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I really have to warn you guys… this one’s pretty bad.  There are two suicide attempts that you’re about to read, though neither of them are described from Corvus’ point of view, I promise.  In both instances, and in the instance that will occur in the next chapter, they are told from an outsider’s point of view (Scorpius, Lyra, etc.) and only include them finding Corvus, though there is NO description of what he looks like because I don’t want to scare anyone off or offend anyone.

the sunlight through the flags 

I watch the sea creep ‘round the corner
It connects the dots from here to you

August nineteenth.


Hermione looked up from her desk, brow furrowing, though she stood up when she heard a crash and then heavy footfalls.


Draco was just exiting the bathroom when Hermione hurried out of their room, and he was close behind her as Scorpius’ door burst open and their son exited.

“I have to go!  Find Hilary!” he shouted as he sprinted past them, and Hermione took one look at her husband before she disapparated, he close behind her.

Scorpius crashed through the front door, leaving it open, and his bare feet barely touched the ground as he ran down the street.

“Hey, Scorp, everything okay?” Harry called as he exited his house, but the young blonde didn’t even glance his way as he continued down the street.

Corvus’ was at least a mile away, and he couldn’t seem to get there fast enough.  He hated the wizarding laws even more than anything right now, hated that he didn’t know how to apparate.  When he finally reached Corvus’ house, the door was locked, and he let out a frustrated scream, running his shoulder against the door.

“Scorpius!” came Harry’s voice as his mother’s friend turned back to his house to shout something to Ginny before hurrying toward the frantic blonde.

Corvus!” he screeched, throwing his shoulder against the door again before, frustrated, he pulled out his wand and blasted the door open, not caring.

He tore through the house, checking every room downstairs until he stumbled up the staircase just as he heard Lyra scream, a shrill sound of fear.  He almost fell through Corvus’ open door, though he forced himself forward as he caught sight of Lyra, too short to reach, desperately trying to get her brother down.  Scorpius grabbed a chair from Corvus’ desk, pushed it next to his limp friend as he heard Harry enter downstairs, and he gave Lyra one look before she hoisted her brother’s weight up, allowing Scorpius to untie him.

“Harry!  Upstairs!” he yelped as Corvus collapsed, and Scorpius jumped down quickly to haul him up, “Harry!”

“I’m here, I’m here, what’s—take my hand,” he finished, reaching out to Scorpius and Lyra.

They did as instructed, and, with a loud crack, they disapparated only to reappear at St. Mungo’s.  Healers rushed to them, and Corvus was taken from Scorpius before he even had a chance to let out a breath of explanation.

“Go,” Harry instructed, pushing him forward, and Scorpius rushed after the healers, tumbling over his words as he went.

Harry turned as Lyra let out a broken sob, and he quickly scooped her up as she started to fall, holding her against him.

“He’s gone,” she gasped, and Harry just sunk to his knees as a loud crack signified the arrival of Hermione, Draco, and Hilary, “He’s gone.”

“He’s not gone, Lyra,” Harry promised, “They’ll save him.”

“Where’s Corvus?” Hilary demanded, and she only had to take one look at the white-faced receptionist, her shaking daughter, and she raced down the hall.

It was hours before they were led down the hall by one of Corvus’ healers, and the only sound was the clicking of her heels before she stopped them in front of the door.

“He’s okay.  He’ll survive, but,” she paused, frowning, “Because he’s underage, it would be his mother’s consent on whether or not we kept him here for counseling, and she won’t have any of that.  She wants him to go through with his sixth year at Hogwarts.”

Lyra nodded, anxiously staring at the door.

“You can go in.  Please don’t crowd around him.”

The healer let them in where an unconscious Scorpius sat curled in an armchair, and Hilary was positioned next to her son, her hand over his.  Lyra rushed forward, tears welling in her big eyes.

“Has he woken?” she demanded of her mother, but Hilary simply shook her head.

“What happened?” her mother asked softly, not looking up.

“It’s your fault,” Lyra snapped, and they spoke no more.

When Scorpius awoke, Hermione, Draco, and Harry beckoned him out of the room where he tiredly followed and sat on one of the benches outside.  They hadn’t even opened their mouths to ask when he began.

“I got a note from him that said that his parents had split up and he didn’t want to be alive anymore, and so, naturally, I ran to his house and,” he broke off, casting his watery gaze to his shaking hands, “He was hanging from the ceiling.  Lyra couldn’t get him down, and she’d only just found him when I got into the house.  Harry was right behind me because he saw me running, and he apparated us here.  They said he’s lucky to be alive.”

A heavy silence fell over the group, a silence that would follow Corvus for the rest of his life.


September first.

“Hey, mate,” Scorpius greeted, draping an arm over Corvus’ shoulders, “How have you been holding up?”

Corvus shrugged, though he didn’t walk away from Scorpius’ touch.  He remained mute, not making eye contact with anyone.  Scorpius frowned and looked over at his friend; a faint red mark still haunted his neck, and it made Scorpius’ throat close a little.  The horror of that day still struck him sometimes, and he had to close his eyes and will it away.

“C’mon, we’ll find a compartment.”

Lyra followed them, her hand laced with her brother’s, and, together, the three of them travelled through the train in search of an empty room.  When they finally found one, only another person was waiting inside: Adrian.  He greeted them all with hugs, an embrace that Corvus didn’t return.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Scorpius promised in a whisper, putting up a hand to stop Adrian from playfully shoving their friend.

It was a transformation that rocked Hogwarts.  Groups of people continually tried to talk to the sunken-eyed, hollow brunette, but he simply sat and stared at his empty plate, not meeting anyone’s gaze, not even acknowledging anyone’s presence.  Hailey held his hand tightly, occasionally whispering a word or two of comfort while Lyra stayed closed by his other side, though the change was easily recognizable in her, as well.  She was much thinner than she’d been last year, and her eyes were dark and far away.  She constantly looked on the verge of tears.

A month passed like this.  Corvus remained silent, refusing to answer questions in class and retreating into himself.  No one could break through him.  Hailey desperately tried to pull him out and help him wade in the thick water, but he denied her everytime.  He made no motion to physically refuse her, but he continued to just sit and stare, as if she wasn’t touching him, wasn’t speaking to him, wasn’t there.  Corvus became a shell of himself, and Lyra quickly followed.

She missed classes to wander the Forest, she skipped exams to smoke on the Astronomy Tower, and she disappeared from the Great Hall almost entirely.  When approached, all of their friends just shrugged sadly.

It was October fourth when the second event occurred.

Scorpius was sitting in the library, hunched over a desk, when the door creaked open, and he looked up to find a frantic-looking Lyra.  She quickly spotted him and rushed over, not bothering to sit.

“Have you seen Corvus?”

He shook his head, immediately gathering his things.

“When was the last time you saw him?”

“An hour ago.  I was reading in the common room and, next thing I knew, he was gone.  No one saw him leave.  Scorpius, I’m scared.”

“I know.  Come on, we’ll find him.”

They went back to the common room first, and Scorpius went up to their room to search for him, but he was nowhere to be found.  They skirted around Adrian, ducked away from Chloe, though Hailey caught them on their way out.

“Where is he?” she demanded, but the pair just shook their heads.

“I’m going to get McGonagall.  Just in case,” he added as Lyra looked over at him fearfully.

She nodded, and the three of them went to the headmistress’ office.  When they gathered her and Scorpius explained as they went through the school, the two girls brainstormed of his whereabouts until a student came sprinting around the corner, yelped upon seeing the group, and hurried over.

“There’s someone in the bathroom,” she gasped, “My friend went in because she heard Moaning Myrtle wailing, and there’s someone in the bath.  I think he’s dead.”

The girl had barely finished her sentence before Lyra took off, Scorpius close behind her.  Water had leaked out into the hallway and they wet their robes and shoes as they ran through and into the flooded bathroom.

“Fuck,” Scorpius swore before tearing off his cloak, “Lyra, stay there,” he demanded, holding out his cloak to her, “I’ll get him, I promise, but do not move.”

She nodded, taking his shoes as he hurried out of them.  He pulled off his vest and tossed it to her before splashing over to the bath and diving in.  He searched desperately until he saw a cloud of red, and he kicked off the wall toward it.  He swallowed bile as he finally found Corvus, hooked an arm around the now frail boy, and pushed off the bottom of the bath.  When he surfaced, Lyra gave a shout.  McGonagall hurried over and helped them out.

“Hailey, please go to Madame Pomfrey’s and inform her of what’s happened!” McGonagall ordered, lifting Corvus in her arms, “Lyra, Scorpius, get rid of that crowd.  Carefully,” she added before they disappeared outside and she followed them.

Before exiting, she cast a quick Concealing Charm over Corvus, and Scorpius and Lyra led the way to the Hospital Wing where they awaited Pomfrey’s care.  It was three hours before she ushered them over to his bed.

“He’ll be alright, thankfully.  I’ve patched up his arms, but it was quite bad.  Do you know what caused this, Lyra dear?”

Lyra nodded, but kept her lips tightly shut.  Madame Pomfrey sighed.

“He needs help,” she addressed all of them, “I don’t know what happened to have hurt him so badly, but his mother informed me of what happened over the summer.  This cannot happen again,” she said, her voice tight, “He needs help.”

They nodded, and she left them with him where Lyra sunk into a chair and laced her fingers with his.  Scorpius put an arm around Hailey as she turned her face into his shoulder, and it was all he could do not to cry as he stared at his pale and softly breathing friend.


Corvus awoke to the feeling of an uncomfortable mattress and scratchy sheets.  A dull throb echoed in his head, and a too bright light shone above him.  He looked to his left, and a row of similar beds stretched out, and he sighed.  He was in the Hospital Wing.

When he tried to move his arms, pain shot up through them, and he lay still, tears pricking at his eyes.  He’d failed.  Again.  They had found him.  Again.

Another sigh left his lips as he turned his head back up to the ceiling.  He didn’t want to live anymore, didn’t want to imagine life without his father, without the one man in his life he had always trusted, had always looked up to.  He didn’t want to imagine his idol sleeping with random women and shoving a needle into his arm.

A sob escaped him, and he drew his knees up to his chest as he turned onto his side.  Everything had been so perfect.  In Ireland, nothing seemed wrong.  His parents kissed and they loved and they never stopped smiling.  They’d been so happy, away from everything.  He’d tried to convince them that, that if only they moved away, if they went away from everything, it would all be alright.  He would have no problem transferring schools.  He would move, as long as he could keep his family.

And Lyra, his baby sister.  Just thinking of the way she’d looked when they told her broke his heart.  She’d just sat there, so empty.  And when she stood up, and his mother went to comfort her, she’d turned her eyes on her, absolute hatred pulsing through her.

“It’s your fault.”

And then she’d retreated to Corvus’ room where she sobbed in his arms and begged him to take her away from them.  Their father had left almost immediately after telling Lyra, and he hadn’t even said goodbye, didn’t even bother to.  The one time he wrote back to one of Corvus’ many pleas to come back, Corvus wished he’d never opened the letter.

Stop writing me.  I’m not coming back.  I don’t want to be a part of your life anymore.

No apology.  No excuse.  Just the plain, honest truth, and that was what hurt Corvus the most.  This man that he loved, his father, had dropped him without a second thought, without a care.

And, as he lay there in the rickety bed, he couldn’t hold back his tears, and he cried painfully, curled in a ball and heart aching.


Wow.  That was kind of intense.  I know, that was a lot to take in, and, well, we’ve still got one more chapter and another suicide attempt.  Though yes, this is only to be three chapters, so the next will be the last.

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