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Chapter image by amoretti. @tda:)



Most teenagers love Saturday nights, because well… it’s Saturday. The Weekend. Which means: lots of staying out partying, maybe getting drunk, and probably snogging ( maybe getting a little further ) the cutie they never got the courage to speak to during the school year.

It’s Summer now. During the Summer, everyone get’s a tad crazy and do things they hardly ever do. Plus, it’s Saturday, and everyone who’s anyone does things on Saturday nights with their cool friends.

Not with their ‘cool’ parents. Like me. Because I have NO FRIGGIN’ LIFE!

Instead of going to Mia’s with Chels and sneaking out of her bedroom window ( which is on the second floor of her gigantic house ) and then crawling down her EXTREMELY fragile grape vine, and then stealing her step-brothers car while he is passed out on the couch with a bag of Cheetohs sitting on his lap, just to go to some ‘rad’ party that Mia got us invited too…

I am having dinner with my family-oriented parents, in a crappy Restaurant.

Oh, dear Lord PLEASE have Mercy on me and don’t let anybody from school see me here. I’ll die.

To make matters worse, I look like a complete nutty-embarrassment because it’s just me and my Godforsaken Parents. No Ozzie, because he’s apparently ‘camping’ with a few buddies ( he’s probably getting drunk at the party I was supposed to go to ). Lucky bastard.

Not even Olive is with us!

I mean, come on! What kind of parents just leave their six month old child with a complete STRANGER!? It’s bonkers, if you ask me.

Well… Grandma Jayne isn’t that much of a stranger… But she does keep odd numerous jars of peanut butter that completely fills up one of her cabinets. That’s just weird. At least my apple sauce cups only take up one shelf in the fridge.

I look up from my stupid menu ( which has a kitty wearing a hat on the front ) to see my parents smiling creepy at me. I swear, I’m adopted. I want the proof and everything so I can find my real parents who are actually normal. And rich. Yes, rich would be pretty nice.

OH MY GOD! Maybe they brought just me to tell me that they secretly kidnapped me when I was a beautiful newborn, but they feel terrible so they’re giving me back to my parents ( whom they already found because they don’t want to give me the trouble of having to look for them ). And they’re super rich.

“Susie, we just wanted to spend some peaceful time with our lovely daughter,” Mum tells me with her mother-smile. Every mother has the mother-smile. It’s like the day you give birth the first time, you inherit it.

Ew. The mother-smile would look god-awful on me. Oh my gosh, I hope Albus doesn’t mind it! What if he thinks it’s ugly!? I’d lock myself in the bathroom and cry for days, if that happens.

I look around my surrounds, and all I find is screaming kids, a play pen for toddlers, and Waiters/Waitresses with whiskers painted on their faces to resemble cats. I frigging hate this place.

“Well, you picked the perfect place…” I’m so sardonic, I love it. I embrace it, actually.

My dad scratches his beard and grins at me. He totally agrees. Ha-ha, win! Maybe he’ll get us out of this place… I swear, mum thinks I’m really Olive and that I enjoy this little kid festive.

“AND THERES NO APPLE SAUCE!” I shout, “I’ve checked this damn menu at least twenty times and there is NO apple sauce. What kind of place is this?!”

Mum shushes me and looks around worriedly to see if I’ve caused a scene. Pft, PLEASE! The hundreds of little brats running around causing havoc wherever they go are like invisible to everyone around them - and she’s worried that I would cause a scene??

Never would I.

Unless Albus was involved. And I somehow caught him snogging another girl.

THEN there’d be a very messy and frightening scene for everyone’s eyes. Because I have a deep infatuation for the bloke. And I can be complete bonkers when it comes to fighting other girls - I don’t care about breaking a nail.

All I’m saying is don’t touch the hair. I will go as psycho as Grandma Jayne on you.


I REALLY want to go home already. To sleep.

Oh, who am I convincing? I really want to stalk the living flub out of Potter boy down the street. I know I have an obsession, I don’t need you to tell me that. Mia, Chels, and my Satan-brother do that enough already.


“Just pick something to eat and then we will go home. This place gives me the hives.” I always knew Dad was my favorite. He’s always been the one to joke around and make people laugh, even in a serious matter. He is what keeps my embarrassing, sometimes clueless, and unhumorous mother in line.

Plus, he grounds Ozzie whenever he makes fun of me, so I give him extra points.

I crack him a smile and he winks back. My mother looks like she’s going to burst with rancor; she absolutely hates it when it’s Dad and I against something she likes. Which happens often.

She shakes her head and runs a hand through the same ginger hair that I have ( It’s like looking into a creepy mirror ) and narrows her eyes at my Dad. He chuckles and drapes his arm around her shoulders. Mom looks like utter bliss suddenly.

Gah. My parents are like lovesick puppies. They seriously need to know that they are old, and not young like they once were ( which was a very long time ago ). I will leave if they start making ou-

Ew! Oh my freaking gosh. They’re at it! Ugh, they ALWAYS do this in public. I’m always telling them ‘DO NOT MAKE OUT IN FRONT OF ME, OR IN PUBLIC!’. But do they listen? No. It’s quite disturbing and you’d completely understand if your parents act the same way.

I hide behind my mental menu and sulk in my chair. I am not with them, I’ll tell people if they ask me. I’m merely just a stranger, who decided to sit at this table and suddenly two middle-aged parents decided to sit down and make-out like beasts. Yeah, that’s totally convincing.

I think I’m going to run off to the car and drive away. I’m sure they can catch a taxi home. If they even make it home…

Ew. Never will I let that thought enter my brain again. Sickening images.

I look towards the exit doors. It’s so close; merely five feet away. I look at my parents - making out like wild dogs. Yeah, I’m definitely out of here. Adios, amigos!





Okay, so I really shouldn’t have just left my parents in that icky restaurant. But they gave me NO CHOICE! I was completely embarrassed, I assure you they will understand. I hope.

Once I got home, I changed into my pajamas. Alvin was kicking his cage door so I threw a magazine at his cage to make him stop it. He threw a bunch of fits but I ignored him. He’s very annoying.

I jumped on the couch with a cup of green apple sauce, and flicked on the television. - My parents HAVE to understand. It’s not even that big of a deal…


I’m kind of iffy about green apple sauce, or green apples specifically. Sometimes I rather enjoy the sour and bitterness of it, but other times it makes my tongue itch and I’ll spend hours itching my tongue with my toothbrush. It’s such a difficult decision, you know. But red apple sauce will always be my number one.

OH MY GOD MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO KILL ME. Why’d I steal the car without their permission and leave them in that crappy place?! I’m going to be in so much trouble! It’s not like I can’t drive; I do have my license!

I’m never going to see my best friends again, and they’ll probably replace me with some snobby whore like Jade Vega ( who thinks the bleeding world revolves around her ). Or worse - THEY’LL MAKE ME OZZIE’S SERVENT. I’ll have to do his stinky laundry, and I’ll probably die from the god-awful stick.

Ugh. Why do I have to be such a rebel sometimes? I seriously need to think things through before actually doing them.

The sound of a car door closing fills my ears and a sudden panic strikes through me. I feel myself start to hyperventilate - well wouldn’t you?!

Why me? Why? WHY!? I’m such an imbecile, I swear it. I do crud things because I am so mental. My parents are going to punish me, I know it. I feel the water works starting. I’m such a baby!

“Susannah, dear! I thought you were out having dinner with your parents?”

GRANDMAA JAAAAYNE! Never in my entire life have I ever been so happy to see my Grandma Jayne. I usually look untoward to having to see her because she has that old lady smell and kisses my cheeks far too much. But goodness am I so happy to see her in my doorway. I think I might cry happy tears right now.

She lets out a laugh as I hug her happily and she pats my back soothingly. “You are such a nut job, do you know that, darling?” She says this lightly and I can’t help but let out a small chuckle. I really am a nut job.

Olive lets out a laugh and I give her a wet kiss on the cheek. I am way too happy right now. I think I need to tone down a bit before I get too happy and decide to march across the street and smooch Albus Potter.

“I didn’t see your fathers truck in the driveway…?” Grandma Jayne questions me. She looks confused, but she already has numerous wrinkles so she kind of always looks confused…

“Well…You see, Grandma… I somewhat… Sort of…” Maybe if I keep this going she’ll let it go. “Come out with it, girl!” Damn. “I left them at the restaurant and drove home,” I tell her quickly and bite my bottom lip. Please don’t hate me.
Her small mouth shapes an ‘O’ before, “SUSANNAH MADELINE CLIVE! What on the holy hell were you thinking, young lady?! You are in such deep trouble, do you know that?” Ooh, she is not a happy camper…

“Yes, Grandma, I’m very aware.”

“Go to your room. You’ll probably be there for quite awhile - try and make It more comfortable.” She shakes her head in disappointment at me. Damn, she must be bipolar or something - She was all joyful and happy and now she’s screaming at me like a bloody banshee.

Never, and I REPEAT - never, get your Grandparent’s angry. Take this from someone with experience, my friend. You will regret it.





You’re probably thinking that once my parents got home, they were fuming with rage. I was thinking the same exact thing, to tell you the truth. I was even getting ready to plea them with my puppy dog eyes to get out of punishment.

This is what I was expecting: My parents stormed out of a taxi ( that they probably spent forever trying to get ), they stomped into the house fuming, talked with my Grandmother about how I’m such a troublemaker and that they should’ve left me on somebody’s doorstep, and then BAM! My mother turns into a dark huge dragon, flies up the stairs, knocks down my door and half of my wall in the process, and eats me.

But this is how it really went ( I’m not lying ): My parents got home from a taxi ( I was right about that ), they argued with my Grandmother saying it was a misunderstanding and I was just being a little naïve ( my Grandmother disagreed ), my parents walked up the stairs, knocked lightly on my door, and then told me in a soft and nice way about how I did something really bad and not to do it again. And then they gave me an apple sauce cup.

To say the least, my jaw was dropped the entire time. Dad said he saw a spider crawl in my mouth but I’m sure he was just teasing me. Gosh, I love my parents. Even if they do tend to embarrass the crap out of me which leads me to stealing their car and leaving them in the city streets of London all alone.

My parents are so frigging lucky to have been granted with such an amazing child like myself. They should shower me with presents like everyday.

I get out of bed and try to feed Alvin quickly before he bites me ( that thing absolutely despises me ). I go downstairs to find a very hung over Ozzie sitting at the kitchen table, a mug filled up of coffee in his hand. What a loser. He went to a party Saturday night, and got drunk AGAIN last night.

I wonder if he has any idea about what I did Saturday night; he never mentioned it yesterday. But he’s so trashed he definitely won’t make fun of me for it. Woohoo!

“Hey, hijacker!” He always seems to surprise me, that lovely brother of mine.

I stick my tongue out at him and sit across from him. His eyes are red and he has trouble keeping them open. Ha-ha! That’s what you get for leaving me with the old people in a crappy kitty restaurant. Suck it, bro.

“Hey, at least I’m not the one who can’t has a massive head ache with that sound,” I shot back and shoot him a smug smile. He stares at me with a look of confusion. Oh, silly brother of mine, it’s like you were born that way…

“What sound?”


Ozzie covers his face with his hands from the screeching sound I made from my manicured nails scratching against the kitchen table. I’m a boss, I know.

“Stop being a piss, Susie! Go get the mail, please. I can’t even look into the sun right now.” He looks up and he actually looks like he’s pleading. Oh my god, Ozzie is actually pleading ME? Wow. Just… wow. Video taping moment right here.

I sigh and say, “Alright,” before getting up in my pink robe to go get the stinking mail. He SO owes me for this because I look horrifying in my pink robe, which has little lambs patterns all over it, and I definitely don’t want Albus to see me like this.

Unless he likes lambs. But I highly doubt that.

I leave the front door open just a crack because I plan on running to the mailbox and getting back inside in less than a millisecond. Seriously, I look like a loser in this robe! NOBODY can see me.

I must act like a ninja.

I run to the mailbox ( whilst staring at the Potter’s household the whole time ), get the envelopes, and run back to front door. I’m about to run inside when the door shuts in my face, and part of my robe get’s stuck between the door. I hear Ozzie laughing like there’s no tomorrow.

“UNLOCK THE DOOR YOU BLOODY IDIOT!” I don’t even care if the neighbors call the cops. I’ll be in jail anyway because I’m going to murder my frigging brother for locking me out of here!

“Nope!” I hear him say with a laugh. I’m going to give him a wet-willy once I get inside. He hates those as much as I hate being locked out.

As soon as I hear a door close from across the street, I turn my whole body in shock and my whole robe slips off. Leaving me in my red silky night gown. Which Mia says is extremely sexy ( she also got me it for my birthday last year ).

I expect to see Albus because he usually get’s the mail in the morning. But instead, it’s his older brother James. Who is staring right at me with his mouth agape. I look down at myself. Oh my flub. I forgot that this was see -through! I’m wearing my freaking ‘sexy’ lingerie!

I’m going to die. I died. I’m dead. Yep. My life is utter crap!

Ozzie opens the door and I hurry inside without hesitation. My face resembles my hair color because I am just SO embarrassed. What is James going to say at his brother and mine’s wedding? That he saw me in a sexy night gown and also saw my knickers once? What a laugh that will be.

Ozzie is laughing hysterically so I make no time and give him one big wet-willy. I feel accomplished once my Dad comes downstairs and gives my brother a second one. Suck it, bitch!









Chapter three! Please review :) Thank you!

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