what she needed. Times were dark and unfortunately her future wasn’t guaranteed.






James and Loren walked along the Black Lake; the lake was now a thick layer of ice, solid except for right in the center where the giant squid had pushed his tentacles through. Loren had spent the afternoon explaining to James what she was. She explained her newly discovered family history and her fears of what she knew. “James, I don’t know what to do. What if the You-Know-Who finds my father? It isn’t the end of my powers that I fear for, it’s his life.”



Loren wrung her gloved hands and bit her lip, beside Ava, James was the first person she ever told but she felt safe in her decision. She trusted James Potter with her life and knew deep in her heart that he would hold that secret to his dying day and protect her even to then as well. Loren couldn’t believe how easily James had taken it; he let her talk from start to finish and hadn’t interrupted. Of course, Loren hadn’t pointed out that her uncle or Lily shared the powers as well and skipped over the part where two family members received the gene in a generation. No matter how angry at Lily she was, it was her secret to tell as well and when she was ready, she could tell James, until then Loren just had to leave a few things out.

James truly did take it very well but truth be told, he didn’t quite understand what exactly her power was, he got the idea of it but it was all so much information that he just couldn’t completely wrap his head around it. He wrapped his arm around Loren’s shoulders as they walked; he was so honored to be the only person she had told outside of Lily and Ava. He looked over at her silhouette as they walked and remembered how in his first year, during winter break at his parent’s annual Christmas ball, he had asked if they could adopt Loren. He always wanted a little sister, Loren was perfect. His parents of course said no, Loren had parents that loved her but they still treated Loren as if she were their own. Loren had spent so many breaks with them, it was more unusual when her presence wasn’t in the house. James laughed inwardly at the nickname he himself gave her and his parents had picked up: baby sister.

“You know, it is going to be okay, Lor. Your father is a smart man and he knows when he should go into hiding and when it’s safe to stick it out. I know you’re scared, I know but I promise everything will be okay and thank you. Thank you for sharing your secret with me, baby sister.” James smiled down at Loren and pulled her closer as they walked.



Loren smiled, remembering what James had moments before, he could always cheer her up. There was just something about him that made her feel safe and she had relied on that feeling since first year. James was the first friend she made that she hadn’t known before she had been accepted to Hogwarts. “Of course I was going to tell you, silly. It was just a matter of when and I do apologize, I never meant to tell you so late. It was just something that was always in the back of my mind. I know it’s a lot to take it, but believe me, I am not that good at it.”




“Lor, forgive me being a dunderhead but I am not exactly sure what it is you can do. You can manipulate water but how exactly does that work?” James blushed, he hated not being able to figure out the obvious but Loren just shook her head. She didn’t think him any less intelligent for not understanding because if someone had said the same to her without her being in the same situation, she would have gotten lost at the very start.



She pulled James over to the edge of the lake where a small hole sat; they could see the water rushing underneath the hole. Looking around to check to see if anybody had braved the weather like her and James had done, she sat him down on an old log, plopping down next to him. “I never expected you to understand completely and seeing as nobody is outside beside ourselves, I’ll show you but remember, I am not good with it and I never really got the hang of controlling it.”



James stared at her, his attention completely focused, he mouth slightly open. Loren turned to double check the grounds and James handed her the Marauder’s Map from within his pocket, checking to make sure nobody was anywhere around, she was convinced. No matter how terrible she was at this, she wanted to show him, she wanted to share with him what terrified her most.



Concentrating on the small hole in the lake, Loren raised her hand, one finger pointing at the rushing water, her eyes fixated, never breaking their focus. Her jaw tightened and her body stiffened, trying to stay so still and concentrated was hard for Loren. A warmth spread throughout her body and she felt a tingling start in her arm, she truly did hate how much this took out of her. She let the tingling consume her and jerked her finger toward James.




One second James was completely focused and the next he was wiping water from his face. A lot more quick than he had been ready for a ball of water zoomed from the hole and shot towards him, the size of a golden snitch. In the sun it resembled a diamond. The water ball reflected every color around them and then without warning, ice cold water splashed James, dripping down his nose and cheeks.



James laughed, “That’s what this big, scary, You-Know-Who wants it so bad, power is?” James wiped at his face again.



Loren shrugged her shoulders, “Well think of it this way, James. Imagine what I could do if I controlled it like others have. If I could manipulate this whole lake, an ocean? If I could control storms, imagine the power I would have.” She let out a ragged sigh and fear engulfed her once more.



“Oh, Lor, cheer up ‘cause guess what? I have a power just like yours and it will, too, take you by complete surprise.” James had done it, he piqued Loren’s interest. “Now close your eyes.” Loren’s eyelids fluttered closed and James stood, leaning down and scraping together a ball of snow and then



SPLAT! Loren was hit in the face with a snowball. Before he could register what he did, Loren was tearing after James, gathering snow and flinging it at him, “JAMES POTTER, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!” Their laughter could be heard all the way in the castle.







Sirius’ POV


“Hmm? Yeah, sure.” I muttered as I stifled a yawn. I wasn’t quite so sure what I was agreeing to but after spending the last few days with Tanya, it was becoming quite a difficult task to actually concentrate on what the girl had to say.

 “Siri, are you even listening to me?” She sounded agitated and I couldn’t blame her, I really wasn’t listening.




Tanya was a sweet girl but she was a bit needy and unless it involved some type of fashion or who was doing what within the school, she didn’t have much going for her intelligence wise. Not to mention, if she called me by that God forsaken name one more time, I may just have to completely change my name altogether. It seemed that every day that passed since the start of our relationship, I couldn’t help but find a new trait that I didn’t seem to like about her.



I sighed, running a hand through my hair, “I’m sorry, Tanya, what was it you were saying?” She smiled at the attention and her all too pink lipstick almost made me cringe.



“Well I was saying that I heard from someone that that Andromeda girl has been secretly seeing Ted Tonks. I can’t tell you where I heard it from but it has been such big talk amongst everyone. I am surprised that you hadn’t already known. I mean, a Slytherin with Hufflepuff? As if they aren’t already going to have the mickey taken out of them for that but that Ted is far too handsome to even look Andromeda’s way.” Tanya giggled and twirled a piece of hair around her finger.



This was getting monotonous. “Andromeda is my cousin, Tanya, my favorite cousin actually.” I couldn’t believe how thick this girl could be sometimes.



Tanya shrugged, patting down her skirt, “Well, still... Wouldn’t you agree she is much too plain for him? I really cannot see how she is related to you, you’re so handsome and she, well she just doesn’t seem to possess the same traits.”



“Hmm, mhm.” Well she couldn’t say I didn’t at least try to listen. Her voice slowly became background noise and I fell into my own mind. So much had gone on in the last few weeks, time was either going far too fast or moving painfully slow, right now it was the latter. Right now, I missed my friends.



Everything felt so out of place lately and the tension amongst everybody just was an added bonus. Truthfully I was avoiding the Marauders lately. With James came his pity and we can’t forget his lovely girlfriend. Oh, Lily was just a riot these days; miserable, whiney and a right screeching bitch whenever you brought up the events of the last few weeks. James was starting to become sick of her ever present hostility and I, I had tired of it days ago.




I let my head fall back onto the soft cushion of the chair and stretched my legs out. I looked at the clock and realized with dismay that Remus would be back from Prefect duties shortly and then I had to continue my avoidance of him as well. I will admit, Remus was easiest of Tanya, James and Lily to talk with but his consistent argument that I needed to grow up and go after what exactly I wanted was getting old and there is only so much ragging a person can take. Besides, lately he has been with Ava every waking second and don’t get me wrong, I love Ava but right now, she isn’t really on much of a speaking basis with me. I only wondered if she knew the details from a certain night in the hospital wing.



My heart sped up a bit and throbbed inside of my chest, I glanced over at Tanya who was still pouring over this week’s gossip, the eight long, pink gashes on her face were almost healed and I was almost positive that they would leave small, puckered scars upon her tanned skin. Tanya would look in the mirror each morning and be reminded to never again cross Loren.






How had everything gotten so muddled up? I barely recognized the girl with the marble colored eyes. I was so familiar with her but now, now was so different. Every single word that come from her mouth and every action was wrong, it wasn’t her. It was someone that I never met before and it certainly wasn’t my best friend. I looked again at Tanya’s face, smiling at her curtly and my heart again throbbed. I caused all of this, I confused her, I had hurt her and I had hurt myself, too.



The pain radiated through my body and it washed over me. I missed her so much, my need for her flowed under my skin, mingled with my blood. It was warm and deep within me. Every single breath I breathed in was another reminder that I had done the worst imaginable thing in walking away from that girl.




This was recurring for me. So many times a day I stumbled upon that moment. The words that broke my heart; my own words started the pain- “It was just a mistake Loren; forget about it, you know it meant nothing.” The lie had come so easily and even though I never meant it, I couldn’t bring myself to take it back, to tell her I was wrong. So at that moment, I had stood there aching to hold her to ease her pain and mine altogether but I had hurt her and in her anger she hurt me. The last words Loren had ever said to me only hurt more. The pain I had already caused myself that night were deepened, like salt being rubbed into a cut, it was almost unbearable. “You have hurt me enough, I don’t want to see you, hear you, think of you or ever talk to you again. Actually let’s just pretend that we never existed to one another!” Her words spilled into my memory and I felt sick.



I would have done anything for that girl, anything at all to see her not hurt but it seemed that I had been the one hurting her all along. I closed my eyes and pushed away the tears that always seemed to threaten to fall when I thought about her and gave up on the memory for the night.



Looking at Tanya, I realized why everything about her was so unappealing to me. She was a gorgeous girl, unbroken and young minded. She was friendly and thought the ground I walked on was what the world revolved around but she wasn’t Loren and no matter how many times I tried to deny it to even myself, I loved Loren. I loved every inch of her; her beauty, her spirit, her heart. Her brokenness. I loved her before that night and I love her now, even after I destroyed her. There was beauty in disaster and that was the thing, Loren would always be beautiful no matter what and I loved that beauty. I yearned for her beauty.





I shook myself from my thoughts and looked once more at Tanya; she stared at me, looking thoroughly peeved. The sun from late afternoon shone through the window and played over her face. Shades of reds, oranges and yellows fell across her face, the colors moved over her lips, so full and plum then to her nose which sat perfectly in the center of her face, not too small or too large. Still moving the colors slid over her cheeks, the scars which were so light before popped against Tanya’s skin and lastly her eyes. They were so light in the sunlight, almost a butterscotch color. Eyes that were different, eyes that were perfectly symmetrical, eyes that weren’t what I was looking for.




Tanya was gorgeous, so close to perfect but she wasn’t appealing to me; she wasn’t my kind of beautiful and she never would be.



I stood up, blocking the sun from her and instantly she was bathed in my shadows. I walked toward her, bringing my hand up and slowly stroked a scar with my finger. “Tanya?”



“Yes, Siri?” Her hand rose to lay over mine on her cheek and I gently pulled it away, her hand falling back into her lap, confusion contorted her face. She started to speak and I shook my head, her mouth stayed the way it was, forming around the words that would never come.




“We can’t be together anymore. It’s not what’s right, I’m sorry.” I turned and walked out of the portrait hole.



Author's Note- I haven't had a new chapter in so long for you guys and I was reminded of that earlier when I came on by a reviewer and it completely broke my heart. Originally, I had absolutely no intention of finished when I had stopped writing but now, I'm back and I'm ready to finish this out. If I have no readers left, well that is my own fault, if I do, thank you for being so loyal. - I'm done with excuses. Let's get this story back on track! 


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