Confessions of Adhara Greengrass | Confessions of depression, cousins and punches
Current location: bedroom floor, surrounded by cartons of Muggle ice cream and chocolate. Current state: depressed. Note to self: no amount of cookie dough ice cream can fill the void of a broken heart. Must stop eating to avoid vomiting.
“Ads, do you see this? Can you see my left eye twitching? Can you?” asks Eleanor frantically.
“No.” I answer flatly. Lovely best friend is of course concerned about my depression.
“I think it was that Red Bull. They said not to drink more than two…” Eleanor is saying.
Nobody understands my feelings. I will probably end up one of those people who have to carry journals everywhere and write about their lives.
My life is so pathetic. I wonder how many times ‘I hate my life’ pops into my head in a day. Stupid Albus with his stupid, beautiful, green eyes and stupid, gorgeous, lame hair.
“Do you think James likes me?” asks Eleanor.
“Er… sure,” I answer.
“But, are you sure?” she persists.
“Well, has he kissed you yet?” I ask.
“Yes,” says Eleanor dreamily. She promptly goes off into the dreamland that she calls her brain.
Honestly, it’s like a goldfish.
“And he is a great kisser,” she’s saying now.
“How far have you gone with him?” I ask casually.
“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” she asks.
This is kind of ironic coming from Radio Eleanor. “Yes.”
“Okay,” she says. “We kissed. With tongues. And he—”
Have fleeting vision of James and Eleanor making out and for some reason a giant squid with them, as well. Yes, it was disgusting. “Okay, I didn’t want details,” I say, grimacing.
“But, you just asked!” counters Eleanor.
“Well, forget I asked,” I say hastily. “If you say anything else my mental images will scare me for life!”
We lapse into silence again and I lie down on the floor again, the ice cream carton staring me straight in the eye. Stupid cookie dough ice cream.
“Does my face look pink?” asks Eleanor.
You see what I mean? It’s like a human goldfish.
“No,” I answer without looking at her. “Why?”
“Well, because the room is red so I’m wondering if it’s reflecting on my face to make it look pink,” Eleanor answers.
The sad thing is that she’s completely serious. I don’t even know what to say anymore. I roll over on the floor and my cheek lands in a puddle of melted ice cream. I hate my life.
“Adhara,” says Eleanor. “Are you sad about what Albus said?”
Yes, she is a genius. I ignore her and bury my face in the ice cream.
“You should give him the all-tomato,” says Eleanor.
“The what?” I ask, turning over now.
“You know, the all-tomato. You make him choose between you and Gemma,” says Eleanor.
I frown at her. And then I get it. “Oh my Voldemort,” I say slowly. “You mean ultimatum?”
“Well, it sounded like all-tomato!” replies Eleanor defensively. “Stop giving me that look that says, ‘you’re-the-biggest-stupid-sushi-ever.’”
I just continue to stare at her. “You are the biggest stupid sushi ever.”
“I am not because I am not made of seaweed and rice.” says Eleanor childishly. “By the way, you’ve got ice cream on your left cheek.”
“Thank you for being so perceptive.”
“You’re welcome,” she says.
“Eleanor, be quiet,” I say, annoyed.
“Don’t start that again, I have to tell you something,” I say seriously, leaning up on one elbow.
“What? Wait, hold on what’s—”
“Eleanor, shut up!”
“Right,” she says. “Sorry, continue your story.”
“I think I’m depressed,” I say. “It’s just so—”
“Wait,” says Eleanor, holding up her hands. “Why are you depressed?”
“Oh my Voldemort.”
We sit in silence for awhile until Eleanor breaks it. “Was it something I said?” she asks, confused.
“No,” I say, sarcastically. “Of course not, you are a genius.”
Eleanor smiles. “Well, thank you, Ads.”
Yes, Eleanor does not catch sarcasm.
“Adhara, I need to talk to you about something,” Eleanor says seriously, changing the subject.
“What?” I ask flatly.
“I think we need to make a pact to stop trying so hard for boys,” she says finally.
I stare at her blankly.
“You know,” she says. “Like, I do so many things to be prettier for James and what’s the point? He still flirts with other girls. I mean, I put vaseline on my eyelashes!”
“Er,” I pause. “Why?”
“To make my eyelashes longer!” says Eleanor, as if it’s obvious.
“And how does that make you feel?” I ask slowly. Merlin, I feel like her therapist.
“Well, it hurts, you know? Like, sometimes my eyes get stuck and it hurts to open them,” says Eleanor seriously.
Half-of-parental-unit-that-makes-me-call-her-mother, bursts into the room. Honestly, I have no privacy. I’m sixteen! I wear a bra, for Merlin’s sake. Even though it does ride up quite a fair bit during Quidditch practice…
“Thank you for knocking, mother. I do appreciate your acknowledgment to my privacy.”
So-called mother of course ignores me. “Siobhan is here.”
My jaw drops. Siobhan is my spawn-of-Voldemort cousin. Last time she came over she lit my hair on fire. Stupid idiot. “Why?” I ask, horrified.
“It’s the holidays, Adhara,” says mum. “Honestly, that was very rude of you. We’re having dinner in ten minutes. Eleanor, you’re welcome to stay if you’d like.”
“Oh, no thank you, Ms. Greengrass. My mother is expecting me home for dinner,” explains so-called best friend.
“Mum!” I say frantically. “She’s going to set me on fire again!”
“Be sensible, Adhara,” replies mum. “She only lit your hair on fire last time by accident. She was trying to show us the new spell she’d learnt.”
“Mum, I could have died!” I say, aghast.
Mum rolls her eyes. “Adhara, stop being so dramatic, it was only your hair.”
“Sure,” I say. “Last time it was my hair — but this time it could be my hand or something!”
Mum purses her lips which only make her wrinkles more visible. Decide not to mention this to avoid mother nervy b spaz. “Put on a clean shirt and come downstairs,” replies mum, closing the door behind her.
“Eleanor,” I say. “If I die tonight, I just want you to know that you were my best mate… no matter how daft you sometimes were. And that I do love you.”
“You think Siobhan plans to murder you?” asks Eleanor, wide-eyed.
“Yes,” I answer, straight-faced. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”
Eleanor gasps then composes herself. “Well, in that case, you were my best mate, too.”
I don’t think she got the bit where I was being sarcastic. Oh, well. “Anything else?”
“Oh,” says Eleanor. “I think you should also know that I broke your broomstick.”
“I just pronounced my love for you and all you can say is that you broke my broomstick?”
“Well, what do you want me to say?” asks Eleanor.
I stare at her.
There is a pause. “I… love you?”
“Thanks, lezzie,” I say, getting up off the floor.
“What—” begins Eleanor indignantly when Auburn interrupts her by bursting into the room.
“Adhara!” he says frantically. “Briony’s here, too!”
Oh, this is bad. Briony is my cousin from my mum’s side. We think she’s crazy. Her and Siobhan together is like Voldemort and Grindelwald teaming up. “Well, go handle them!”
“Me?” asks Auburn, horrified. “Last time they stupefied me and gave me a makeover!”
“Well, in that case… go hide!” I say.
He runs out of the room.
I walk to my closest and pull on nearest, cleanest shirt. I hate my life.
“Adhara,” says Eleanor. “I have to go but don’t worry… I will give your eulogy.”
Oh for Voldemort’s knickers.
“Eleanor, I was kidding… joke, you know,” I say.
“So you’re not going to die?” asks Eleanor.
“No, I’m not planning on it,” I answer. “But, you know, if it happens… you were notified.”
“Okay,” she says, nodding. “I’ll see you later.”
I breathe in heavily and open my door. I start walking down the hallway towards the staircase when I see Aunt Astoria and Scorpius.
“Hello, Adhara,” says Aunt Astoria, coming forward to kiss me. “We just saw Auburn run by. He was behaving rather oddly, screaming something about mascara. How are you, dear?”
“I’m good,” I say. “How are you?”
“Oh, wonderful,” she says, looking at Scorpius. Her gaze falls on his shirt. “Scorpius,” she stage-whispers. “Why are you wearing a skinny tie?”
“Because, mum,” explains Scorpius patiently. “I’m going for the ‘urban’ look.”
Aunt Astoria pats Scorpius’ shoulder and walks off.
I try to stifle my laughter.
Scorpius is already talking about Merlin-knows-what. “—and it’s like this huge blue thing.” He pauses to pull out a small tube from his front pocket.
I stare at him. “Scorpius, are you wearing lipstick?”
“No, I am not wearing lipstick, Adhara. It’s lip balm, gosh. My lips get chapped in this cold weather.”
Decide it’s better not to comment on Scorpius’ slightly ‘ladylike’ habits.
Scorpius and I begin to walk towards the staircase when Eleanor comes running up the stairs. “Ads, where’s your door again?” she asks, panting slightly.
Shake my head at the daft one. “Come on,” I say. Scorpius and Eleanor follow.
Scorpius and I walk Eleanor to the door. We say our goodbyes and Eleanor trips on the doorstep and makes her way down the walkway.
“Adhara!” I recognize the voice as Siobhan’s, Scorpius and I’s mutual cousin. Scorpius glances at me fearfully and we launch ourselves into the hallway closet.
“Don’t make a sound,” I warn him. We hear the footsteps coming closer, they pass the closet and Scorpius and I exhale.
Suddenly, the closet’s double doors burst open to reveal Siobhan, smiling gleefully.
Ugh, she’s such a creep. I mean, I know that’s rude and everything… but, come on – she seriously shouldn’t smile like that. She looks like the cat that got the canary or cream or whatever. Siobhan is one of those rare species of human that look like birds. I’m being serious. She has the Greengrass pale hair and green eyes but she got her dad’s genes. He’s a Lestrange — enough said.
“Hello, cousins,” she says creepily. Cue disgusted wrinkling of the nose. Maybe we can stupefy her and dump her in the closet. No… we did that last time. Must find something more original.
“Hi, Siobhan,” replies Scorpius awkwardly, pulling at his collar. “How are you?”
“Oh, I’m wonderful,” she says. She still smiling widely. Have strange vision of a piranha.
“Right, well, let’s go to the dining room,” I say.
Briony comes running to the closet. “I found him,” she says breathlessly.
“Who?” asks Scorpius confusedly.
“Auburn,” says Briony, grinning.
“We’re going to give him another makeover,” says Briony gleefully.
Oh sweet baby Voldemort.
“I’ve always wanted a living doll,” says Siobhan, her eyes glazing over for a moment. She snaps out of her reverie and turns back to us. “Do you want to help us?”
Save brother or be selfish and save self. I think I’ll go with the latter. He’ll be fine. All powdered up and rouged, but fine.
“No, I think we’ll go get some food,” I say, grabbing Scorpius’ arm.
“We’ve got glitter this time, but suit yourself,” says Briony.
Poor Auburn. Scorpius and I smile at Briony and Siobhan then back away slowly to run towards the kitchen.
“Do you think they saw where we went?” asks Scorpius fearfully.
“Adhara, Scorpius… where are Briony, Siobhan and Auburn?” asks mum as we enter the kitchen. Bullocks.
Scorpius jumps about two feet in the air then composes himself. “We… don’t, uh – yeah,” stammers Scorpius.
Mum raises an eyebrow.
“Well, go get him and your cousins because dinner’s ready,” says mum.
“Well, mum,” I say. “I don’t think they’re hungry.”
“Nonsense!” she says. “I cooked a lovely dinner!”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “You cooked?” I ask her. Scorpius looks scared.
“Well, no,” she says huffily. “The house elves did but—”
Feel mother nervy b spaz coming along. “Okay. ’Bye, mum!”
Scorpius and I head of the kitchen to search for Briony, Siobhan and Auburn. We take the stairs two at a time until we reach the top landing and head towards the bathroom, where raised voices can be heard. Scorpius and I glance at each other fearfully.
I open the door to see Briony and Siobhan and a… drag queen? …Oh, wait, that’s just Auburn.
…Wearing my bra?
“What are you guys doing?” asks Scorpius.
“Giving Auburn a makeover,” says Briony, as if it’s obvious. “Scorpius, Adhara… meet Aurelia.”
Oh. My. Dumbledore.
Auburn turns around with blusher staining his cheeks and boy entrancers glued to his eyelids.
Scorpius looks horrified.
“What did you do to him?” I shout at them.
“Stop having a nervy b,” says Siobhan. “He’s perfectly fine.”
How dare she accuse me of having a nervy b in my bathroom. Stupid pigeon. I glare at her in return as Scorpius helps Auburn get cleaned up.
“Don’t!” screeches Briony. “You’re ruining our doll!”
“Auburn isn’t a doll!” argues Scorpius.
“Get your hands off him, blondie. Unless you want to be our new doll,” says Siobhan menacingly. She walks closer to Scorpius. “I have the perfect gold eye shadow to bring out the blue in your eyes.”
Scorpius runs out of the room so fast Briony can’t stun him. So-called father walks into the bathroom and nearly faints upon seeing Auburn. “Auburn – what… what happened to you?”
Now he’s probably convinced Auburn is gay.
It appears Briony and Siobhan have cast a Silencing charm on him. They smile sweetly. “Don’t worry, uncle Hayden. This makeover was completely voluntary on Auburn’s part,” says Siobhan. She kicks Auburn who smiles forcedly.
Father looks at Auburn wide-eyed. “I think I need a drink.”
We all follow the so-called father out of the bathroom and to the dining room where so-called mother is serving dinner. I take a seat next to Scorpius and look up to see Scorpius’ grandpa Lucius (ugly name, as far as I’m concerned) spit out his drink. Oh, lovely. He’s staring at Auburn and slowly all the adults turn to stare.
Of course Auburn can’t defend his sexual orientation. Mother walks into the dining room from the kitchen and gasps loudly, dropping the plate she’s holding. “Auburn, what are you doing? Is that my blusher on your cheeks?”
Auburn leaves the room. Scorpius’ grandpa Lucius is going on about ‘How to be a Man.’ “—Honestly, men need to be strong and manly,” he’s saying. Has he met his grandson?
“Children,” says my mother shrilly. “Go eat in the kitchen.” Briony, Siobhan, Scorpius and I head to the kitchen.
We sit around the small round table and begin eating.
“You know,” says Siobhan. “Your brother really should be more manly.”
I could honestly punch her stupid smug face. For once Shakespeare was right. After all, it was him that said, ‘To punch or not to punch, that is the question.’ …Or something like that. How true, Bill.
“Maybe you should stop stupefying him,” argues Scorpius. “He’s not your doll.”
“Actually he is,” says Briony. “We gave him a makeover.”
“Yes, we have eyes, thank you,” I say drily. “But, he’s still not your doll.”
“Look, Adhara,” says Siobhan. “Just because you’re lacking in feminine wiles doesn’t mean we can’t makeover Auburn.”
That doesn’t even make sense! And how dare she say that I’m lacking in feminine wiles? My boobs are bigger than hers. “I am not lacking in feminine wiles!” I say indignantly.
Briony and Siobhan giggle obnoxiously.
“Yeah,” says Scorpius. “Adhara is very… womanly.”
Siobhan laughs. “Yeah, as womanly as you are, Scorpius.”
That is offensive!
“Oh, yeah? Well… you’re ugly!” I say to Siobhan childishly.
“I am not!” she argues.
“Yes, you are!” I say. “You look like a bird.”
Siobhan gasps. “I do not!” She reaches for her wand and I dig around in my pocket for mine. I grasp nothing and Siobhan points her wand at me. Damnit, where’s my wand when I need it?
And then I do the only thing that I can do.
I raise my fist and punch her in the face.
She topples over like a pancake that’s been dropped on the floor. Briony screams. Scorpius gasps. I stare at my still-clenched fist for a moment. I did not just do that.
Mum comes into the room. “I heard screaming and—” She stops short upon seeing Siobhan unconscious on the floor. “What happened to Siobhan?”
“Uh… I,” Scorpius stutters. “She stunned herself?”
Author’s Note I know there’s no excuse as to why I took so long to update. I just felt like this was getting really repetitive and that all the chapters I wrote were the same thing over and over again. Originally, this chapter was going to be in Eleanor’s POV, but then I decided I didn’t like it and ended up writing this instead. The chapter’s sort of a filler, but I like it and I hope you guys do, too. There are probably errors ‘cause it’s 2 in the morning and my brother’s laptop doesn’t have grammar check or whatever because mine is broken. He’s now convinced that I am part of some online cult following because “the dark arts” was in his computer history. Anyways, I’m rambling… Thank you all for reading and please review ‘cause I reply to every single one of them! Thank you all for bearing with me and my terribly slow updates!
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