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Chapter image by kaileena_sands @tda.
Sirius Black. December 15, Seventh Year, 1977.
“Cause I’m a freak, baby” Lady Gaga- Bad Romance.
God dammit! What the hell is wrong with her?!
Another book to the wall. That’s not enough.
I lunched my fist to the window. There was a crash - the sound of shattering - and sudden spray of broken glass like shower of jagged starts. Then the pain came. I looked down at my left hand, the knuckles streaked with scarlet, with a clinical interest as fat red drops of blood collected and splattered down onto the floor at my feet.
One minute it’s perfect and another she has to ruin everything.
The blood dripped on the carpet. My teeth clicked together hard, and I tasted blood in my mouth. I stepped away from the window. I sank down onto my bed and put my head in my hands.
I don’t say I’m perfect. I’m as flawed, as pitiful and weak as she is. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
Through the broken window the room was cold. Blasts of cold air cut through my clothes like a knife. I was shivering.
I don’t understand her, hell I bet she doesn’t understand herself too. Marlene McKinnon, one of a kind, they say. Yes, she’s the only one like that. One second she’s and angel, another she’s a monster.
And it’s always my fault. She doesn’t care about others. From the outside I look calm, happy, but inside I’m an ugly wound. Inside I’m vibrating like a perfectly balanced running mechanism. One careless move and I will scatter into little pieces.
I flirted with few girls, so what? They were not worth my attention anyway. I wanted to help Remus, I skipped few dates. For that she was furious, melodramatic. She made a fool out of mein the Great Hall, spread lies.
A few days after that incident, I lived in suffering and in uncertainty. I am the golden boy, things like that didn’t happen to me. But if things like that happened, I shouldn’t care.
Then why the hell I cared?!
Some people, life just isn’t good for.
People like me.
My life was great, before she showed up.
She is full of venom. She’s a snake. She said ‘Snakes are worshiped in China.’ She’s proud.
She does everything to ruin my life. Why? She says she loves. No one could tell me how to deal with her. I know, it’s my own fault, I was the one who fell in love with her.
Hell! I’m the original Teflon! No matter how silly I acted, I never looked stupid. No one could tease me. James is the spec of irritation, but even he never could make me look stupid. He only used to make himself the fool. But now everything is turned upside down. I look pathetic. Previously, I acted pathetic, but looked cool, now I suddenly became a total arse.
Was I a bad boyfriend?
No. I always tried. I did. But Marlene always wants everything to be perfect. Or she used to. Now she doesn’t even care.
Anger. Tears. Hands in the air. Sadness. Despair. That lasted for a week. Then she just forgot everything. She forgot she was angry.
I can’t believe it. I can’t just drop it like she did.
“Bloody Merlin’s cow! What happened here?!” I turned around and faced my best friend, James Potter. Yes, I would be surprised too. Everything was a mess and winters cold was entering the room from the broken window. I was bleeding.
“It’s because of Marlene, isn’t it?” He asked. I nodded.
I don’t get her. James doesn’t get her…
Marlene’s problem: she always has to be right. If you don’t agree with her she gets offended. She starts her never ending monologues and in the end I say “Okay. Okay, okay, you are right. I was wrong. I don’t care, I’ll do it.” Is it wrong to make mistakes, to be wrong?
When you see her you think that her future is planned perfectly. Well, Mary says it was before I entered Marlene’s life.
I wish I was a better person. I was she was a better person. She makes me feel guilty. I make her feel like trash.
Our souls are naked. I’m a bastard. She is nothing.
I always needed a greater close than before. Our fights got longer, more dramatic. She cursed me violently and I reiterated.
The worst thing was that I started to feel a nobody. One of those teenagers with no confidence, who spend their time alone. It was scary.
It’s all her fault. She sprayed lies about me.
Some may call it revenge, some called it manipulation, but it was fun for her. To make me miserable.
I couldn’t tolerate such humiliation. In time I started to wake up. She didn’t want me. And she was not the only one. The whole Hogwarts was against me. All the charm disappeared. It was like I became blind. It seemed that even total strangers knew that I’m a scum. Girls showed no interest in me. I got used to all people smiling at me, joking with me and chatting that I had to understand something bad happened.
Now, I was served without a smiled and the shop-assistant moved to another client like I was nobody.
In other words, it all was crap. But my heart hurt not because of one thing, and from all troubles I was in the most hurtful was not the way people acted, but how Marlene did.
Yes, I did few bad things. And she made me feel it, oh she made me feel it. Hogwarts has the best gossip mill, and Marlene knew how to use it. All my bad deeds were brought to the daylight. Everyone believed all the things she said about me even if they weren’t truth.
And in the end I want her to love me.
The door burst open. Mary and Remus entered.
“Mate,” Remus started like someone died, “She’s again having her monolog about how she’s fed up with everything. I think she got bored with all her games.” And I ran. Ran to her.
“Marls,” I found her in the empty common room, sitting on the ground.
“We are bloody perfect for each other.” She hissed. It wasn’t something nice to hear. It was just the truth.
We all have masks. Billions of them. Probably one for every person in our life, for every situation. Marlene, the girl who always wanted to be perfect, finally understood the price of perfection. Perfect means to have masks. She had so many of them that she got lost.
“I don’t want this.” She cried in my arms. I was never romantic. I never sent her notes. I was the guy everyone wanted to be, because they didn’t see the inside of my twisted and frankly idiotic mind. But she saw me.
“Sirius,” She stared, “I’m sorry.” She cried.
She grabbed my face with both hands and pulled my head down to hers. She was still for the barest moment when my lips touched hers. Her skin was cold, lips wet and salty from crying.
It was truth.
It was misery.
It was perfect.
I hope it's not confusing. This story is a little bit abstract. What do you think about this chapter? :)
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