The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
Hermione rolled over in bed and glanced at the blurry numbers. It seemed as though the night was just dragging by slowly, minute by minute. When she looked at the clock expecting hours to have passed it had only been minutes. The harder she tried to clear her thoughts the more they popped into her head. Sitting up to look out her window, her breath was taken away. It was as if all the stars in the sky were out tonight. Maybe they were the ones keeping her awake, pushing into her mind and her desires. Things she knew she could never have. Not anymore. Hermione laid back down and gently closed her eyes, hoping to slip quietly into sleep. She slowed her breathing, concentrating on the feeling, making each even breath fill her lungs and leave slowly.
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you dear,
Cause I wish you were here.
Even reaching the in between state of sleep and being awake, she knew she wasn’t sleeping. She could feel what was missing like it was one of her own body parts. She felt the soft cotton beneath her and the flannel pressed into her cheek. She was aware of every sag in the mattress and every squeaky spring. She knew all the newly empty spaces around her. Sleep would escape her this night, like the nights before, but she was not surprised. It’s hard to sleep when you are so keenly aware of what is missing. The spots where his knee would lightly graze hers. Where his hands would be placed around her waist in the morning. The exact spot where he would kiss her neck, right below her ear. She could feel his hand in hers like the ghost of a memory. No matter how many times her clock blinked, she wasn’t going to fall asleep. No, she knew this was her punishment. She loved, and now she had nothing. She expected nothing less.
I watch the night turn light blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
Hermione pressed fists into her eyes, trying to clear the stars that had gathered there. She was aware of every noise, every movement of the house. She could hear the mice in the attic and the wind rustling the leaves outside. Tingles ran up and down her legs as she imagined whispers. A breeze tickled her ears, feeling as though someone had breathed right there, beside her bed. Her imagination was getting the best of her. Every sound was his footsteps, every breeze smelled of his cologne. Every chirp and groan was his voice saying her name. She knew she was losing it. She needed to get out of her room, surrounded by him. She couldn’t handle it.
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.
Hermione threw her legs over the edge of her bed and her feet touched to cold wood beneath them. With every action came a memory, and she could remember how he would put her slippers right next to the bed in the morning, just so her feet wouldn’t have to have that one second of shocking cold. As she lingered there, just on the precipice, she glanced at the picture she had been trying to avoid for days. It reminded her of being happy, and she just couldn’t do that right now. Before looking away she saw the tousled blonde hair next to her own curly brown and she caught her breath. She couldn’t do it. Live like this, in the constant pain of remembering her life as it was. Before. Slowly turning her eyes away from the old picture, she decided she could stand and she could walk. Hermione shuffled her slippered feet across the floor, moving towards the door that would lead her away from all of this. She made her way through the small house, room by room, not stopping to look around at all of her memories.
I'll find opposing new ways,
Though I haven't slept in two days,
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
The front door creaked and got stuck about halfway as she pushed it open. With her nonexistent energy she managed to scrape it open the rest of the way, leaving her enough room to slip through to the other side. The cool morning air kissed her face and tickled the hairs at the back of her neck. She looked out around her, seeing forever in front of her. The porch swing moved slightly in the gentle breeze, its familiar noises welcome in the silent early morning. Hermione allowed herself to slump down against the stair railing, still gazing about her at the hazy fields. She believed that getting out of the bedroom would be better, but being outside was just as bad. She remembered lying in the grass with him, smelling flowers and trying to avoid the bees. Ghosts danced around the trees and screamed with delight, trying to avoid being caught by each other.
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,
I'll sit on the front porch all night,
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.
I don't feel so alone.
The hair on her arms rose and there was a chill down her spine. She could have sworn she felt someone touch her, but as quick as it came it was gone, and she was left bitterly disappointed once again. Her arms wrapped around her knees to keep her warm as she pulled her feet out of her slippers. Hermione wanted to lay on the grass again, feel it tickle her toes as she ran. She hadn’t been able to enjoy things like nature for awhile, but she was not sure now was the perfect time. What was the point of trying to enjoy something when you knew an entire part of your being was missing, and you could never get that back?
As many times as I blink I'll think of you tonight.
I'll think of you tonight.
She remained seated as she let her imagination take her over the yard, through the trees and into the world. She pictured what her life would be like now if nothing had ever happened. Where would they be? Who would they be with? Would they still be happy, or was it meant to end? She thought that maybe it was better it ended that way, allowing her to remember him in such a light. She never had to know if it would have truly worked, so she could never be disappointed. All Hermione possessed was love for him. Maybe that was a good way to end things between them.
When violet eyes get brighter,
And heavy wings grow lighter,
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.
As her mind drifted tears began to make their way to the surface. Her throat closed as her eyes ran, her thoughts still away in a world that could never be. By the time she realized she was crying it was too late to stop. The salty water ran into the corners of her mouth as she gasped for air, not having enough in her lungs. A few minutes and deep breaths later she was still softly crying, nowhere near the wrenching sobs that had possessed her just a few minutes prior. As her mind stilled and her heart calmed she was able to take in everything around her.
And I'll forget the world that I knew,
But I swear I won't forget you,
The sky had lightened and there was quiet music coming from the trees. She gazed at the sky, stars disappearing behind the light, as the sun broke the horizon. Hermione was blinded for just a moment before she could see what the world had become. Everything around her dripped with sparkling sunlight, like liquid gold. The world was newly gilded and breathtaking, draining all energy she had in storage. She fought to keep her eyes open, just to see the world around her for just a little while more before she slipped into her dreams. Looking at all that was around her she changed her mind. Maybe everything would be alright, someday. For now, she just wanted to sleep.
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,
I'd whisper in your ear,
As her eyes drifted shut she saw a shimmering image of a man. She had no idea if he was real or not, but she was going to let him know, with whatever she had left in her, that she wouldn’t forget. Not ever.
Oh darling I wish you were here.
A/N: Well I hope you liked it!! I have never written a song-fic before. I feel like this one could have been a bit better, but who knows. I will probably edit it in the future, once I have a new perspective on it. Well I hope you at least got something from it. If it did affect you (either positively or negatively) just let me know. I would love to hear from any of you guys. Thanks for reading, people!!
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