Search Home Read Write Forum Login Register
Snape's Journal

June 21st, 1993:

"Sev? Are you still writing in your journal? Come to bed," Lily called sleepily.

I glanced at the clock. Was it that late already? I hadn't realized I had been writing so long. I turned and gave her a slow smile, which she returned. Her smile always made me quiver with desire. "Just a minute, dear." I recapped my inkwell and placed my quill in its holder before shutting my book and slipping it into my secret drawer so my too curious son could not peek in it. I wasn't ready for anyone to read the story I was writing just yet.

I quickly shed my clothes, leaving only my boxers on, and slipped into bed beside my wife. Immediately her arms came about me and she drew me to her. "I woke up and you were gone," she murmured inbetween kisses. "I was cold and I missed you."

I snuggled closer, wrapping myself about her. "Are you warm now, love?"

She nodded. "Like a cauldron set aflame. You are one hot man!"

"Really?" I chuckled, running my hand down her shoulder.

"Mmm . . .you are the hottest thing ever, Sev!"

Then we kissed again, and soon the kissing turned to other things, very pleasant things, and I was reminded over again how much I had missed her the past three months. These remote assignments were hell on our relationship, but when Lily came home, I could spend a good portion of my night making up for lost time. . .

June 25, 1993:

Lily and Harry decided to spend some quality mother and son time together today, and I retreated to my desk to write some more. My thoughts spiraled back to that fateful weekend of All Hallows Eve, when You-Know-Who came knocking on the Potters' door. But first I had learned something of the utmost importance, something that had shocked me to my core, while I was sitting in the Leaky Cauldron, nursing a hot cider with a dash of rum after a long day at the apothecary . . .

September 30th, 1981:

I was sitting in my usual corner, far from the door, slumped with the mug of cider in my hands, pretending to be half-asleep, but in reality observing everyone through the curtain of my dark hair. I had cast a spell to enhance my hearing so I could catch any stray bits of important conversations while I was in the pub, it was a prime place for picking up information. Drunk patrons normally spill their guts without meaning to. The noise in the pub was beginning to give me a headache, but I endured it. I sipped my drink, it warmed me, for the afternoon was chilly. Then I concentrated on listening to the people around me.

At first I heard the usual—complaints about work, a stupid boss, how their wife was giving them grief over something, the price of powdered newt was going up, a spell that would keep intruders out of a shop. I let those conversations wash over me, like ocean waves against a lone rock. In a month it was Halloween, and while I didn't mind the holiday, as a boy I had loved it, for some reason I felt a stab of foreboding. I recalled previous Halloweens when I used to go trick-or-treating with Lily, and thinking of her always made my heart ache.

She was lost to me, I knew , but logic has never mastered passion, and so I still continued to hope for something that could never be. She had married Potter and borne him a child—a son called Harry. She had made her choice. And yet, I felt guilty for snapping at her the way I had last time we had met. I had spent most of the night after that abrupt conversation talking to my dog, asking Gabriel if I had done the right thing. "I was so angry, Gabe. I used to love her, a part of me still does, even though she chose Potter. I just wish I knew why. Why did she agree to marry him? She never liked him. I don't understand what changed. Maybe I'll never know."

Gabriel hadn't responded to me, except to put his big head in my lap and submit to my fingers scratching his head. He groaned with pleasure as I scratched behind his ears, always a favorite spot. His very presence had soothed my weary troubled spirit.

I wished he were here with me today, but I had left him back at the shop, to guard the merchandise. Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice. I quickly trained my focus on the measured even tones of Lucius Malfoy.

"Are you quite certain, Bella?"

"Of course I am, Luc!" snapped my former Housemate, Bellatrix Black, now LeStrange. "You know that while my Sight is often hard to decipher, I always See true, when I See at all."

Their voices were subdued, very quiet, had I not had my hearing enhanced, I never would have been able to listen in on this very private conversation. I smirked into my mug of cider. What, oh, what, have you Seen, mad Bella? I had not known Bellatrix possessed the Sight, but that would explain her sometimes flashes of intuition, and maybe even her crazy episodes as well. Some Seers were driven mad by what they Saw. Not that Bellatrix ever needed a reason for going off her rocker. She delighted in causing pain and suffering, a sadist if ever there was one.

"What did you See? Anything important?" Lucius asked finally. "Anything . . .useful?"

I darted a quick glance through my protective curtain of hair over to the table where Lucius and Bellatrix sat. I could just keep them in my line of vision without being observed.

Suddenly Bellatrix gasped. Her head began to twitch and jerk and her eyes rolled back in her head.

"No!" Lucius hissed in alarm. "Not here, dammit! Not here!"

But Bellatrix was beyond hearing him. She was deep into a Seer's trance. "Take heed- The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approachs. born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies , and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives . The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies ."

Lucius had risen and pretended to be patting her on the back, pushing her head down, as if she were choking. But I could hear ever word she spoke.

As abruptly as she had gone into it, Bellatrix returned to this world with a terrific gasp and a shudder. "What happened?"

"You had a Vision," answered Lucius.

She tossed her hair back. "Was it . . .of his Bane?"

Lucius nodded.

"We must unravel the prophecy, Lucius." Bellatrix hissed. "It must not come to pass! We must find this child and destroy it!"

"Hush! I shall think on it. Have you told anyone else about this? Does the Master know?"

"Not yet. I . . .wasn't sure if I should tell him."

"Of course you should. In fact, the sooner the better. Come," He tossed down a handful of coins and they left the pub, not knowing that I now knew of the fateful prediction made by the dark sorceress.

I finished my cider and then paid up my tab and left. I had a message to send and a prophecy to try and decipher.

Somewhere a child was marked for death, and I could not help but think of Shelby. If I could find out who this was, I might be able to save this one, as I could not the other.

I sent a copy of the prophecy to my superiors in the Eyes and Ears and then I set to work myself trying to figure out who could be the one to vanquish the Dark Lord.

It took me and Mum three weeks to figure it out. We had made lists of all the possible families and out of those, who had babies born in July. Then we had to figure out who had thrice defied Voldemort. That was the hard part. Thank Merlin my mother still had her old Prince genealogy book, she had taken it just before she left her home for good, her mother had disowned her for marrying my father. She hardly spoke of it, though once she had said, "If my father had lived, he never would have allowed Mother to toss me out, and I could have gone back for visits and such, but he was dead of a heart condition by then, and my mother was always a cold haughty woman, who expected perfection of everyone around her, especially her daughter."

Finally, we narrowed it down to two possible candidates, the Longbottoms, Alice and Frank, had a son, Neville, born on July 30th. And the other . . .was Lily and James Potter. I was tempted to write Lily then and there and inform her of the danger she and her son were in. But I could not break my cover as an agent. So I wrote instead to Dumbledore, who had clearance, and knew about those of us in the program. I was sure he knew about the prophecy, he was highly trusted with top secret information, and so I informed him that we had discovered whom it referred to. It was my greatest fear that the other side had also discovered the same thing, but at least we could warn the Longbottoms and Potters to go into hiding.

The days both dragged and passed swiftly after that. The shop was busier than ever, as witches and wizards from all over prepared for Halloween, making special elixirs and potions. Then there were also the usual accidents to go along with the potion making frenzy, mostly burns and scalds and lacerations from being careless with sharp knives and fire. So we were kept busy dispensing Burn Paste and healing wounds as well.

And yet, despite the queue in the shop, I sometimes found my mind drifting back to the letters I had sent, and wondering if they had been acted upon. Was Lily safe? Her son? The Longbottoms? I could give a damn about Potter, but Lily . . .I feared terribly for her, so much so that it started causing me to make mistakes at work. Twice I had broken vials from not placing them on the shelf correctly and I mismeasured a dose of a powder and nearly gave it to a patient before catching my mistake.

Mum snapped at me. "Severus, quit being a woolhead and pay attention!"

I accepted the rebuke, though it stung, for I quite deserved it.

Still Lily was never far from my thoughts.

There was an oppressive air lingering over everything as Halloween approached, it permeated the spirits of those who came into Diagon Alley to shop, ruining the usual anticipation of the holiday. Now everyone spoke in whispers, and glanced about fearfully for You-Know-Who, or his masked followers. Death Eaters had shown up three times in the Alley, creating havoc and hurting and killing people. Luckily they had not come to our shop, perhaps due to the fact that some of their number patronized us.

There was something evil in the wind, and I did not need to be a Seer to feel it.

The day before Halloween arrived, and I was busy doing the usual morning chores in the shop, sweeping and dusting and rearranging the displays, making sure the exam rooms were stocked with towels and bandages and other medical necessities. A few people were browsing around, I watched them out of the corner of my eye in case they tried to nick something. Gabriel was lying in front of the counter. I had turned to dust a shelf with small lucky figurines when my collie growled.

It was a low growl, a warning that someone approached whom he did not like.

Since that was rarely the case, I looked between the shelves to see who it might be and saw to my disgust that Wormtail had entered the shop. I hadn't seen him since finishing school, and the years had not made him any better looking. He was still short and slimy, with stringy brown hair, a pointed nose, and crooked teeth. He was dressed in conservative robes of charcoal, and his skin looked jaundiced. I wished I could toss his arse out, but the retailer in me reminded me that a customer was a customer, no matter what.

Gabriel continued growling low in his throat, he had not forgotten Wormtail either.

"Nice doggie." Peter whimpered, then aimed a kick at my dog as he backed away, the snot-dribbling coward.

I quickly came around the shelf and said, "Gabe, stay!" thus averting the chance that my dog would attack the little bastard. Gabriel obediently stayed where he was and I interposed myself between him and Wormtail.

"What brings you here today, Pettigrew?" I said coldly. "You seem out of sorts." I peered at him.

He backed away. "Snape!"

"Who else? You look a bit jaundiced. Perhaps a liver cleanser is needed? No? Bowels giving you trouble? A good purging might help," I said loudly. Several other patrons turned and looked and snickered.

Wormtail flushed and squirmed. "I'm fine! I don't need any of that. I just want some . . .ginger and hyssop and ummm . . .indigo beetles."

I continued to toy with him, asking him what elixir he was making and in general making the scum very uncomfortable.

Until I was called away by a pregnant woman with a bad head cold needing some mild Congestion Reliever.

As soon as I could I slipped back around and saw him whispering to someone, but since my enhancements were gone on my hearing, I could only make out a few words. "Tomorrow night . . .the Dark Lord . . .Potters . . .Longbottoms . . .take care of them . . ."

My blood turned to ice in my veins. There was going to be action taken against the Potters and Longbottoms by Voldemort, if what I had overheard was right. I had no time to write a coded message and send it off to Odin. I had to warn them right away. Except I couldn't leave the shop full of customers just yet. For the first time ever, I wished the apothecary was not so busy. I wanted to dash into the back room and scribble away a note to Lily and to Alice Longbottom and send it off as quickly as possible, but the customers came first, and besides, it would look awfully strange. I couldn't risk any hint of odd behavior being noticed by the Death Eaters in the shop.

As I continued dispensing and ringing purchases, I realized that Pettigrew had betrayed his supposed best mates, Potter, Black, and Lupin. Not that I was truly surprised, I had long known that he was a coward and likely to flee at the first sign of danger to himself or turn his coat. A rat has no loyalty except to himself. And whomever holds the most power. So he had sold out to Voldemort. I barely concealed a sneer. I wondered what Black, Lupin, and Potter would say when they discovered what a viper they had nursed at their bosom.

Pettigrew and his unknown contact left separately, without purchasing anything.

As soon as I could, I rushed into the back room, and began penning a letter. I used a spell to copy it two times, and then simply wrote Dear Lily and Dear Alice at the top and signed my name below. I quickly wrote their names and what I thought were their current addresses on the outside, and summoned my mother's owl to deliver them as quick as possible.

Please let me have been in time.

October 31st, 1981:

All that day as I worked, I kept thinking about Lily and hoping that my message had reached her in time. The shop was quite busy, we had children running in and out of it, in costumes, begging for sweets. My mother kept a small cauldron filled with them, and whenever one of the little tykes ran in and yelled "Trick-or-treat" we allowed them to pick a sweet from the cauldron. There was a variety in there that satisfied even the most picky child or parent.

But for me the hours crawled by, and I prayed that Lily had the sense to get undercover and far away from wherever the Potters lived now. Both she and James were Aurors, so surely they had a secret place to hide, where no one knew of them. Arrogant though he was, even Potter couldn't have failed to provide a safe haven for his wife and son. I tried to console myself with that thought, and to concentrate upon my job. But I kept becoming distracted, until finally my mother sent me into the back of the shop to watch the potions she had brewing while she dealt with the customers. "Go back and check on the potions, Severus, if you can't keep your mind on the customers," she had said testily.

Flushing at being scolded like a scatterbrain in public, even though it was true at the moment, I hastily retreated to the back of the shop, out of sight of any sniggering customers, where I gave each of the cauldrons simmering there a quick stir and then sank into a chair, brooding and fretting myself to a sliver.

Gabriel padded in, perhaps he sensed my distress, for normally he did not like staying in the back room while brewing was going on, it was probably too hot for him with his thick coat. He came to me and nudged my hand, asking to be petted. I obliged happily, stroking his noble head and patting his broad shoulders. His wise eyes peered up into mine and his tail wagged gently.

"Ah, Gabriel. Do you think Lily and her son are all right? Do you think they were warned in time? Perhaps I shouldn't have sent a letter, but gone in person. Only I am not sure exactly where she is. I know that Potter owns property in Yorkshire and also at Godric's Hollow, which is somewhere near Exmoor. But if they knew they were in danger, might they go elsewhere? I know I would. I would go far away, into the wilderness, where no one could find me."

My collie whined and licked my hand, almost as if he were agreeing with me. I knelt and hugged him, suddenly feeling terrified, and needing the comfort of his stalwart presence. If anything should happen to Lily, I would not be able to bear it. I suddenly wished that my last words to her had not been spoken in anger. Damn my bloody temper! At the time, I had thought myself justified in speaking so harshly to her, but now . . .now I regretted every syllable that had emerged from my mouth. Heaven forbid she died and then I would never get the chance to tell her how much I still loved her. "She mustn't die, Gabe! She mustn't!"

Gabriel licked my face. He always seemed to understand my moods, and he hated when I was upset. He began to "talk" to me in that strange way he had, a half-croon, half-growl that he only used with me. Don't worry, Sev. It will be all right. You'll see. I buried my face in his fur. He was my best friend, he had stuck beside me through my darkest hour and prevented me from making the biggest mistake of my life. And here he was again, providing me with the comfort I so desperately needed.

I stayed that way for several long moments, before rising to check on the potions once again. Even my anxiety wouldn't allow me to neglect a potion. Gabriel stretched out beside my chair, panting slightly. I felt guilty and tried to get him to go and lie down in the cooler front of the shop, but he refused. "Loyal dog. What would I do without you?" I knelt and ruffled his ears.

Night drew nigh, and we closed the apothecary and Mum went home to Spinner's End. I told her I would come as soon as the last batch of Magic Replenishers was finished. They had about five hours left to steep. Gabriel stayed with me, of course. I set a timer over the cauldrons and took out the folding bed that I had put in the closet for those nights when one or the other of us had to brew all night long. I smoothed out the sheets and blankets, then sank down on the bed for a quick nap. Gabriel settled his bulk against my feet, making the springs creak. Soon I was asleep.

Sometime around ten o'clock I woke, a scream clawing its way out of my throat.

"Lily! Don't go in there! NO!"

Gabriel sat up and began barking in alarm.

I ignored him, trembling with terror. The dream—it had been so real!

In it I had seen Godric's Hollow, and a small cottage ablaze, flames licking up towards the sky. There was an odd greenish glow to the flames. I had gotten the sense of a terrible evil lurking there and death . . .death had claimed that place for its own. Then I saw Lily appear, her red hair flying, running into the burning house, screaming a single name. "Harry!" She had not emerged again.

I had woken up then, my heart pounding fit to burst from my ribcage. I knew without knowing how that something terrible had occurred and if I did not act soon, what I most feared would come to pass. I quickly leaped out of bed, not even bothering to put on my boots, and then I prepared to Apparate to Godric's Hollow, which I had recognized in my dream due to the landmark cemetery where many wizards and witches of prominent families were buried. My mother had given me a most thorough education in wizarding geography before I ever attended Hogwarts.

Gabriel crowded against my knees, whining urgently. "No, Gabe. I can't take you with me. Stay here. I'll be back." I promised.

I left him sitting forlornly beside my boots and Apparated away to the burning cottage I had seen in my dreams.

The cottage was still on fire when I arrived, the air was thick with choking smoke, and flames danced like fiends through the top floor windows. I drew my wand and chanted a Fire Dampener Charm, as an apothecary I knew how to put out fires. But this blaze was too strong for one spell, and so I cast another.

Then I shouted as loudly as I could, "Lily! Where are you? Lily! Lily, can you hear me?"

From a great distance, I heard a tiny voice answer, "Sev?"

"Lily, get out of there!" I howled.

The roar and crackle of the flames was terrible, and to my horror, I saw the top part of the roof start to cave in. "LILY!"

Suddenly, she was beside me, cradling a sobbing hysterical baby in her arms, gasping and choking for air. "Sev! Here . . .take Harry . . ." she thrust the baby at me.

I caught the bawling dark-haired mite awkwardly as Lily doubled over, coughing explosively. I stood there, at a loss, until Lily started to topple over, then I grabbed her to me and Apparated back to the apothecary, taking both Lily and Harry along with me.

Once we were back in the shop, I laid Lily out on the bed and set Harry next to her. She was out cold, but he curled up next to her, his face a mess of blood and tears. But at least he was quiet for now.

Gabe came and licked his face and he smiled and clung to Gabriel's ruff. Though it must have been painful, my collie made no attempt to get away, but simply settled down on the bed, which was now sagging in the middle due to the combined weight of a woman, child, and an eighty-five pound dog. "Good dog, Gabe." I praised. Then I bent over Lily, who I feared had inhaled too much smoke. "Lily, wake up. Please! Don't leave me!" I pleaded, putting my ear to her chest. She had stopped breathing.

Frantic, I leaned over and placed my mouth over hers. I knew that Muggle paramedics often did this when a person wasn't breathing. I blew into her mouth, giving her my breath. Live, Lily! My breath to yours. Live! I paused, counted three breaths, then breathed into her again.

Come on, Lily! Breathe! I urged silently, once again giving her my breath. Tears streaked my face and fell upon her cheeks, which were striped with soot. Don't die, Lily! Don't die! Again I breathed into her.

Suddenly I felt a flutter beneath my hands. Her chest moved. She took a breath, then another. Then she began to cough, harsh wracking coughs. I sat her up and conjured a large towel so she could cough out the smoke residue in her lungs. "That's it, Lily." I rubbed her back soothingly. "You're going to be all right now. You're safe with me."

She coughed and spit for a good ten minutes. Then she lifted her head and her green eyes were filled with tears. "Harry? Where's my baby?"

"Here next to you. He's all right too." I reassured her. I'm going to get you a Lung Clarifying Draft." I reluctantly left her to get the potion, relief sweeping through me in a great wave.

Later on, I would find out the whole story of what had happened that night, but for now I was just grateful Lily was alive and I was able to help her recover from her brush with death.

Snape's Journal

June 25th, 1993:

I set my quill down when I heard the sound of the front door being opened. Harry and Lily had come home. I hurried down the stairs to meet them in the kitchen. Harry was wearing a new Wimbourne Wasps jersey and carrying a pennant. His hair was sticking up like a haystack. "I see you had a good time at the Quidditch match, Harry," I greeted. Then I added, "You need to brush your hair, you look like a sheepdog that got electrocuted."

My son rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Dad. I nearly caught the Snitch, it flew over my head, Dad, and that's why I got this jersey." His green eyes were shining with joy. "Look, it's been signed by the Wimbourne Seeker, Josh Allen himself!" He turned about so I could see the signature on the back.

I dutifully admired it, even though Quidditch has never really interested me. "Very nice, Harry."

"Harry, go and wash up for supper." Lily ordered, coming and hugging me.

"Okay, Mum!" he called, and then ran upstairs.

Lily followed him with her eyes. "Sometimes he reminds me so of James. He's as Quidditch mad as his father ever was."

I nodded. "True. But in other ways, love, he's definitely his mother's son." I kissed her lightly. "So, how was your day out?"

"It was wonderful. I'm glad I got to spend time with Harry. He's growing up so fast, Sev. And I feel like I'm missing it, because I'm away so damn much. There are times when . . .I wish I had chosen another profession." She sighed heavily. "But now is too late for regrets. I'll just have to try harder to get assignments closer to home so I can be a part of his life—and yours—more often."

"You do your best, Lily. Harry and I understand."

"I know, but . . .this will be my last remote assignment, Sev. I want to see more of you and Harry than a few months out of the year, I want my son to remember his mother as someone who was there for him when he needed me. And I miss you dreadfully every time I go away."

"As do I." I framed her face with my hands. "Lily, you know I would never suggest you give up your career, but if you feel it's best . . ."

"I wouldn't be giving it up, Sev. I would still work as a Spec, just in a different capacity, one closer to home." She murmured. "Because there is nothing more important than my family." Then she sealed her statement with a very passionate kiss that left me longing to Apparate her up to our bedroom. She caught the gleam in my eyes and said naughtily, "Later, you insatiable wretch. I have a special supper planned."

"Oh? What is it?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," she said, then she sashayed over to the counter and began pulling groceries out of her carryall.

I leaned against the counter, smiling. I never got tired of looking at my wonderful wife, who took a piece of my heart with her wherever she went.

Harry galloped down the stairs. "Hey, Mum, what's for dinner?"

"You'll have to wait and see," I told him, smirking.

"What is this, a conspiracy?" he groaned.

"Of course," I replied.

Lily winked at me over her shoulder

I concealed an eager smile. Supper might be a surprise, but what awaited us alone after that was a foregone conclusion. And perhaps this time, it might lead to a new member of the Snape household. I certainly hoped so.

Finally got another chapter posted. I decided to have a reverse kind of prophecy, where it was the bad side that received the prediction. I thought it would be interesting to make crazy Bella into a Seer.

Hope you all enjoyed this part.

Next will have Lily telling what happened on that Halloween night as well as her side of the story.

Track This Story: Feed

Write a Review

out of 10


Get access to every new feature the moment it comes out.

Register Today!