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You know what I recently discovered?
Professor Summers is a statistical anomaly.
Honestly, when was the last time you met a nice Potion’s professor?
Not in at least a hundred years, right?
I mean, Slughorn was kind of a creep, and even though Snape was actually good in the end, he was one scary arse motherfucker.
And what else is incredibly surprising is that she’s pretty.
I know, right? A pretty Potion’s professor? It just doesn’t add up.
Like, Slughorn was shaped like a pregnant whale, and Snape looked like a deranged bat.
And she isn’t just pretty, she’s fucking gorgeous.
Long, flowing blonde hair to her waist, sparkling blue eyes, a perfect smile, and a killer body.
In short, she’s bloody hot. (Well, if you’re a guy. I don’t roll that way.)
Plus, she’s like thirty something, and she looks like she’s twenty-five.
The woman is my idol, she really is.
But you know what I also recently discovered?
That it’s really bloody annoying when all the pubescent teenage males droll over her constantly.
James Potter. Yes, Mr. My-Daddy-Saved-The-Wizarding-World-Wanna-Go-Shag?, literally stares at her everyday with his mouth nearly hanging open.
Logan Wood. The kid that could get any girl in the entire school always offers to carry anything that looks even remotely heavy for her, including paperclips. You don’t see him doing that for Professor Trelawney.
Mason Blazer. Yeah, my respectful, intelligent, and well-mannered older brother consistently talked about how he’d, and I quote, ‘Love to get that fox into bed.’ A mere little twelve year old should never hear her brother say that. It scars her for life.
Scorpius Malfoy. This is probably the most interesting, yet disgusting, Professor Summers story that I’ve come across. You see, when little, itty bitty Scorpius first came to Hogwarts, he marched right up to her on his first day of Potion’s and kissed her smack dab on the lips. I didn’t even know what to think when I first heard about it. I think gagging was my first reaction, then I felt a tiny bit of respect towards him, and then I think I gagged some more.
Fred Weasley. Git extraordinaire. He actually had the bravery to pinch her arse when she was walking by one day. While he may have become a legend with the males not just in Gryffindor, but in the entire school, he received four months detention for harassing a teacher. I also got a bunch of the girls to kick him in the shins for displaying disgusting behavior towards our favorite teacher.
Tosh Blazer. Is anyone surprised that my little brother is on this list? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Al Potter. This child amazes me, he really does. He actually purposely started failing Potions just so he could get private tutoring sessions with Professor Summers. But then once everybody heard about his brilliant plan, a bunch a blokes ‘mysteriously’ started getting T’s on their essays and pop quizzes so Professor Summers had to end up canceling private tutoring, and starting a remedial Potions class. Al then miraculously started getting O’s and E’s on all of his assignments. Surprise, surprise.
Now I know that I only mentioned blokes that I am either related to, friends with, or despise, but this list stretches to reveal all of the blokes that stare at her boobs and arse, and have accidentally blurted out that they want to marry her.
It’s quite a hefty list. You’d be surprised about how many times she’s been proposed just by my class alone.
But seriously though, the way guys flip over her makes me want to go stand directly underneath the Whomping Willow.
Because whenever Professor Summers wears something even the least bit revealing, shit like this goes down.
“Holy fuck, look at her boobs.” Logan moaned, grabbing onto his hair as if he was in agony from not being able to…I don’t even want to know. He, along with most of the blokes in the class, were staring at the miniscule amount of cleavage that was visible underneath her black blouse as she shuffled through papers, completely oblivious.
“If I could literally just touch one, one, I’d be the happiest man alive.” James said, putting his face in his hands and shaking his head.
Sydney rolled her eyes, Heidi had a disgusted look on her face, and Roxy smacked her cousin upside the head.
It’s good to know that my girl friends share my feelings towards the idioticness of our guy friends.
“If I could fuck anybody in this entire school, it would be her.” Weasley muttered, droll practically forming on the corner of his mouth, from right beside me.
(Yes, he’s my bloody partner. That was probably the only day in the history of forever that somebody wanted to kill Professor Summers.)
Irritation flared up inside of me, and I elbowed my (very large and heavy) Potions book so that it fell off the table, and on to Weasley’s foot.
“Ow, Blazer! What the hell!?” He yelled, grabbing his foot in pain, attracting attention from most of the class.
He’s such a baby.
“Sorry.” I hissed, not sorry at all, folded my arms across my chest, and rolled my eyes.
He glared at me before returning his attention to perv on Miss Summers.
And by perv, I mean stare creepily at her chest.
Before I could stop myself (not that I really wanted to), I kicked him harshly in the leg.
“Seriously? What the fuck is your problem?!” Weasley growled, grimacing in pain.
“My problem?” I said in a shocked voice, raising an eyebrow. “You’re the one that can barely keep it in your pants.” I pointed out reasonably.
“I know you’d rather have it outside my pants, love, but that’s no reason to get jealous.” Weasley smirked cockily, and I had the strongest urge to throttle his pathetic little throat.
I smacked him upside the head. “Just get started on the fucking potion, you little shit. I don’t even want to think about that repulsive little thing.” I gagged and shuddered for good measure.
Weasley frowned. “I can assure you that it is not little,” He said the word little as if it was some sort of infectious disease. Then, he leaned in an uncomfortably close distance away from my ear, drawing the attention of James, Logan, and Sydney, and whispered in a low voice, “If you took me up on my offer, then you could find out.”
I let out an involuntary shiver, whether from disgust or our close proximity, I had no idea, but I did know that Weasley saw it, and smirked obnoxiously before starting our potion.
Cue: Wanting to die.
“Fuck you, Weasley.” I growled at least a full two minutes later after I was able to pathetically collect myself.
“I know you want to, love, but perhaps we better save that for when we aren’t in a room full of our classmates, including my sister.” He said and winked, frustrating me even more.
I stood up so abruptly that my chair was knocked over, causing Weasley, along with the rest of the class, to shoot me a confused glance, but I didn’t care.
I just walked out of the room without another word.
I didn’t even punch, kick, slap, or bite Weasley. That just shows how bloody irritated I was.
That girl has some serious issues. I barely even bloody said anything and she just spazzes out.
And in the middle of making our potion! Does she actually expect me to do this shit by myself?
Yeah, fat chance.
“Dude,” James whispered completely surprised. “What did you do?”
Now Blazer and I have had our fair share of rows, which have included me getting brutally beaten towards the end or more recently, us snogging like a pair of rabbits (well, rabbits don’t really snog, but you get my point), but she very rarely walks out of the room, especially during class.
This is not good. Even a dipshit like James could see that.
I’ll bet she’s on her period or some disgusting girl shit like that.
Collins, Scott, and Rox were glaring at me with expressions mingled with anger and worry.
“Mr. Weasley, what, may I ask, did you do in order to cause Dessie to leave the room?” Heather asked me in a voice that wasn’t even trying to be sexy, but still made me want to jump her.
And yes, technically I’m not allowed to call Miss Summers by her first name, but ask me if I give two shits.
No, I do not give two shits.
“What makes you think that I did something?” I asked in the most innocent, but still charming, voice that I could muster.
She gave me ‘the look.’
I hate the bloody look.
“I’ll go make sure that precious, sweet Blazer is okay?” I suggested helpfully.
Bleck. The words sweet, precious, and Blazer do not belong in the same sentence.
Heather sighed before turning to Roxy. “Roxanne, will you please go with your brother to make sure that the two don’t end up killing each other in the middle of the hallway?”
Before Roxy even started to nod, I screamed, “NO!” And started running towards the door.
I couldn’t have my dear sister coming along, and ruining a possible fight then snog session, now could I?
Then after I realized how awkward I probably looked, I cleared my throat and said, “I got it.”
Roxy looked at me through narrowed eyes. “I don’t trust you, I’m coming along.”
“If you come, then I’ll tell everybody about ‘The Time’.” I responded mysteriously.
“What are you even talking about?” She asked, now completely confused.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” I said seriously, and then bolted out of the room.
For real though, I didn’t even know what I was talking about.
From behind me I heard, “What the bloody hell is he talking about?!”
Eh. I’ll let her figure that one out for herself.
I pulled out the marauder’s map that I knicked from James to hunt down some bacon last night, and realized that I didn’t really even need it considering the fact that Blazer was right around the corner.
And what was she doing around the corner, you ask?
Kicking the wall with what seemed like full force and muttering under her breath, “Stupid fucking Weasley,” And other choice words.
“When you do shit like this, Blazer, it only enhances my beliefs that you should be locked up in a mental ward.”
I thought this was rather clever, but Blazer didn’t seem to think so because she growled an unintelligible sentence, stomped her foot like a five year old that was throwing a temper tantrum, and stuck her tongue out at me.
And she calls me immature.
“If I could make out any of what you just said, then I’d respond, but instead, I’m going to ask why you stormed out of Potions class like some kind of nutter, which you kind of are, but still.” I said, and she took a moment to respond after scowling at me.
She enjoys scowling at me. I swear that she sits in front of a mirror and practices her scowls because honestly she has about fifty million different ones.
“I was thinking.”
“Thinking? Mm, that’s a new one,” I smirked. She shot me Scowl No. 13, which meant that she narrowed her eyes and made her nostrils flare.
It’s a lot less scary than she thinks that it is.
But don’t tell her that. I’ll let her have her fun. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.
“And since when, may I ask, does ‘thinking’ involve kicking a hard, stone wall?”
Hey, I had a point there.
“What were you thinking about so violently?” I asked when she didn’t respond to my brilliant point.
She paused for a minute, contemplating on whether or not she should answer. “Your offer.” Blazer said in hardly more than a whisper, and looked down at her shoes.
I’m pretty sure that my eyebrows shot up to the ceiling in shock. “Really?” I said in a deeply interested and surprise tone, and folded my arms across my chest.
For some insane reason I was a tad doubtful that the girl I bullied for nearly seven years was just going to forget about it all and snog the shit out of me whenever I wanted.
As much as I wanted it to be true. It seemed not too probable.
“Yes, but if we are going to do this then we need some ground rules.” She told me, trying to maintain a calm voice, but I could tell after knowing her since we were eleven that she was borderline hysteria for even considering this.
Why do girls always have to take the fun out of shit? Whatever happened to the good ol’ classic, ‘Oh hey, let’s snog.’
Those were the good times.
But considering the fact that I didn’t want to receive Scowl No. 37, which was actually kind of terrifying, I kept my mouth shut, a rarity for me. You should be proud.
“What kind of rules?”
“You know, ground rules!” She said exclaimed completely frustrated as if the rules to snogging your worst enemy were totally obvious.
“I can’t read your freakish mind, thank Merlin, so you want to be a little more specific?” I asked irritated.
Ah, there goes Scowl No. 37. It’s even scarier in person.
“First of all, no one and I mean no one can ever find out. Especially Roxanne.” Blazer told me very seriously.
Right. Like I’m going to tell my twin sister that I’m off snogging her best friend. That would go down well.
I can bloody see it now: Her screaming like a banshee, threatening to tell Mum (Dad would probably give me a high-five), and then punching and kicking me as hard as she could.
Now the last one might not seem like that big of a deal to most older brothers, but my sister is a Beater. It fucking hurts.
I think Blazer took my snort as a ‘Yeah, yeah I got it,’ because she continued with her rules. “Second, I’m not about to screw with my dating life just because I’m snogging you so we are still allowed to date other people.”
“Since when do you have a dating life, Blazer? As I recall, you spent the last three Hogsmeade trips alone. Did nobody ask you?” I asked a smirk etched upon my face.
The art of pissing Dessie Blazer off was one that I perfected over the years. I really think that I’ve mastered it into a science, and you know that you’ve really succeeded when her eye starts to twitch.
“I was asked for your information. Excuse me that I find Slytherins and those arsehole Ravenclaws a bit beneath my dignity.” She scoffed and folded her arms across her chest.
Speaking of her chest, she should really button her blouse up a bit more considering the fact that she’s around horny pubescent boys constantly. I’d be lying if I said that she didn’t have a nice rack.
“My eyes are up here, fucktard.” Blazer snapped and glared at me, absolutely seething.
Note to self: don’t let Blazer catch you staring at her chest.
“Didn’t you date a Ravenclaw for over two years?” I asked, changing the subject, and raising an eyebrow.
“Hence the reason that I turned down all other Ravenclaws.” She muttered under her breath with a hard expression on her face.
Do I sense the reason that Adam Davies dumped her? I heard it was because she sucked in bed.
I don’t see how that could possibly be true considering the fact that she’s so flexible that she can put her leg straight above her head no problem and that she’s pretty much the most feisty and fiery girl in the whole entire school. Not to mention the fact that she has the body that girls anywhere would kill for.
I’m pretty sure the guys worshiped Davies when we heard that he tapped that.
But before I could ask her about it, she changed the subject again, “ Third rule, don’t do anything suspicious in public. Like don’t make jokes that you think are funny about this ‘situation’, but really just blow our whole cover.” She had a very irritated and knowing look on her face.
She knows me too well. It’s kind of frightening.
I rolled my eyes in showing that I was getting bored with her stupid arse rules and to hurry the hell up. I received Scowl No. 23 for it.
“Rule four, no stupid locations. For instance, no snogging in the middle of the corridors in broad daylight where anybody could walk by.” She said. “If I can think of anymore then I will let you know. Do we have a deal?”
Blazer kept her voice professional, but bored at the same time. She pursed her lips slightly in thought as she extended her hand.
Seriously? We are becoming snogging buddies not bloody business partners.
I grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards me. She gasped in surprised when I kissed her, and gave in when I started snogging her like crazy.
There are some things that you will never get tired of. For me they are quidditch, hexing Slytherins, chocolate cake, and snogging Dessie Blazer. Especially when she’s not expecting.
Unfortunately, Blazer pushed me away in a matter of forty-five seconds, gasping for breath. My eyebrows pulled together. Why the hell would she stop?
I was surprised to see that she was smirking. “You broke Rule Four.” Blazer told me, but she didn’t sound annoyed. She actually sounded, dare I say, mischievous? She closed the distance between us, and gave me a tantalizing kiss that was much, much too short, before saying, “Meet me by the broom closet that we snogged for the first time at nine.”
She smirked again, and walked away swaying her hips way more than necessary, not that I was complaining.
I swear this girl will be the death of me.
A/N: Let me just start by saying how utterly and truly sorry I am from having you guys wait so long! Life just kind of got in the way so it took me awhile. And I know that I promised everyone Love Goddess’s next, but since I had already started this chapter, I really wanted to finish it. But at least you got some kind of update, right? Err right.
I gave you a little bit of the interesting mind of Fred Weasley. I’m not the best at writing from the point of view of a guy because well…I’m a girl, but I hope I did him a justice.
Any favorite quotes/lines/parts from the chapter? I’d love to hear them. (:
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