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 Amazing chapter image by BitterSweetFlames@TDA.


 
 

Marlene McKinnon. November 1, Seventh year, 1977.


 

“I want your love, and all your love is revenge” Lady Gaga- Bad Romance.


 

I just turned around the corner and ran. I heard that the prefect yelled for me to stop but I ignored it. The truth is I wanted to turn around and tell him to go to fucking hell. I wanted to hex him. I wanted to get my anger out. But I didn’t. I just ran. Ran to the Gryffindor common room. To my dorm.


 

Yes, baby. I don’t mind that I can spend only half an hour with you. I understand that if I stayed any longer there wouldn’t be enough room for all of your friends. Yes, how could James sit on the ground?


 

As I ran an owl appeared. His owl. It gave me a message and flew away.


 

Are you angry? it read. No. No, honey. I’m not angry. I’M FURIOUS.


 

I felt like trash. Like people can easily walk on me. Is he serious? Oh yes. I forgot. He is! But does he really think that I’ll write back? He really thinks I’m just another girl that blindly follows him around?


 

What did he tell me last night before the Halloween party? That I don’t spend enough time with him? That he wants to be with me all the time? Okay. I went out with him…And he made fool out of me!


 

Never again I’ll let someone hurt me.


 

I’ll always be true to myself. And only to myself.


 

I’ll be me, good or bad it doesn’t matter.


 

And if you will try to hurt me again I’ll rip you apart so fast, so fast that you won’t gonna have time to smirk.


 

I hate guys who think – a girl is another thing to their collection. Am I a prize, Sirius? Another doll to your doll house? Another plastic smile? But I do not smile when someone is hurting me.


 

And innocent flirtation never grows to love. Or so I thought.


 

I’m cynical because of you. Sarcasm - the common language that unites us, although in it you can’t speak freely about love. But nevertheless, it’s necessary to communicate effectively.


 

When you squash an orange, what happens? Something bad? No, smartass. The orange juice starts to run. Not mango, not apple juice, not milk. Only orange juice. Always. And people are like that. They can only give what they have in their heart. So if I receive pain from you, it means that you only have pain inside of you. You give the world only what you’ve got.


 

Why didn’t you tell your friends you want to be with me? Who is Peter? Yet another friend. Ha. Who is Mary to me? Yet another friend. She doesn’t care about what happened yesterday. She had her fun. She said few hours ago she’s bored, she said I should come and visit her. Yeah it’s good. You can stay while I’m bored. But when others will come, get out. Yeah, sure thing, Mary. Sure thing, Sirius.


 

Are these people who I call friends are mocking me? Sirius, I came out to play yesterday as you wanted me. I came to the dance. And what did you do? You let Dorcas spill her drink on me and then you just left. Off to help James. Off to help Remus. Sirius, you never help me.


 

I'm not ‘stuck up’ as others may think. I just know how much I am worth. I walk with my head raised high because my mother taught me to. Many people are afraid of me. Because they know I can destroy them. Strangers are not my role models. People are things that help you achieve what you want. Therefore they think I’m a cold hearted bitch. Let them think like that. It’s easier for me, less idiots in the way and they think they know everything about me. That will keep them talking. Talking nonsense.


 

I can’t be myself around these people.Each day brings only pain, everyday is a murderer. I’m drowning in the daily life.


 

I’m fed up to see the same faces everywhere and always. Fed up with people who don’t know me and dare to judge me. We love to talk about how other people mess up, but we forget that we make mistakes too. I’m tired of thinking what others will think. I’m fed up with my efforts to control my actions or to act because it is - so fashionable, so sexy, so feminine.


 

I do not want to live under some stupid stereotypes.

I do not want to write to him just because, according to the stupid rules of morality, a guy should write first.

I want to laugh out loud and I’m not care that it’s childish and unethical.


 

I want to cry when I am sad, despite the fact that I’ll appear to be weak. I am weak. My black eye pencil, mascara, lipstick. This only means a new face. My expensive clothes are only a fashionable packing. Why is it that nobody looks inside of me? He doesn’t. Why do you understand me only when I speak "your language"?
 

I do not want to spend a lifetime opportunity. I want to run far, far away from you.

I do not want to think: what would have been if I would have acted differently?

I want to take everything what life can offer.


 

Yes, sometimes I'm angry, love to argue, air headed, always forgetting something.

Yes, sometimes I am arrogant, emphatic, stuck up. Overall, quarrelsome and an egoist who always needs attention. Girls love to complain just because they are girls. Girls don’t really want to hear practical advice or guidance on what to do next. They just want attention and sympathy. A lot of sympathy and attention.


 

Yes, I'm not perfect. And imagine! I don’t even want to be perfect! Really. I’m already tired of searching for something what I’ll never find. But Sirius, you want to be perfect.


 

You don’t believe me. You don’t believe that I can live without you.

I can. I don’t need you. I know what I can, what I will do.


 

I am strong. Maybe. What does not kill me - makes stronger. I’m no longer able to understand which thoughts are mine and which thoughts are famous people thoughts…


 

Roosevelt "Do what you can, with what you’ve got, wherever you are."

But you weren’t a saint, mate. Admit it. Fine, I will invent something new.


 

If my brain is missing few brain cells that doesn’t mean I have to act like that. You see, I firmly believe that the only way to get yourself out of this unpleasant situation is to take a deep breath, be honest to yourself and boldly face the problem, looking at it straight in the eye until it knows who is the boss here. You need to swallow it, like a pill.


 

If anyone would have asked me how to deal if their problem I would have said that. And someday maybe even I will use my advice.

Now you, Sirius are my problem. Cardiac pain. You are my enemies and enemies suffer loudly.


 

You know, dear ... No, you don’t know anything.


 

If this ain’t love then how do we get out?


 

Sirius, this is my love.
 

It is painful? - It is painful.

True? - It's true

But I need to play a role of a Goddess not for my demons, but for you. Because I love you angry and cynical, most of the time I hate-love you.

Now I don’t understand anything. I’m a masochist.


 

Life is a dirty scene.

I am an actress.

Everything is a farce. Sweet meaningless farce.


 

I love you.




Hey! Thanks for reading.  Hope you liked it. Tell me what you think. The song I got as you already know is Bad Romance by Lady Gaga.  The story is going to be 3 chapters long. The first one is like an introduction. I hope you liked Marlene. It was fun to writer her. I always imagined Marlene with long chocolate brown curly hair, but it seems she had blonde curly hair :).

-Vi.
 

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