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I wasn’t sure what felt more horrible, knowing how Remus was feeling and hating myself for making him bring it up or knowing I was wrong about the whole situation. I think it was probably the first. If it was the second then I was a pretty messed up person. I still don’t know what made me react that way, probably the thought that the past half year of my life had been wasted on someone who would never want me. Pathetic right? Right.


I thought of ways to apologise to the guys for being such a bitch. I didn’t have many ideas, then again I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it that didn’t think I was a terrible person. I was just glad that I walked out when I did, at least that way the last thing they would have heard was my apology. Now that I had calmed down, I was thinking things through a bit clearer. I even thought of a plan. Clever right? Right.


I had had a night’s sleep on the information and I was ready for Charms first thing the next morning. I had left the notes Remus had taken meticulous care over copying out in the library. So I’d missed quite a bit meaning I couldn’t just skive off again because it might be awkward. Well I knew it was going to be awkward so at least it wasn’t going to be a surprise. I packed my bag quickly and slipped out of the common room before anyone else woke up. 


I didn’t know if I wanted to arrive last or first to class. If I arrived first then I could sit in my seat and wait to see who would bother to sit next to me, probably no one, or if I arrived last then I would know for sure where I would be sitting without having to ask any awkward questions. I went for first, that way I gave Remus the choice of sitting where he wanted to. So I sat, half an hour early, twiddling my quill and doodling so that I’d look busy when he did or did not sit next to me. 


When I heard the chair scrape the floor beside me, I took a moment to think of something smart to say to him so he’d know I was sorry. I looked around to see Remus doing exactly the same thing I was just doing. Pretending to be busy. I racked my brain as quickly as I could. I had to say something, anything to break the silence.

“Are we okay?” He asked the question I had been dying to ask but was too afraid to.


“Well, I’m okay. So it’s up to you.” I was not going to be forcing my company on anyone.


“Well I’m okay too. So I guess we’re okay.”


“Good,” I said smiling, “because the whole thing was just stupid.”


“I couldn’t agree more,” he said, smiling at me, “do you want these?” He held out the six sheets of parchment which he had written for me, “I think you’ll be needing them. Besides, it’s my fault you missed class yesterday.”


“Thanks,” I murmured, “and it’s not your fault. Just me and my stupid temper.”


“Yes, well, you had every reason to be angry.” There he was again, you know as hard as it clearly is for him to believe, some things in this world are my fault. A few things actually but mostly unimportant stuff like who ate the last apple turnover.


“Stop doing that. It’s really bloody annoying. Can’t we get back to just being friends?” I asked in a forced whisper. Flitwick had just entered and obviously everyone else decided to stop talking. This made it a lot more difficult for us to conduct our conversation in private or without earning ourselves detention.


“Right, just friends…” he murmured more to himself than to me. Flitwick started the lesson and I couldn’t ask what he was on about.


Flitwick spent the whole lesson talking which was probably a first, usually a charms lesson would be about twenty minutes of speaking and hectic practical right until the end. But obviously the one day I actually have to talk to someone would be the one day Flitwick decides to recite a monologue from the charms textbook. I was barely even listening. Well, that was a lie. I was listening, listening and taking notes but only because I had to. I didn’t really want to listen.


The bell rang before he had finished, I think it must have startled him because he jumped up at the noise. I had to restrain a laugh, it was pretty funny. I had noticed throughout the speech that Sirius was shooting me dirty looks. I guess winning him over would be more difficult than winning over Remus. I sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy and the fact I had transfiguration next wouldn’t help much either. Sirius seemed to have taken everything I said to Remus personally.


“Do you want to go through the passageway again?” He asked.


“Sure.” I smiled up at him, I was silently cheering about the return of our Tuesday walks. 


“Great.” He beamed. 


So we walked through the passage way and it was in no way weird or awkward which in my view, was a freaking miracle. Then again I had no way of knowing how Remus was feeling because unfortunately, I’d never even attempted legillimacy and it would be seriously unlikely for me to have any success on the first go. So I let it drop, satisfied that I would be able to sense any awkwardness in the air and because I could not sense anything - there wasn’t anything.  Because of the distinct lack of awkwardness in the passageway, it was a relatively short walk to transfiguration. I wasn’t really sure if I was pleased about this or not, Sirius wasn’t a happy bunny.


The awkwardness I had been dreading all day didn’t arrive until we were out of the passageway, well a few seconds later. Remus had just told me a pretty good hag joke so I was laughing like a moron, that’s not the awkward bit. I forgot about the small ledge which I of course tripped over when I ducked out of the passageway, even that isn’t the awkward bit. The awkward bit was of course me, stumbling due to the trip, barging into an already angry Sirius Black whilst laughing manically. So from where he, James and Peter were standing, it looked as though I had shoved my way past Sirius and was now laughing in their faces about it. I should have known the good luck  couldn’t last. 


 “Erm.. Hey?” I said, ignoring the mortifying few seconds I had just experienced. I was very unsure of how any of them would react. Remus was barley concealing his amusement at either my stumble or the looks on his friends faces. I’d have to annoy him later to make up for it. 


“Hey, Nyx,” James said with a smile although I have a feeling that he was only smiling because Lily was holding his hand in a public corridor.


“Prongs!” Sirius said in a harsh whisper, “we’re mad at her remember?”


“No, you’re mad at her. I happen to agree with Remus.”


I have no idea what they were disagreeing or agreeing on but whatever it was Remus was on my side. Yep, Remus Lupin who I had only yesterday called effeminate was on my side. Hogwarts is a funny place sometimes.


“Well there’s no need to be mad at Nyx,” Remus said to the general space around Sirius as Sirius appeared to be completely blanking everyone, he really reminded me of my little brother when he sulked, “we’re back to being just friends.” He said with a somewhat significant look towards Lily who seemed to know something I didn’t.


I was just away to ask why he said just in such a weird way and why Lily was looking at him funny when McGonagall told us to enter the class and take our seats. Damn. I was guaranteeing to myself that my own curiousity and imagination would invent some reason for those events and end up in some wonderland. I let Sirius go through first even though he was ignoring me so he didn’t have to shoogle past my chair to get to his. How courteous am I?


Well I don’t think he noticed my sudden act of courteousness or me at all to be honest. I hadn’t realised it would be so hard to win him over although I was wondering why he seemed to be so upset about the whole thing. 

Professor McGonagall started to lecture us about homework and tests and reminded us of the facts our N.E.W.T examinations were mere months away and that our projects were due in two months. As if I hadn’t already had the dates imprinted on my mind already. When she finished speaking I was tempted to seize the moment and talk to Sirius but then decided against it, he still looked somewhat sulky. 


“So…” I said, trying to break the silence as well as Sirius’ mood.


“What?” He snapped grumpily.


“I was just saying hello but I also wanted to apologise,” I told him. 


“What for?” He asked with a condemning and questioning look in his eyes. I had a feeling if I didn’t give the right answer here that he would be sulking for a whole week. 


“Er.. For telling Remus to shove his apology back down his throat? Or saying he was a coward? You can probably pick the best one.”


“I’ll go with the first,” he said, concealing what I hoped was a grin and not a sneer. “So why’d you say it?” He didn’t sound angry or questioning anymore so I thought I’d just roll with it even if I did still agree with what I said. Even if I thought it was fair in the first place.

“Because I was feeling annoyed and rejected. Why’d you ignore me?”


“Because we thought you wouldn’t want to talk to us anymore.”


“Even though it’s the complete opposite of what I said in the room of requirement.” This was the argument I should have had with Remus in Charms but neither of us wanted to have it so it didn’t happen. Sirius however, was looking for an argument and he got one, even if it was in a hushed whisper.


“Because you couldn’t have been thinking straight so soon after what happened because of the drinking the potion.”


“And who decided wether or not I was thinking straight?”


“I did. I had an a first hand view of your reactions that night and they weren’t pretty.”


“So? I was scared, that’s hardly unreasonable.”


“Yes, but you were more than scared weren’t you?” He asked with a knowing but curious look in his eye. I broke eye contact immediately. 


“Why didn’t you ask afterwards, you know once the potion had wore off?” I said, changing the subject.


“We would have but you spent every second in the Ravenclaw common room, we couldn’t exactly have a discussion there could we?”


“There were other times you could have talked to me. What about changing partners, what was that about?”


“I, I mean we, figured that if you were spending so much time in the common room that you didn’t want to speak us and probably didn’t want to be our partners anymore because that would inevitably lead to speaking.”


“I was hiding in the common room because you were all avoiding me.”


“We invited you to come out with us and you never said yes. Moony thought it was because you were scared of him.”


“You didn’t invite me out, Annabelle did.”


“Because Peter asked her to.”


“And I was supposed to know this how?”


“You’re a Ravenclaw aren’t you? Work it out.”


“Ha, very funny, Sirius.” I said, loading it with as much sarcasm as I could. 


“Glad you thought so.” 


He was smirking, that was a good sign I decided. At least he wasn’t scowling. I took this as a sign that he was warming up to me a bit more. 


“Why were you so mad?” I asked him. I had tried to stop the question coming out but I really wanted to know why Sirius had gotten so upset with me yelling at Remus.


“Look, I’ve put a lot of effort into getting you guys together and I thought that it had all been ruined because you couldn’t accept him. Listen, he’s had to deal with a lot of crap, a lot, so obviously when I thought you were rejecting him, us, I got really angry. You haven’t seen the best of him yet, Nyx, I swear.”


“I know he’s a great guy, Sirius, you don’t have to tell me that.”


“But there’s still something holding you back isn’t there? I told Remus that we,” he motioned toward me and then himself, “were nothing but a bit of senseless fun. Now there’s no excuses.”


“No excuses huh?” I said, eyebrows raised. He nodded. Then we both went back to work.


I spent the rest of transfiguration leafing through notes and perfecting essays for the project. Dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s. I was a bit of a perfectionist when it came to homework. The rest of the class were silent. I panicked and wondered if they had been silent the whole time and James and Remus had heard us talking. If that was the case then it would possibly be the most mortifyingly embarrassing thing to happen to me since I was six and my mother decided to make me wear frilly, lace dresses and hair ribbons. Actually, maybe not. Those dresses were pretty bad. 


We agreed to all meet again later to work on our projects, a sort of last-ditch attempt to get them all finished perfectly. This time we would however be working in the library where our access to books was much better, not to mention I had a moral dilemma stealing books from the library via the room of requirement. I knew the frustration of not being able to find something wen you really need it, the kind that practically brings you to tears. So they all agreed to meet me in the library. Result.







A/N: Sorry about the wait on this chapter, my internet broke for two weeks (I barely survived) I'm putting this chapter up literally hours after it's been back on and I've arrived home. (It got rejected first time too which is also my fault, sorry!)  Anyway, I hope you liked it and thanks for all of the reviews on the last couple of chapters! :D I haven't read them yet but thanks for leaving them, I super enjoy knowing what you all thought :) And I am going to try and update the next one sooner than this one but I'm afraid to say my updating is catching up with my writing. I only just finished writing the twenty-fourth chapter but they're getting longer so yay!  :D Alex.

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